Wasting the Day Together

Some of the cards in this deck are truly beautiful, and this is one of them. The Queen of Hearth and Home is pretty much what you might expect. She is concerned with making all of our living spaces homely and welcoming to others. In ancient times, people would carry an ember from the hearth they were leaving to their new dwelling place. I cannot think of a more suitable card to set my mind at rest about our own move.

Yesterday evening was very pleasant. My boyfriend, a friend, and I went to visit a couple in the country. They have a cosy little home in the middle of nowhere and asked us round for some food and drink. The wine and conversation flowed very nicely and after leaving, my boyfriend and I went on to a late bar. It was pleasant in it's spontaneity but I have certainly felt it's repercussions. We have spent the entire day in bed and I am only starting to feel better now. The Queen of Hearth and Home covers up her face. I have felt a bit like that today.

Even though today might have been wasted to some degree, we were comfortable and secure in my room. Wasting the day together was far better than wasting it alone, and we was just in the right place to spend our six month anniversary.

Illustration from The Heart of the Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

The Eyes of a Child

While out shopping, I bought an oracle deck today. As a recent new release by Abrams, I had been looking at these cards on other people's sites and had been considering getting the set for the last few weeks. It is called The Heart of the Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud. I have Froud's first deck, but never really clicked with that. This one feels a little more focused and masculine in comparison.

So, for today, I have drawn The Faerie of Youth. This was a very interesting draw and really made an impression on my day.

Since yesterday, there have been more developments in the possible house move. After my father accepted the offer from the Chinese family verbally, he started making arrangements with the owners of the house that he and my mother like. Even though I like the house a lot too, I was still worried about the area and my boyfriend drove me there again this morning. I discussed any reservations I had with my parents when we got back and the whole thing left me feeling a bit emotionally exhausted. I am just so scared of moving from the frying pan into the fire, since it seems that it could be another family-oriented community. It also cuts me off from town and friends while I am not earning money.

I read the description of this card to my boyfriend as we lay on my bed. It concerns approaching situations with the expectation of a child and not limiting our experiences. For today, it suggests that I give this house and move a break. I don't know whether we will be happy or not in this prospective new home, but I won't know until I give it a go. I need to view these problems with the eyes of a child. Children are not beat by anything and this card teaches me that the best can be made of anything if we try hard enough.

Illustration from The Heart of the Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

Battling it Out

Even though this card is not necessarily negative, I never wholeheartedly welcome it. It represents a time where we have the advantage in a situation, but it still demands a whole lot of fight and an ability to stand up for ourselves, should we want to remain in control.

The last time that the 7 of Wands turned up in a daily draw, I was verbally set upon by a close friend, and like the man in this illustration, I fought hard and fast to defend myself. I held my position to the end, but the battle left me feeling weak and slightly upset afterwards. Many people studying the tarot wonder why the character in this card has odd shoes. I don't know the answer to this, but I like to think that it is down to his need to get dressed quickly. When attacked by the six people below, he doesn't have time to find the right pair. In this sense, the card suggests that we need to spring into defense quickly. This was very true in the situation with my friend, since I had not expected the attack.

But sometimes, I can respond to things with this ease and force when such defense mechanisms are not needed. In kabbalah, it is described as our reaction and is a more feared enemy than the six wands in this card. We might see it as taking things personally in some situations. One of the reasons why my feathers had been so ruffled by the friend in my example is due to the fact that I knew that a lot of what he had said was true.

Negotiations have begun to take form with the prospective buyers from yesterday and my dad has lowered the price a little. I see the man in today's illustration as fighting for the right value of our property. With today's card in mind, whether right or wrong, I thought that maybe he should have battled it out some more and not dropped it, but he seems to know what he is doing. My parent's dream home is still on the market and has also been reduced. If we can get what my dad is now asking for, they could still snag the big bungalow that they want. The location is not ideal for me, but then it is not me who is buying it. I hope to be working as soon as I can. When I do find a job and an income, I will be considering my flight from the nest once again anyway.

Illustration from The Rider Waite Tarot by Pamela Coleman Smith

Early Days?

In this card, a young man admires a pentacle. He holds it gently and focuses on it. I think of this pentacle as a seed. Something has begun, and in order for it to grow, this young Page needs to be tender and nurture it carefully. Whatever this seed symbolises has something to do with finances, property, or the concrete areas of our physical life.

This afternoon, another young family came to look at our home. For a change, this trio was impressed. They liked the house, and believe it or not, were happy with the tree. They said that they could not understand why anyone would want to chop it down, and that in Feng Shui, it protects the house from the road beyond our garden.

I don't know if they will make an offer. They are currently living in Hong Kong, but are staying in England for a couple of weeks while they look for a house. Even though they suggested a lower price, the man did say it might be possible for him to get more money.

The Page of Pentacles might represent early days with this couple. If we handle them in the way that the Page attends to his pentacle, the relationship between us and these prospective buyers could grow into a money-making exercise for us.

Illustration from The Rider Waite Tarot by Pamela Coleman Smith

Ace of Opportunities

I had been hoping that this card would show up soon. It may not have hit my daily draws in the last few weeks, but it has been present in a couple of my recent readings. In one, it was my significator, focusing the cards on an opportunity to make money. In another, which I performed yesterday, I linked it to that same subject. If it is not connected to the prospect of a job or interview, it is a tool which can be used to make some cash.

So far, I have not heard anything new about the jobs I have applied for, but out of the blue, I have been asked to read for a group of women in less than a months time. I have read for the main client before, but I do not know if the friends she is asking to join her are the same as I met on the last time. If so, they were all very pleasant.

Even though larger bookings such as this make me a little nervous, they are a good source for money. The request came via another friend on the client's behalf. It was very much like the open hand in this illustration, offering me the opportunity to make a few extra dollars.

Due to the emotional dip in the start of this week, I took up the invitation to go out for breakfast with my friend this morning. I didn't want to sit at home. We talked about how I have been feeling and she tried to cheer me up. Because her humour always manages to break me out of my moods, she succeeded.

Illustration from The Rider Waite Tarot by Pamela Coleman Smith

Our Best Interests at Heart

Today's card follows on from yesterday. The Magician brings ideas and inspiration into the earth, but it is the job of someone like the Knight of Pentacles to help them manifest physically. And out of all of the tarot characters, this is the man who I would say is the best for the job.

I might have been a bit rash with my thoughts about lifestyle changes yesterday. I am an all or nothing guy and a Piscean to boot, so what do you expect! That is the kind of way I react when I am out of sorts or not seeing things in the way I usually would. I can cut friendships off to nothing if irritated, might withdraw from social contact generally if feeling low, or pull out of something I had planned to do dramatically if I have a single doubt. With something like smoking, that has been to my benefit, but in most other areas of life, the key to success is through some kind of balance, rather than extremes.

So from now on, I will moderate my lifestyle. I won't wipe out alcohol altogether, but like the Knight of Pentacles, I will take things a bit more steadily on my next night out. He doesn't rush or dive into his pint. He savours each mouthful.

Yesterday was a bit of a write-off. I felt emotional all day and situations pushed me over the edge. My boyfriend came over in the evening and restored my spirits. He had had a bad day himself and some talking, cuddling, and laughing emotionally re-energised the both of us. I was so pleased to have him with me. On turning this card today, as well as talking about some of the things I need to do (like the prints I mentioned yesterday), I recognised him straight away. This has become my boyfriend's card in my eyes. He is stable, strong, dependable, faithful, and hardworking, like this knight. He has our best interest at heart, and like the Knight of Pentacles holding the coin, plans for the future.

The sky is ice-white today. It looks cold and blank. I have to go for my weekly visit to the Job Centre this afternoon - one of the practicalities suggested by this card. Even though this tarot character can often describe events which are mundane, he reminds me of those things which I have to do. My boyfriend and I have the house to ourselves this evening, so I am looking forward to that. The suit of Pentacles describes all of life's sensual pleasures, so to begin with, he has suggested us getting something nice to eat.

Illustration from The Rider Waite Tarot by Pamela Coleman Smith

Taking Control

I have decided to spend a little time with the Rider Waite tarot, as yesterday, I had a yearning for it. Big night's out, like on Friday, often leave me feeling a little low for a few days after, and this deck works like the comforting arms of a parent. I have owned a copy for about twelve years and today, am using a second hand one which I found in an antique market. It is like opening up the pages of a storybook from my childhood.

Once again, I have drawn The Magician. In this version of the card, his stance is more prominent than yesterday's. With his arms stretched out wide, he draws something down from the heavens and grounds it in the earth. He means business and takes control.

As I told my boyfriend that I would, I have fired off emails to some jobs that we found on a specific website. I have also trawled through some other sites. The people at the Job Centre assume that if I cannot find work within my chosen industry, it should be pretty easy to take just about anything else, but when I do apply for different kinds of work, I am either ignored or told that I am overqualified. One employer actually made the presumption that I would get bored if he offered me a position. He obviously doesn't know how boring it is to sit at home here every day without any money. I sent off a few chaser emails too - one was to the woman who contacted me about the ladies wear job last week.

So, how else can I take control today? A few things went through my mind this morning. I lay in bed thinking for quite a while. One thing I decided to do is to try and complete a print every other day. It is something which I suggested to a friend last week. Whenever an interview comes up, I work like a maniac for two or three days to get theme boards together, as drawing up prints and portfolio pages takes a lot of time. If I did a different print every few days, they would eventually build up and I wouldn't have to go so mad when the possibility of a job comes about. In light of the job in South London, some women's prints would be needed, so I may as well start now.

The other thing which The Magician has made me think about is my lifestyle. While I lay in bed this morning, I thought about my weekend and the amount of alcohol I consumed on Friday evening. As much as the night was good in many respects, I am sick of being a slave to those boozy nights out and I don't like how it alters my personality. It skews my perception, and makes me irrational and confrontational. I think it might be time for me to separate from alcohol once and for all. If not indefinitely, then for a good six months or so. I am getting too old to keep on behaving like an idiot in this way.

Illustration from The Rider Waite Tarot by Pamela Coleman Smith

Bringing Stories to the Paper

For today, we get back on track with The Magician after yesterday's recuperation. This card encourages us to make things happen. He is the medium between inspiration and action. If I was a writer, it is he who would help bring my stories to the piece of paper.

Even though I have been practicing and learning the tarot for many years, I still get nervous before reading for others. I guess it is a little like going on stage and worrying that I am going to fluff my lines or forget them all together, but The Magician reminds me that I have the skill and can utilise it. I have promised to read for my boyfriend's mother since we started going out nearly six months ago, but still have not. However, as we are going to his parent's house for Sunday dinner today, I am taking a set of cards over with me. For comfort, I am taking an old and worn copy of the Rider Waite Smith .

Similarly, I need to get back on the horse, regarding my job hunt. Since Friday, I have more adverts to check, even if I have not heard back from any of my agents regarding those jobs I have already applied for. In terms of this card, I have to get the ball rolling by taking action. I have the skills on my table, so to speak. It is just a matter of getting them out there for employers to see.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

About Last Night

Last night was good. We got into London around 7.30, stopping to eat on the way. After a few glasses of wine at my friend's house to begin with, we hit the bars. We started off in a couple of lovely underground places, which were pretty expensive, and drank cocktails. From then on, our taste got progressively worse with the more we drank, and our last couple of choices were little more than dives. As we went through until way past 4am, the foursome dwindled to just two - both our hostess and my boyfriend staggered home, leaving Charlotte and I to continue meeting people and drinking our way through our money. Our return to the house we were staying at was anything but pretty.

All of us felt worse for wear this morning, and once we had pulled ourselves together, made it out for breakfast. Not that Kate or I could make our way through the large fry up. Before catching the trains home, we visited a few of the many second hand markets and retro shops in the area.

The 4 of Swords is about rest and recuperation. Quite apt for today. A young man lays in front of the four swords with some fabric gently draped over his body. His eyes are closed and the fabric covering his head reminds me of how some use a wet cloth or something cold wrapped in material to soothe a headache or hangover.

As I type, my boyfriend is cooking my dinner. We had a long snooze when we got home this afternoon, and since my parents are out tonight, we are taking advantage of time alone and will be eating downstairs soon. I expect that the rest of the evening will be spent up here, laying about and watching TV or a film. This card presents relaxation after last night's rampage, and also reminds me to stop worrying about my behaviour towards the later parts of it.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

A Trip Down South

In between what has become a busy day, I am home for an hour and am writing here. I have already been out to meet a friend this morning for the three C's - Coffee, Cake, and a Catch up - and very soon, I will need to start getting ready to go out again. Another friend and I are taking the train to a mate's house in South London, with the intention of a night out in the pubs and bars. We are meeting my boyfriend en route and will catch the bus to where she lives.

South London, and this place in particular, is a big part of my past. I grew up and worked in this specific area until I moved away at the age of 17, so I know it well. Over the years, it has become a breeding ground for trendy bars, retro markets, and swanky restaurants, but the same old South London boozers still exist and most have not been developed into chain pubs. It is gritty in character and many who inhabit it have an unspoiled charm, but there is also a lot of culture and new growth in it's veins. The last time I was there, the same friend and I spent an evening out, visiting the local establishments and mingling with the locals. I am hoping that tonight will have a similar buzz. I am really looking forward to it.

Today's card looks at abandonment. Usually, the 8 of Cups resides in a situation which is lacking and pushes us to seek further. Something or someone is invariably left behind. For a draw like today, I need to think about what I am about to abandon or have already abandoned for good reason. I would hope that there is nothing serious or sinister about this card today. Being part of a simple daily draw, I would guess not. It's weight is lessened by this kind of reading that these are.

I have not smoked for nearly two months. Tonight, I will be with my boyfriend, who smokes, and two social smokers. I have realised that I can not smoke only on social occasions, so quit it completely on New Year's Day. This may be the abandonment mentioned in the 8 of Cups. Tonight will be difficult. I have already asked my boyfriend to be sensitive to the issue. I do not want to be left alone while the three of them consistently pop out for a cigarette, since I want to be as less tempted to join them as possible. I am hoping that one will always be left behind with me.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

A Family Day

The 10 of Cups from yesterday makes another appearance, reminding me of true love, family, and making the best of what we have.

As I get deeper into the New Century Tarot, the reoccurring of cards deepens their meaning. After yesterday's thoughts about the winged cup in this illustration, it is with some comfort that I draw it again today. This card is becoming one of reassurance for me.

My dad came into my room this morning and asked if I would like to go to the seaside town of Hastings. Even though my boyfriend and I went there only a few weeks ago, with this card in mind, being a nice sunny day, I thought it might be nice to do something with my parents for a change. The day was very good. It was bright, even if not warm. We walked around the antique shops and then made it up to the new town, stopping for traditional fish and chips on the way. I found a couple of bargains and the three of us got along well. It was what the 10 of Cups is all about.

We have just got home and I am pretty tired from all of the walking. I have another request for a professional tarot reading which I had intended to do this evening, but since I am feeling a bit travel sick from the long car journey, I have postponed it until tomorrow daytime.

All in all, today has been very nice. It felt good to get out in the fresh air and spend time with my mum and dad. If I had not gone, I would have stayed here and waited for calls regarding jobs. Since I had my phone with me, employers and agents could have easily contacted me while I was out, but unfortunately that they did not.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

It's as good as you make it.

On the last time that I received this card, I was having a pretty dreary day. The view from my window is rainy and grey right now, and like before, it is yet another day where I have to go and visit the Job Centre. For my previous 10 of Cups entry, I asked the question 'Is this as good as it gets?'. On both that and this occasion, I guess the answer should be 'It's as good as you make it'.

The central cup at the top flies out of this card. It reassures and almost places it's hand over mine. If I ask if everything is ok, then that specific cup advises that I am loved and cared for, since the 10 of Cups promises emotional results and conclusions to problems. It offers support, comfort, and fulfillment from those around me.

I visited the doctor this morning. Still suffering with the same irritation that I mentioned before, I had been putting off going to see her for the last few weeks. But for the last couple of days, the uncomfortable sensation that I experience has been hijacking my days as well as nights, and is also in my arms. I knew that I had to wake up early and make an appointment today.

Listening to what I had to say, my doctor suggested that it is something called Restless Leg Syndrome and printed out some notes for me to take away. I read through them on the bus ride home and was surprised at how identical the symptoms are to what I am going through. All of that which I have described was in the print-out, mentioning that it can affect the arms as well. Many of the things I have already used to try and relieve the discomfort was written there, but there are a few other recommendations that I will have a go at. Aside from that, I need to book an appointment for a blood test. Medication can ease symptoms of Restless Leg Syndrome if it is too distressing, but my doctor said that many people prefer the condition to the side-affects of a drug which is more commonly used for Parkinsons Disease. I will see her again after the test.

My second trip to town was short and sweet. The lady at the Job Centre told me that they were changing things around and that my time with them today needed to be brief. No argument from me there. I feel useless and ashamed for every minute I sit in that building, so was pleased to sign and leave quickly. I told her about yesterday's call from the agent, even though I have had no follow up details from it yet.

So what do I have to be thankful for today?

Mum met me in town and bought me some jeans, which was thoughtful. Just having my parents and a kind and loyal boyfriend is enough to be happy with, but I appreciate that there are so many other things to smile about too. Even though I need to book my blood test, I am pleased to have made the effort to see my doctor. Just discussing the problem and recognising what it might be has reduced my worry considerably.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

Making a grab for it.

A sword hovers in front of me. With a big flash of fiery red around it, it is up for the grabbing.

Think of this card as like someone handing you a knife to cut through a loaf of bread. But instead of a knife, imagine that this sword is a piece of information or communication. In the same way that the knife allows you to cut your own slice of bread, this new idea or knowledge will enable you to do something important today. It might stand for a moment of clarity which cuts through ignorance, doubt, or confusion.

This flash of inspiration, communication, or understanding can not come too soon for me. This morning, my parents and I received a letter. It wasn't regarding anything special, but on viewing the address window on the front, it summed up how the three of us have been feeling of late.

If you lay trust in the cards, it should come as no surprise that I received a call this afternoon, regarding a job as a ladies wear graphic designer in South London. The agent metaphorically held out this sword to me, should I wish to make a grab for it. I said I was interested and she is going to send my details through to the employer.

Had a nice evening at my boyfriend's sister's house. I went over a few hours before my boyfriend had finished work and he followed me there later. She wanted some help with her children's school project, which was for the whole family to build a bike out of recycled materials. They had decided on building a Penny Farthing out of cardboard, so we got to work on it after a quick cup of tea. I like my boyfriend's sister a lot, and we worked well together. What we did was anchored very much in Ace of Swords territory, since logic and discussion was a part of every problem solving stage. After six hours (stopping for dinner half way through), we finished. My boyfriend had put a seat and handlebars to our wheels and frame, and the three of us were pretty pleased with the end result. Even though I am tired now, it felt good to be actually doing something. I should sleep well tonight.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

Dipping the Wick

Somewhere in a clearing of the forest is The Devil. We see him, knees bent, standing over two people. As we can see quite graphically, he is driven by his physical needs and animal nature.

But does he really live amongst the forest? Instead, is he not nestled somewhere in between all of us. How ever much we choose to hide it, we all have animal desires and instincts, and much like the couple at his feet, we can all find it difficult to disengage from the hold that The Devil has on us.

Being Valentines Day, it felt right to let go today - to give in to this, that, and the other. After all, a little bit of what we fancy can do us good. We can all dip our wick into the pool of indulgence at times - be it through food, alcohol, cigarettes, or sex - but it is knowing when to pull out that is important. The Devil is not a card of moderation. Even though we all enjoy diving into a vice or two, The Devil reduces our options when he takes hold, rather than providing us with freedom and choice. This card reminds us of that.

For the last couple of days, I have been exercising. I have been going into the small bedroom and rowing on a machine. This morning, I passed up a cooked breakfast for a yogurt. I have also been trying to limit the amount of time I spend on the internet and social networking sites. But this afternoon, my boyfriend and I indulged in some chocolate and crisps as we watched the Jim Sheridan film 'In the Name of the Father'. Because we have had such a nice weekend together already, it seemed fine to relax and enjoy myself today, but by tomorrow morning, I hope to have given The Devil his marching orders once again.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

Taking it for what it is.

Lady Justice is certainly becoming a regular visitor to my blog, and even though her presence is probably quite necessary, I don't readily welcome her icy tone turning up so often.

Only last night, my boyfriend and I were watching some television, and this card sprang to mind. On being asked if she had struck a child, an elderly character in a poor UK soap tried to defend herself against the questioning of a police officer. Even though previous story lines between the characters are enough for the viewers of the programme to understand why she did it, the same question still remained in the context of that single scene. The police officer was interested in no more than whether the old woman had hit the child on that occasion or not. Emotional explanation was not necessary. And that is the essence of the Justice card for me. You pay for what you have done. Simple as that.

I am not entirely sure how Justice fits into today. My boyfriend and I went out to do a little shopping in the late afternoon. We had a drink in a pub by the river and then I took him for a Mexican meal. From there on, we went to the cinema to see Avatar, as he had booked tickets for the 3-D showing. I had not thought that the film would be my cup of tea, but like Lady Justice, I decided to fore go expectation and take it for what it is. Even though the storyline was a little flimsy, the scenery and work that must have gone into it was really something. The 3-D effects were like nothing I have experienced before, and in some scenes, I felt as though I was standing on the edge of the fictitious landscape of Pandora myself. I felt an affinity to the aliens, and halfway through the film, realised that they reminded me of the characters in one of my favourite tarot decks.

Even though we had loosely decided to go for a couple of drinks after the film, I wasn't really in the mood for the pub by that time. While we had been locked away in Pandora for three hours, with our funny 3-D glasses on, the rest of the town seemed to have binged their way through each and every bar. The evidence was in their stumbling through the noisy streets, and being stone cold sober, I wasn't really up for joining them. Even though my boyfriend was feeling wide awake and fancied a pint, he reluctantly agreed for us to go home. Once in, he presented me with my Valentine Day card.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

The Big Snip

On waking up this morning, I took another look at yesterday's card. I spoke to my boyfriend before I went to bed last night and he had had a few drinks at home. As he was feeling a little tired this morning, I thought back to the excitable and enthusiastic young page and his cup from yesterday evening.

Today, I have drawn The Magician. Grounded on his small (and probably magic) carpet, he tends to three small cups with his two wands. Because of the two long and delicate instruments that he uses to prod away at the bowls, I think about how at home he would be, poking away at a barbecue.

Like a chef, The Magician takes control. He adjusts the heat, stirs about in his bowls, and adds his secret ingredient to that which is on the table. Like all good cooks, he can bring seemingly ordinary items together and turn them into something new and magical. All of these things are part of this card. It is about taking action and making things happen. It is about finding the right tools for a job and directing inspiration into a chosen project or goal.

Aside from my usual routine of job applications, I began to draw a picture this afternoon, made some banana bread, and took some exercise. However, today's card made it's appearance in a surprising but interesting way. While watching TV, a magician of sorts turned up for a visit. Due to the problems we have had with selling our house, my dad had asked for a tree surgeon to drop by and give us a quote for trimming down some of the lower hanging branches on the tree in our back garden. Some of our potential buyers complained that it was shielding light. He presented my dad with an estimation of £25o, which seems modest. Due to our desire to move, if this big snip can help us sell the house, then this young man really will be performing some much needed magic.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

How do you feel?

An interesting card for today. And quite unexpected.

A flamboyant young man stands in the middle of a long swirl of water. On his left, it slithers towards him and washes over the toe of his shoe. On his right, it snakes on past to a new destination. Since the suit of Cups is about emotion, this consistent running stream of water is quite apt. We are always standing in a position like this, waiting to be affected by the future and saying goodbye to the emotions of our past. As I wave at the water which has already wet my feet, I am pleased to say that I feel a little better than I did yesterday.

Emotions are a bit like that. We go through so many, one after another. They take us by surprise and wash through our body and soul as quickly as the waves in today's illustration. Only this afternoon, I was overwhelmed on hearing about the death of the 40 year old fashion designer, Alexander McQueen. Unlike some of my friends, I had never met him, but he was an inspiration throughout my time at university. On having to do a shop report for part of my degree, my parents dressed up nicely on one Winter's day and accompanied me. We spent the day in the West End, visiting Versace, Vivienne Westwood, Issey Myake, and Miu Miu, amongst others. Alexander McQueen's store was one of the shops that they liked the most. The staff were friendly, and even though my parents liked his catwalk show-pieces, they appreciated his more conservative and wearable garments. Many of my fellow fashion peers admired his collections and aspired to his talent. Like Vivienne Westwood, he pulled himself into the industry through sheer hard work and determination. I can't believe that another such talented and young public light has now disappeared from view.

Aside from the sad news of McQueen, today has been okay. I received a request for a public reading, which I performed this afternoon. I was a little nervous, since I haven't done a professional reading in some time, but the client seemed to get something from it and began to cry half way through. As with the water in today's picture, I think it did her good to release overdue emotions. I always know that I am on the right track when a client begins to cry, because it means that my reading has touched something within them. I centred myself before the session and sacrificed myself to my intuition. Like the Page of Cups, I went with how I felt and it was a success.

I had begun to think that the suit of Cups had abandoned me, so I am pleased to see this Page today. Since I am feeling emotionally brighter, I hope that he represents the first stirrings of a new path.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

The Spirit Level

Justice calls again. I can't help but think that in her stern pose, she is telling me off. She points at the scales with her sword, suggesting balance. I would say that my life is anything but balanced at the moment and this is the reason for her appearance.

Seeing this card today reminds me of a spirit level. You must have seen someone set one up on top of something and check to see if the bubble sits in it's centre, yeah? In my life the bubble is way out, and this card, like a spirit level, has turned up to help me adjust the focus beneath it and find balance accordingly.

So, where do I start?

At the moment, I am receiving benefits. Even though I am searching for work, on Lady Justice's scales, what I receive weighs more heavily than that which I am putting out. I flipped through some different job sites this morning, going a little off of my usual path and applying for a few positions which I would not usually consider. One of them was poorly paid and I don't have all of the relevant experience, but I attached a letter, explaining my reasons for applying. As my boyfriend said this morning, something is better than nothing, and it could be a useful stepping stone towards something better.

In terms of my health, I still have a cold, plus a few other aches and irritations. My mum brought me some medicine from the chemist today, so hopefully that will help shake my sore throat and blocked nose.

Sitting opposite Justice, these are not the biggest of donations made on my part, but they do help to tip the scales a little more in the right direction.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

Breaking out of Jail

It doesn't feel as if I have had The Fool pop up in years. He is one of those cards I had almost forgotten was in the pack, since he never visits my daily draws.

Even though many people might assume that my life is unstructured at the moment, it is far from being that way. I may not be working, but my days have a strong routine. Unfortunately, this routine could be seen as a rut, since it is not the one I would wish for and I desire a way to get out of it. So when The Fool comes knocking, it is a little like having someone come and try to break me out of jail for the afternoon. The card is advising me to take a chance and try something different from what has become so painfully ordinary.

The last six months have really knocked the stuffing out of me. Whenever I have tried to do something, I have been met with resistance or no response. Because of this, I have slipped into a numbness. When I wake in the morning, I do not have the enthusiasm or care to follow my dreams at the moment. Am I depressed? Well, I have not collapsed in a pool of tears, if that is how you view depression, but any zest for the future or enthusiasm to do anything has been replaced by this strong wash of lethargy. Knowing that any effort usually results in nothing, on most mornings, I would rather turn over and go back to sleep. Am I being a martyr and behaving self-indulgently? Most probably.

Got out of the house for a few hours today, as I needed to sign on at the Job Centre. They had no appropriate jobs or advice, and the advisor gave me an uncomfortable smile as she handed me back my book and wished me well until next time. I then wandered into town and met my mum for a cup of tea. We found out that for the fourth time, the tree in our back garden has killed the interest of yet another potential buyer.

My boyfriend came over this evening. Amongst the drudge of not working, he lifts my spirits immensely. Thankfully, when I am feeling out of sorts about my unemployment, he has enough confidence in my abilities for the both of us.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

The Bouncer, the Shofar, and another House Visit

Since I find Judgment to be one of the harder cards to work with in the tarot deck, I decided to reflect on it a little more this afternoon. Having got so much from the New Century Tarot already, it is that version which I am continuing to work with.

This specific version of the card shows a wood. Three people (a man and two women) approach what I see to be a pathway. It is a little like a gateway to either another world or the next stage of their journey, and the three figures stand at it's mouth, wanting to enter the deep purple portal before them. Another man and woman, who seem to have done so already, stand in the distance, looking back at them.

Just as the trio make a move towards the couple, a fiery angel of red and yellow swoops from above, holding his hands out and encouraging them to stay still for a moment. Like some kind of nightclub bouncer on the door of a new world, he needs to check their relevant ID. In this case, their ID cards take form of previous experience and actions. It's a little like having Father Christmas snatch away a kid's present and ask them if they have been 'naughty or nice' before choosing whether to give it to them or not.

In most Judgment cards, the angel traditionally blows a horn. Some time ago, through my kabbalistic studies, I linked the horn (and this card) to the Jewish holiday Rosh HaShanah. During the festival, a horn called the Shofar is blown one hundred times during each of the two days, and reminds people of the importance of reflection. As in my own interpretation of Judgment, Rosh HaShanah is a time of evaluation. It asks people to embark on the serious task of examining their lives and repenting for any wrongs they have committed during the previous year. The threesome in this card need to do just this before being allowed to pass the angel. In other words, you reap what you sow.

Since this morning's post, we are awaiting another couple to come and view our house. The last lady to visit said that it is too close to the noise of the main road and is not worth the asking price. Even though we do not want to lower the price too heavily (or at least, not the £20,000 drop which she suggested), maybe we do need to re-evaluate what this house can realistically sell for, without letting our emotions or egos get in the way.

Having someone come and voice their opinions about the place you have lived for over twenty years is judgement indeed, which is another reason why this is an apt card for today.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

Standing on the Rope Bridge

As I type, the view from my window is murky and grey. Just when we thought it was safe to pack away the wellies, the snow has begun to fall once again. It has not started to settle yet, but I have just been out with my mother, and it feels cold enough to.

Judgment is an interesting card to draw today. I see it as some sort of substantial break between two chapters; kind of like a pause half-way through a race, to take a few breaths and gather your thoughts before carrying on. Maybe it suggests that we need to change our approach. What might we do differently as we head into the second half of our race?

These kind of thoughts went through my mind when I woke up this morning. I felt stuck. It was as though I was standing on a rope-bridge between my past and future, holding on tightly and trying to regain some balance before finally putting one foot in front of the other. I am sick of feeling down about how things are. Even if I am not where I want to be, why can I not find it in myself to enjoy the view from where I am? If Judgement has any bearing on my life right now, then I should receive some acknowledgement for my past efforts, and not just the backlash of those times when I have not tried as hard as I could. But that doesn't seem to be happening.

Standing in between what has been and what will be, I think that this card asks me to make decisions about my future, based on the past. How much longer can I stand swinging on this metaphorical rope-bridge and chase a dream which appears to be getting further and further out of reach? Is it time to sum up what has happened and change course? Judgment is about re-evaluation. Whether it is deciding to try a new avenue of work or choosing to close down my Facebook account, today is about reflection and making fresh new plans.

Illustration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

Overcoming the Beast

In the darkness of the forest, we meet with a strange scene. A flamboyantly dressed woman stands over a lion and holds his jaws. In this version, it is as though she is inspecting his teeth. She runs her fingers over them gently, and surprisingly, the animal allows her to. Some commentators think that she is opening his mouth, where as others see her as taming the beast by closing his jaws.

What I like about this image is that the flatness of Eichelman's art style suggests that the lion is actually part of the woman. And in a sense, he is. We all have a beast within us. For some, it might be our reactions, and for others, it takes shape as their fears. In this card, the woman overcomes her particular beast.

After staying out until about 4am last night, my boyfriend and I spent today in my room. This afternoon, we watched a film called The Firm - another football-inspired storyline by Nick Love. I was interested in seeing it because I have seen most of the director's previous outings, but as an added bonus, my boyfriend's brother and brother-in-law were both recognisable extras in the movie. Until he just left, my boyfriend and I watched more TV and talked. With a few different plans for the next three or so weeks, we are taking a step back from more big nights out locally.

For today's draw, I ask myself what needs to be tamed. Sometimes, I push for the things I want, rather than compromise. Although we watched what my boyfriend wanted on TV this evening, there are times where I railroad other people's choices to get my own way. I hope that I did not do this tonight, but am aware that that particular beast does need to be overcome.

Illustrations from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

Disposing of Dead Bodies

I sometimes feel bit sorry for Death. Can you imagine being the one who nobody wants to come out and play? In this version, he appears that bit less threatening than in his usual depiction. This uncharacteristically warm looking figure seems to be carefully disposing of the figures by using his scythe as a broom and sweeping them into the running water. When this card comes up for me, I often think of it in this way. It is not so much about killing something. It has more to do with disposing of that which is already dead.

Even though we did receive a visit from a potential viewer on Friday, once again, those expected to view our home today cancelled. It is hard to not feel the disappointment, but as the 3 of Pentacles suggested, it is going to take more work to sell this house. My boyfriend and I took ourselves away for the afternoon, as didn't want to overcrowd the place when we thought people were looking around. We had a nice few hours shopping, and even though I had planned to not socialise this weekend, we accepted a last minute invitation to go for a drink. It was a pleasant evening, but we both egged each other on to stay out that bit longer than we probably should have.

So, how does Death fit here? What is dead already but needs disposing of? Aside from the last few hours of our drinking, which could have been sacrificed for bed, the card highlights one small incident. Around midnight, I received a few messages from a friend. In the past, he and I have had some very good times together, but I have not seen him in about year. Many mutual friends, as well as myself, thought that he may have feelings for me that are stronger than just friendship, and occasionally, I still receive a stream of messages or missed phone calls during the small hours of the morning. In the past, I would go to him. We would get out of our heads in one way or another and talk into the next day. But things are not the same now. I have my boyfriend and don't think that seeing this friend would be appropriate. In one of his messages, he asked if I had any regrets. He is in a relationship and I wonder if he is looking back at missed opportunities from our past. I told him that I regretted nothing and wrote no more. I think that Death is suggesting that this friendship is dead and needs to be carefully disposed of.

Illustrations from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

Ding, Ding .. Round 2.

This is a nice version of the 3 of Pentacles. An artist's work is on display, and behind it, we might be looking at some kind of promotion. A tapestry, showing three images of her sculpture, proudly acts as a backdrop. But hang-on a minute. The young woman is still making adjustments. With a chisel aimed at her artwork, it would seem that there is still more left for her to do.

When I look at this card, I think of the words 'keep chipping away'. I just spoke to an agent about a menswear job. Even though the advertisement didn't say so, the job is in Essex, which would be too far for me to commute to and is not somewhere I would consider moving. So even though she said that the work samples I sent her were very good, I need to chip away some more in my search for the right job.

I suppose you might look at the 3 of Pentacles in the same way as the completion of the first round in a game of boxing. It comes with a level of achievement but one is not at the winning post just yet. I have often thought about this card as a token of work and the workplace, so it would seem fit to say that there is more work for me to do before success.

We have someone coming to view the house today. And lo and behold, another viewing tomorrow morning. As nice as this is after such little interest, it is only the first round completed. Success depends on what these people think of the property, or with reference to previous potential buyers, our garden. Has anyone got any thoughts about how we can hide or disguise an 80ft protected tree from their view? I don't think that my initial Christo & Jeanne-Claude inspired idea will be feasible.

Illustrations from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelman

Blood is Not Thicker than Water

In yesterday's draw, I felt inclined to create balance and harmony from the heart, by way of compromise and the understanding of views which are the opposite to my own - be it a difference in opinion or taste, as examples. In that draw, it was not so difficult to mix two different hearts, however opposed, when you love someone.

But today, emotions must be detached as I read Justice. Balance is still as important as it was yesterday, but in this card, it is fairness and truth, weighed up by logic rather than emotion, which is needed.

Lady Justice sits on her throne. There is little to no emotion on her face, and upon her head, she wears a crown - from it, air appears to be rising, and reminds me that her causes are won with the mind, rather than the heart. She holds out her scales. Empty, they are waiting for a situation to consider.

When I draw this card and become this woman, I need to rationally consider what others have and have not done in certain situations. Whether good or bad, I shall reprimand or reward accordingly. Justice is stern. There are no heartfelt appeals or excuses taken into account when she makes a decision.

I have let a few of my thoughts out today, with little sympathy or compassion. Looking at the air rising from Justice's crown, you might call it letting off a little steam, since a few characters in my life have provoked or endured a verbal slanging on my behalf. The card suggests that blood need not be thicker than water, and irrespective of any emotional attachment to those who I think need reprimanding, I have chosen to act accordingly. For today, my actions are based on clear thinking and logic. If I do not like how people have behaved or treated me, then it is up to me to either deal with them or remove them from my life.

Illustrations from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelmann

The Perfect Mix

In this card sits an angel. He looks as though he has been carved from a block of ice. His clothing is jagged and rough, hanging in shards of icy blue. His wings, however, are a striking gold, resembling fire. Dressed with a crown that resembles snow-covered branches or winding icicles, he carefully pours the contents of one jug into another. What he pours from each may be as dissimilar as ice and fire, but in performing this motion, he makes a mixture of the two. We could compare it to the running of a bath. To find the right temperature, we add the right amount of hot water to the right amount of cold. A compromise is made.

Sometimes, we have to make compromises. Over the last couple of days, my boyfriend and I have been looking through our social diary. Due to finances, we have had to juggle things about and pick our plans carefully. Even though he is a very laid back kind of guy who doesn't enjoy making decisions, I do like him to be involved in arranging the things we do. One of the things that he was interested in doing, is seeing the film, Avatar. After seeing the trailer, it didn't really interest me, but in order for us to find the best possible mix in our relationship, I need to compromise and do things that he enjoys as well. I pretty much left Valentine's weekend open, as neither of us were sure how to spend it, so we will most probably go and see the film then. Treated with a lighthearted attitude, I am sure we will both enjoy it. It's about the sharing.

I can sometimes be a little bossy in relationships. With a partner who is as laid back as he is, we often end up going with my suggestions and choices. However, on choosing what we will be doing throughout February and March, I have consulted my boyfriend at every stage. I think that the up and coming weeks involve things which will keep both of us happy, but may require a little compromise from both sides, if we are to find that perfect mix.

Illustrations from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelmann

As Good as it Gets?

The 10 of Cups is a positive conclusion in the world of emotions and feeling. It is happiness and fulfillment. With all ten cups of the suit present and correct, the central one in the top row grows wings for all to see. Most people would view this as a very happy card.

This morning, I awoke after a night of coughing. I had lost the muggy and headachy feeling of the day before, but I was still sneezing and my nose was blocked. With little to do, I flipped through the pages of advertised jobs. There were little graphic design positions amongst them and on checking my email, nobody had replied to the applications I had already made.

This afternoon, I visited the Job Centre, since I have to sign weekly for the moment. The lady behind the table asked me how I was feeling. I told her that I felt numb, with regard to my job search.

This is not sounding much like a 1o of Cups day, is it?

But this is where I started to look at both the card and my day differently. What if this was the blessing of the 10 of Cups? What if things didn't get better than this? Is my lot really that bad? It could certainly be a lot worse. Change is the one certainty in life, be it good or bad, so should I not just appreciate today for it's good points, rather than it's limitations?

After the visit to the Job Centre, I met my parents. Because I had been cold during the previous couple of nights they bought me a king-size duvet, so I teamed the purchase with a new cover, pillow cases, sheets, and some chunky matching cushions, all in a warm and sensual black. Even when we are bickering, I really should thank the Gods for still having my parents with me.

This evening, my boyfriend drove over. We relaxed on my comfortable upgraded bed, cuddled up, and watched some television.

I may not have a job or lots of money right now, but I do have a lot to be happy about. The 10 of Cups isn't a perfection that cannot be touched, as I once thought. It is something, in my life, that I don't always appreciate I am touching every day.

Illustrations from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelmann

The Intuitive Alarm

In the New Century image, The High Priestess wears a red dress and crown. In one hand, she holds an open book, revealing some kind of knowledge. The fabric of her clothing is translucent and we catch a glimpse of her feminine body behind it. It is almost as if the goddess has shared a secret or provided us with some information that we somehow knew was there all along.

This woman appears tight-lipped. If I was going to start a conversation with her, I guess that I wouldn't get very far. She advises us to dig beneath what we see and hear on the surface and to go beyond what is consciously known. Should I have a feeling that something is going on but am told that it isn't, I should trust my own intuitive response.

My intuition has always been pretty good. A couple of years ago, a close friend jokingly called me a witch, due to an incident where I had developed a feeling that she might be meeting up in secret with a gentleman that is not her husband. Working only with this feeling, I sent a message to her phone, asking 'Are you up to no good, young lady?'. She responded in shock. The message had come through just as she and another man had sat down in a secret location for tea.

I like this version of The High Priestess a lot. I would go as far as saying that as a tarot image, I have worked out more about this card's meaning in these few minutes than I have with any other tarot priestess over the years. Many are stuffy and difficult to penetrate, but this one allows us to travel beneath the surface of her blank stare. As today's card, she reminds me to trust what I feel. A few thoughts and feelings around specific situations have been niggling away inside, so I now choose to give in to them. It can be very liberating to spend a day trusting your gut reactions, rather than sticking with only what you think you know is true. It's a little like a burglar or smoke alarm. Do you decide to not react to those devices, just because you can't see an intruder or smell a fire? Of course not.

Not feeling my best today. I think that yesterday's temperature has finally done me in. Woke up unable to breath, with aching face and limbs, and a sore throat. Feeling shivery, and with a numbing headache, I have decided to camp out in my bedroom today and stay wrapped up warm.

Illusration from The New Century Tarot by Rolf Eichelmann