The Way We Were

On some days, I stare at my cards, and wonder how they could ever be connected to me. But like this morning, I find myself trailing off into a series of thoughts about something else and then realise that they involve my draw.

Today's cards reflect a recent situation. In a similar way to yesterdays, they hint at a union which had become frustrated, and the other person involved is characterised here by the King of Hearts. The 2 of Spades shows that things have abruptly changed between us and the 2 of Clubs suggests his disappointment about this. Because there are two cards of the same number in the line, this situation is intensified. This man looks toward me and wants things to return to how they were, but in this moment, I am not interested.

I will not go on about how unfortunate job and house hunting is at the moment. It has probably become as depressing to read as it is to write. I will be travelling over to my boyfriend's later today, so will have a nice bath in a couple of hours and will do some drawing beforehand. When it is going well, drawing can lift me out of all else that drags me down.

Stop Flogging the Horses

Even though they make a lot of sense, today's cards do not really tell me anything that I don't already know. They look at frustration and effort. The 6 of Clubs can sometimes refer to matters connected with work, so this trio could concern my frustrated search for the right employer.

One of the things which today's draw highlights is that when a situation is frustrated, there is little point in continuing to flog a dead horse. Not hearing back from more than a handful of agents and employers over the last few weeks has really got to me. Aside from not getting me anywhere nearer to employment, after their promising to respond, their behaviour smacks of rudeness. Some of those jobs would have been a good move for me, but the cards are telling me to move on and start afresh. Continuing to send chaser emails to those people who are obviously ignoring me is only winding me up more, since they are now pretty unlikely to reply.

Even though I did a little drawing for a project I have become recently involved with, I spent most of my day with a good friend. We met for something to eat and looked around a market and some second hand shops. I managed to spot a 1972 set of books by Edward Gorey, called The Vinegar Works. I have always loved his artwork, but suggested to my mate that they are probably worth more than the £2 I paid for them today. After a little research on the internet, I discovered that people were selling them for £180. Mine are in mint condition. Even though I will hold on to them for a while, I might sell them in the Summer, along with some other collectibles that I have. Finding the Gorey set made up for the fact that the viewers who were scheduled to come and see our house this morning didn't show up.

As usual, my boyfriend came over this evening. After a little snooze, we watched some television. As he has eleven days off of work from Friday, this will be our last night of sleeping separately until he returns to work after his holiday.

Back to Square One

The 4 of Diamonds is a troubling card. As with all of the 4's in this method of playing card reading, it brings distress. This particular one speaks of betrayal and lies, and suggests that someone is consciously slipping in the knife whilst my back is turned. It is the card of the cheat and indicates deceit. With the 2 of Clubs in tow, disappointment results.

As someone who likes to know where he stands, this kind of combination is not good for me. As today unfolded, I was yet to find out where deceit laid, but my first thought was that it has something to do with the bungalow saga. The 3 of Clubs lets us know that the betrayal in the 4 of Diamonds is on it's way and that I need to try my best to prepare for the disappointment. I wondered if the Queen of Spades from recent readings has ditched us for the other buyer or that information of another kind is being kept from me.

We eventually found out that our buyer could not get the money he wanted to buy our house, so we are now back to square one. Since his wife told our agent that they had arranged their mortage when they had not, I guess that it is their lies which have been told. Our sellers thought that this would be a swift operation, so went ahead and organised rented accommodation. They will not wait for us to look for a new buyer so their bungalow is no longer a posibility for us. It was difficult enough to sell before. So after losing £600 on this disappointing experience, we have to now contend with more potential buyer's dislike of the tree in our back garden again and must try to sell our house amongst the noise of our bastard neighbours. It would seem that the odds are stacked against us.

Purgatory

Today has been uneventful. After a sociable and late night, my boyfriend and I have spent today in bed. Last night was fun, but as usual, we smashed through the barriers of a respectable time to go home. I kind of take comfort in us not being the only ones. A fairly big group of us went on to a late bar and it was busier than I have ever seen it before.

Today's cards speak of something official. At the moment, it is hard for me to not link my readings to the house move, and I wonder if this concerns our offer on the bungalow. So far, it has only been the couple's word which has concerned us, but with the 2 of Spades in this threesome, our relationship with the owners and our offer is set to take an official turn. I don't know if this will be for better or worse. We will probably have more news tomorrow. In an ideal world, which we are obviously not, the weekend might have calmed the couple down and we would still be buying their house.

Being in my room all day, we have had to listen to the neighbour's little darlings wrestling on their trampoline and screaming their heads off. We are not even into April yet, and should this house sale fall through, the Summer months here could be purgatory. Being inconsiderate and with a point to prove, our neighbours will probably cram as many children and garden toys into their garden as they can.

Dumping Ground

For the second day, the Queen of Spades enters my reading. In fact, just before laying out this trio, I actually suggested to my boyfriend that she would. After getting home from the shops, we had more news about the woman from the bungalow, who I am now connecting to this card during the house buying process. It would seem that she wants to withdraw the bungalow from the sale and concentrate on her other buyer. We will find out if we have actually lost it on Monday, but from this reading, I believe that we have. The other buyer is symbolised by the King of Clubs and his offer comes in the shape of the 5 of Hearts. The two face cards look at one another and she is turned away from us. I see the potential for mutual interest in the twosome.

My boyfriend and I went for a walk this morning. We intended to see if there was anything which I could buy for his birthday, but there wasn't, so we have put that on hold until he sees something he likes. Due to the fiasco with the bungalow, my dad was in a mood when we returned. He was looking for someone to take it out on and as usual, I became the target. Even though I bit back momentarily, I have come up here and will let him stew in his own misery for the rest of the weekend. I am not going to allow him to use me as a dumping ground for what has happened with the sellers and our buyers in Hong Kong.

The Ups and Downs

After yesterday's cards pushed me into propositioning someone about a project I had in mind, I received a reply this morning, saying that the woman was interested in pursuing the idea together. The cards highlighted the potential for it to work and I am once again inspired with a goal in mind.

Even though I am excited by this news, the prospect of how much work my idea will involve is a little scary too. However, Yehuda Berg's words, in an email from The Kabbalah Centre this morning, were timely. He said "Life is meant to be lived. You're meant to pursue your dreams, and take risks, in this lifetime. This means giving your doubts a break and giving your soul a chance to speak its truth. The only thing standing in your way is you. Today, get out of your way and explore your unknown".

Today has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for my parents. This morning, their agents asked them to call the people in the bungalow we want to buy and update them with what is going on. Due to the delays we have had with our buyer in Hong Kong, the couple were not happy and started making noises about taking up an offer from another person. The wife was the most dissatisfied and I recognise her as the cold Queen of Spades in this reading. She looks away from us (to the right). After thinking that we would probably lose the house, we then heard that one of the agents had managed to calm her down. We are still none the wiser about what will happen, but are hoping that the agent has been able to buy us a little more time with the sellers. Hopefully, there will be recognisable developments with our buyer soon enough for them to see.

In the top row is another character - the Jack of Hearts. Unlike the Queen of Spades, he looks toward me. This suggests that he has my interests at heart. He bears some kind of gift or compliment, and we share the potential of a good and fruitful relationship.

One of my good friends came back from Tokyo last week and we met for lunch this afternoon. In recent years, we have built a strong friendship. We had something to eat, shopped, and then went for another coffee before separating. The top row of cards depict the limitless potential of this friendship. Even though he may be returning to Japan, I am hoping that it will not be just yet. The cards would suggest that he values our friendship as highly as I do.

Even though I am not working right now, I welcome the weekend. My boyfriend and I have planned a quiet evening in, so we are fresh for an afternoon stroll and night out tomorrow. We spend every weekend together and around this point on a Friday afternoon, I start to look forward to him getting here.

Watch this Space

Last night was perfect. Despite not having a present for my boyfriend, I decorated a cake and took it over to his parent's house, once he was back from work. His nieces helped me with the candles and presented it to him. Our evening was spent with his family, and after many wines, I am guessing that we fell into bed around midnight. We both had a good time. I feel part of my boyfriend's family now and care for each member a lot. They are a fun and generous group of people. Fueled by the wine, he and I had some special conversations with each other towards the end of the night and I woke up feeling happy.

It is warming to see the rush of strawberry red in today's cards. They feel romantic and alive. This really is a very beautiful deck to work with. The 2 of Hearts is a bright card. As one of hope, it provides the potential for accomplishment. With the 5 of Hearts sitting beside it, there is a possibility that this is recognised and acknowledged in either a compliment or some kind of opportunity.

As usual, I have applied for work today, but after recent experiences, my enthusiasm is flat and I don't expect much back. But as well as this, I have propositioned someone else with an idea. Whether it comes to anything is another story, but the cards signify that there is real potential for success and personal fulfillment in my suggestion, regardless. The 2 of Hearts suggests that this idea could go somewhere and achieve the recognition I currently need to boost my confidence, as shown in the 5 of Hearts, so watch this space.

Illustrations from The Carnival Cards by Severino Baraldi, published by Lo Scarebeo

The Wait Goes On

Today is my boyfriend's birthday. I have been seeing him as the King of Clubs in readings lately, so it is no surprise that the card turns up with the celebratory 8 of Hearts beside it. This would indicate that my boyfriend is celebrating or organising some kind of party. On the weekend, he wants to go out for a couple of drinks, so later on, we will invite a handful of people to join us. These cards show that celebrating his birthday is on his mind.

The 2 of Spades suggests change. What is always useful to remember with this method of reading is that the cards suggest only the potential for something to happen. Nothing is actually set in stone. After receiving these cards, I messaged my boyfriend to make sure that he was not considering changing the plans we had already made. Aside from the weekend, I am going over to spend tonight at his and will have dinner with him and his parents, so I would need to know if there was going to be a change to what we already agreed. Everything seems fine, unless the 2 of Spades suggests unknown influence.

In the last few days, I have done a few readings about our house move. With little information back from the agency, the prospect of our sale going ahead is starting to look hazy, and we are all worried about losing the bungalow we were set to buy. In all of my readings, the Jack of Spades has turned up, and I am intuiting that he might be my parent's agent. I don't trust this card completely. I think that he tells us what we want to hear for the moment. In conventional playing cards, he and the Jack of Clubs would be turned away from me in this trio, suggesting that they are not as concerned in our interests as they are in their own. I wonder if the Jack of Clubs is our buyer or someone connected to him. Maybe their spokesman of some sort. It would seem that there is potential for disappointment in this part of the reading, since that Jack bears the 2 of Clubs. Whether this is as extreme as losing our current buyer, I don't know. It might just mean that things will take longer than expected. The wait goes on.

Illustrations from The Carnival Cards by Severino Baraldi, published by Lo Scarebeo

Change of Plans

Since joining a reading group, I have decided to put in a little practice with the playing cards on my blog this week. I never forget where I am with tarot, but playing card meanings are easily forgotten if practice is not kept up. I enjoy their immediacy. Where as tarot will have you searching deep into your past and soul, these babies shout the answers out at us like a precocious child.

As a lover of Pierrot, the deck I am using here is perfect for me. Each card has a carnival-based scene and masked characters, which adds to the mystique of the readings. My boyfriend's parents bought the set for me at Christmas and I was very touched. It is such a thrill to use a deck which has a theme of personal interest or sentiment.

This line of cards was played out moments after I drew them this morning. They indicate a small disappointment and regard a journey which should have been made today but encountered changes. My friend sent me a message this morning, saying that she could not meet. We were meant to go for breakfast and she had planned to help me with one last search for my boyfriend's birthday present. Unfortunately, her and her daughter had been ill through the night, so she cancelled.

The 2 of Clubs suggests disappointment and the 2 of Spades is a card of abrupt change, but neither are dramatic or intense. They lessen the impact of the journey shown in the 10 of Spades, which was only a short walk into town. Having some things to do here this morning, not meeting up was no big deal and I made the trip later in the day, as I needed to visit the Job Centre. The trip in itself was uneventful. The people at the Job Centre were next to useless and after a wander around the shops, I still couldn't find anything for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow.

Illustrations from The Carnival Cards by Severino Baraldi, published by Lo Scarebeo

On the Wind Up

For today's post, I have drawn three cards. In them, I easily recognise my mother and father. I often see my mum as the Queen of Pentacles, and out of the four kings, the King of Swords is the most like my dad. As much as I obviously love my father, it is the negative aspects of his personality which shine through in this card today. Aside from being the know it all, this king can often use his mind to wind up the more sensitive, which is what my father did with me this afternoon. My mother sits alongside him in this trio and took his side against me, as usual.

I don't know why he behaves like this sometimes. It reminds me of another person I know, who winds up his wife until there is an atmosphere. Who in their right mind would do something which results in an unhappy and tense situation for everyone? While shopping for my boyfriend's birthday present today, he continued to smirk and make stupid comments about the things I was considering, and after half an hour of it, I snapped. It resulted in an argument and he still didn't let up until the two of them separated from me in the shopping centre.

I ended up coming away empty handed. I didn't know what to buy and my parents had made me feel bad about those things I was looking at. Even though expensive, some of the stuff I was about to part with my money for did look cheap, but Mum and Dad could have been a bit more sensitive in the situation. It looks as though I will not have anything to give to him on the actual day, but I would rather that than shell out cash for the sake of it. I'd prefer to take him out to choose something he actually likes than gift him an unwelcome surprise.

The 4 of Cups shows a discontented woman at a table. Boy, isn't that me today! When I got home, I went straight for a lay down. I find it difficult to turn my moods around as I have got older and a nap was my best way of calming down. I checked my mails before doing so, but once again, it seems that the many agents I wrote to last week are ignoring me.

Illustrations from The Celtic Dragon Tarot by Lisa Hunt

Concluding the Job

I don't receive the 6 of Wands very often. As someone who doesn't feel he has achieved much in recent times, I guess that this is not surprising. The card acknowledges successes and recognises things well done. In today's draw, it concludes the job that my boyfriend, his father, and I began yesterday.

Being far too tired yesterday evening, we left the large removal van full over night and only began to unload it this morning. Because of less space, we needed to pass some of the items on to family and friends who had offered to store them. My parents took a few large pieces of furniture. Of course, this will only be temporary. My boyfriend and I hope to get a place of our own one day. Storage space is very expensive, which is why people have kindly agreed to hold on to his things until that time.

Today was another physically exhausting one, but by the late afternoon, the job was complete and we felt as though we had accomplished something. A good friend invited us to her house for dinner, and with a couple of glasses of wine, our real weekend began.

Illustrations from The Celtic Dragon Tarot by Lisa Hunt

Our Best Shot

The 5 of Wands is a card of struggle and obstacle, and it foresees a time where the odds are stacked against us. The card alerts the reader to a time which will not be easy and advises that we give the opposition our best shot.

My boyfriend and I traveled up north this morning. Since moving South recently, he needed to finalise things and bring the contents of his previous house to his present home. With his father driving, the three of us set off at 5am. Even though we got the job done, we encountered one obstacle after another while there. Most of the problems were minimal, but easily produced tension and kept us there longer than we had wanted to be. Exhausted by the amount of manual work involved, we finally returned home by 7pm. Feeling pretty shattered, my boyfriend and I had an early night.

Even though it was a pleasure to see his best mate for a short time while in the north, today was hard work generally and took it out of the three of us. For my boyfriend, it was about tying up the time he spent living there, which I guess required emotional strength, as well as the physical effort required to move his possessions. He can now move forward mentally. The 5 of Wands is a challenge, and I am pleased to say that my boyfriend, his father, and I worked hard at fighting those things which were thrown at us today and succeeded.

Illustrations from The Celtic Dragon Tarot by Lisa Hunt

An Act of Friendship

Within a cave lays a water dragon, and in front of it are three cups. Symbolising an abundance of emotional wealth, the water laps the edge of the golden bank. This card traditionally represents celebration, but I also view it as a symbol of my emotional community. On it's last visit to the blog, it highlighted both my relatives and a party.

Today's card looks at those people around me. As a friend mentioned to me a few days ago, after counting up the 70-odd birthday wishes I received on Facebook, I am rich in friendship and love. Regardless of those things I lack, this means an awful lot to me, and today, one of those friends wrote to me about a job. It turned out to be one I am very interested in pursuing, so I sent off my CV and some samples of work. She has forwarded them on to her Human Resources department. Because of recent disappointment in job applications, I refuse to get too excited about this opportunity just yet, but am very grateful to my friend for thinking of me. The 3 of Cups represents her and this act of kindness.

Friendship was part of the rest of my day too. A close mate picked me up this morning and took me out for a spot of breakfast and window shopping. It was nice to chat and get out of the house with her and her 3 year old son for a bit. I am now packing up my bag, as I am soon to travel over to my boyfriend's house to spend most of the weekend with him and his family.

Illustrations from The Celtic Dragon Tarot by Lisa Hunt

A Man's Home is his Castle

I have really enjoyed working with the faerie deck. In fact, for the last few weeks, it has been a bit of a crutch, offering me the chance to dip my toes into it's reflective waters. This has been great, but since becoming quite absorbed in it's characters and landscape, I now need to take a break. It is a far deeper and darker deck than I had imagined it to be and I need a little time out. I am taking a leap from the world of the faeries to one which is inhabited by dragons.

My boyfriend bought me this deck for Christmas. It is The Celtic Dragon Tarot by Lisa Hunt. As well as it being gifted to me by someone special, it also reminds me of illustrations from the various story books of my childhood, so altogether, I anticipate that working with it will be comforting and enjoyable. I like to work with gifted decks. Regardless of myth and old wife's tales, there is something magical about being bought a tarot deck by a loved one.

In the 4 of Wands, we are greeted with a castle. In the front of it is a tower where a dragon and two people stand. Around the building are sharp cliffs and rocks. A storm appears to be erupting, but the castle is secure and offers safety. It's inhabitants can easily shut themselves away from the imposing landscape if they wish.

The first thing that this card reminded me of is my present home. The harsh cliffs and lifeless faces in the rocks remind me of my environment and neighbours. The card then encouraged me to think about yesterday's developments in our move. The 4 of Wands predicts security, even if the storm brewing above us appears threatening and unpredictable. It is too soon to know what is going to happen, but this card indicates that our present position is safe and secure, despite the premature worries of our agent.

The 4 of Wands is a symbol of warmth and comfort. My boyfriend has had a busy day and even though neither of us have much money at the moment, I suggested taking him out for a drink after work. We have both harboured stresses in recent times and need to touch base with the good things in life. We went to another private view for an art exhibition this evening, featuring the work of comedian, Vic Reeves. Afterwards, we went for a drink and vented our irritations from the day, before coming home and relaxing in my room. If the 4 of Wands represents feelings of calm and security, then it is how I felt in those last hours of my day which sums up today's card.

Illustrations from The Celtic Dragon Tarot by Lisa Hunt

Cloaked in Darkness

Even though such a beautiful illustration, there is a darkness to The Queen of Passage. In the middle of the wood, she is cloaked in the silver of the moonlight.

After yesterday, the sun seems to have gone down over my blog. A couple of days ago, when I drew the Oh No! card, I mentioned possible inconveniences and disruptions. On that same day, my family noticed that the 'Sold' sign in our garden had been mysteriously changed back to a 'For Sale' one. Being a little concerned about this, they have spent yesterday and this morning, leaving messages with our agents and waiting to hear back. My dad called again an hour ago. In not getting a reply to his phone messages, he told them that he was beginning to get annoyed.

Apparently, the agents have put the sign up as a precaution. Because our buyer is setting up his mortgage from Hong Kong, they have expressed a concern around things going through smoothly and have put our house back on the market. I can't believe that they have left it this long into the process to voice their concerns or that they didn't inform us about the changing of the board. Despite the fact that my parents are desperate to not lose the house they want to buy, they have already paid £400 to their solicitor and placed a deposit for the £800 removal costs. This news has knocked them. They are both looking worried and sad, and have to wait another week to find out if everything will be ok.

The Queen of Passage takes us through this dark period. She looks to the future, holding a pomegranate, promising growth. Beside her is a kestrel, representing sight, and a raven, symbolising wisdom. We must adopt her trust in the future as we move through this period of uneasy transition.

Illustrations from The Heart of Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

Sun is Shining

As with the tarot, balance seems to be key in The Heart of the Faerie Oracle too. Where as the Lady of the Forest is concerned with the passive side of dreams and feelings, today's card, the Lord of the Forest, is about masculine drive and action. Every one of us needs the mixture of both of these characters in our life. For a while, I would say that fantasy and emotion have been dominant for me and that now is a time to take action. After not feeling like doing anything yesterday, I am glad that I pushed myself to do some portfolio work. It got the ball rolling and I am pleased with what I did.

Today is my birthday. My boyfriend stayed over last night. We watched television in bed and I opened his present and the cards from his family. He bought me a lovely ring with three of the kabbalistic names of God engraved into it. I was very touched to receive such a personal gift from him and keep glancing at it. It is very attractive, but the meaning behind the Hebrew letters and the fact that it is from him is what makes it really special.

Today has been lovely. With the sun shining, I set off to meet five friends for lunch. We met in a Mexican restaurant and I had a really nice time. Good food and company. Afterwards, a couple of the five joined me by taking the celebrations into a pub garden and we had a few drinks in the sunshine.

This evening has been quiet. My boyfriend arrived from work a few hours ago and we have just spent the time relaxing. Due to staying here last night and having to leave extra early to make his train, he is exhausted. Since I woke at the same time and have indulged in a few afternoon drinks, I am also whacked and the two of us have spent the last few hours dozing. Regardless of doing nothing particularly special, it is just nice to have him here.

Illustrations from The Heart of Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

Hiccups

I was really happy to draw The Hero yesterday. Her energy continued to sparkle well into the evening, since my parents once again managed to extend their support by doing something to help my boyfriend and I. When I look at the card, the woman pictured cuts through difficulties with conviction and confidence. Her love is what saves the day. Love and care are the weapons which my parents used to solve one of our problems.

I have to say that I wasn't as pleased to see today's faerie character. Sitting on top of a mushroom, he pokes his tongue out and looks ready to pounce. This card represents the kind of day when things just don't go how you want them to, but due to the nonthreatening look of this particular faerie, I am guessing that complications are no more than minor setbacks and can be overcome with a little patience and perseverance.

Every so often, I have days where I wish I had just stayed in bed. I might wake up feeling frustrated about my unemployment and the lack of response to my job applications, which will leave me feeling useless. Or maybe everything I say will be interpreted badly by others and I'll end up in an argument. On days like that, I have learnt that it is best to stay in my room and keep out of everyone else's way until the feelings have passed. But funnily enough, I don't feel like that today. The sun is finally shining and tomorrow is my birthday. After my emotionally dark couple of weeks, I feel a little more inspired to do things which will help move me forward. With this card making an appearance, I wondered if researching for employers to apply to may be difficult or that I might not succeed straight away with some creative work that I have been considering. My main concern is that the card does not disrupt our move of home in any way. In the last week, that seems to be have been gathering pace and the three of us are set on leaving here as soon as we can.

As I thought, today's card was one of only minor hiccups. Even though I managed to get some creative work done, I stupidly clicked the wrong button when closing the file down and lost half of the completed piece. Thankfully, I managed to pull a copy saved elsewhere together and use it in my work, so no harm done.

Illustrations from The Heart of Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

Mummy Dearest

"Think of love as a heroic force. Think of the love of a mother for her children .. Think of love that is truly unconditional. That is the single thing that truly overcomes obstacles in this world" - Wendy Froud, writing about The Hero.

I was reading a draw on another blog yesterday, where the author used the same deck that I am using here on my own, and she marveled at it's specific response to her question. When asking whether she should let her son open one of his birthday presents early, she received The Gift - a card which I also drew last week. I drew The Hero this morning. On reading the write up in Wendy Froud's book, I was amazed by how poignant it is for Mother's Day.

It's funny how we define strength. Most often, we see it as purely physical, but it is the strength inside which really gets us through. At 5' 4", and often appearing quite shy, my own mother is far more sturdy than she might seem. In fact, when my family have encountered problems in the past, both big and small, she has been the structure which has held us together. Even in silly situations. When my father and I can not do something, her persistence and patience will solve a task which eludes the two of us. Because she does not parade her achievements as so many people do, her own heroism often goes unnoticed.

Over the years, my mum has been a great strength for me and has always been the one who I have turned to first. Of course, she has had her own times of weakness, but as shown in today's card, has found the inner-strength to help her win through. When we left London some twenty-three or so years ago, she left her friends and job for the love of my father, since his own workplace was relocating. On coming here, she took jobs which she did not enjoy at first, and through moving to a place where she knew nobody, she missed her friends. However, she never complained or whined like I did. She soldiered on. With recent problems with neighbours and our finding it difficult to sell our house, where my father and I easily fell apart, it has been her belief that has kept us going. Because she is a quiet woman who never expects thanks for the things that she does, it is all too easy to miss all that she has done for me and this family.

My boyfriend and I are splitting today up. We are spending the morning here and then travelling over to spend the afternoon with his parents. He is cooking the Sunday roast. His own mother is another woman who this card is a fitting tribute for, since her love for her husband, children, and grandchildren is what keeps her whole family alive.

Illustrations from The Heart of Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

A Kick up the Backside

In recent times, I have read a similar point of view about card reading in a few books - that when a card makes little sense, it mustn't be ignored. In the companion book to the The Heart of the Faerie Oracle, Wendy Froud says "..sometimes I'll pull a card that I just don't have a clue about. That's often an indication that it is rather important. Things we don't immediately understand or things we are uncomfortable with can often be the very things we need to look at and address at the moment".

Today's card is a bit like this. In fact, I actually considered not posting a write up for it as I wasn't sure where to start. The faerie in this illustration crouches awkwardly in front of us and camouflages herself into the tree behind her so that she is hidden. Branches grow from her back. She is literally part of the forest, and when we least expect it, she will kick out or tug at our hair as we pass. This is her pleasure.

All in all, this faerie does not sound very nice, but her job is to get our attention and ask us what it is that we are not aware of, but need to be. On asking myself that question at this moment, a kick up the backside regarding work might not be a bad thing, or the card might draw attention to recent neediness. Both might be worthy of an unexpected lash from The Hidden One.

Today was pleasant. With no hangover to contend with, my boyfriend and I stayed home and relaxed the day out. In the evening, we left my parents and six of their friends at home and went to visit a woman who my boyfriend worked with many years ago. I had not met her and he had not met her boyfriend. It turned out that they have been together for the same amount of time as we have. I really liked both of them. They were down to earth and fun to be around and it would be nice to get together with them socially again. We opted to meet them out of town. We went to a newly refurbished place by the river. It was quiet enough for us to talk, and being in the middle of nowhere, took the option of drinking too late into the night out of our hands.

Illustrations from The Heart of Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

Turning Away Temptation

Today's card is not unlike the Prince of Shadows from recent draws, since both cards deal with forms of temptation. When I awoke and saw this card, I stopped to consider where temptation might lay in my day. Knowing that I was going out in the evening, I wondered if it would lurk in the deep and dark crevices of the pub.

Today was generally pretty slow. Things I had planned to do got held up by this and that. I had cleared out sacks full of clothes, books and other stuff yesterday and they needed to be taken to a charity shop. My uncle also came to do the survey on the new house, so time was spent seeing him afterwards. Achieving little more than that, I got myself ready to go and meet my boyfriend from work.

As something different to do, the two of us accepted an invitation to see an old friend's first art exhibition. We had been invited to the private view, so we went along and caught up with him over a glass of wine. From there, we returned to a pub near where I live for a friend's birthday celebrations. We both got pleasantly caught up in conversation with friends and had a few more drinks than the couple we had anticipated, but I am glad to say that we managed to turn away from the temptation of staying out much longer than originally planned.

Illustrations from The Heart of Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

You Gotta Have Faith

I can't emphasise just how on the nose this deck has been since I started drawing with it. With each day, I have often received messages or confirmations which make sense or focus me in some way. Today's card follows on from yesterday and the last week, as it advises me to have faith.

The woman in this card wears armour. On her shoulder, we see a lion - a beast of courage and bravery - and on her head, she wears a helmet. However, her heart is left exposed. Even though the card suggests that we have belief in both our self and situations of importance, it asks us to not close our self off from experience. Even though we can be open to the opinions or criticisms of others, we do not need to let it undermine our confidence and self-worth. For someone like me, who can take things very personally, this is an important lesson.

This card could not have hit me at a better time. In the past, I have spoken with a specific agent, who has been next to no use to me at all. I applied for a job through him today and he called back, being brutally honest about gaps in my experience and the work for which I am applying. Did it hurt? Yes. Did it help? Yes, it did. I listened to his advise and I will spend this afternoon using it to my advantage.

In this experience, I left my heart open to this man's words. Even though he was no more than bull and hot air in the past, his honesty and knowledge was of benefit to me today and I absorbed it. I am still wearing my armour and will continue to as I battle towards employment.

Illustrations from The Heart of Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

Nuts

"The future is coming and will soon be the present. There isn't anything we can do to stop that from happening but we often fear what the future holds. This uses up a lot of energy. You can use the same amount of energy thinking that something good is coming, as fearing the worst" - Wendy Froud

I am relieved to not see the Prince of Shadows again today. Yesterday, a guy whom I once had a thing with many years ago made contact again, asking why I had not responded to his previous messages from the last few months. Like before, I didn't answer, as I don't want to become involved in a disalogue with him. As he is the kind of man who teeters on the edge of being a bad boy to some degree, I wonder if it is he who the card was highlighting.

Today, I am pleased to recieve a brighter card - The Joy of the Future. Out of all that I have drawn from the oracle so far, I would say this has been my favourite. A young faerie is shown holding two nuts. They are capable of turning into trees and hold future possibilty within them. The characters around her, except one, have equally forward-thinking and joyful expressions.

But what of the mournful young man in the corner? Remind you of anyone? In recent times, I wouldn't blame you if you said that he reminded you of me.

This card asks me to look to the future with joyful antisipation, rather than dreading the worst. Like the unhappy soul in the corner, I approached last weekend and that which comes after with fear and worry. What I should have done is think about the metaphorical nuts which I hold. One represents the skills which will soon get me a job. The other symbolises the relationship I have with my lovely boyfriend, who I will soon build more of my life with. Worrying about what will come closes more doors than it opens, so for today, I am going to try my best to dispell all negativity and concentrate on these seeds of growth and potential that I hold for the future.

Illustrations from The Heart of Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

The Bad Boy

When I drew this card before, it's darkness mirrored the greed of the couple we are buying our house from, but for today, I am unaware of where this prince sits. What I can tell you is that he is the undisputed bad boy of the faerie realm, so caution and resistance is needed when he puts in an appearance.

To be honest, bad boys are not really my thing. I have friends who find them enticing and I know a good few myself, but at this age, I find that kind of stance a tad wearing. Bad boys are no more than silly kids who don't know how to grow up and are scared shitless of responsibility. Who in their right mind would back a horse like that?

This prince has a seductive look in his eyes. Even though he knows I am not interested, it doesn't stop him. In fact, men like this enjoy the challenge of trying to hook the uninterested catch more than taking advantage of those who will quite readily lay down on their back in front of them. This guy is about that point of our life where resistance is near enough futile and he sits patiently and waits for his prey. He knows that if he waits around long enough, he might just find a moment of weakness to pounce on.

I see this card as one of temptation. In a very similar way to The Devil in a tarot deck, he does not always have to represent a person - he might symbolise things which tempt us unmercifully on a daily basis, such as food, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, or sex. He might be the possibility of an affair, an expensive dress in a shop window, or a bar of chocolate at the bottom of your drawer. When we make an exchange with the Prince of Shadows, we bypass resistance and take a step into the darkness with him. This card may very well be telling us that we are out of balance.

I am not entirely sure how this card figures in my day, since I have little to tempt me at the moment. Being part of a dark few weeks, I must not be too complacent. You never know what is round the corner, and having an addictive personality, the slightest worry could provoke my craving for any one of my own personal temptations. If the Prince of Shadows depicts a person in my day, then I need to keep my eyes open for either the tempter or the tempted in my own social circles.

Illustrations from The Heart of Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

The Egg of Wisdom

In this card, the masked figure approaches us with something. Even though Froud's accompanying book says that she holds an egg of wisdom, I cannot see it in the illustration. Whether seen or not, the card represents a genuine gift. For today, this faerie asks me what I have learnt from recent times.

Today was quiet. My boyfriend's friends began their drive back up North this morning. Even though sad to see them go, it was nice for he and I to spend the rest of our day alone together. The weekend had been busy and very sociable, so we kicked back this afternoon with a small visit out and a long afternoon nap in my room. When we awoke, it was dark.

So what have I learnt? The last handful of draws with The Heart of Faerie Oracle have really dug deep for me. They have both asked questions and provided protection as I have moved through the past week. The gift I have received is clarity, understanding, and an appreciation for the things I have and the people in my life. Without the difficult moments of previous days, I might not have recognised the reward of such trials on this particular journey.

Illustrations from The Heart of Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

The Piccolo Player

Many years ago, probably when I was a teenager, I remember being in London on a cold Winter's day. My friend and I had been driven up town by her parents and had parked somewhere near to The National Film Theatre. As we returned to the car that afternoon, from somewhere in the background of the buildings, I could hear the haunting tones of a distant piccolo player. Even though it has the vibrant Thames as a backdrop, the area we were in was concrete and grey. The sound of the piccolo changed it's atmosphere and energised it's drab and soulless palette. Today's card is about finding this kind of energy in places, situations, and people that we might feel little connection to.

Yesterday's card was very important for me, since the flight of Pan symbolised my movement out of darkness. After feeling pretty emotionally bogged down with stuff in the last week or so, certain things had become lodged in my insecurities. I had been worrying about things which might never happen and it had begun to make me feel ill, so I took advantage of yesterday's card and located that part of me which I had somehow lost.

As much as the card helped me to behave as the sprite would, the card of Pan also represented my move away from the shadow of the past few weeks. I approached one of my problems head on and realised that I had been thinking irrationally and unnecessarily. I can see how previous cards were pointing in that direction. The faerie in the Prick Up Your Ears card suggested I may be jumping to conclusions. The character in The Big Behind asked me to check out my past for answers. In this one situation, I should really have done that and trusted the people I had doubts about. I accept that I had not been thinking straight recently, but am feeling much better today.

My boyfriend and I are spending the weekend with his friend and her new boyfriend. They arrived yesterday afternoon, and after meeting the boyfriend for the first time, we went out locally to meet a handful of my old mates. Everyone got along really well and we took the evening on to a late bar. For once, we left at a respectable time and got some sleep in before today.

The four of us travelled into London today. It was sunny, but freezing cold. We spent some time in Soho having lunch, and the remainder of the afternoon in Covent Garden. By the time we got home, we were all very tired and indulged in a Chinese meal.

Today's card is The Song. Like the piccolo player from my teenage years, this card looks for soul in the soulless and connection for the unconnected. Even though I had not necessarily wanted to go into London today and was a world apart from one of the people I met there, this card is about locating some kind of energy in a world of opposites or finding a song in the seemingly songless.

Illustrations from The Heart of Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

To Fly with a Sprite

After my last few days, and thoughts around how this big weekend will unfold, I must admit to feeling slightly nervous when pulling a card this morning. I have developed a slight unease around the Prick Up Your Ears card and was hoping that she would not turn up again. Even though the card suggests jumping to conclusions, I think that in some situations, it's need for attention to detail can also represent a listening out for things which are actually pretty important. My reason for feeling uneasy around the card is down to the more sinister side of those things we might observe.

Thankfully, I pulled The Pan card. Even though the interpretation for this card is actually quite positive, I cannot help but notice the almost hidden faces from within the tree. These concern me a little. There is a dark edge to them, even if they do not prevent the young and golden figure of Pan from souring into the sky. Even though I still feel as though the tree of darkness has a hold on me, I feel positive about my ability to leap from it's clutches today.

There are eight sprites in this deck, of which this is one. We are told that they are young and joyful, and offer encouragement. This particular one knows that the next step, how ever scary in my eyes, is a necessary part of the journey and requires courage. In the accompanying book, Wendy Froud says 'When things seem daunting, when the future looks terribly uncertain, borrow bravery from Pan. Remember his joyous flight and let yourself take that first step toward whatever awaits you'.

My conversations with two friends intertwined yesterday, as both provided me with similar words of encouragement. They both highlighted those parts of me which I have lost sight of in the past week or so, but which I need to try and let fly with the spirit of Pan today.

Illustration from The Heart of the Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

There's a hole in my Bucket

A faerie cheekily bends over and smiles at us from between her legs. Upside down, she sees us from a different angle. Choosing to not look ahead, she glances back at where she has been instead.

Just when my emotional state seems to be taking a turn for the better, it crashes and spills again for all to see. Rather than try to hide this, I am accepting that I am under the weather at the moment and am surrendering today by spending time at home, relaxing and trying to push away obsessive thought and worry.

Despite a few low moments yesterday, I had some nice times. My friend generously took another mate and I to a restaurant in the afternoon and we had a lovely meal. On either side of that, we shopped, had coffee, and laughed. Even though I was not feeling very well, I enjoyed the time with my good friends.

In the evening, my boyfriend came over. He really is good for me, and I hope that he feels that I support him in the same way. Due to how I was feeling, I didn't want to spend another night alone, so he took me back to his. In times of vulnerability, you can really tell where you stand with people. He is very patient and calm with me and filled in as many of the leaking holes in my emotional bucket as he possibly could. From previous experience, I know that I will bounce back from how I am feeling soon, but it is really good to know that he is willing to provide a crutch for me at a time like this. If anything, my brief period of weakness has made our relationship stronger.

So what of The Big Behind? She demands a few things from me today. Not unlike the Prick up Your Ears card from the other day, she asks me to re-evaluate and look at things from a different perspective. She also suggests that I temper my fears of the future by leaning on and taking strength from my very recent past.

Illustration from The Heart of the Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

Solid as a Rock

"Be strong in your convictions, but gentle in the manner in which you present them, and you emulate the Green Woman" - Wendy Froud

When I first looked at this card on pulling it, I felt a likeness to the much debated tree in my back garden. The Green Woman's neck looks strong like it's trunk, and from it grows ivy and deep rooted wisdom. She raises her head in strength and confidence, but is gentle and careful in her movement.

Even though not completely out of the woods, I feel better than I did yesterday. After meeting friends, I had a bit of a wobbly moment in a shop and everything came apart at the seams. My two friends were very supportive and we had a good talk over a cup or two of tea. Things have got on top of me lately and I have been finding it hard to see clearly from beneath the pile. As suggested by yesterday's faerie, I went in search of the truth regarding a worry and my mind was put at rest.

I didn't see my boyfriend last night but he called. Even though he has his own bad days, his love and care supports me when I have needed it. In the last six months, like the tree in my garden, we have had to weather a storm or two. I tried my best to support him through the loss of a friend and he has been there to lift my spirits at every step of this leg in my journey. As he said last night, in our partnership, we are solid. This makes me feel good about our future together.

The Green Woman rises above the forest. Her knowing glance reassures me as I embark on today. The faint traces of grey in her hair show maturity and she deals with her worries, like an adult, in the best way that she can. She advises me to be strong and firm, but delicate in approach. I am being picked up by a friend in an hour's time. Another friend and I are helping her choose some shoes for a wedding she is going to, so my search for a job can wait until this afternoon. She has told me that she will treat the three of us to lunch. After not seeing him yesterday, my boyfriend is coming this evening. I am really looking forward to being with him.

Illustration from The Heart of the Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

The Conclusion-Jumper

I awoke early this morning as I couldn't sleep. Something was going around in my head all night and I just couldn't shake it. It was down to something I heard yesterday.

I did a small reading last night before bed and today's card was part of it, so I was not entirely surprised to see it show up again this morning. The illustration shows a faerie with the large ears of a rabbit. As the title of the card shows, her ears are erect and open to the sounds of the forest. What the card asks is whether she is being over-sensitive to those things around her. Does she jump to conclusions or is that which has been picked up valid?

I don't want to go into too much detail about the nature of what I heard yesterday, but it has played heavily on my insecurities. Do you ever have fears which come back to haunt you over and over again? Well, this is connected to one of mine, and even though I would like to think that my pricked up ears have made something out of nothing, deep down, I am scared that they have not. I guess you could say that I am like the faerie in this card. I am very sensitive, and in recent times, my sensitivity has become heightened. I don't always get things right. In fact, sometimes I have to force logic to override those things which I only 'feel' to be true. But on many occasions, my intuitions have proved to be second to none and I have learnt to trust them. Have I pieced the puzzle together incorrectly this time or are my concerns worthy? As much as this is the card of the 'conclusion jumper', I don't want it to ease me into a false sense of security.

It might be that I am making a mountain out of a molehill. Knowing myself and appreciating this card, I probably am, since this whole concern does not necessarily need to impact my life. For me, this card suggests that I find the truth and make sense of my muffled hearing soon. Even though I might feel painfully daft in airing that which worries me, I am hoping that clarification will ease my mind for the better.

Illustration from The Heart of the Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

The Procession

The Elven Knight tramples through the forest on a mission. He is heavily armoured, and from him, something is radiating. Whatever it is, it pulls the other characters of the forest to him and into the procession. Apparently, the image suggests that any one of us who is mesmerised by and chooses to follow this knight into the faerie realm may find it difficult or near impossible to return to our world again.

After yesterday's disappointment, things changed once again. I pretty much thought that they would. Because I believe that the couple who own the house we want to buy invented a rival to try and get more money out of us, I wasn't surprised when the phone rang just fifteen minutes after my dad had declined matching the higher offer. The lady said that they had reconsidered and had decided to go with our original offer as we would be less complicated buyers. More likely, I think they realised that their plan hadn't worked and were not expecting us to pull out of the sale altogether when challenged.

We went to visit the house yesterday evening, and they appeared embarrassed by the day's events. Even though things were a little different from how I remembered them on the first visit, all three of us liked the property again. It is homely and I can imagine living in it. Just before we left to go there, our neighbours children and their friends were in the garden next door. As it was the first day of Spring and sunshine, they were in a frenzy - screaming and fighting. The noise goes right through me and reminded me of how our desire to move began. I may have had my reservations about the 'new house' at first but I really want to leave this one before the Summer. Aside from the discomfort of living next door to people we no longer get on with, I don't know how we would find another buyer with their inconsideration and noise to combat.

The Elven Knight is a powerful force and motivator. I hope that we are now in a position to go forward with our move and that there is no further obstacles ahead. The couple said that they were happy to make it a quick move and would need only four weeks to vacate the property. The Elven Knight has a darker connotation for me. As things have not been going in my favour of late, he also symbolises a procession into the darker areas of lethargy and sadness. I told my boyfriend last night that if I didn't find work soon, I would surely burst into tears. This move to a new home might be the procession I need to lift my spirits and inspire a new start.

Illustration from The Heart of the Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

A little extra help ...

After this morning's daily draw, I have tried my best to inject laughter (or at least, a carefree attitude) into whatever today has brought. This has worked and I am really thankful to the card for helping me to do this. I have decided to draw one more card for guidance, as something has come up that I could do with a little understanding and clarification around.

As most of you know, due to falling out with our neighbours, our house is on the market. About four or so months ago, my parents found a house that they really liked but could not financially stretch to. Since then, we have found our own buyer and verbally agreed a price. Our agent contacted the owners of the other house to see if it was still available and at what stage it was at. It turned out that the house had been reduced in price and was now a possibility for us. The couple who own it told our agent that if my parents can match the new reduced price, it is ours. In my last few posts, I have mentioned my own reservations, but as this weekend passed, I got used to the idea that I might be moving there.

The agent called my mum today. He passed on a message from the couple, who have said that due to the interest of another buyer, they are raising the price again. They said that if my parents can match it, they will sell to them. I don't think that they will be able to do this, so it would seem that we are now out of this race. We were meant to visit them for another viewing this evening, so that further arrangements could be made. My dad is not home at the moment, but I know he will be pretty angry and disappointed by recent events.

I have pulled The Prince of Shadows from the faerie deck, which is strange because he already skipped from the pack while shuffling. This prince is young and handsome and glances over his tattooed shoulder. Sitting amongst the darkness he makes me feel a little uneasy, and I am guessing that his shadow nature might be less than honest. I don't believe that the couple who own the house really have interest from another buyer. I think that they are trying their luck. If this is true, then I think it is a pretty low way to behave.

This card indicates darkness and seduction. Because my family want that house, this couple are able to play tricks. This card tells me that they are being dishonest and that we need to be careful. What we see on the outside is not necessarily what lurks beneath. As my boyfriend just said, it will now become a battle of wills. We can do nothing more than sit tight as I am pretty sure we cannot pay the extra. And why should we? It would seem that the couple have shot themselves in the foot out of greediness.

Illustration from The Heart of the Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud

Shrug your shoulders and laugh!

"Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and you weep alone" - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

In the book which accompanied the first Faeries' Oracle, Jessica Macbeth encouraged the user to form their own relationship with the cards before reading a word of her interpretations. I found this to be quite invaluable when connecting with the pack. The same thing does not seem to be suggested in Wendy Froud's book for this deck, but I am going to try and work with my own impressions as much as I can before checking the lovely hardback book which comes with the set.

After not seeing much of yesterday, it is really warming to witness the sun and a blue sky today. As my boyfriend said in a message to me this morning, "It should lift the spirits a bit".

And that is how I am choosing to view the card. This faerie is about joy and laughter. She doesn't take life too seriously, and when I view most situations from that perspective, a load is lifted from my shoulders. There is more than one way of looking at stuff. A few things got to me at the weekend. The problems with our neighbours being just one. At the time, fueled by wine, I was resentful and angry. But looking at it through the eyes of the Queen of Laughter, should I really let such nasty and twisted people get me down? Of course not. If we move to a house and area which we like, then the last laugh will surely be ours.

It may seem a little depressing, but nobody knows what is round the corner. I may have moments where I feel down about my unemployment or recent health problems, but what will happen next? When something really bad happens, we often look back to times like this and realise that things were really not so bad after all.

For today, this card is about shrugging my shoulders and not letting other people or situations control my mood for the worse. If we can find it in ourselves to laugh rather than cry, then shouldn't we? Laughter can be passed on through people like a chain of falling dominoes. I am glad that I have drawn this faerie. I have some portfolio work to do and will see my boyfriend this evening. The card has already helped me to feel the joy in those things I have.

Illustration from The Heart of the Faerie Oracle by Brian and Wendy Froud