The Exploding Tower

The wedding was a success in the end. Waking up with a sore throat on the day, the two of us dosed ourselves up on cold-relief and slipped into our new suits for the afternoon ceremony. It was held in a palace by the river, and afterwards, we got lifts in separate cars to the reception - a golf club in the countryside, some twenty minutes away. It was nice to catch up with old friends from work and reminisce. I used to work as a carer for people with special needs back then.

The last few days have not been filled with anything particularly special, but have prevented me from getting to the blog. I printed the Order of Service for my friend's grandfather's funeral on Tuesday, met a friend for breakfast yesterday, and spent last night at my boyfriend's house. When I awoke there this morning, my head was foggy and I felt disorientated. As I made the two-train journey home, I realised that it was just one of the bad days of chronic fatigue. I can often gage how bad it is by whether I can make it up the hill from the station, and today, it was a trial. By the time I had reached the top, I had slowed right down and my toes were literally grabbing at the ground to help pull me along. I was supposed to go for a run at 9am, but sent a message to my friend, saying that I didn't think I could handle it. My stomach has been playing me up (something I have learned to live with for years), so I wonder if that provokes the fatigue. They so often arrive at the same time. After sleeping an hour or two off, I went to see my running partner for a coffee and we talked away a couple of cups.

I see the unexpected fatigue as the exploding tower, since the lightning strikes when it likes without warning, and I am left beneath it's rubble for as long as it takes for the dust to settle. The Knight of Swords represents movement and speed. He might concern himself with the rate at which my energy left my body today or he could suggest that rushing around and doing too much is what brought it on in the first place. When he sits in my present like this, I'd say that he has brought the explosion to me and there is little I can do about it.

I am teaching tomorrow, so amongst rest, I have tried to plan as much as I can today, printing out t-shirt samples, packing up my own garments to show the students, and trying my best to print out prompt cards for an opening discussion to my T-Shirt Printing workshop. After last week, I am a little nervous about how it will go, but I think that I am that bit more prepared than I was a week ago. Fingers crossed, eh?


Illustrations from The Radiant Rider Waite by Pamela Coleman Smith, recoloured by Virginijus Poshkus

Sleep Baby Sleep

I really like this version of Waite's 4 of Swords, due to the purple in it. It brings a warmth to the illustration which is missing in the original and other colourations I have seen. This rich palette adds a feeling of royalty to the card and also makes me think of The Purple Heart, the United States military decoration which is awarded to those who have been wounded or killed. The purple links the heart to the sleeping knight in the card, who could be either resting or unwell.

When I look at The Hierophant, I see some kind of initiation. In a book I have been reading lately, I learned how the crown can be seen as a ring - a matrimony between Earth and the divine. Here, The Hierophant represents marriage to me, for I am going to a wedding tomorrow. The bride is a lovely woman who I have known for a long time, but have not seen in quite a while. I am looking forward to it, since there will be a lot of people there who I used to work with. Unfortunately, our knight from the 4 of Swords is on his back. This is my boyfriend. Since yesterday, he has been sneezing, coughing, and his eyes are aching. He is not feeling 100% and these cards suggest that he must rest or we'll not be able to make the day.

After a few hours of popping here and there, buying wedding and birthday cards, we relaxed into bed with the television. I had been talking to my friend about Hitchcock movies the other day and it provoked my boyfriend to buy a box-set of four of his films - Vertigo, Rear Window, Psycho, and The Birds. Being late, Psycho seemed the obvious choice, but with his eyes closing and hurting, my boyfriend didn't make it much further than Janet Leigh and her fatal shower scene.




Illustrations from The Radiant Rider Waite by Pamela Coleman Smith, recoloured by Virginijus Poshkus

The Train of Gossip

The last couple of days have been busy. It was my boyfriend's 40th birthday on Thursday, so I was at his in the morning and spent the day with his sister until he came home in the evening. She and I get along well and took a trip out in the car. We went for coffee and a muffin, and also popped into my new favourite fabric shop, so that I could get some supplies. Once home from work, all of my boyfriend's family got together to celebrate with an Indian takeaway.

I worked in one of my school's yesterday. Even though nothing was said, the lessons were not as satisfying as the week before. I think that a lot of this has to do with having so little input from the teachers. My 'point of contact' doesn't really get very involved, so it is easy to lose sight of what it is we are supposed to be aiming for. She has not really given me much, in terms of a brief, which makes working difficult. To prevent another flimsy set of lessons next week, I will put some real time into planning before I go in next and give the kids some more structure. I was thinking of starting a t-shirt design and printing session then, which will give them a little more focus and an end product. I have got some good books on t-shirt design and print, so hopefully I'll be able to put a good workshop together.

After work, I zipped home to get myself changed and ready for the evening. My boyfriend had decided to celebrate with his work mates in the city, so I met up with five of my friends and we took the train up to London. It was nice and sunny when we boarded, which made it all the nicer. All dressed up, the five of us were talking and laughing quite loudly - the kind of noisy group I usually raise my eyebrows to when I am alone on the train. One of my mates has a really strong personality and tells the funniest of tales. There was a young guy sitting parallel to us. I don't think he managed to get past the second page of his book due to our racket, but I noticed him smiling and laughing to himself through more than a couple of my friend's stories.

The bar we went to was packed, which we expected for a Friday night, so my boyfriend reserved a couple of tables at the back. Everyone got along well and we had a great night -so great, in fact, that we ended up missing the last train home. The group managed to get split up, taking the tube from two different locations. Because the other group were late, we had to find an alternative train to somewhere else and a £45 taxi at the other end. My boyfriend ended up footing the bill for most of that. His generosity is one of his good points, but can also bug me, since most people never seem to put their hands in their pockets as often as he does.

For today, I have drawn the 7 of Swords and The Lovers. Glancing down from above, the trickster from the first card casts a sly look over the couple in the second. He is deceitful and takes that which he fancies. With both of these cards in play, they possibly suggest a hint of infidelity or a lie or two about a relationship. This duo doesn't speak about the relationship I have with my boyfriend, but it could be casting it's eye over someone else's - a little indiscretion here and there or maybe some flirting. With the swords stolen, the lovers look a little lost. Their arms are open and when I look at the card today, the space between them seems larger.

I have an idea who and what these cards are referring to. I am never too fond of seeing the 7 of Swords in my personal readings, due to it's lack of care for those around it. In today's scenario, it does represent the minor indiscretion of someone I know, but it could also be about the train of gossip that naturally surrounds these kind of things too.


Illustrations from The Radiant Rider Waite by Pamela Coleman Smith, recoloured by Virginijus Poshkus

Tools of the Trade

The more that I read the tarot, I seem to find my own personal significance in the cards. Take The Magician as an example. I just knew that he was going to show up today. Today's cards are loaded with symbolism which makes sense to only me.

As I type, a man is hanging from the branches outside of my window. With chainsaw in hand, he has just cut away some of the beautiful (but massive 80ft) tree at the bottom of our garden. I adore this tree and I love how it spans over the entire garden, but as well as my parents finding it tiring and annoying to have to continually brush away the needles from the over-hanging branches, the fact that it blocks out light was a problem for prospective buyers, so they have brought in a tree surgeon. The last time that he came to offer a quote, I drew The Magician. I instantly saw him as someone who could wave his Magic Chainsaw and help us to sell our home. As I sit here, one man stands at the bottom and the other is harnessed to the tree. Coincidentally, they both wear red and have yellow helmets, which made me think of the general colouring of the card. The guy at the bottom points up at the branches which need to be removed. When I look at The Magician, with one hand pointed up and the other to the floor, he could be pointing at the foliage above him and saying 'Yep, that's the one we need to get rid of next'.

The 3 of Swords is a card of heartache and separation. This could very easily be connected to the tree, since I am sad to see it being cut. I love that tree, and despite the practicalities of taking some of it away and the light that is now flooding into the garden, I preferred it as it was before. I have always known it with it's fuller figure, so I do feel the loss. I asked the tree surgeon if he could cut me off a chunk of one of the branches to keep. I don't know what I want to do with it, but when we do move, it will be nice to have it as a memento. This tree has been part of my life for the last twenty-three years. I am sure that the squirrels and other animals who live there are not best pleased either.

On a more mundane level, today's cards tell me that there is something I can do. I've got the tools of the trade and can make a difference. I just got a message from my friend, who's grandfather died at the weekend. She is having a tough time generally and asked if I would be able to design the Order of Service booklet for the funeral. With my computer here, I said that I would. The 3 of Swords describes the broken hearts of both her and her sister.



Illustrations from The Radiant Rider Waite by Pamela Coleman Smith, recoloured by Virginijus Poshkus

Feeling Grand

After two draws where cards of the same number came up in each, it is interesting to have drawn two queen's today. In this scenario, they sit back to back. My first thought was of a disagreement or the separation of two women, but with time to think about it, I wondered if maybe they represented two different approaches to a problem. The lady on the left considers with her heart, where as the woman on the right is all about the mind and rational thought. This could describe decisions that a few friends of mine have to make at the moment and the advice I give them. Should they let their heart rule their head or their head overcome their hearts?

Today was another perfect one. I went along to an event set up by my agency. As with all events they have invited me to, the venue was lavish to say the least. I have stayed in an old Tudor manor, have worked in dance-halls resting over the sea, and have been allowed to explore the dark corridors and mysterious rooms of extremely old and large mansions. We spent today in a country hotel, surrounded by rolling countryside. With the sun making another appearance, it was the ideal place to be.

The display that I put together was well received and generated interest. After an initial wander around, mingling and looking at other school's displays over a glass of Bucks Fizz, we split into small groups, went outside and discussed different topics. My group focused on the future of education and the government cuts that would soon prevent us from doing the kind of creative work we have been doing in schools. After spending time with my own agent, drinking tea and setting down more dates for our project, it was time for lunch. The hotel had it's own ornate restaurant, which looked very expensive. As with all days like this, the agency footed the bill for the three-course meal.

In the afternoon, four creative agents had prepared workshops. We could pick two each, so I attended one on journalistic techniques and another called 'Get Plastered'. The latter involved making casts of our fingers. I crossed mine in the process - a gesture which seemed symbolic of my hope for work after my current contracts have closed down.

All in all, I had a good time. It was made even better by the fact that I actually got a days pay on top of all of that, just for being there. My friend picked me up around 3, and being so impressed by the place, asked if we could have tea there. We picked a table outside in the grounds, and the waiters brought us out a pot, two cups, and a plate of biscuits. For that moment, we felt grand. After we had finished, we drove to a small neighbouring village for a pint in an old country pub. Even though I really hadn't done much, I felt as though I had earned it.



Illustrations from The Radiant Rider Waite by Pamela Coleman Smith, recoloured by Virginijus Poshkus

The Z-List Celebrity

After drawing two 'fives' yesterday, I am greeted with two 'sevens' today. Both of the guys in these cards have goals. In the first illustration, the 7 of Cups, the man shown from the back stands in awe of what is before him. Of course, what he sees is an illusion, but it doesn't stop him from hoping that the rewards amongst the clouds will one day be his. His neighbour stands on a cliff. Even though in an advantageous position, he wishes to fight away the opposing rods beneath him. Neither of these men have achieved their goal fully yet, so the duo could symbolise the obstacles which confront us in our pursuit of dreams.

With the intention of going for a run this morning, I was up early, but my jogging partner needed to collect her car from the repair garage. We were at the mercy of the repair-man, so ended up running far later than planned. This gave me some time to work on tomorrow's exhibition - printing and compiling things for a visual display behind our plot.

My friend and I eventually got out for our run. By that time, the sun was shining and we ran in dark sunglasses, both looking every bit the z-list celebrity. We are actually lapping the old wreck quicker now. It was lovely to run in the sun and feel the breeze in my hair as we did. Afterwards, we sat on a bench and chatted about the weekend. That is one of the nice bits about exercising together; we talk too. It makes a change from only ever seeing each other in the pub or at parties. It's really calming being on the field. It is set back pretty far from the main roads, so there is no noise. Not many other people ever seem to be there; only the odd couple walking their dogs. Animals usually run over and most strangers greet us with a hello.

With a little time on my hands this afternoon, I decided to try and put a concealed zip into a kid's dress I am making. With disintegrating lining material, this was harder than I had expected. I had always been pretty good at doing it at university, but time has only helped me to lose the knack. My eyes ached after half an hour of fiddling about with it, so I gave up for today. The experience reminds me a little of today's cards. I had such expectations and visions for how the dress would look, only to be confronted with the reality of so many obstacles. I was just too tired to batter them all away with my stick by the end of today.



Illustrations from The Radiant Rider Waite by Pamela Coleman Smith, recoloured by Virginijus Poshkus

Hit Me Where it Hurts!

These cards certainly don't mince their words. Having two 'fives' in a reading is not a particularly good omen. Mix up defeat, physical loss, and hardship, and that is pretty much where we are with these two.

The last time that we saw the couple from the 5 of Pentacles, they had just been thrown from their tower. This time, they have had their weapons stolen and are once again left trudging through the snow, cold and in ill-health. Due to the nature of swords, we might see their dejection as having it's foundation in harsh words or mental conflict. Whatever the case, they are now outcasts, walking towards the future with no more than the clothes on their back. Is this about me or does it describe the fate of someone else?

Yesterdays' headache remained in control of today. Despite this, I pushed myself to work - finishing my illustration and finally getting the feedback I wanted from the client, planning stuff for my next teaching session and Tuesday's exhibition, and also sewing up another tarot bag with some fabric I bought on Friday. I found a design which was just right for the Radiant, so have given it's first bag back to the Universal, which I thought really fitted well with the celestial print.



Illustrations from The Radiant Rider Waite by Pamela Coleman Smith, recoloured by Virginijus Poshkus

The Sneak Stays Faithful

My boyfriend came over relatively bright and early this morning. It was 'sunglasses weather' out there today and for the most part, I was uncomfortable in my coat. We picked up my friend and her son after midday and all went to two friend's joint birthday party. One of them held it in her very nice home, where she had pulled two tables out into the garden for us to sit and eat.

It was one of those afternoon's that you just couldn't fault. The hostess has one of the most endearing and bright personalities I have known. She is kind, funny, interesting, and extremely generous. Her attributes have been lovingly passed on to her three daughters; two of which, my boyfriend and I talked to into this evening, before it got too chilly to sit outside and everyone moved indoors. In a nutshell, there was a great group of people at the party. I didn't drink much, but had a bit of a headache, so by 7pm, was eager to come home. It was not how I had planned it, but I guess it saved me from myself. I can get a bit excited at parties.

There is a little conflict between today's cards. I have to say that in the past, I have never really been too fond of either. That King of Swords has always seemed a little too rigid for my liking and lacks flexibility, and I have never wholly trusted the guy in the 7 of Swords; most probably because I read so much over the years about him being an adulterer or a thief.

I often link the King of Swords to Justice and that is how I see him today, with his sword erect like hers. He also reminds me of the clean Ace of Swords, which cuts through confusion and emotion to find a rational and honest answer. For today, the card is linked to my needing to talk to a friend with honesty and to not get caught up in emotions or fantasy. The King of Swords is mature and can not allow himself to be swayed by others or what could be. It was time to tell it how it is, even if I did cushion my words in kid gloves to some extent, due to the sensitivity of the issue and rawness of her emotions. The guy in the 7 of Swords does not always need to be a sneak in our life. He might very well be us, taking a few steps away from everyone or keeping something to our self. Ironically, he might represent staying faithful to my friend's needs at the expense of others.


Illustrations from The Radiant Rider Waite by Pamela Coleman Smith, recoloured by Virginijus Poshkus

Being There

The 6 of Pentacles holds a lot of weight today. You see the trio in the picture? Well, that's me in the red, I'd say, dishing out something to others. Generally, I'd say that it is support of some kind that I am providing. As a card that I associate with caring and giving time, you could describe it as 'being there' for someone.

I didn't see my boyfriend yesterday as he was babysitting his niece and nephews, and I am not seeing him this evening either. He said that he is in a bit of a mood, which has something to do with work, and would prefer to be in his own company tonight. This, of course, is fine with me. We all need a bit of time alone sometimes. Instead, I am popping over to the local with another mate. She has just split with her boyfriend and needs to talk. She was initially going to go into town for a night out with some other people, where she could potentially run into the ex, but I managed to persuade her that my proposition was better. I know better than anyone that a big night out, fueled with alcohol, is not a good path to take when you are feeling below par. It confuses things and blows everything out of proportion. More times than not, it actually makes things worse. A couple of drinks and a long chat, with an early night at the end of it, is what she really needs.

It seems that it is not only my boyfriend and my mate who are out of sorts today, since another friend called me as well; she seemed anxious too. Our conversation is perhaps another example of my needing to be there for someone else, I guess.

My sleep was a little erratic last night. With my first day at a new school in sight, I was a little worried about what (or who) was going to greet me when I got there. If the 9 of Cups is the wish card, then I wished for things to go okay. After a speedy entrance through the school gates in my colleagues shiny silver sports car, I got down to meeting my three classes. I started with the younger boys and finished with a group of fifteen year-olds. I began by telling them that I have just two rules. My first rule is that none of them speak at the same time. My golden rule is that nobody speaks when I am.

I am happy to say that it went really well. Their imagination and ideas appeared limitless and I think I am going to really enjoy working with them. They all had such character. I gave a small introduction about myself and then made my way around the room, talking with each boy in turn - finding out what each one was about and asking what kind of things inspired them. We made mind-maps on large pieces of paper, which will act as the seed for the projects I will begin to work with them on next week.

Even though everyone else's day seems to have been affected by the changing cycles of the moon, I am thankfully still maintaining the good spirit of my birthday.



Illustrations from The Radiant Rider Waite by Pamela Coleman Smith, recoloured by Virginijus Poshkus

Feeling Radiant

Yesterday was my birthday, and I must say that it was near enough perfect, due to it's simplicity. I didn't want to do anything lavish. I've had too many big parties in my time. So instead, on the run up to the day, I had actually decided to do nothing. It was only when two friends independently expressed an interest in seeing me on my birthday, that a very small gathering was pulled together quickly for the morning. Rather than the showy Soho bars of years passed, the venue for my thirty-ninth birthday was a small cafe in town. Specialising in fried breakfasts and mugs of tea, it was just what I needed. Four old friends joined me, and after that, we found our way to the pub for a couple of pints. Knowing that I was going to my boyfriend's in the evening, I was careful to not go over the top. We all had such a lovely time, chatting and catching up. I received a stags-head silver brooch from one friend; some lovely stationary from another; a book illustrated by Christian Lacroix; and another friend gave me some money to buy a new tarot deck when the urge arises. She knows me too well.

Speaking of decks, my boyfriend bought me The Radiant Rider Waite. I have been eyeing the pack up for many years, but for some reason, never took the plunge; most probably because I already have a stash of Waite variants and clones. I recently became interested in it again after using the Universal Waite. I like the Universal's fine lines and detail, but it's cold backgrounds and lack of colour have always felt dead in the hand. The Radiant successfully fills in the gaps and I love it's painterly feel. Because my boyfriend bought it, it also makes it that bit more special.

I travelled over to my boyfriend's last night and his family surprised me with cards, a birthday cake, and their rendition of 'Happy Birthday' (which we had to go through twice so that little Sophie could blow the candles out too). I took a night off of my healthy eating to have a Chinese takeaway and then spent a few hours at my boyfriend's sister's.

I started today with another run. It was colder than the last time, but we managed two laps of the fields we jog around and then went to warm up in a cafe for a chat. Even though the 5 of Swords is often seen as a card of defeat, rather than relating to the two defeated guys in the back of the card, I saw myself as the man in the foreground. I would rather have gone straight to bed when I got back from my boyfriend's this morning, but instead, I made the effort to exercise in the cold and spitting rain. The main character in this deck looks less arrogant than the one in the Original Rider Waite as he is smiling, which is possibly why I get a more positive vibe than usual. You could look at him as defeating obstacles and controlling his environment, despite the odds, which I did this morning.

I am feeling pretty good since yesterday. I am still waiting on some information from one school about whether my illustration is satisfactory and was a bit worried that the 5 of Swords predicts bad news about that. I understand that the young P.E. teacher is having a hard time at the moment, due to his father being at death's door and in hospital, so this could be why there is a delay. I don't want to bug them, but also don't want to be working on it over the weekend if I could finish it today. It really should be done as soon as possible, as it will need to be printed in time for their meeting next week. I have a training day and meeting of my own, so won't have buckets of time to play with. I think that the 4 of Wands depicts my mood. Looking at the structure and the large castle behind the people, I'd say that the many good tidings I received for my birthday are continuing to keep me warm and secure throughout today.



Illustrations from The Radiant Rider Waite by Pamela Coleman Smith, recoloured by Virginijus Poshkus

The Run

Today's cards really made me laugh when I drew them just a while ago. The first card, the 2 of Cups looks at a relationship; most possibly platonic. And the second, the 8 of Wands, is about movement and swiftness. The eight wands fly through the air and meet their desired destination. This is as much about completion as a quick and speedy journey.

I have been thinking about doing some exercise and tidying up my eating habits for a while. But until now, thinking is about as much as I have done about it. It was only when my friend and I compared notes the other week and said that we felt sluggish and unfit that we decided to try and do something about it. After a weekend of resisting fatty and unhealthy foods, I called for her this morning and we went for a run.

It wasn't the longest run in the world, but it did leave us out of breath and achy. It was lovely to be out early in the morning, and after we had run the perimeter of the old wreck near our homes, we sat on a bench and caught up. Once we had got our breath back, we both admitted to feeling quite good. There is something about the morning air, the loosening up of limbs, and the fact that we had a laugh which was good for both of our spirits. I was a little worried that my tiredness would prevent me from doing it, but it actually has had the adverse effect. I feel brighter and more with it. It has been a good start to my day.

So in today's cards, the couple on the left make a pact. They toast their idea and then get on with their run. It's interesting how the house on the hill behind them looks like the building on the 8 of Wands, as if seen on the other side. I'd bet that the two had had a good old jog around that hill and by the lake. The eight wands show the speed and movement of the duo.

Even though today's cards mimic the jog, they also speak of contact from friends. I have often seen the 8 of Wands to come up when I receive interesting or important emails or letters. When combined with the 2 of Cups, these might be from friends. Up until today, I had three email addresses - one for this blog, one for personal stuff, and a third for work. As well as it being a pain to access all three on my phone when out, I get so much spam and stuff from companies I no longer want to hear from, so I decided to set up a new one and notify a handful of people from each. After sending off the new address, I got one mail from a woman I used to work with. We haven't spoken in years, but we got on really well when I was a men's shirting designer in London. Today's cards show her mail popping into my new email box and resuming contact.



Illustrations from The Rider Waite Tarot by Pamela Coleman Smith

Get on with it!

The sunshine from the past couple of days has taken a hike and today reminds me of the Sundays of old. When I was a kid, they always felt grey and dead. It was usually on a Sunday that we visited friends of the family for dinner. I remember travelling over to gritty Essex with my parents on public transport to see their old mates from childhood. I would watch The Smurfs with their children in the living room, but those programmes I loved always seemed so different on someone else's television; they were depressing and somehow uncomfortable away from home.

When my dad's sister was dying, we would visit her on a Sunday too. She would be sleeping in the bedroom and we would sit in the lounge with other members of her family, watching Gloria Hunniford on Sunday Sunday before going in and sitting around my aunt's bed for a short while. She was too ill to converse properly. We must have made that same visit every weekend for quite a few months. Maybe all of these memories have something to do with why Sundays don't score particularly highly with me. It was only my interest in boot fairs later on in life that helped me to get excited about them.

The 8 of Coins hits again, after turning up a couple of days ago. It's a real 'get on with it' card, and when joined by it's 'sister', the 9 of Coins, it reminds us that work put in now will bring comfort later. When they sit together, it is possibly work that I do alone. While my boyfriend and dad were watching the football, my mum came up and asked me if I'd like some help getting the patchwork hanging finished. So this afternoon we have backed it, top-stitched the front, and have prepared the loops to hang it from. This will free up my energy and time next week, so that I can relax on my birthday.


Photography from The Tarot of Gemstones and Crystals by Heinrich Hugendubel Verlag

The Devil's Cavern

The Devil from the Gemstones and Crystals Tarot is interesting. When I first looked at it's picture, I saw the stones as looking like a walkway into a dark cavern. Can't you imagine ducking beneath the roof of the hole at the back on the left? If The Devil lives anywhere, then in my mind, it is somewhere further back in the cave. This photograph is like a vision of his spectacular foyer.

I am not surprised to see this card today. On occasion, my boyfriend and I will go for a drink after shopping on a Saturday afternoon. Last week, we said we might do so today, but neither of us were up to it. He has felt a little out of sorts for the last couple of days and I am still struggling under a tide of tiredness and fatigue. When I pulled these cards this morning, the 10 of Wands stood out as it had already visited this week. It confirmed that pushing boundaries would not be in my interest, how ever nice it would have been to take a few hours out of how I have been feeling. The Devil has a very seductive pad.

My boyfriend and I drove into town. We have three weddings coming up this year, so we both need a new suit. He bought a nice blue pinstripe number and I looked at a mid-grey one with a piping detail to the lapel and pockets. I tried on just the jacket and might pick it or another suit up next week. I don't want anything that looks corporate as I will not need to wear it for work or any other kind of occasion, so that one would be good. While out, we also had to pick up one of the presents that my boyfriend's mother is buying me for my birthday - a concealed zip-foot for my sewing machine.

We had hoped to find something for each other's birthdays but had a bit of a conversation about that in the car. My boyfriend is not particularly materialistic and getting him to come up with an idea is like getting blood out of a stone. Similarly, I was wracking my brains, thinking of things which he could get me, but came up with nothing. So rather than surrender to the pressure of impulse buying, I suggested that we save our money for a couple of months. We can go to London or somewhere else for the day at some point, where there will be more choice. I hate spending money just for the sake of it.

After an hour of wandering about in town, I was absolutely exhausted. My mind was foggy, my joints ached, and I wanted to sleep. At one point, we discussed whether my boyfriend should fetch the car, rather than me walk to the car park, because I felt that worn out. I couldn't have gone and sat in a pub for a drink, even if I had wanted to. So instead, we came home and watched another episode of Prime Suspect and had a nap.

The Devil has been a good card to receive today, since it has kept me alert all day. Deep within the cavern, I knew that going out socially would only send me into the arms of the 10 of Wands. Similarly, in trying to eat healthily, I also turned down some very tempting snacks.



Photography from The Tarot of Gemstones and Crystals by Heinrich Hugendubel Verlag

Time Out

I was up early this morning so that I could get my lift to the small coastal town of Broadstairs for my meeting. A couple of years ago, I worked in a boy's grammar school not so far from there and I used to love getting the train down in the morning. On the way back, it would sometimes run parallel to the beach. The whole journey was so nice and relaxing and the complete opposite of being on a packed commuter train, going into the dingy brick world of London which I am more used to. I didn't see the sea today, but the seagulls were out and there was that sense of space and airiness which I associate with the coast.

My meeting wasn't as long as yesterdays. It probably only lasted for a couple of hours. I met my agent for the project, who I clicked with instantly, and my point of contact at the school - a twenty-something P.E. teacher. He was very relaxed and open to all of my ideas, so I will set about starting my illustrating next week. I was a bit worried about how I was going to get the commission done in just a day, but he kind of sneaked a little more time out of my agent for me with a wink. Of course, more time means more money.

The 8 of Coins (or Pentacles) is about work, skill, focus, and diligence. This job is a different kind of proposal for me, so the card looks at broadening what I already do and learning something new. I see it as my turning up on time, asking the relevant questions, taking notes, and recording what preparatory material I will need with my camera; I actually used the agent and teacher as models for my illustration. In the book that comes with the deck, it says that Spinel, the crystal associated with this card, stimulates creativity and will power. This is a card which I always think of as 'just getting on with things and not pussyfooting about'.

After my tiredness yesterday, I have to say that I don't feel that much better today. I dozed in the car this morning and slept on my way home. When we got back, I went straight to bed and slept for hours. I woke a couple of times, and on each, my body felt drained and my hands ached. Have you ever been so low in energy that you feel as though you are sinking through the bed? That's how I felt. I see The Hanged Man as a step back out of my day for a couple of hours. I was so tired that I had to abort the mission for the afternoon and take some time out.

My boyfriend has just arrived and is having something to eat. As we sit here and watch the devastating film of the earthquake in Japan on the news, we have a quiet evening planned. At the moment, I couldn't envisage anything else.


Photography from The Tarot of Gemstones and Crystals by Heinrich Hugendubel Verlag

A Simple Celtic Cross

I haven't performed a Celtic Cross reading for myself in some time. Even though it was the layout that I always used professionally, it was never one that I warmed to until recently; probably because I spent so many years over-complicating it. I think that it works best with simple position-definitions and a simple deck. With that in mind, my recent readings have become more enlightening; such as the one I threw at my boyfriend's house last night.

With not a single Cup amongst the ten cards, I instantly knew that this reading was not about my emotional or romantic life. With Swords and Majors dominating, I understood it to be about big changes and problems which would need to be solved. With many changes already materialising and further more on the horizon, I was pretty convinced that this reading concerned my career and working life.

I hardly ever get the 6 of Wands in readings. Any achievements earned in the past few years seem to have slipped under the radar of what most would regard as successful. However, with scoring three artistic jobs in the last few months (which has enabled me to come off of benefits), my confidence is growing once more and those around me seem pleased with the new developments in my working life. One friend said that she was pleased to finally see me being paid for my artistic skills. The 6 of Wands could symbolise the winning of these jobs, but it could also represent my overcoming obstacles like my chronic fatigue, despite the odds. It is important that the people in this card witness the warrior returning from battle. Like him, I want to be able to prove to my family and friends that I have a worth and capability.

But the positive energy quickly plummets. There's always a catch with me, which is why I understand the second card perfectly. This reading gives with one hand and takes with the other. Despite the successful vibe of the first card, the 9 of Swords is thick with worry. It asks me what I am scared of.

I am aware that once the three projects I am involved with are over, the agency I am working for will have no more. This kind of work stops in July, since they will no longer be offering the exact same service to schools. Just as I have begun to climb the ladder again, I am now worried that a lack of work will send me tumbling back onto benefits and needing support again. Look at the 8 of Swords that sits in the past. That is where I was before the ringing in of the New Year. I was trapped in unemployment and was going nowhere. I had no idea about how to move forward, as symbolised by the blindfold that the woman wears, and could see no way of moving out of my parent's home.

The Empress is about growth and nurture. She suggests my own need to grow, expand, and mature, but she also represents the care I receive from others. In a darker sense, could she stand for the care I receive from both my parents and the state? Somewhere I was hoping to move on from by now.

The focus of this reading is the Page of Pentacles, who suggests a new physical start. He describes the work I am doing now and is the opposite of the 8 of Swords. He is my seed - the learning of new skills and the using of those things which are available so I can move forward. Even though my agency are finishing the kind of work I am presently involved in, there will be other kinds of short-term employment on offer. This will require me to use my initiative, make enquiries, and work on proposals now if I want a slice of the pie. I need to find a voice if I want to advance, as depicted by the Queen of Swords in the near future. She stands for a well made decision. More than any other court card, I would say that she can see what is coming next as she lays in wait with her arm extended.

I have mentioned before that people have likened me to the King of Wands, since I can sometimes inspire and lead. This is one of the reasons why I went into the field I am in. I find that it is rewarding to guide and excite young people through art and craft, and on more than a couple of occasions, I have been told that I am good at it. As a partner for this card, The Sun is a willing mate. The sunflowers in the card reinforce the fact that people are receptive to my ideas, since they continue to follow the sun. However, with the 6 of Wands and Page of Pentacles in play, I need to watch that I don't let arrogance get in the way or become too big for my boots. I do have a tendency to take over.

One of the women that I am working with suggested that we get together and find ways of marketing ourselves. At the time, I didn't know that the agency would be finishing the kind of work that we are doing, but now that I do, her idea makes a lot of sense. The Emperor is about discipline, which I lack, and taking control of my environment. I am considering this card's advice to be about promoting myself and carving out a place for me to work next.

Despite the alarms which ring out all over this reading, the final card is not so bad. I would guess that it's good results depend very much on whether I listen to The Emperor and make use of the Page of Pentacles. The Pentacle queen looks satisfied and in good health. She sits and focuses on her coin and I would imagine that her bank balance is not looking so bad. This could mean that she has followed up new opportunities or she has put a little cash aside from her jobs. Whatever it is that she has done, she displays independence, rather than the need of nurture or financial injections from The Empress. This card reminds me that I really can pull it off if I try.

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Illustrations from The Original Rider Waite Tarot by Pamela Coleman Smith

Falling Asleep Where I Stand

As soon as I drew the 10 of Wands, I half-smiled in acknowledgment. Coming back from my boyfriend's was a trial this morning. I already felt tired before I had started the journey, but by the time I got home, I was whacked out. To make matters worse, I had stupidly bought a coffee in the station cafe out of boredom. I don't know what it is about coffee I get away from home, but it always does something to me. It might be some kind of trigger for my fatigue, because it just wipes me out and sends me giddy. I knew this before I ordered a cup, but I just didn't fancy another watery and bland cup of expensive British Rail tea. I like coffee and thought I might get away without suffering the consequences, but I didn't.

With Chronic Fatigue I have good days and bad days. Today is just one of the bad ones. The 10 of Wands, represented by Tourmaline, is a card of burden and feeling close to physical breaking point. In the Rider Waite version, a man rests on ten large sticks which he is supposed to be carrying to his destination. I often relate that stock-image to my fatigue, because at times like this, I could literally sleep where I stand. Red Tourmaline is used to clear blockages, cleanse dense energy, and give vitality to the physical body. This card might be an indication to down tools and rest.

I'll make no bones about it. I have a problem with the Queen of Wands. Yes, I know that she is fun-loving, dynamic, and sociable, but since relating her to my neighbour, Oddbod, I find it hard to see past the darker sides of her sociability. In this version, I see her as the central pink stone. Eating out of the palm of her hand, her social community are settled around her, listening to her lies and gossip with delight. I had wondered if the cards predicted my crumbling under the noise of Oddbod's children, Dumb and Dumber, but I am not so sure. I also wondered if this queen might signify someone in my meeting at the school this afternoon. But on reflection, I think that she simply stands for the abundant and bounding energy which the 10 of Wands can not muster today. I read in the The Crystal Bible (by Judy Hall) that Topaz is a stone of energy in all of it's vibrancy.

Sometimes, sleeping makes me feel more tired, so as not to fall into that trap before my meeting, I agreed to go for breakfast with my friend. After I had eaten and had been distracted by the conversation, I started to feel better. We brushed passed a shop which sold crystals, so I popped my head in to see what they have. I couldn't find any red or pink Tourmaline, but I did find some black. Because of how I have been feeling today, I thought it might help dispel the fatigue and restore my energy.

The meeting went well. My point of contact was very supportive and the project is pretty much open. I can do with it what I like, so as a starter, I will go in and meet the students next week for introduction sessions. I will have three different groups on each day that I go in, with boys ranging from 11-14. Altogether, it should be an interesting project, even if I already heard that the school has a bad reputation. The teachers there didn't seem to deny the fact that their boys are a bit of a handful.


Photography from The Tarot of Gemstones and Crystals by Heinrich Hugendubel Verlag

The Message, the Mate, and the Masseur

My first rection to these cards was 'a message from a friend'. One of my personal associations for the 6 of Cups is of a good mate from the past, and I often see the Page of Wands as a messenger. When moulded together, the cards bring some kind of contact.

From what I have read, Jade is a good cleansing stone. It is often linked to the kidneys and aids the body's filtration system. Thinking of it in this way helps me to associate it with the Page of Wands, since he can often represent new starts in life. We clean out the old and make way for the new. There is something very energising about the green of this stone. As I look out of the window, I see it in the new shoots and leaves of plants. The Page of Wands is healthy and wishes to grow.

I just read that Azurite (as depicted on the 6 of Cups) is good for joint problems. Should I consider them interesting, I had planned to try and find a few of the stones I end up working with in this deck, and I think this might be my first. For a few months, the joints in my hands have ached. When I wake in the morning, they are sensitive and hurt, which is possibly down to my chronic fatigue. As I don't have a masseur on hand, maybe some Azurite against the skin and my problematic joints is the next best thing? Of course, I would prefer a handsome young Dougie Poynter lookalike to wake me with a hand-massage each and every morning, but since that is not going to happen, I'll try and pick up the stone next time I am in town.

My father just came off of the phone. He had received a call from the son of someone he shared an office with for twenty-odd years when he was working. The friend had died of lung Cancer on Monday and his son was ringing to let my dad know and tell him about the funeral. Even though a shock, it wasn't a complete surprise as the man was an extremely heavy smoker. I think that it is this man and his son who I saw in today's cards - the mate and the messenger.



Photography from The Tarot of Gemstones and Crystals by Heinrich Hugendubel Verlag

Getting there ...

One by one, The Green Tarot is getting there. After completing the handsome Knight of Cups this afternoon, I have now finished twenty-one cards to date.

Cut and Dry

I thought a little more about yesterday's cards before I went to sleep. I still believe that they represent holding back from someone I know for the moment, but they also made me think of something else. My friend emailed from Vienna last night, as she is away on business. She said that her mother-in-law, who I know well and like a lot, started having pains a few weeks ago. The pain in her stomach escalated and she is now in hospital, waiting on a biopsy. My friend is very distressed, as they believe it is Cancer. As with our mutual friend who died of the disease on Christmas Eve, this has happened so very quickly. I wondered if the Queen of Cups had anything to do with all of this. Like The Hanged Man, we can only wait on the test results.

Even though I thought it was black, the Hawk's Eye representing the Queen of Swords in today's draw is actually a deep blue. Due to it's colouring, this stone is connected to the throat chakra and communication. It aids us in telling the truth and speaking effectively, so it is no surprise that it is connected with this no-nonsense queen. It is nice to see such a beautiful stone connected to this lady. It's depth and darkness contain her mystery, and the fine layers of quartz crystals that shimmer within the Hawk's Eye reflect light and display her attractiveness and charm.

With the queen is some pink Coral. Coral has been called the 'garden of the sea'. It was once believed to be a plant, but is now known to actually contain living animals called polyps. Coral is the result of accumulated skeletal masses from these polyps. Red is considered the most sought after color but as we can see here, Coral can also be found in pink. It's shades restore harmony to the heart and is used as an aid to depression, lethargy or deficient nutrition. In this tarot, the Coral instigates celebrations and speaks of those in our emotional community. As much as I see parties and joy in this card, I also think of friends and extended family. When used as a symbol for the 3 of Cups, the pink Coral finds ways to comfort us and nurture our hearts. I would think that the two cards look at a celebration which relates to the Queen of Swords. This might be a party, since my boyfriend and I have just agreed to attend one in between our birthdays. However, we have also been invited out for a Sunday dinner on the day after which we have had to turn down. Maybe the cards relate to that and my own need to be cut and dry with arrangements. As a point of interest, in the Rider Waite Tarot the Queen of Swords turns her back on the three dancers in the 3 of Cups, rather than embracing them, as she would if her position in the duo was switched.


Photography from The Tarot of Gemstones and Crystals by Heinrich Hugendubel Verlag

The Sew-a-thon

This beautiful deck, the Tarot of Gemstones and Crystals, turned up today. It is an early birthday present from my friend in the States and was a nice boost to my morning. I hadn't pulled my cards for the day by the time that it arrived, so I delved straight into it. Doesn't the greens of the Aquamarine and Chrysocolla sit nicely with the spring colouring of my blog?

I have never used a pack like this. I think that the first time I saw it was during the opening season of Big Brother, which must have been in 2000. One of the contestants, Sada Wilkington, brought her tarot deck into the reality-show house and it was this one. It didn't make much of an impact on me at the time, but as the years have passed, I can now recognise it's beauty and I find the research of it's stones interesting. So much so that my friend kindly sent me her copy. The photographs are stunning. It is different than any other pack I have, since it allows you to step sideways and concentrate on colour and form, rather than dwell on imagery that we have already been exposed to in the tarot. As an example, I would say that both of today's cards are passive in their soft tones of aqua.

Aquamarine is a stone of peace and I am told that it brings clarity. I guess that it's passivity allows a person to step back and view the world or a situation in a new way. In this duo, I am most interested in how one of the pieces of Aquamarine leans away from the Queen of Cups. The Chrysocolla (or Gem Silca) in the second card appears gentle and light when polished, but the two pieces of rough stone remind me of something which has been split open.They reveal jagged layers which look as though they could cut like glass. This might represent the raw emotion deep within the Queen of Cups.

The Hanged Man seems to be too close for comfort and pulls back from the queen. These cards could represent someone in my life. If not describing their whole personality, then just their sensitivity. I can think of a few people who the queen might be, and for the moment, the cards suggest my holding back from them. I need to evaluate things from a little distance.

After receiving my gift this morning, I worked from home, sewing the last rows of the patchwork hanging for one of my school projects. It took much longer than I had expected and is really heavy now. It needs to be backed and have it's edges tidied up and then it is done. I had a bit of a headache yesterday, which continued into today. The meal for my boyfriend's grandmother's 86th birthday was lovely, but I didn't feel so wonderful on the way home. Maybe something I ate? Or maybe the car journey. So once I had finished today's sew-a-thon, I took myself up to my bed and slept for an hour.


Photography from The Tarot of Gemstones and Crystals by Heinrich Hugendubel Verlag