She Turns her Back

For today, I have pulled two cards from The Morgan Greer - the Queen of Cups and the 4 of Wands.

Aside from my first deck, The Rohrig, I think that The Morgan Greer was the first to really grab my attention. I must have seen it a few times already, but my first real interest in it was born while staying in Belgium in 2000. I passed a quaint little shop in Antwerp and saw it in the window while out with my parents and ex-boyfriend. For some reason, I never purchased it then, but waited until a good few months later. Back in the UK, I found myself trudging through a bit of a dark period, and when I saw it in a local shop with my mother, she bought it to try and cheer me up.

During what I realise now to have been a breakdown, I spent many months on my bed. I hadn't felt like going out at that point, was not sociable, and was often tearful. I can still remember my first afternoon with The Morgan Greer as I sat plonked on my duvet, going through each card in order very slowly. I absorbed every brush stroke, colour, and face. It sounds kind of silly to talk of a tarot deck as a friend, but while in that black hole, it took my mind off of my thoughts for part of the time and helped me make sense of them too. It's strength (which always feels very masculine to me) has carved a special place in both my collection and tarot-heart; not least of all because it was a gift from my mum.

This is one of the packs that I like to carry about. I am not at home at the moment and it is sitting here beside me while my boyfriend watches the Formula 1. However, this is not that first copy; it is my second. Because of the sentimental associations I have for my first copy, which is now battered, I ordered another a while ago, through fear of losing some or all of the 78 cards while out and about. I lost an old 70s Rider Waite on a night out once. The Morgan Greer I use now is in Italian, rather than English.

My boyfriend woke me with a cup of tea at 4am and we got dressed. We helped load up the car and drove his parents to the airport. The journey took just under an hour each way and we stopped for breakfast on the way back. I had wanted to stay up and go somewhere in the sun, but we were both very tired by the time we got home, so slipped back into bed for a couple of hours. The rest of the day has been quiet. We popped out to buy some things for dinner (which he is now cooking) and I also bought a DVD called The Young Bruce Lee. I don't think that my boyfriend is looking forward to the film. He is not really into either Bruce or martial arts movies and it is subtitled as in Cantonese. We plan to watch it a little later. I'll be impressed if he stays awake, to be honest.

One of the best features of The Morgan Greer is it's lack of borders. This is one of the reasons why I recommended and bought it for my friend's birthday in May, since I think it is a nice bold pack for beginners. Today's cards fit together seamlessly. The queen turns away from the scene behind her and drinks from her cup. I see the 4 of Wands as the home, stability, and marriage. All of these things sit under the roof of the strong castle in the card's background. Who is this woman? Is she someone I know, who is choosing to abandon aspects of life that she has earned and which give her security? I have some idea of who this is. Once again, the cards are alerting me to the behaviour of others. This woman is 'thinking' emotionally. She isn't looking at what she is turning her back on rationally or practically.

The sky is still blue and the sun is still shining. My boyfriend's little niece has been around for a while but has just left. She lives two doors away and wanders in and out as she likes. She has a terrific personality and ran towards me at high speed for a hug when she walked through the door. With a one off job looming on the horizon of tomorrow, I need to relax for the rest of the evening. For us, this means some filled pasta with vegetables, and more than a handful of Bruce Lee's high kicks and the infamous one inch punch.

Illustration from The Morgan Greer Tarot by Bill Greer