The Pigeon Step

Got up early this morning and took the train back home from my boyfriend's house. Without the school kids, the journey was far more peaceful than usual and I felt myself almost drop off on a few occasions before reaching my destination. I didn't sleep too badly last night, but I was exhausted this morning and tucked my head into my three-metre scarf as I shuffled through the dead leaves on the pavement. I had a bit of a headache, so I changed into some slobby clothes when I got in and sank into my bed for an hour.

After talking about my old lifestyle here yesterday, I am reminded of it once again, as I draw today's card - The Priestess. When I used to go out on my old drinking rampages, I would often stay out longer than I should have, so when the clock struck 12, I would then have to deal with the trial of getting home. Negotiating escalators, tube-line changes, and train cancellations is not that easy when you have had a skinful and can barely remember your own name. But there was something which always got me through.

When I needed it, this 'something' inside just took over. You might liken it to someone from air traffic control, trying to land a problematic jumbo-jet via the telephone. You must have seen them do that in those disaster movies, as I have. That was what it was always like for me, and to my memory, this particular drunken jumbo always managed to get home safely (even if he couldn't always remember how). This is the way that I see The Priestess. She is that little something which lays hidden deep within us all, but which we trust in time of need. Some people call it our intuition. I see her as a kind of sensor. It is interesting to draw this card today, because I dreamt a lot last night. In particular, about a cyclist's smashed yellow helmet. When I woke up, it seemed important. Call it a message from the sub-conscious. On our drive to the station this morning, I kept a good eye out for anyone on a bike who got too close to the car.

I made some enquiries with a volunteers bureau today. Rather than go straight for the vacancies myself, I asked if I could meet with someone and discuss it all. I want them to be aware of my current situation and help me find something appropriate. So I have made an appointment to see them next week. I am hoping that this might be my first pigeon step towards eventually getting back into paid work.

Illustration from The Tarot of the Vampyres by Ian Daniels