Slowly, but Surely

It was nice to fall asleep to the rain last night. I could see the trees in the garden lit by a street light and the outlines of my newly potted plants. I could feel the breeze slipping through the window. Evenings are beginning to get that bit colder now.

I woke up early this morning, but remained in bed. A new friend popped up online and I stayed where I was for a bit and chatted to him. We discussed my next card design, and after we had finished chatting, I got on with it. It took a good three or four hours to do, but I had completed it by the end of today. The Knight of Pentacles is a steady kind of guy. He gets where he wants to be, slowly but surely. Before I got anywhere with my picture, I tried out a few other ideas which were not successful. But with this knight's persistence, rather than giving up, I persevered.

As with the last couple of Friday's, my boyfriend and I have stayed home. We have a busy week coming up. His friend and her daughter are coming to stay tomorrow, so we need to get packed up here, to meet them in the morning. From then on, we have a night out planned, a trip to the beach, and a day in London to organise. After that, we need to return here for my mum's birthday. I am a little concerned about whether I will stand up to the physical side of all of this, but am using the responsibility of the Knight of Pentacles to prepare myself for each day before it comes. I haven't drank in 21 days, so my first challenge is to drink responsibly tomorrow evening, for the sake of the days which follow it.

Illustration from The Mystic Faerie Tarot by Linda Ravenscroft

The Bucking Bronko

In today's card, The Wheel of Fortune, a young fae sits upon a wheel, but only has one leg over it. Before she has the chance to get the other one on, it may turn and throw her from it's top, like a bucking bronko. This card can sometimes be like that.

My boyfriend and I have just watched a documentary. It was about families who moved from England to the States to start a new life. In some cases, the current economy has forced many of them to return to the United Kingdom without the money they had earnt there. When the Wheel of Fortune is in play, we must appreciate what we have got, because like the fae in this card, our time at the top of the wheel might not last for much longer.

I had a nice relaxing evening at my boyfriend's last night. He bought us a takeaway and we spent the rest of the evening watching television. Because my train home this morning was cancelled and I got back that bit later, I decided to take a little walk into town. I had a few bits to get and thought it might be nice to have a rummage through some of the second-hand shops. This was when the wheel began to turn. After about twenty-five minutes, due to my diagnosed fatigue, I started to slow down. It got to the point where I had to find somewhere to sit and spent a further twenty more minutes on a bench in the light rain. I ached and was out of breath. I had to eventually abolish my mission and take a bus home.

This is a good example of The Wheel of Fortune. I had felt fine this morning when I had got up. No more than a little tired. But when the exhaustion hit me, it was like being thrown by a horse. Like the other times before, I felt hot, faint, and lacking in energy.

Having this happen today reminded me of what a friend suggested after a previous episode. She wondered if anything in the Chinese food I had had might have triggered it, and after last night's [lovely] takeaway, I am now wondering the same, on reflection.

Illustration from The Mystic Faerie Tarot by Linda Ravenscroft

The Straight Line

One of the things that my Life Coach suggested I do was balance my chakras. She told me that their not being aligned may have an affect on how I am feeling at the moment. I once had them balanced when I was in my twenties, but since then, I have done little to no more with them, so I will try out one of the guided videos I have found on YouTube in the morning.

Temperance is about balancing. In the same way as we can keep our chakras in order, it is about walking a straight line in life and trying to not veer off to either side. This might mean not reacting to situations or going over the top.

I needed to visit the Job Centre this morning. As usual, it was a picture of Paradise. Two guys were having a conversation at the top of their voices, from one end of the room to the other, while another man was threatening to punch the guy on reception in the head. When I finally saw my advisor, she told me that I would now need to sign weekly, rather than fortnightly. Even though a general pain, more annoyingly, it meant that I would be signing next Tuesday, when I am supposed to be going on a day trip-trip with my boyfriend and his best mate. Thankfully, I managed to sort it out with the Job Centre over the telephone and can sign a couple of days later instead.

The rest of today has been spent drawing. I managed to slot a nap in between going out and working on my designs, which emphasises the Temperance card for me. I neither slept all afternoon or overworked myself either.

The 6 of Pentacles is about compromise. As much as the Job Centre bent the rules for me so that I can spend the day away from here and not visit them next Tuesday, I also spoke (and more importantly, listened) to a mate on the telephone who needed a friend, since he is not in the best place at the moment.

Illustrations from The Mystic Faerie Tarot by Linda Ravenscroft

One Day

Today's cards didn't really make sense until I was seated in a cafe with my Life Coach this morning. Because the place we had arranged to meet was packed, I showed her a cafe that I sometimes go to and she was really taken with it's atmosphere. She said it was far more appropriate for meeting clients in than the chain she usually frequented. We drank tea and I showed her my new tarot designs, of which she was very enthusiastic about and supportive of.

While we were talking, these cards suddenly came to mind. Looking back at situations in my life, even though certain people like lecturers and school teachers are no longer around to drag me down, I realised that I am doing the job for them. I am proud of some of the things I have done and created, but at the same time, doubt and a lack of confidence provokes me to cut myself down to size. The 5 of Wands can be about some kind of struggle or argument, as shown in this illustration by two fae arguing over an egg, but I realise that it actually symbolises those two sides of myself here. The Ace of Swords is the realisation, piercing through the rose, as the thought pierces through this problem.

Today's session was very rewarding and I felt energised (well, as much as I can be at the moment) when I left the cafe. I really like my Life Coach and we suggested staying in contact after the sessions end. We have so many similar interests and she wants to see how my deck progresses.

I spent the rest of the day with my friend, Jo. We used to go to fashion school together many years ago and she has recently moved very near to me. We had lunch, and then walked around town until I started to get tired. She then drove me back to her new little cottage, which was just beautiful. It had a bold red door, a winding pathway, and herbs in containers on the windowsill. There was a small sheltered table and chairs by her back door, where we could sit and drink our tea, while listening to the rain tapping on the roof above. I was very happy for her, but was also wishing that my boyfriend and I lived in a place like that. One day, I hope. One day.

Illustrations from The Mystic Faerie Tarot by Linda Ravenscroft

Take Good Care of Yourself!

This is a nice positioning. The Empress is in her element as she looks over the sleeping fae. They might be open to danger if left sleeping alone, but with her protective eye on them, they are safe and can rest.

I was talking with a friend about The Empress the other day. We agreed that she is more than just a one-dimensional baby-making machine. She is strong and presides over an empire with her husband; taking pride in looking after and defending her people, which she is doing here.

The Empress is about nurturing, but this need not be as obvious as in this combined image. The card is about the physical side of life, so it could be her own body that she is taking care of. This might be about giving it what it needs - the right food and exercise, as examples. In this draw, when accompanied by the 4 of Swords, it unsurprisingly suggests that I need to give myself the right amount of rest.

One of my closest friends, Kate, came to visit today. After wanting it to rain for so long, it only started once we had decided to take her daughter to the park. Sod's law. But we didn't let it stop us. While it rained, we had tea in a cafe, and once it had stopped, we went and fed the ducks. She agreed to model for the next card in my tarot project, The High Priestess, and I photographed her under a tree in a secluded part of the park. We had dinner back at my parents later on in the afternoon and spent the rest of our time chatting. My boyfriend and I drove her and her daughter back to her parent's house around 8, which gave him and I a few hours to chill out before he went home.

Today's cards were cautionary. The Empress was asking me to look after myself. There was one point in my afternoon where I fancied a cigarette, but knowing that it only makes me feel lethargic and unwell, I managed to bypass having one. Exercise and a little bit of what I fancy may do the trick on the odd occasion, but generally, these cards are telling me that should I push things to the limit and not take care of myself, I could end up feeling exhausted and in need of time to recuperate.

Illustrations from The Mystic Faerie Tarot by Linda Ravenscroft

Avoiding Killer Hills

We are now into the season of Autumn, and to acknowledge this, I am using The Mystic Faerie Tarot, which my boyfriend [very kindly] bought for me today as an early anniversary present. By the end of next week, we will have been together for a year, even though we have known each other for that bit longer.

The Mystic Faerie is filled with Autumnal browns, yellows, and sunset reds, and feels like the right choice for me to take into this season. In recent times, I have noticed that my choices in tarot packs have leaned towards those with a focus on nature. I love sitting at the bottom of my parent's garden, spending time with animals, and paying attention to the weather, and as with my blog, this particular deck is concerned with a garden and it's inhabitants. In her accompanying book, Barbara Moore says 'Imagine yourself in a long-forgotten garden. It is overgrown and untended yet beautiful and alluring. You are drawn in and compelled to explore. A splash of colour here, an intriguing shape there. A soft leaf just asks to be touched. A spicy floral scent captures your attention. You hear a quiet sound, perhaps a bee flitting from bloom to bloom. You hardly know where to look first'. She may as well be talking about the deck of cards, as appose to describing a garden.

A couple of weeks ago, my life-coach gave me a list of questions that she wanted me to consider. When she asked how I would work with them, I told her that I would draw cards and respond to the questions in that way. So for today, the question is 'What do I have to be grateful for?'. I have drawn the Ace of Wands.

In this version of the Ace of Wands , the homemade wand symbolises a place of beginnings. For me, this is very much to do with my new creative project. I finished another card for my own tarot yesterday, and as with the others, it felt good to complete. As I think about using a relatively new internet friend and an old mate as my next models, I am feeling excited about designing some more cards. This new buzz is something I am grateful for.

My boyfriend and I are halfway through our second weekend without alcohol. His best friend is coming down next week and we are saving ourselves for her. I want to save some cash for the four days, and also want to be as fit as I can for when she comes. We went for a walk today, but I was pretty tired out after an hour of shopping. Like last week end, even though we avoided the killer hill, I was worn out when we got back, and slept. My boyfriend has been watching television this evening, so I have been reading through the background of the Mystic Faerie suits in Moore's book.

Illustration from The Mystic Faerie Tarot by Linda Ravenscroft

A Room with a View

For today, I have drawn the 6 of Diamonds and the Ace of Spades. From looking at the cards, my first observation is that they're that little bit more balanced than my draws from the last two days, since this one comprises both suit colours. The spade (or earth) sits at the bottom of the two, where it should be, and grounds the reading.

Thinking about the cards in their most simplistic form, I must refer to my draw from two days ago, when the Ace of Spades paid it's last visit. With the East Wind blowing at that time, the cards suggested that change would be slow. But here, I have been given the opportunity of a tall tower (in the 6 of Diamonds) to climb for a better view. The arrangement of the diamonds suggest as much, since they step back and provide a clear pathway to the ace. When I turned these cards, it was as though perception was shifting and change was now in our sights. Will we soon see an end to living next door to Oddbod and her pain-in-the-arse family? Or do these cards simply begin to count down the last few weeks of the kids' summer holidays?

I spent last night at my boyfriend's house. We ate with his parents and relaxed in front of the television. After another afternoon of noise here, I was glad to get away for the evening. While there, I photographed my boyfriend's mother for my next card and have been having a go at drawing it today. It has been much harder than the previous ones, so I have been going back to it periodically and doing a little at a time. When the element of fire lands on the earth, as it does in today's cards, it pretty much hits the ground running. It wants to set the world on fire. But feeling a little tired on returning home this morning, I have taken things that bit more slowly than they suggest, breaking down my job applications and the designing of my next card into little chunks, to avoid burning out.

Illustrations from The Playing Card Oracles by C. J. Freeman

Are you hiding something, La Hire?

In one of her videos about building intuition, Ana Cortez suggested that we not be too analytical about our card readings. She said that we should just let the important messages lift themselves from the table. In yesterday morning's reading, the main message concerned endings and how change would not be a quick process, due to the East Wind.

I sat here yesterday, trying to read more of Ana's book. She teaches beautifully in her online films and through the page of her book, The Playing Card Oracles. As I read, Oddbod's children were in the garden next door. Well, to be precise, there were four other children (I have no idea who they belonged to) out there with them; all bouncing on the trampoline, all screaming, and dragging one another from one side of the trampoline to the other. Oddbod's eldest, being an attention-seeker like his mother, does this thing where he chases the other kids, letting out what I can only describe as a yell of fake terror. It whips them all up into a screaming frenzy. Now have a go at trying to read Ana's book with all that going on in the background! I closed my windows and wore earplugs, but I could still hear their squeals through the barrier.

Thinking about next door took me back to the cards - the slow wind of change. Nearly a year after putting our house on the market, we are still sitting here, suffocated by the noise of those selfish bastards. People are just not making offers on our property. They are hardly even visiting it, despite the new flashy photographs in the estate agent's window. They blame the tree in our garden or the noise of the main road. They say our decor needs updating or the hallway is too dark (I wonder if they have ever considered turning on a light or decorating them self?). We are told that it's just not the best time for people to buy. If change is coming, it's not planning on getting here any time soon, that's for sure. I wanted to acknowledge this as I think yesterday's cards were highlighting this situation, as much as anything else.

So in their simplest terms, what lifts itself from the table today? To begin with, I notice that the two cards are not balanced. Both suits are red and they sink into the deep and heavy world of water and emotion. La Hire (the Jack of Hearts) is a lover. He can also stand for someone who is untrustworthy or who is hiding something. The 2 of Hearts looks at a relationship or two lovers, so these cards fit together quite well.

At first, I was a little concerned about La Hire's hidden side, since I imagined him to be my boyfriend when I turned the card over. But due to the nakedness of the second card, I figured that even though we all have our own private thoughts and little harmless secrets, the 2 of Hearts tells me that I have nothing to worry about in my relationship with him. Should he be hiding something, it may not necessarily be bad. A lover could be keeping a surprise party from his wife, as an example. Of course, these cards could be about someone else in my life, but looking at them in the simplistic way suggested, the important message is that someone is more open and receptive to me than they might seem at first.

One of the things which really stood out from one of Ana's videos was her telling us that every reading is 'perfect' - even when you lay the cards out and can't understand what they are saying, they are the perfect and correct cards for you. There has been many times in my reading experience where I have laid cards out, not had a clue what they meant to me at that time, and rather than letting these main (and possibly small) messages lift from the table, I have regrouped them and started again. Knowing that every reading is perfect lays trust in my cards and my ability to read their messages.

Illustrations from The Playing Card Oracles by C. J. Freeman

A Long Road Ahead

Despite only having five hours sleep, I feel much better this morning than I did yesterday. I was shattered yesterday morning and had to return to my bed for forty-winks, but today, even though a little tired, I feel alert and able to get on with stuff. I finished the third card from my own tarot deck before sleep last night and I think that that is responsible for putting me in good spirits. Even though I will probably go back to all of the cards and tweak them at a later date, I am satisfied with completing another for now. Nothing else fires me up in the same way as that kind of creative achievement, for I feel as though I accomplished something yesterday.

Today's cards come from The Playing Card Oracles (or The Picture Book of Ana Cortez) by C. J. Freeman. I am connected to Ana via the internet and was sad to hear that her father and the artist, C. J. Freeman, recently passed away. I have been meaning to use this deck for some time. I have had it for years, but only recently bought Ana's book. Seeing that a friend had decided on using it today, I thought that now was about time, so I have drawn two cards - the Ace of Spades and the 4 of Clubs.

As with many systems of playing card divination, the Ace of Spades (or Terra Ingognita, meaning Hidden Earth) represents change. Something needs to end, and in many cases, this will be for the better. The skull in the centre of this card is hidden beneath all of us like a ticking time bomb, which will one day be revealed.

In the second card, the 4 of Clubs, we have the East Wind. Out of the four cardinal winds, according to Greek Mythology, the East Wind was the slowest and was called on the least by Zeus. The face in this card looks as though he is out of puff; not unlike how I felt after my walk on Sunday. He is not as dramatic as his three brothers and will take time to contemplate, reflect, and prepare in all that he chooses to do.

When the East Wind blows onto the Ace of Spades, things are not going to change over night. Even though I feel more alert today, am inspired by the creative projects I am doing, and am pleased by people's responses to the work I have shown them, there is still a long road ahead. These cards advise me to take things slowly and concentrate on every detail. This is as much to do with my health as it is my work. Where as I need to make sure that every little stroke in my artwork is the right one, I must also plan ahead for the physical things I choose to undertake, so as not to be left feeling out of breath like the worn out old face on the 4 of Clubs.

Illustration from The Playing Card Oracles by C. J. Freeman

The Breath of the Storm

I am sure that I remember my parents taking me to see Superman when I was a kid. It might have been the first sequel. The part I remember is where three villains used their powers to try and blow a city of people away. If I am right, Terence Stamp was one of the three. As usual in these kinds of scenes, people are shown holding on to lamp posts, trying their best to resist being pulled into the breath of the storm. The Knight of Swords reminds me of this. He's like a great wind, twister, or the superhuman breath of one of Superman's enemies. When he is sent into our daily readings, we need to either take on his approach of unemotional and explosive force, or try our best to hang on to the nearest lamp post, as change blows into our day.

For today, I am using the China Tarot (or The Der Jen, which is it's name in it's original format). I bought it about three or four years ago and it is a deck I have used quite a bit for paying clients. In fact, I used it for a client this evening, because it's simplicity often uncomplicates readings for me. Like the Knight of Swords, it can be a breath of fresh air in the right situation.

Eager to not spend another day in differing stages of sleep, I was eager to get out of the house this morning. With little money or ideas, we took a walk to town and window-shopped. One of the nice things about my relationship with my boyfriend is that we can laugh together. And even when we are doing something as mundane as window-shopping, we make the most of the hand we are given. After an hour or so of it, however, I started to feel pretty tired. For some reason, we skipped the idea of getting a bus home and walked. My new enemy, since being diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, is the hill on my way home. By the time I had got to the top and then completed the walk to my house, I was completely done in. The backs of my feet hurt, my legs ached, I was short of breath, and just slumped into the sofa on return. I had a sleep, which I felt I couldn't do without, but when I awoke, all of my energy had gone; I felt like a shriveled up balloon with no air in it. As the evening went on I began to feel better, but I am realising that long walks and shopping visits are becoming more of a tall order. This whole thing is such a pain.

So for today, the Knight of Swords hits me in the form of exhaustion. He is brisk change. The kind that can literally knock you off of your feet if you are not expecting it. I did wonder if the card had anything to do with my energy levels when I drew it this morning, but didn't heed it's warning or prepare for his arrival, like I probably should have.

Illustration from The China Tarot by Der Jen

The Withdrawal Method

It is the middle of the afternoon and I am laying on my bed. My boyfriend is beside me. He was watching the football, but has slipped into a doze, and to be honest, I am not far behind him. I did want to create a new picture for my own tarot deck with this time, but without a model for the next illustration, I must be patient. The Hermit in today's draw is a seeker. He could be advising me to go and do a bit of research online. My new drawings are more than just their models. I need to think out my backgrounds, props, and the reasoning behind the plants and animals I use in each one. However, at this time, I think that sleep has the winning hand.

I relate to The Hermit. Especially now. I like time alone to read, rest, and create in peace. I think that some of my friends think I have replaced them with my boyfriend in the last year, but I know that I would still characteristically duck out of situations for a while every so often, regardless. It's just what I do. I see a lot of my boyfriend, but with now as an example, I don't need to entertain him or do anything more than what I want to. We can lay here for ages and say nothing, but it feels entirely natural. I can't always do that with friends, however good they are.

I spoke to one of my closest mates, Kate, this morning. We have known each other for twenty years and she is one of a small handful of friends that I enjoy talking with on the telephone regularly. I think it has a lot to do with our similarities in personality and interest. Today, we spoke for near on an hour and it required no effort at all. As far as today's card goes, I think that that will be my only bit of socialising until tomorrow. My boyfriend and I were kindly invited to a gathering this evening, hosted by the friend of a friend. The mutual mate has dropped out of going as she is unwell, and to be honest, as much as her friend is a lovely and interesting woman, it is probably just the excuse we need to knock the invite on the head. Despite not wanting to go without my mate, I didn't want a boozy night this weekend. It took me days to recover from the last. My boyfriend would prefer to chill out here too, so I will send our apologies a little closer to the time of the party.

Illustration from The Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

The Buzz

After my last run-in with this card, which I have nicknamed Lugh, I am pleased for it to turn up again. When this young man rides into my day, he brings warmth and sunshine. I always used to love taking an afternoon nap on a bed that had been warmed by the sun. Unfortunately, my room here doesn't catch the sun in the afternoon, but I do enjoy waking up to it, which is energising.

Ironically, today has been rainy. You would not believe how much I have been craving the rain. I have been itching for it for weeks, so when it started to fall this afternoon, I threw my windows open to hear and smell it. It is a shame that it didn't come yesterday, to kill the noise of Oddbod's offspring in the garden next door, but I was happy to receive it today, all the same. Apparently, there should be a storm tonight.

Regardless of the actual weather, Lugh lent his rays to my work. Since yesterday, I have completed two pieces of new artwork (see right). You wouldn't believe how good that felt. Due to feeling tired lately and losing confidence after the lost job, working on something that I enjoyed, and which has been received well by others, has produced me with a buzz and I feel very inspired to continue with the project.

Illustration from The Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

First Strokes

I have always wanted to read intuitively, but have mainly lent on the crutch of traditional symbolism over my years of reading. In particular, the Rider Waite style. But for the first time, I am beginning to devise my own meanings with this deck. I haven't completely abandoned all that I have studied, but visually, this pack is throwing out more than the bare essentials.

For example, regardless of the traditional thoughts of heartbreak, the 3 of Swords has quickly become about illness and my fatigue for me. Yesterday, it was my dad who I saw in the bowed neck of the swan, but today, the bird symbolises how I feel. I visited the Job Centre this morning (even though they had no record of my appointment) and afterwards, my boyfriend and I went to the supermarket to buy the ingredients for lunch. Walking through the aisles, I became even more tired and was glad to eventually get back to his, where I took a nap.

Even though my doctor advised me not to sleep in the afternoons, there are times where I just cant help but do so. That was what came to mind when I saw these cards together. The young merman in the second card rises from the water. When the two images are side by side, it is as though he has lifted himself from the dark mood of the first scene, like a caterpillar transforms into a beautiful butterfly. He is lighter and able to fly. With a little rest, I feel more able to lift myself out of tiredness.

The 9 of Cups is also a card of wishes and dreams for me. After yesterday's inspiration, I thought a little more about a new project I am interested in. I hope to put pen to paper tonight or tomorrow and will see where my first strokes take me.

Illustrations from The Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

The Bleeding Swan

The dragon in the 4 of Pentacles holds his coins close. Many readers see this as the hoarding of money and material objects, but it could be anything or anyone that we squeeze so tightly that they can no longer breath. It might be the card of a possessive or jealous partner, who is so desperate to keep hold of someone that they only end up driving the person further away through suffocation. The result of this may be shown in the dying 3 of Swords. A swan is left bleeding, after three swords have been thrust into it's body.

For today, I see something different to the traditional interpretations of today's cards. My father has been unwell for some time. As a man who was thrilled with all that he could do in his retirement, he is now in a position where going out and doing things is painful. He received some results this morning, which were not as positive as he hoped, and I think that they have set him back somewhat. He is having more tests on Friday, and from there on, he will hear about surgery. He doesn't know when this will be and is worried that if his operation is not before his holiday, he will be unable to do anything while away with my mum and his friends. With more concerns about the selling of our house, I see him in the 3 of Swords. I also see him as the dragon, holding on to what he does have as tightly as he can. He bleeds with worry.

I went on my second session of Life Coaching this morning. It was interesting, as before, and my coach set me some more goals, which got me quite inspired on our drive home. My boyfriend's father has been allowed to come home for four days before his operation, so we picked him up afterwards. For the remainder of our day, we spent time at my house. My uncle dropped by to see my dad, which I think probably did him the world of good, and I completed a reading for a woman live online. She is a regular client and seemed pleased with the advice given.

Illustration from The Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Piu-Mun Law

Family Ties

In recent draws, I have related my boyfriend to the Knight of Cups. Mainly due to the fact that he is the only romantic source in my life. But prior to those pulls, I saw him as the Knight of Wands. Interestingly, the other day I found a reading I had performed before we got together. I used a love forecast spread, as I wanted to know a little about my next relationship. The cards had said that I would begin my relationship in the Summer of 2009, which I did, after being single for nearly a decade. The man they predicted was depicted by the Knight of Wands.

The Knight of Wands often gets a bad wrap. This is usually down to his lack of commitment in relationships. But this is not why I associate my boyfriend with him. It has more to do with the way he approaches things. As an example, we went out for a drink last night. Like the Knight of Wands, he jumped in with both feet, and has regretted it today, by suffering a hangover.

We went to visit my boyfriend's friend yesterday evening. She was over from Ireland and we caught up with her in a social club. Even though I got along with her for most of the evening, she began to grate on me by the end of the night and we ended up having a few crossed words. Alcohol did the talking on both sides of the argument.

Even though my Knight of Wands was all out of fire today, I got up early and went to visit his sister. I spent a few hours there, drinking coffee and talking with her. Later in the day, their nan came to stay, and we had a Sunday roast. The 10 of Cups is a card of fulfillment and emotional stability. It is about the simple, but important, stuff. In this case, it is family. Before coming home here, I spent some time with my boyfriend's nieces, before they went to visit their grandad in hospital. He is still awaiting an operation.

Illustrations from The Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Piu-Mun Law

Setbacks

The Knight of Cups returns, and due to yesterday's draw, I saw him as my boyfriend once again. With The Emperor accompanying him, I wondered if there would be trouble.

My boyfriend and I do not argue. My ex and I rowed like cat and dog, and this is one of the reasons why. I am older, wiser, and more tired than I was then and I can't be bothered with all of that now. Unlike when I was younger, arguing upsets the more sensitive side of me.

My boyfriend and I didn't argue tonight, but he was tired and a little stroppy. I had arranged to see an old friend, who was in the area for a wedding, but plans changed as the night unfolded. We were meant to be seeing her tomorrow, which she altered to this evening. At first, she was coming to see us in town, but at the last minute, asked if we could take a cab to see her. In short, we didn't.

The Emperor can sober up a reading. When mixed with the Knight of Cups, he brings an alertness to today's dreamy draw. Even though we had arranged the plans earlier, my boyfriend didn't really want to go out. After a long week at work, he just wanted to stay at home and rest. When things didn't materialise in the way that they had initially been planned, he wasn't happy about taking an expensive taxi over to see my friend. Caught in the middle, I told my friend that we wouldn't be coming. The Emperor highlights my boyfriend's dominant side. On the whole, he is pretty laid back, but today's cards pinpoint the times when his word and opinion is final. I was disappointed to not see my friend, but I agreed with his reasoning.

Tonight was nice in the end. We went for a few drinks on our own and ran into two brothers we had met on our night out last Friday. However, this week, we returned at a reasonable hour. I had been shattered before getting to the pub, but the atmosphere loosened both of us up and we had a good evening. We were pleased to be out, despite the initial setbacks.

Illustrations from The Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

Tomorrow

Interestingly, when I pulled the 10 of Cups a week ago, I dragged the Knight of Cups into my post to highlight one of the details on both cards. So it's kind of nice to see them partner up again today naturally. So much water in one draw.

There is a feeling of satisfaction and completion in the 10 of Cups. The couple float together in the water effortlessly, but with conviction and intensity, as they lock into an embrace. Their eyes are closed. They lay trust in the belief that the other will still be there when they open them.

I read a comment on another blog today about the Norse god, Odin, which ties in nicely with how I feel about these two cards. The poster, Rachel, wrote 'Odin, in all his omniscience, was miserable. He knew when all of his loved ones were going to die and how. He was unable to enjoy their company because he was acutely aware of their eventual demise, and was therefore unable to enjoy their company in the here and now. To end his misery he decided to hang himself. Hanging from Yggdrasil didn't manage to drain his life from him, but it did offer Odin the opportunity to view life from a different perspective. In short, the eventual demise of his loved ones was out of his control, but what he could control was his appreciation of the here and now, making the most of what he had today, rather than being miserable over what tomorrow has yet to bring'.

Even though this lady's commentary regarded The Hanged Man, it made me think about my own life and the 10 of Cups. I have spent so much time looking to and worrying about tomorrow - waiting for when I feel healthy again, when I have money, when I find work. So much so, that it is often easy to forget about today. The serene couple in the 10 of Cups may have each other in this momentary clinch, but if it is not nurtured, it can disperse as easily as the school of fish, into the ocean.

I think that there is little doubt about who the Knight of Cups is. I would say he is my boyfriend, but generally, the two cards together beg me to look at emotional satisfaction as a whole. We went to see the joint exhibition of eight friends this evening, which was held in a local gallery. I was originally meant to exhibit with them, but pulled out at the end of last year, as it wasn't what I had wanted to do at this time. Their work looked great together and each artist had a unique and confident voice of their own. While there, we met up with a handful of my very close friends, who have become nothing short of family really, and also saw acquaintances and old mates from years past. The private view ran into an after -show party, which we stayed at for just under an hour. My boyfriend wanted to be fit for work the next day and I was feeling a little tired, so we came back to mine and spent half an hour together before he went home.

All in all, a satisfying evening? Yes.

Illustrations from The Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

The Secret Bridge

Once again, the Shadowscapes has taken my thoughts to a higher place. It reminds me of that old catchphrase for Heineken lager. It refreshes the parts that other tarot decks cannot reach.

Looking at today's cards, I see the beginnings of a journey. In the deep wood, and underneath the protective and elegant branches of the 6 of Cups, lays a bridge. When the two cards sit together like this, they join and make one image, providing a bridge from one world to the next.

In the wood, we see a small girl. She is hosting a tea party for friends. These consist of stuffed animals, but also sprites who have crawled out from the river, and even the faerie queen. In the girl's world, where imagination has no limits, even the carp in the river are not confined to the water. They appear to hover over the surface, rather than swim through it's depths.

As I mentioned this week, I have been happy in my metaphorical wood. The 9 of Pentacles already acknowledged my contentment and security, but these cards suggest a need to grow up. There is a whole new world waiting for me - one that is more real than the one I am in, where fantasy and nostalgia currently rule.

On looking at the 3 of Wands, I see the girl from the 6 of Cups. She has slipped away from the tea party, ducked beneath the branches of the wood, and stepped onto the secret bridge. She is no longer the child in the first card. She has cut her hair, adopted a more mature outfit, and holds her staff with confidence and pride. Looking around her, she sees the wands of those who stepped onto the bridge before her but returned, and in front of her is a vast landscape of opportunity. In the accompanying book to this deck, we are told that when she steps forward, the bridge builds itself. How about that for positive thinking?

For today, these cards advise that I get out of my comfort zone. Last night, my boyfriend and I picked up a job paper and went through some of the employment sites online. It wasn't easy. In the back of my mind, I was thinking about how I was wasting my skills and education by taking a different route. Maybe a symptom of the 6 of Cups. On top of that, it was obvious that I don't have the experience to side-step into somebody else's profession. However, today, these cards suggest that I need to try a little harder and take another confident step on The Secret Bridge towards employment and maturity. It's not gonna build itself without me.

Illustrations from The Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

Bend it like Bruce

"Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind" - Bruce Lee

I have never been fond of the 7 of Wands. It usually presents a confrontation which requires defence, and from my experience, this can be draining. In the past, it represented a friend's opinion about my current work situation that manifested in the form of an attack. In that instance, I could only protect myself by standing my ground, like the vixen in this card protects her young from the sniping badger.

In his biography of Bruce Lee, Fighting Spirit, Bruce Thomas speaks of the hybrid martial arts system Jeet Kune Do, which Lee founded. His response to attack is very much in line with the bamboo used for the wands in today's card, rather than the counter attack of the vixen. He says "At this level of experience, technique and strategy mean simply fitting into the opponent's movements and intentions, neither opposing any attacking force head-on with too much resistance or aggression, nor giving way completely. Pliable as a spring, the fighter becomes the complement of the opponent's energy. Understanding and experiencing the interplay of energy involved, the fighter no longer feels himself separate from either his opponent or the fight itself. He no longer opposes or struggles but simply completes his half of a single whole".

Sometimes, I can react to things too easily. Even though better now, this is definitely true of my relationship with my parents. I would always snap back if offended. In it's darker moments, the 7 of Wands is about reaction. When I woke up this morning, I didn't feel my best. On walking to the bathroom, I lacked energy and my stomach ached. When I returned to my room, my eyes filled up, wondering how I was going to deal with all of this for much longer. These worries and tears were a reaction to some degree.

I don't feel great today, but I am realising that I need to bend with my health problems in the same way that bamboo bends with the wind and Bruce Lee bent with the shape of his opponents. I am not saying that I shouldn't fight my lethargy to some extent, but on days like this, I need to accept my limitations and go with how I am feeling. If I don't feel as though I can manage something or am frightened of overdoing it, then I need to adjust my day to suit. As an example, I will apply for jobs online today and do some more drawing and reading. I can save the more physical stuff for when the wind is blowing in a less confrontational manner.

Illustration from The Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law
Excerpt taken from Bruce Lee, Fighting Spirit by Bruce Thomas

Back to my Piano

I am sitting in my room with a cup of tea. Yet another estate agent has come to view and value our home this morning, but even though I have been asked whether I wanted to sit in on the meeting with my parents, I have witnessed enough of these kind of getogethers already. They usually result in a lot of talk and very little action. Instead, I have just spent the last ten minutes reading an upsetting article about the traditional Venda people of South Africa, who are locked in a legal battle to try and prevent developers from turning their sacred site into a tourist resort. I don't know if I feel more angry than upset about it. Despite the good intentions of many people, so much of our natural world is being stolen in this way. I hoped that even mainstream cinema, such as Avatar, might have a hand in getting the message through to the masses, but it would seem that a quick buck talks every time.

For the second day running, I sit at my piano. Or maybe the instrument in this illustration is a symbol for my computer. I often see today's shadow card, the 3 of Pentacles, as one of career and our working environment, so I can only hope that the world of work will come knocking at my door in one way or another. The woman in the second card, who is being held up by a man, taps on the wall with her finger. She tries to penetrate the sound of the music which is being played behind it. This couple represent the pianist's support and wish to help her. Might they be an employment agency?

The weather doesn't seem to know who it wants to be today. Even though warm, it looks as though it could break into a storm at any moment. I wish it would. If only because I would love to sit here at my window this afternoon and watch it. After another episode of weariness yesterday, I am tired today, but have managed to stay with the picture. I went through the job ads this morning, but found little more than a receptionist role. You might think that taking a step down to something with less pay and responsibility would be easy, but even the lowest paid work demands experience that I don't have in most cases.

I have some things I want to catch up on for the rest of this afternoon, so it's back to my piano. I need to sort out some stuff for my life-coaching session next week and I also want to finish my second lesson on Ceremonial Magick before my working-partner returns from Prague. I won't be seeing my boyfriend today, since he is visiting his father in hospital after work. He sent me a message to let me know that he had collected his mother from the hospital at 2am this morning, so he is understandably shattered today. His father is having more tests.

Illustrations from The Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

Playing My Own Tune

In a wood, a young woman sits with her back to us and plays her piano. She is completely connected to her surroundings. The music she plays grows from the instrument, just as the tree and it's roots do. She focuses on the stained glass window above her as she plays.

Even though the 9 of Pentacles is about a satisfaction and contentment with one's physical environment, it is also a card which does not require other people. I can relate to this card, because I often indulge in periods of time when I don't need many people around me. I don't have a problem with my own company and can nearly always find something to occupy myself with. Unlike when I was a child, I don't get bored particularly easily these days. I only get bored and frustrated when I am constrained by the desires of what other people want or expect me to do. I guess that some might see these thoughts as selfish. In my life right now, from the viewpoint of those who know me, it might seem as though I am playing my own tune at the expense of everyone who is outside of my metaphorical wood.

After yesterday's post, I thought some more about the festival of Lammas, which starts today. As a shadow card, I have drawn The Empress from the bottom of the pack. This beautiful illustration holds the warm side of womanhood and shows a lady, holding the bounty of her harvest. Looking at this card today, the empress and her bowl of fruit represent the world around me, who allow me to play my own song. They are my parents, my boyfriend, friends, the tax payer, and the Job Centre. Even though I want work, I am grateful to all of them for the security they have provided me with.

The thing that strikes me about the 9 of Pentacles is the snail's shell which the woman sits on. Like her, I am not going anywhere fast, despite present contentment. But I am getting back onto my job hunt tomorrow, to see if I can't find a less stressful job than those which I have been applying for. Even I am surprised by the fact that this kind of excites me.

My boyfriend and I have been in between houses this weekend. We went to his parents yesterday to dog-sit Lenny and then returned here this afternoon. He left a short while ago. On hearing from his sister that his father had begun to feel unwell suddenly and was taken to hospital, I am sitting here before bed, waiting on news.

Illustrations from The Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Piu-Mun Law