The Right Direction

This is an interesting card, because it brings up a few thoughts and situations within me. Of course, I think of the things which are happening on the surface of my life. We did hear back from the solicitor yesterday, as acknowledged by the Ace of Butterflies, and he told us that the contact we have for the bungalow does have the authority to sell. It's a small step forward, but in the right direction all the same. In terms of my diet, I have just weighed myself and it would seem that I have lost a few pounds since I began. That's not loads, but once again, I am heading in the right direction. The successes of the 6 of Masks need not be great sweeping wins on the lottery or the passing of your masters exams. On a daily basis, it might be those small steps towards our goals which are accomplished.

Yesterday afternoon, I decided to walk to the shop. This appeared to be a good idea when I was in the house, but halfway through what should have been a ten minute walk, my feet were dragging, I started to become breathless, and my concentration began to dissolve into nothingness. I probably should have turned back, but continued. When I finally did near home, I was literally pulling my feet across the ground and felt hot. This was how things used to be over a year ago, but which have begun to edge back into my days for the last month or so. I got in, made my way up to my bedroom, opened a window, and then flaked out. I lay there and wondered if this was what The Tower was trying to warn me of on Wednesday. Eventually, after a short nap, I returned to a bear I had been sewing for a friend's birthday during the morning and started to feel better, but the experience worried me. I am so glad that I have my consultation with the Chronic Fatigue doctor on the 31st, but that doesn't come without complications. I have been waiting for over a year and a half for an appointment and only got this one because somebody else cancelled. It says on the letter that they come up very rarely. I was therefore frustrated to learn from my boyfriend yesterday evening that Julie's funeral is on the same day. I could probably hot foot it over there straight after the appointment, possibly missing the beginning of the service but being able to go to the cremation and wake. I think my boyfriend is a little disappointed but says it is my choice. If I cancel this consultation, I don't know when I will get another, and right now, with my aching bones and spells like yesterday once again becoming more regular, I want to see the specialist. Of course, I don't want to miss the funeral, but my appointment at the M.E. Centre is important too. I just hope that people understand. Because I am not always slumped in a heap on my bed, I wonder if others around me think that my chronic fatigue is something I turn on and off when I feel like it. Not many people have experienced what it is like to be out with me when my body completely turns off, so they don't really get it.

Of course, today's card might indicate a success of sorts yet to come, but I think it is talking about those surface situations already mentioned. My diet is something that I think a lot of those around me cannot understand. They see someone who has always been slim and question why I would need to be on one. I am slimmer than a lot of people I know, but it is how you feel about yourself. Rather than moaning about how I look, isn't it better to do something about it? The 6 of Masks can be associated with pride, so it might be highlighting how I feel about myself as I progress through this. My general diet has always been erratic. I nearly never ate breakfast, have picked at snacks throughout the day and skipped meals. At other times, I have previously drunk myself silly on a night out and eaten nothing the next day, only to gorge myself with a takeaway in the evening. There may be all of the usual fears surrounding Pierre Dukan, as there is with any diet that is considered fashionable, but for the first time in a long time, I am eating three healthy meals a day, not snacking on rubbish and drinking the right intake of water; no takeaways, coke, crisps, or meal-skipping.

Something to be proud of? I'd say so.


Illustration from The Favole Tarot by Victoria Frances