A Slave to Sleep

In some kind of cell, a half-naked man kneels on the floor. He has been cuffed, chained, and his movement has been restricted. He bows his head, unable to move. He is entirely under the domination of some influence or person. Once again, I have drawn from the suit of Shadows.

My boyfriend and I got up early this morning, as I needed to visit the Job Centre. For the last couple of days, I have been feeling lethargic again. As I walked around town this afternoon, I became a slave to tiredness. After getting back, we did our chores as quickly as possible, and then relaxed in front of the television. I wanted to spend some more time drawing, but I soon became chained to the dominance of a much needed nap.

As my boyfriend has this week off of work, we have a few things planned. We visited his cousin yesterday, taking his young niece along for the journey. Tomorrow, we are going to see his nan, and on Friday, my friend and her daughter want us to all go to the beach. The only thing which is holding me back from enjoying all of these activities is my fatigue. I hope that I can shift it as soon as possible. I have been reading a book called The Green Witch by Barbara Griggs this afternoon. It is a modern compendium of the domestic use of herbs and has suggestions for relaxation and ways of combating fatigue naturally. I will see if any of the ideas are practical enough to put into practice.

Illustration from Archetypes and Shadows by Chuck Speazzano

Cheating Myself

This combination stretches far into my past and plays on one of my biggest insecurities - that of being cheated on. To my knowledge, none of my previous partners have ever been unfaithful to me, but it doesn't stop it from being one of my biggest fears. I trust my boyfriend, as I trusted the last man I had a long relationship with, but on finding an old journal from around twelve years ago the other day, the same insecurity plagued me then too. I was surprised by how my worries had hardly changed in all that time.

I was talking to someone with the same fears last week. I was suggesting that when we don't feel good about ourselves, we can't understand why anyone else would be attracted to or interested in us. This is certainly true for me in recent months, as my confidence has been down and I have felt as though the way I look has declined.

For me, the Orphan is about losing stability and strength. In her nightdress, the young girl in the illustration is out alone in the moonlit night. As she enters a wood, eerie trees unfold their branches above her. She has no shoes on, looks scared, and is vulnerable. All of the power is in the hands of the magician, who graces the Cheat card. He holds cards up his sleeve and the mask on the woman behind him mimics his manipulative streak. It is him that I am scared of, because I know that another's cheating will leave me feeling emotionally alone in the wood like the little girl.

My boyfriend has tried to reassure me that he is not that kind of guy and I have had absolutely no reason to believe otherwise. But due to my deep-rooted insecurities, it doesn't stop me from worrying or sometimes feeling suspicious, as I used to with my equally-faithful ex. The irony in all of this is that without anything negative even happening, I am putting myself into the wood with the young orphan for no reason. In that sense, I am cheating myself. As I told my friend, we are wasting and could destroy our good relationships by continually fearing the worst.

Illustration from Archetypes and Shadows by Chuck Spezzano

Earnership

When I begin to work with a new deck, it isn't always so easy to connect with it straight away. Especially when we are feeling around in the dark and devising our own meanings, as I am with this one. I began to read Spezzano's book on my train ride back from London, but did not gel too well with his ideas or the religious undertones in the text. Instead, I am using the images and titles as they strike me at the time of drawing, with little rules. Since I am spending the next 9 full days with my boyfriend, I will ask him for his thoughts and feelings about the cards as I draw them too. Two heads might be better than one.

For today, I have drawn two more cards from the suit of shadows - the Devil and the Thief. When I look at the Devil, I think of temptation. He reminds me of the old Tom and Jerry cartoons, where Tom would have both a devil and an angel on his shoulders and would need to choose between them. Like the Devil, the thief thinks only of himself and his own physical gratification. I am not entirely sure how these cards fit into my day, since they provide a probably harsher slap around the face than I feel I might need.

I had a really nice morning with an old friend who I havn't seen in a couple of months. I met her and her young son in town and we went for coffee. Afterwards, we wandered around for a bit and looked in the shops. Even though my finances have plummeted once again, I couldn't resist a book I stumbled across on our travels - 'The Kabbalah Code: A True Adventure, by James F. Wyman.

Thinking about it this evening, the cards encourage me to think about my spending habits. Even though interesting, the book was a temptation that I could have left on the shelf. I don't spend an awful lot of money generally, but I do like the odd fix - be it a new deck or book. In terms of the amount of money I have coming in, it might be argued that it could be spent on something more useful.

I am not a thief, but the card does make me think of my morning. My friend bought my coffee. She usually does and is very generous. Similarly, my boyfriend has been paying for my train tickets and a lot of my food over the past week. Even though I have always shared what I have got, whether a little or a lot, receiving more than I give or have earned often leads me to feel like a thief of sorts. Especially when I do spend some of my money on myself, as the Devil encourages me too. Thinking in this way, I gave my boyfriend some money for last night's food (we ordered a takeaway) and will take something for my friend tomorrow, as a contribution to the barbecue she is having. I try to repay my boyfriend for the things he so generously and so often gives me as much as I can. When I can't, I try to do other things. Since he spends his days at work and the majority of his spare time with me, he doesn't have lots of time for domestic chores, so before spending the day with his sister yesterday, I cleaned and tidied his room from top to bottom. He seemed happy that I did.

Illustration from Archetypes and Shadows by Chuck Spezzano

Checking Finances

While in London yesterday, I stumbled across a deck that I hadn't seen before. As I browsed through Watkins (of Cecil Court), I found an open sample of the Archetypes and Shadows set by Chuck Spezzano, PhD, and was immediately taken with the artwork. I flipped through just a handful of the cards and left the shop. Because it was only a sample deck and no other copies were on show, I thought that they probably wouldn't sell it.

After looking round the market near Seven Dials, I popped into Mysteries in Covent Garden. There is a great lady who works there, and whenever I drop in, we can spend up to an hour chatting about decks and looking through the new samples she has received. The Spezzano deck was there too, and she had many good things to say about it.

The deck is divided into two halves. In my understanding, one stack (of 45 cards) is connected to the higher-self, and the other (of another 45), is concerned with our shadows. One method of using the cards is to pull a shadow, and then take an archetype card from the other pile, and find a way of dealing with and eventually getting rid of the problematic shadow. Therefore, the deck, in it's entirety, is made up of contrasting cards. The woman who sold it to me said that everyone in the shop had had a go at doing this when the deck came in, and most were gobsmacked by it's accuracy. There are some pretty hard-hitting cards in the set, which some could find offensive on the surface, but I think the intention is for them to be interpreted with a little more depth. The accompanying book goes into further detail about each card, but I have chosen to go it alone without it, as I think doing so will benefit me more.

In using the deck as a whole, I pulled the Villain and the Miser today, which are both from the suit of Shadows. I could not help but notice how the handsome young man on the left is eyeballing the miser's coin. Like the mice in the illustration, who gnaw at the ropes on the boxes, he has made a decision to take that coin for himself, with no thought for the person who owns it.

I see two people in these cards. One does not care to share and the other wants to take for himself, without permission. I am not a miser, but at the moment, my finances are tight, so these cards have provoked some concern around my bank account. I am yet to check it, but will later, to make sure that everything is as it should be.

Yesterday's second-interview went well. Even though I was nervous as it got nearer, the Head of Childrenswear was nice and I was in there for over an hour. She seemed happy with the level of my work and we agreed on a lot, but she still wants to set me one last project when she comes back from her trip to the far East. I am fine with this, but of course, it means even more waiting.

I enjoyed my time in London and met up with a friend afterwards. Because it was so hot, we took some takeout coffee to a small park and chatted for an hour. Most of the West End were drinking on the pavement outside pubs or had laptops set up in the street for the England match, and while in Mysteries, I heard the roar of hundreds of people as the first and only goal was scored. With the Archetypes and Shadows deck under my arm, I hotfooted it down to Victoria to catch my train before the game finished and the fans joined me in their varying levels of jubilation.

The heat of yesterday stayed for today. Rather than going back home as I planned, I spent the day with my boyfriend's sister, his brother's girlfriend, their children, and another family friend, and we sat outside the front of the house for lunch. I enjoyed their company and gave myself the chance to relax for a little bit, thinking I deserved it after the work I'd put in on the run up to yesterday's interview.

Illustrations from Archetypes and Shadows by Chuck Spezzano

The Mirror

"What is the true nature of my doubts?"

It's funny how one can buy a deck, dislike it instantly, but then look at it afresh a year later, and see it in entirely a different way. Today's illustration is from the Yoga Tarot by Adriana Farina. When I first bought it, my friend and I had enrolled on a course of Yoga and were going weekly. Eager to find the postures we were studying in the pack, my enthusiasm was dampened by the lack of information about them in the accompanying book, and what seemed to be quite flimsy and brash artwork. However, in looking at it today, I appreciate it for all of the reasons I disliked it before. The artwork is simple, colourful, and refreshing; and much reward has come from looking through my library of books this morning and locating the postures, hand mudras, and meaning behind some of the decks symbolic references.

For today's card, the 5 of Swords, a man has wrapped his legs into the Lotus position (or Padmasana), and supported by his hands, bends forward to see his reflection in a pool of water. Because this posture symbolises the intuitive search of man, through the deep and heavy depths of the water, he is encouraged to look into the more negative side of his soul and doubt.

My second interview is tomorrow. Before I leave, I need to do some research on upcoming trends and visit the London stores in the morning. I have prepared a project for my interviewer, but am already concerned that the content is not right and am worried about what I will say in the interview. My biggest concern is around how I will make my last few years sound busier than they have been. Even though I have been involved in some creative work, I am going to have to make some very small molehills into mountains.

This card is traditionally about defeat. Unlike other versions of the card, I feel that this illustration looks at the ways in which we can drag our self down before anyone else has had a chance to. In terms of the opening question, I think that my doubt resides in the past. Previous experience has brought about a fear for the future, due to past failure and criticism from both employers and tutors. This weighs heavily on me as I go for this job.

As an exercise, I turned the card 180 degrees and looked at it again. In it's reversed position, the worry and doubt that I feel is mirrored by light and positivity instead, rather than the dark and foreboding pool of water on first view. The face that looks back from the man's reflection now shows all of the things he is worthy of, rather than dwelling on the things that he feels he is not.

Illustration from The Yoga Tarot by Adriana Flarina

The Sketchbook

I really like this High Priestess. Many years ago, I remember reading a book by Carolyn Clare Townsend, whose basis of teaching is centred around this card. The author suggests that one should choose a deck which has a priestess they are comfortable with and that the card should be of primary importance when buying a pack. She writes "In learning to trust her, you are actually learning to trust yourself; your intuition, your gut feeling".

This priestess is calm, in both colouring and manner. Her face is soft and gentle. Her eyes are watery and her delicately painted lips remain shut. I would go as far as saying that she is one of the most beautiful of all the priestesses I have seen. She is definitely one of the more welcoming, so as things go, she is scoring pretty well on Ms Townsend's spiritual score sheet.

In her right hand, this particular priestess holds the key to our unconscious. On her lap, is a book. At first, I couldn't tell if it was open or shut. It reminds me of my old sketchbooks from art school. For a year or so, I used to keep a couple of brown hardback books of a similar size for my research. Everything used to go in them. If I bought a postcard from a gallery, I would tape it inside. If there was a photo from a magazine, an interesting ticket from a day out, a doodle, a garment ripped from a fashion supplement, or an interesting swatch of fabric, I would do the same. After a couple of years, like the book on the priestess's lap, they were full to the brim and wouldn't shut properly. They were not something I could carry comfortably, but with their breaking spines, I did my best to keep them with me during study, because they became my very own ideas bibles and are something which I still refer back to today. The book that the High Priestess holds reminds me of my old battered books from college, since it contains all of her own personal research and is the guide that she continues to base her decisions on. Despite it being a physical object, it is a symbol of what is inside her - a sketchbook where mood and inspiration lay before manifestation.

For today, The High Priestess is about hunches. It is about those things which are felt, rather than known. This woman encourages us to draw on our intuition and refer back to our own symbolic book of research. As Townsend says, when we lay trust in her, then we believe in our own feelings. But this is not always an easy thing for me to do. One of the reasons I started to take medication recently was down to my being irrational. I was believing and worrying over some really silly things, so in that sense, the card is a warning for me to try and balance out what I feel with a little reality. This could be the ill-dignified aspect of the card.

Today has been about plans. I have been looking towards next weeks interview, and also my weekend with my boyfriend. His sister has planned a get-together for the England game tonight, so I will be going over a little later to join her and twenty-odd other people. I am not a football fan, but I have some cans of Guinness to see me through the worst of it, lol. My boyfriend's parents are off on a cruise, so after tomorrow, we will have the house to ourselves (plus their dog) for the next few weeks.

Illustration from The Dark Angels Tarot by Luca Russo

Tied

In the 8 of Swords, an angel hovers amongst a clouded sky. Some kind of fabric has been used to bind his upper arms, like bandages. It restricts his movement and keeps him in place, as swords float around him, creating the illusion of barriers which cannot be passed or overcome.

This card turns up when we are feeling stuck or unable to move. Because it involves the mind, it might suggest low self-esteem or a problem with speaking up about something important. If you look carefully, the angel holds a dagger in his left hand. Couldn't he just cut through that which binds him in one swift move? Of course he could. But without the self-confidence and belief needed to do so, he remains immobile.

Yesterday afternoon, I finally got a date for my second interview and will go and see the Head of Design next week. Even though this is good news, after I had taken the call, the doubt began to set in. I started to worry about my abilities and whether I would be able to get through the interview. There are gaps in my career which I need to try and plug up in as convincing a way as possible. This makes today's card quite apt. Like the dagger in the angel's hand, I know I have the skills and background to do the job I have applied for, but due to such a long period of unemployment, my lack of confidence is keeping me tied up in a knot.

Illustration from The Dark Angels Tarot by Luca Russo

Something's Got to Give

The angel in the 2 of Pentacles holds two discs. I say that she holds them, but on closer inspection, the left one appears to be hovering over her right hand as she makes her way towards the doorway. I like this figure a lot. Her eyes show perfect concentration as she keeps her pentacles balanced in the air.

This card kind of describes how life is for me at the moment. Aside from everything being up in the air, the card shows how things are ticking along with no major disturbances. I am glad that things are no worse, but they are still yet to get better in the physical realm - be that in finance, work, or health. I am fortunate enough to be secure, warm, and fed, but I am still waiting for an opportunity to strike out and gain some independence.

But as well as providing a commentary on my life's current state, the 2 of Pentacles can also bring a lighter message to my door. It is a card of being able to maintain a balancing act. Even though some of us may be good at multi-tasking or juggling our responsibilities, we sometimes need to make the odd sacrifice to keep our pentacles afloat along the way. Because I didn't make yesterday's birthday lunch, I agreed to see my friend this evening. However, due to us both having reasons to cancel yet again, we have had to postpone our getting together until next week. Something had to give. As suggested in the pamphlet that comes with the Dark Angels Tarot, by Lillie, not everything can be taken through the dark gateway in Russo's illustration.

Illustration from The Dark Angels Tarot by Luca Russo

The Challenge

In today's card, Strength, an angel stands at the feet of a great lion. Unperturbed by it's size, she stands tall and doesn't appear threatened, due to an unseen force from within. Physical strength is not needed to win this game. Courage, determination, and patience are the tools she needs to see her through.

After yesterday's warning from the Knight of Swords, I was pretty sure that confrontation would be part of today. While at the Job Centre, I was told that I'd need to go on a course at some point in the future, because at a certain stage, it would become mandatory. This is not something I really wanted to do. Especially when I saw the options available. But instead of reacting, I decided to take a deep breath and give the list another look. The only course of any interest is around Life Coaching. I think that it actually involves having my own life coached, rather than learning to coach anyone else. Weighing up what I had been told, I thought it might be better to volunteer myself for that one, than take what is thrown at me further down the line.

Strength is about confronting fears. With yesterday's card in mind, it is about turning around and being ready for the Knight of Swords as she arrives and brings change into my life. Even though I have been on many courses in my life, with each, my basic insecurities are challenged. It will mean travelling to a college which is not local, meeting new people, and doing something which is out of my comfort zone. In today's card, it is the unseen belief in herself that the woman uses to tackle and suppress the lion. I need to find a way of locating my own in preparation for the forthcoming life coaching course.

Illustration from The Dark Angels Tarot by Luca Russo

Rocking the Boat

For today's draw, I am using the much awaited Dark Angel's Tarot, by Luca Russo. Being quite different to decks I have been using recently, I thought it might inspire both the blog and my recent reader's block, so I ordered it last week.

Today's card, the Knight of Swords, charges into my draw. As with just one of the other three knights in this deck, this one is female. On her horse, she flies into the frame of her card and makes a startling and unforgettable impression. When this card falls into a day, I think of it as an interruption. I think of change which will need to be addressed, even if difficult.

Even though this card has shown up today, I usually see the Knight of Swords as a warning of something yet to come. This might centre around the events of tomorrow, as much as today. I need to visit both the Job Centre and my doctor in the morning, so I wonder if the card predicts news or views from either which will rock my boat. I was also set to meet friends for a birthday lunch, but due to how I have been feeling of late and my abysmal bank balance, I have cried off. I wouldn't be surprised if this card foretells a backlash from mutual friends over my decision to not attend.

Illustration from The Dark Angels Tarot by Luca Russo

Home is where the Heart is.

Today's card is from The Mythic Oracle by Michele-lee Phelan, and shows Hestia. Relating to the hearth and sacred fire, this card centres around the home and tribes. Hestia is the virgin Goddess of the sacred hearth.

It's funny that a card like this has come up today, because it is the home which is both protecting and destroying me at the moment. In one way, I am so privileged to have the comfort of my family and their security while I am not working, but on the other, being under the same roof as them denotes my lack of independence. Every day, I hear people moaning about their jobs, when all I want to do is get out there, earn some money, and stand on my own two feet again.

We are frequently reminded that home is where the heart is. In that sense, this card does not necessarily talk only about the place where we rest our head. It is about the people who we surround ourselves with and call our family. For me, this has not always been about blood-relations. I have a friend who I am not physically related to, but who I class as my sister. And I have blood-relations who I either never see or who do not really understand me. I am reminded of this today, as I pull my arms around those people who are important and push away those who are not.

Illustration from The Mythic Oracle of the Ancient Greek Pantheon by Michele-Lee Phelan

Downing Tools

For today, I have drawn a very young-looking Empress, and a grim reaper, who faintly appears from the depths of the shadows. Riding the skeleton of an animal, he holds his scythe above our heads, ready to bring it down on his next poor victim.

The Empress is as much about life, as the reaper is about death. But it would seem that her creativity and nourishment is soon to pass. After coming back from my boyfriend's this morning, I had been excited about getting down to some drawing, but it just didn't go to plan. After a few failed attempts, I downed tools. Sometimes, any amount of trying to push it doesn't work, which is where the Death card fits in to my day.

Applied for a couple of jobs that I didn't want this afternoon, and responded to a few emails. I got one from an agency, asking me to take a look at their new exciting blog, add them as a fan on Facebook, and join the fun on Twitter. I wrote back and thanked them for the links, but said I would have been more impressed with a response to my last four emails, telephone message, or the rescheduling of an interview they cancelled at the end of last year. They kind of put their necks right under my very own scythe by sending me an email about how wonderful they are. From my own experience, I am aware that they are anything but.

Illustrations from The Archeon Tarot by Timothy Lantz

What will be, will be

For me, The Wheel of Fortune is about relinquishing control. It is about taking your hands off of the steering wheel and letting someone else drive. In this case, the driver is called Fate. He takes the reigns over situations which I have no control over today.

Even though I tried to keep calm, I was on edge this morning. My parents went to see the doctor in town, since she asked my father to come and speak with her about his test results. As the receptionist usually tells you if everything is okay over the telephone, this made him worry, and by this morning, he was convinced that he had Cancer. Even though I told myself that this probably wouldn't be the case, he had pretty much convinced me too by that point, so while they were out, my coffee making and pacing stepped up a notch. Thankfully, the 'Big C' was not mentioned in his appointment today, but he is not out of the woods entirely. He has more tests and examinations to come. But for the moment, I am relieved.

The Wheel of Fortune looks at times like this, where there is nothing we can do to influence a situation. What will be, will be. I received an email about my second interview today. Once again, the lady in Human Resources apologised for how long it has taken for a date to be organised and said that she hoped there would be news soon. As with the tests, I must sit back and wait, for there is little else I can do at the moment.

Illustration from The Pictorial Key Tarot by Davide Corsi

Letters, Babies, and Surprises

Due to how I have been feeling, I needed to work with something a little less involved than the tarot today, and have chosen the Sibilla della Zingara. I lined up three duos for information about today.

As a couple, the first two cards are easy for me to interpret. A woman stands and waits for a letter. The hand in the first card dangles the envelope above her head but she doesn't see it. I am still waiting to hear about my second interview. Like the woman in the second card, I must simply sit and wait some more.

In the second set, we have Lady Fortune and a child. The child literally falls straight from whatever the vessel is that she is holding. Could this suggest a pregnancy or does it indicate the beginning of something new?

The last two cards show a surprise. They suggest that the surprise has something to do with an act of kindness. This might be a favour or some kind of generosity.

I see the second set as a new opportunity brought about by fate. At the moment, I am unaware of what this might be. I received an email about a job today, but it is in Manchester, so even though interesting, it isn't feasible.

I am also unsure of what gesture of goodwill the cards suggest. I guess that the last two situations may so far be unknown to me. In the past, even though it made no sense to me at the time, I predicted a pregnancy. It was only after a close friend had miscarried, that I realised that the cards had been spot on for the time. There may very well be an opportunity, seed, or pregnancy in it's early stages, regardless of whether I am aware of it today. Similarly, a 'good word' or 'thought' may have been spared for me without my knowledge.

Today has been quiet. After another panic-attack, I held back from taking my medication this morning. However, I did a little research later on and found out that heightened anxiety is common in the first few weeks of adjusting to my tablets. I decided to ride out that period, as my friend and doctor both recommended and took today's. The anxiety is worse at night, so I am up late, trying to wear myself out before sleep. If I am honest, I am scared to nap down just yet, as I can already feel my throat tightening. I have been here a good few times before and got through it. Knowing that I have overcome this before is the one thing that is really keeping me going. But it isn't easy.

Illustrations from the Sibilla della Zingara

Mastermind

It is strange how this particular deck seems to throw court cards at me in abundance. After explaining this to a friend the other day, I cut the deck three times, and to her amazement, a court figure came up each time. Today, I have the King of Swords.

This court appears mournful. With his head bowed, he looks toward a large dragon, who is bathing amongst a pool of fire. The animal has a baby on it's shoulder and stares back, recoiling slightly. I have never thought about it before, but is the king about to kill them? If the dragon represents uncontrolled thoughts that need order, then it could be a symbol of mastering the mind. Yesterday's card was about protecting the body. For today, this one concentrates on finding a way of shielding the mind from erratic thoughts and worry. I awoke with a very tight feeling in my throat. As something which caused a lot of distress for me as a child and teen, it was not welcome. Like this king, I am trying to find a way of dealing with it and the associations it brings.

I am glad that I went over to my boyfriend's last night. Physically, I felt better for making the effort and suggested we go for a short walk to the corner-shop in the evening. Today has been quiet. After waiting for the results, I was sad to hear that a friend's Cancer is at a worse stage than specialists had hoped. She was only diagnosed recently, after the birth of her first child. When she has recovered from her first operation, she will be returning for Chemotherapy. I will send her a few encouraging words later. I have read that people who have the support and love of people around them stand a better chance of overcoming illnesses and treatment than those who don't. Whether true or not, I will send her my love and strength.

Today's card has been pounced on by a model of the Mexican Amphithere. Having it land on the King of Swords is something of a novelty, since having no legs, it lands seldomly and only in the remotest of places. But one must be wary. Should the dragon feel threatened, intruders can be burnt to a crisp from 30 feet away.

Illustration from the Celtic Dragon Tarot by Lisa Hunt.
Model 'Mexican Amphithere' dragon from 'Dragonology Field Guide to Dragons' by Ernest Drake.

The Protector

The Queen of Pentacles is shown here as a mature lady. With shimmering grey hair, she could be my own mother, if it was not for the stern expression. My mum is much softer looking than this queen. Seated in her throne, she holds a small wand and pets a dragon. I guess that she is very fond of him, since the arms of her chair are sculpted to look like the one at her side.

I see this queen as a protector of the physical. If she does not symbolise caring for her visitors or environment, then she represents the looking after of her physical self. I think that this is why she has come to visit my draw today, since I am trying my best to work through how I am feeling. I am still exhausted, which may be connected to the new medication I am on, but I have bathed, eaten, and am planning to go to my boyfriends for the night. I think that I need to try to. Aside from making the effort to go out, Oddbod has just inflated and filled her Olympic-size paddling pool and her son has just returned with a handful of playmates. If I want to rest, staying here might not be the answer, since the extreme screaming and shouting has already begun. Hello Summer.

Perched on top of my screen is the third dragon that I have put together. He is called a Wyvern, and like the Queen of Pentacles, surveys his environment. The guide that the model comes with says that a close encounter with a Wyvern is likely to be rewarding, as they are inclined to be friendly to humans.

Today is a day to look after myself. As my doctor has suggested, getting wound up by Oddbod's lack of respect and interest for anyone but herself and her spoilt children will only result in my feeling more unwell, so I will close down my computer and go and try to relax in another room.

Illustration from the Celtic Dragon Tarot by Lisa Hunt.
Model 'Wyvern' dragon from 'Dragonology Field Guide to Dragons' by Ernest Drake.

Glimmers of Light

For today, I have drawn The Star. Like little flashes of inspiration, golden dragons zip through the night sky like stars. They represent guidance and new thoughts. Each one, like the daily horoscopes in the newspaper, present me with ideas and thoughts about how to proceed. In darkness, they present hope.

Since last week, I have not felt well. I am still suffering with the problems that I was, but the medication I have been given has totally wiped me out. I had a panic attack yesterday, and this morning, I felt drained and exhausted. My doctor told me I would feel worse before I felt better and to persevere with the drugs. I feel guilty and useless for laying about and doing nothing, but as my boyfriend said, maybe I need to just chill out and relax for a day or two.

Despite how I was feeling, my boyfriend and I spent yesterday with a friend. We took lunch and some board games to her house and watched a film. Even though I protested, they made me take a short walk out in the afternoon and we fed some ducks in a park. My friend then cooked us some dinner before we left.

I am glad to receive The Star today. Amongst the worry of feeling how I am, it presents glimmers of light. I hope that it will shine a light towards my feeling better soon.

Illustration from the Celtic Dragon Tarot by Lisa Hunt.
Model 'Cockatrice' dragon from 'Dragonology Field Guide to Dragons' by Ernest Drake.