So Be It

After reading up on yesterday's Aeon, I somehow found myself reading the introduction of DuQuette's book, and by the end of the evening, had read the whole of Part 1. I have had the volume for a long time but have never got as far as this with it; I found it interesting, and with little to do now that I am home today, I think I will read the next section, which focuses on the cards. Even though not everyone feels the need to read Crowley (or even DuQuette), I found it interesting to find out about the construction of the Rose Cross and why specific colours and symbols were used in the pack. I don't know if this knowledge will influence my readings with the deck in any way, but after such a long time of holding these kind of books at arms length, I found the dipping in of one's toes to be personally worthy. For example, I was unaware that the position The Emperor sits in represents the alchemical symbol for Sulfur. This, according to Aleister Crowley, is "the male fiery energy of the Universe".

My knowledge of The Thoth and all that goes with it is minimal to say the least. When I first started to read with this deck on an online forum nearly ten years ago, I went with how the cards made me feel, since I knew no better. I find it personally desirable to know more about how these images come to be, but as I look at The Emperor today, my primary focus is based on what the image says to me and makes me feel. I can't fail to be affected by the burning oranges and yellows in the card or by how strong and oppressive he appears. For me, it is a card of exerting control and authority in my life; whether that is from me or the control I receive from someone else. He is stated as having the 'initiative of all Being'.

I actually drew this card last night before bed, intending for it to be used this morning, but with time to spare before going out, I shuffled again with my tea when I got up today. As with the other day, the tarot was one step ahead, throwing the very same card back at me. My dad and I had crossed words this morning, so I saw the overbearing heat of this father figure in him, but I think the card has more hidden depths than that and advises me to take initiative and form my own authoritative control over situations. My boyfriend and I are nearing the end of our large social spell with a long weekend by the coast for a wedding. Before that, we are eating at an expensive restaurant for his parent's 40th wedding anniversary, before driving to our hotel in Portsmouth. As nice as all of this is, the amount of money that it is all costing is killing what I have managed to earn. I could have done without 80% of what we have done in the past few months, how ever nice the events have been, and this evening, I have put my throughts to my boyfriend with the strength of this fiery god - I do not want to take on anything after this weekend and if that offends those close to us, then so be it.

Today has been rainy and windy. Even though everyone has been complaining about it, I have actually enjoyed the blustery weather and the chance to wrap up in an overcoat and hat. I met my friend for [a cheap] breakfast and another two mates ended up joining us. As with yesterday, the disagreements between some mutual friends was part of the conversation; something which I want to keep out of as much as possible. I have no problem with listening to friends and hearing what has been happening with them, but I often think that difficulties with others, such as these, might be better rectified if they go to the source, rather than telling me about it. When I look at The Emperor, his posture seems to block. His crossed legs, mimicking the cross at the bottom of the glyph for Sulfer, act as a barrier and his head is turned to the side. Whether it is the problems of friends or the expensive social invitations which keep being thrown in my direction, he suggests that I use my initiative and administer control over what I feel I can take on and what I feel that I cant.




Illustration from The Thoth Tarot by Lady Frieda Harris