Telling you how it is

God, it's cold. Before I went to my boyfriend's last night, I put a scarf in my satchel as an afterthought and I'm glad I did. Leaving his house this morning at 7, it was nearing freezing. I bought myself a coffee on the station and sat in the warm as I waited for my train. The platform was covered in frost.

It's kind of interesting to see the Ace of Butterflies so soon after my post about it the other day. Since what I wrote there, it is not difficult to associate it with Julie. Aside from the idea of After Death Communication, which I used to help explain the card's traditional concept of cutting through personal fog, sadness and confusion, the card also reminds me of her personality. Julie was a strong woman. On the very first time that I met her, we sat at her kitchen table and she told me that people can only take her as she is - 'she called a fig a fig, and a shovel a shovel'. Beneath all of that, I know that she was a very emotionally deep and kind hearted woman, but on the surface, she was direct and to the point; most often, I'd guess, as a means of personal protection. The Ace of Butterflies (or swords in traditional tarot) is a bit like that, since it tells you how it is. I have often linked the card to communication and news, since it brings knowledge and understanding when needed. It's not always delicate in it's delivery, as Julie may not have been at times, but it is honest and truthful.

Despite feeling that bit more alert, my body felt tired yesterday, and as before, making it up the hill from the station was a bit of a battle this morning. Thankfully, I finally have a consultation with someone from the M.E. Society in a just over a week. Granted, I am not as fatigued as I was a year ago, but I still have days where I drown amongst the strong waves of tiredness, my concentration takes a vacation, and all of my bones ache. It's taken over a year and a half to get this appointment, so I want to go.

I am on the third day of the Dukan Diet and so far, things are ticking along well. On the attack phase, I am only eating protein. I am sure that bread previously slowed me down and left me feeling sluggish, so cutting that out could be one of the reasons why I feel that bit more with it. I haven't felt particularly peckish and have been eating regular meals. My mum and I have been preparing our own porridge in the morning, eating healthily for lunch and dinner, and have had non-fat yogurt with oatbran as our desert. I only need to attack for one more day, before adding a selective list of vegetables, but I am already feeling less bloated and that bit more confident with myself. Pierre Dukan insists that we drink 1.5 litres of water a day. My usual intake of water is not particularly good, so I think that this is also helping me to feel more alive. Doing this diet has stopped me from my habitual grazing in the kitchen in between meals or filling myself up with rubbish out of convenience. I feel slightly different; maybe another connection to the Ace of Butterflies, as 'she' lifts me to a higher state of awareness.

My dad called the solicitor today, since it has been a week since they last spoke. He had hoped that the guy may have sniffed out some information about whether we can buy the bungalow, but simply remembering who we are was a task. He has said he will try to look into it and get back with something today. This might be the information suggested in the Ace of Butterflies, since we are in the dark at the moment and do not know whether we can progress forward with that sale or not.


Illustration from The Favole Tarot by Victoria Frances