Under the Surface of Smiles

For today, I have drawn three cards from the Medieval Cat Tarot. I have the 3 of Cups in the centre, as a representative of myself, and the 8 of Swords and 10 of Swords representing outside influences. At a glance, I'd say that things seem ok on the surface, but that a lack of self-confidence and fear pollute the surrounding energies.

The 3 of Cups is my immediate emotional support; the card lets me know that I have some. In a way, it makes sense for there to be three cats, since there are three of us in my family (that's me in the brown, my mum in the blue, and my dad in the red). We have all been here for each other in the last month and have equally put a lot of effort into making all that has happened. However, it is not just them I see in the card; I see myself with my boyfriend and Kate; and I see other friends who have been supportive and helpful in recent times. One mate has been concerned about my distancing myself from my our wider social community, but I have tried to ease her worries by telling her that I am okay. She wanted to pick me up and take me to see a friend of ours last night, but as well as it being cold out, I started to tire pretty quickly so was happy to stay where I was. My parents had some friends over, so I locked myself away in here and read until my eyes began to close.

Even though I am happy at the moment, the surrounding influences complete the story. As with most days, I have woken with achy arms and neck. The bones in my left arm hurt when I lift it and at times, my left knee cannot be bent or straightened without pain. I woke this morning with pains in my stomach; the same pains I have had for so many years and that my doctor has attributed to IBS. Yep, that's me in the other two cards. Under the surface, I feel trapped and finished off by these physical problems. I think that the aches have something to do with the chronic fatigue, and I think the chronic fatigue stems from both the IBS and the stress it has brought.

My boyfriend and I walked to town this morning. I hadn't done that yet and was convinced it would take longer than from where we lived before. I used to walk up this way about fifteen years ago to stay with my friend Sam, so I found the same old alleyway I used to walk then. It didn't take much longer than the journey from the old house and was more pleasant. Town was busy with Christmas buying and queues, so we bought what we needed and left. I got my hair cut by my usual handsome hairdresser and did my Christmas shopping online when I got home. Even though I am getting money to buy a bike, my mum said she'd like to get me something for Christmas Day, so I ordered some decks for her (at least I get something I'd like that way). I chose Mickie Mueller's Well Worn Path and Hidden Path oracles, to be used together. Well, Christmas isn't Christmas without cards, is it?

As I write, my boyfriend and I are supposed to be watching Angels and Demons. I am obviously typing here and I can see his eyes slowly closing. Without the use of an oracle, I foresee a little nap for the two of us in the very near future. I was never a fan of Sundays when I was a kid, but they are one of my favourite days of the week now.


Illustration from The Medieval Cat Tarot by Lawrence Teng