The Grasp of the Cup

A lot of people relate one specific card from the deck to themselves. In readings, doing so before you start is called choosing a significator. Throughout the years of my reading tarot, I have never really done this. On occasion, I see myself as the brisk Knight of Swords. I was a little bit like him yesterday, brashly telling a friend something she didn't want to hear. At other times I can be controlling like the King of Wands, the card that always reminds me of the fame and success hungry Madonna. But generally, I relate to the suit of Cups; probably because I am a Pisces and have always had the tendency to be sensitive. As I rear 40, I guess it is appropriate to identify with this man's rank. I see him as an emotional consultant. As a tarot reader and someone who friends come to for advise, I'd say we are pretty similar.

The king in this card holds tightly onto his cup. This represents the control he has over his emotions. It's funny, because I was only pointing out to a friend the other night that I am far stronger than I ever thought I was. I have a lot of friends who I always thought were strong, but at the moment, seem to be buckling under emotional situations. It kind of surprises me that I am the one who has the strongest grasp of their cup.

It's nice and sunny today, which is good, since we are going to a barbecue at my boyfriend's parent's house. Due to one thing or another, I haven't seen much of his family recently so it will be nice to catch up. All of the in laws will be there.

The King of Cups might be someone in my day, but he could also be highlighting the control I need to handle my emotions. Remember yesterday's card? The 9 of Wands? That card suggested I prepare myself for something which is on it's way, so maybe today's is reminding me of my own emotional strength, should something difficult present itself. If it is not me who needs to control my emotions, then my skills for listening and advising might be required elsewhere. One of my mates is feeling a little under the weather at the moment, so this card may be linking me to her. I have said I will go and stay with her for a couple of days, starting from tomorrow.



Illustration from The Morgan Greer Tarot by Bill Greer

Be Prepared!

I felt really good about myself when I got home from school yesterday. The comments about my work really pleased me. There is something really satisfying about doing a job you enjoy and are good at. I have spent so much time thinking about July and the potential of not finding work when this all runs out, but rather than worry about it ending, I am starting to wonder if it is actually just the beginning. The special needs school that I worked at would like to try and do a similar thing next year, but since the agency can not offer this, we have asked our point of contact there to get in touch with us directly. This is something we plan to do with other schools and businesses too.

My boyfriend and I went out for my friend's birthday last night. I bought her a tarot deck as a gift. She had come around here after our run last week and I talked her through my collection of packs. Funnily enough, she chose the Morgan Greer for me to buy for her. She is very pleased with her copy and is excited about learning how to use it. It is something we can practice together, which I am looking forward to. We spent the evening in the pub and then all went back to another friend's house for a few quiet last drinks. After spending £25 on one round, my wallet was happy with that decision.

I am not sure how today's card relates today. It is one of self-protection and guarding. The guy in the helmet protects the rods behind him and doesn't take any chances. Since it doesn't make any immediate sense to me, I wonder if it is asking me to be prepared and keep my guard up.

My boyfriend and I have stayed at home today, since we were both a little tired after our socialising last night. We did have a good evening, so it was kind of worth it. We watched the football here in my room and popped out to get some stuff for dinner while a couple viewed the house. My mum said that the man was a little rude, so she doubts they will make an offer.



Illustration from The Morgan Greer Tarot by Bill Greer

The Team

The 3 of Pentacles is an appropriate card for today. Even though this particular version shows a man by himself, for me, it represents the community - coming from the suit of Pentacles, this card concerns my working environment.

It was my last day in the special needs school today. We all rushed about when we got there, finishing off bits and bobs, and around 10am, the school had a parade. Starting on the playing field, all of the kids had instruments and made as much noise as they could. I pushed one youngster in his wheel chair and helped him to bang his drum. The procession worked it's way through my circus tent and into a hall, where there was a disco set up.

In the afternoon, we made our way over to the other site, where an art exhibition of the student's work had been set up. It all looked very professional and the artists, all in their teens, were extremely proud of their work. My agent came along to see it and gave us some feedback. She said that the teachers in the school had praised my work and conduct highly. It has been a completely different experience to the other school I am working for, who still haven't replied to my email from Sunday.

This card could be focusing on either work or my creative skills, but I think that it is specifically looking at the team I worked with on this project. I really did enjoy working with them. Out of the the four, none of us were work shy and we all covered each other's backs - if someone couldn't do something because they were too busy already, another one of us would step in and help. I am working with one of the women on another project soon. I shall have five days of working with her and a primary school, where I am going to be designing and making theatre costumes with them. The 3 of Pentacles could be pointing to that, since I only had this confirmed today.



Illustration from The Morgan Greer Tarot by Bill Greer

Coming Together

Today has been quite a lot like yesterday. When I got into work this morning, I got my sewing machine plugged in and was straight down to work, finishing the front curtain for the Big Top in one of the classes. We had found some purple fabric in one of the back cupboards, so I added different coloured panels to the edge of that, which ended up bringing the whole thing together. It was really nice to see the reaction from the teacher and teaching assistants when I put together the final touches to the tent. Like me, I don't think they expected it to look as good as it does. After my work was done there, I went on to finish the second wall hanging, make bags for another class, and secure the images on yesterday's t-shirt prints with an iron.

The 2 of Cups is another nice card, although a little sombre in The Morgan Greer. Even though it is a card of first meetings, partnerships and emotional harmony, neither of the two in this card look particularly pleased to meet with each other. I often see this as a card of friendship, which does have it's place in today, since I spoke with a good friend on the phone who was feeling pretty down. However, I think that the sharing of glasses leans more towards a conversation with one of my colleagues on the way home from school this afternoon. When the work that I am currently doing dries up, she said that some of the agents from the organisation have suggested putting together their own group. They would like their own bank of artists and would promote them in a similar fashion to the agency I work for now; just at a lower cost to the schools. This would not affect the rate of pay for the artist though, who would still earn a decent fee. She said that she would very much like to have me on board and I offered my graphics services to her in the starting up of the business. I feel that any loyalty and generosity I put in now may very well serve me in the future and show how interested I am in working with the group. I see the 2 of Cups as being about coming together. In this case, it is the acknowledgement of a partnership and unspoken agreement between this colleague (or friend, to describe her properly) and I.



Illustration from The Morgan Greer Tarot by Bill Greer

The Natural High

This is a nice card. I can't remember the last time that it came up from any of my decks. There is a real strength in those arms, as they toast with the same cup. It's like they are saluting some kind of accomplishment. If a pot of gold is buried at the end of a rainbow, then it would seem that this couple have most definitely found it, wouldn't you say?

It seems fitting to receive this card today because I am on a natural high. I am tired and have worked my socks off, but I feel satisfied with the day I have just had. I think this is what the kabbalists call light. I gave my all and this feeling is what I get in return.

Like the two days before, I got into school at 9, dragging my sewing machine, ironing board, bags of fabric, and all of the other bits and bobs I thought I'd probably need with me. I work with three other practitioners on this project, and while one of them was off filming, the remainder of us got everything in order. I really like working with these two particular women. Aside from us clicking well and having a laugh while we work, we are are all very supportive of one another. One of them helped me sew two giant backdrops for a Big Top that is being made in one of the classes. They have adopted a circus theme, so we are dressing a gazebo in red and gold panels. All of the kids in this school have special needs, so in this class, it will be the entrance to their classroom, which they can come through in their wheel chairs.

After I had finished sewing the panels and adding ribbons to tie it up with, I made a start on a new wall hanging. Some of the younger children printed their own images onto fabric yesterday and the lot needed to be sewn together, so I set up my machine in the staffroom and got on with it. I must have been sitting there for a good three hours, putting one thing or another together. Even though I try to give my best effort to what I am doing, I don't need to be as precious with my work as my personality would usually dictate because the staff and kids there appreciate every single stitch. I made a lot of the stuff up on the spot, like a curtain for the front of the Big Top, and was really proud of the end results. After sitting there and completing that, I was off to another class to dress a window in satin and drapes before delivering a t-shirt painting workshop for a class of teenage boys in the afternoon.

The four of us were all tired when we left school an hour after kicking out time, but it was worth it. For me, I think that I derived a lot of satisfaction from feeling worth the money I was being paid and having my skills needed. I am often a worrier and panic if I have to step into the unknown, but today, I just got on with it. It was very freeing to jump onto the sewing machine and simply create with abandon.

The 10 of Cups is all about these kind of feelings. I think that people can often miss the point of this card by constricting it to romantic relationships and family life alone. At the moment, it represents those natural highs we receive from a job well done, a partnership of value, or the expression of our true desires. I really enjoy working with my current team because we all work hard and look out for one another. When I thought about this image from the Morgan Greer this afternoon, I thought of myself and either of the two women I am working with, patting each other on the back and reflecting on how much we achieved today. This is important for me today, because I can't remember the last time I got paid for a days work and enjoyed it quite so much.

Tonight is quiet and time for a rest. Due to where I am working this week, it wouldn't have been practical for me to go over and stay with my boyfriend tonight so we are spending this evening apart. That's not a bad thing. It's nice to do our own stuff sometimes. I have just been to the shop and picked up some treats for my parents and I, so we can settle down and watch The Apprentice together at 9.

Illustration from The Morgan Greer Tarot by Bill Greer

Below the Surface

I have been offline for a couple of days, due to computer problems. Fortunately, this is not as bad as it might sound. After my computer didn't turn on last week, I wasn't surprised to be greeted with a blank screen yesterday, so I did my usual turning on and turning off routine, hoping that it would eventually kick into action as it did before. It didn't, and it was only after I had sat here for many hours more, staring into nothing, that I realised that the screen was turned off. I sometimes swing it around so I can read it or watch television in bed and must have knocked the off switch when turning it back before sleep the night before. I guess you can only laugh!

The High Priestess looks beyond our consciousness and what we believe to be real. She'd have known that the screen for my computer was off. Today, she is about searching deep within to find our answers. She reminds me of what I said to a friend this afternoon about a decision she had just made. I told her that deep down she knows she did the right thing, despite those thoughts and feelings which flicker about on the surface of our conscious mind.

I am on my second day of a big week in one of my schools. I had been a bit nervous about the amount of work I was going to be doing this week. I haven't done a stretch like this since before I was first diagnosed with chronic fatigue, but today, I don't feel as tired as I thought I might. It has been a long seven hours and I have had a lot to concentrate on, but I doubt that I feel any more whacked than the other three practitioners I am working with. I was asked if I could work on Wednesday as well, which will mean five days of work this week, and I agreed. I think that the amount I have to do is part of what is keeping me going. Tomorrow will be a big day for me. I am taking my sewing machine in, as I have been scheduled to work with a handful of the twenty classes. I am making the fabric sides of a Big Top in one class, some theatre curtains in another, sewing another patchwork wall-hanging, and am assisting with a t-shirt printing session. All exciting stuff. My original patchwork hanging is now on display in the school. The handyman couldn't put it exactly where I wanted it, but it's up and I have had a lot of thanks and praise for my efforts.

Despite getting things ready for tomorrow, I was hoping for a quiet evening. When I am working, I feel as though I can relax without guilt. One of my old clients wrote and asked if we could schedule a live online reading this week and tonight is one of the only evenings I can do, so I will sign into MSN and speak with her a little later. I have a handful of people who I still read for on a regular basis, which I enjoy. As things stand, I am in a good place; yup, a little tired and looking forward to my bed later, but in a good place all the same.



Illustration from The Morgan Greer Tarot by Bill Greer

The Barrier

I didn't feel so wonderful when I got up yesterday morning for work. My fatigue was with me once again, and while I was sitting on the train, I was wondering how I was going to get through the day. My legs felt heavy, I was a little spaced out, and I could have done with going back to bed.

My lessons actually perked me up. The kids were great, but I did get a little irritated by the head of the centre. She had walked into my lesson and started questioning what I was intending to spend the budget on. My desire to buy was mainly down to her already buying the wrong materials. Half of the stuff orderered has still not turned up. It wasn't her line of questioning that bothered me the most. I was more annoyed that she chose to do it during one of my lessons and in front of everyone. Now that's not very professional, is it?

The other practitioner who drives me there every week picked me up afterwards and we went and sat in a pub garden by the river for a couple of hours, drinking coffee and talking. She has had her fair share of problems with the teaching staff at this school, so she understands where I am coming from. In the short time that I have been working with this practitioner, we have become friends. She is interesting, hardworking, and very generous.

Despite saying that I didn't want to go out last night, after a bad day at work for my boyfriend, I relented and we popped into town for a few drinks. A good handful of my friends were already going out, so we met up with them. I had a really nice evening but I still didn't feel my best. However, it was actually nice to talk with everyone and it took my mind off of the way I'd been feeling. We cut our evening before it got too late and went back to one of my friend's house, where we stayed the night in her spare room.

I am not entirely sure where today's card, the 2 of Swords, fits in. The woman in the illustration is cutting herself off. She doesn't want to pay attention to what is happening in the water behind her and closes off her heart with her arms, producing a barrier. This could relate to a few of my friends who are currently trying their best to avoid what they know deep down is the right thing to do. If not about them, then the woman in this card could also be a symbol of keeping things simple today and not letting anyone or thing in. My boyfriend and I are going to the coast tomorrow, so have needed a day of doing little today.



Illustration from The Morgan Greer Tarot by Bill Greer

The Near Death Experience

Well, this is a pretty apt card for today. I wasn't sure that I would be able to sit here and write my blog tonight, due to my computer having another near death experience this afternoon. Even though it had been working for most of the day, when I switched it back on this afternoon, it suddenly and unexpectedly plunged into darkness like before. It wouldn't turn on or operate properly for hours, but when it finally did, it behaved in the same way, shutting off with the screen going black. I was convinced that it was breathing it's very last breath.

It seems to have been brought back to life again now though, so I guess it is a fighter. However, my computer's disappearing act did have an impact on my day. I was unexpectedly cut off from my work emails, this blog, and my first choice for resourcing, which I really needed to do. I wonder what I used to do before I spent so much time sitting at this machine. Maybe The Tower was intent on throwing me from my chair and suggesting that I go find out!

The card kind of did the job in the end, since I took myself down to the bottom of the garden and filled out the last couple of days in my paper blog. I keep a note of my draws in a large hardback Life-List journal, which I can reference quickly if I need to. Today could have been one of those days where it was needed, since I couldn't get online for a couple of hours. After I did that, I went for a short walk and spent this evening making basic felt animals for school on Monday. The idea is that we will hang some from a mobile that the kids will make.

Even though we still haven't heard back from our prospective buyer and her boyfriend, we had another viewer come to see our house today. He was a young and attractive soldier, who had sadly lost both of his legs and some of his fingers at war. He seemed to like the house but was not entirely sure that it would suit him, due to how small one of the bathrooms is. He said that he could probably have a lift put in for the stairs but the downstairs cloakroom might just be too awkward for him to negotiate alone. So we can add him to our list of possibles and maybes. I visited a spacious bungalow with my parents yesterday. It needed a lot of updating, but we were all pretty sold on it's size, garden, and location. For us to have a chance at getting it, someone is going to have to step up to the mark and put an offer in for our house pretty soon. Properties like that don't stay on the market for long, as we found out the last time.



Illustrations from The Hanson-Roberts Tarot by Mary Hanson-Roberts

When the boats come in

Now this is a nice card to receive - the 3 of Rods. A lot of people find this and the 2 of Rods difficult to understand, since they appear so visually similar in most packs. Even though motionless, the guy in the '2' has focus and is about to act, where as I see this guy in the '3' as awaiting the results of those actions. Yep, I'd go as far as saying that it is the same guy. In this particular deck, they actually look the same, which helps. In the distance, we can see some boats. They symbolise what we have been waiting for. They're not here yet, but they are getting closer.

I ended up calling up my boyfriend last night and cancelling his coming over. Around 5 o'clock, I started to feel drained and knew I must sleep. I didn't really over do it in the day, but I did pretty much work throughout without stopping. I knew I'd be pretty naff company and didn't want him to waste his time by driving over. As it happened, he was tired after his day at work, so was pleased to have a quiet night in too. I just hope that those boats that the guy (let's call him Jim) is waiting for are not filled to the max with crates of chronic fatigue and exhaustion.

Above where I sit at my computer, I have a frame of three illustrations. After my nap last night, I decided to change the flower fairy prints for something else. There is another frame on the left of my bed with three Tamara de Lempicka paintings in it. As much as I really like them, I fancied a change. I decided to put some cards from The Hanson Roberts Tarot in both as I love some of the whimsical scenes in the deck and thought they might be energising to have so near. I printed out six of my favourite on 6 x 4 in. paper and laid them next to the actual cards I had scanned. They look so good at that size. If anyone from US Games is reading this, take the hint. In one frame, I put similarly fiery-coloured cards; in the other, I put three silvery illustrations from the cool Sword suit.

Our estate agent called early this morning, as two lots of viewers came to visit on the weekend. One woman said that the house is a little small for what she wants, but the other said that she would like to come back for a second viewing and bring her boyfriend to see it. So these could be one of the boats in the distance, coming back to give the house another once-over. Like Jim in the 3 of Rods, we must be prepared by keeping everything tidy and looking good.

I would say that the 3 of Rods displays the results of effort, initiative and plans - all of the things which are utilised in the 2 of Rods. As well as hearing from the estate agent, I also received an email from the agent who I have been sending my proposals to, saying that there might be the possibility of a one off graphic design and logo workshop for me to run after half-term. Yes, it is just a few sessions at the moment, but a few sessions is better than no sessions. It is the first proposition for after my current work runs out, so I am hoping that these boats in today's card symbolise the beginning of something good.



Illustrations from The Hanson-Roberts Tarot by Mary Hanson-Roberts

Old Twistyface lays the Foundations

I always call this card Old Twistyface. It's one of the only illustrations in the deck which I am not immediately fond of, since the drawing always seems a bit off to me. Am I the only one who sees it in this way?

Regardless of the drawing's finer details, this card does make sense to me straight away. The guy in the picture stands over a plowed field and the fruit around his head ripens. He has his eye on the future and prepares now, in the present. I probably couldn't have picked a more apt card. He is the worker and tries to set his best example.

My friend woke me with a text message at 7.30 this morning, asking whether we were still meeting for coffee in town. I had kind of penciled in the arrangement with her last week, but I really need to get on with some work. I get in a real fluster if I am not up to date with stuff and the agency I work for require me to write up data from all of my sessions. It is a little difficult for me to do since I can't open the programme here, so I usually do it at my boyfriend's sisters. However, I haven't been over there in a few weeks and the amount I have to complete is building up. I need to jot down my notes today before I forget them completely. Aside from this, I have a lot of sewing to do and need to scan and tidy up the kid's t-shirt prints on Photoshop. This is just the stuff I can remember at the moment. I am sure there is more. So as much as it would have been nice to meet with my friend, I need to do as Old Twistyface does, and get down to work.

I think this week might be a lot like that. I had five minutes last night where my phone didn't stop bleeping, asking what I was up to this week and whether I was going out on Friday. After being out socially for the last two weekends, this Saturday feels too close to the last and I am not sure I can take doing the same thing again. I am at a point where my small handful of friendships is solid, but for their own reasons, most friends want to get out and party as often as they can. I want to relax too, but I yearn to do something different. This is why going out and taking photographs with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago was so good. I have four days in school next week, so as the Knight of Pentacles suggests, I need to lay my foundations. This is not only about getting the work done in advance. It is about being mentally and physically prepared for what might be an ordeal. Since my chronic fatigue started, I haven't worked that many days in one go and I need to get myself ready for it.



Illustrations from The Hanson-Roberts Tarot by Mary Hanson-Roberts

The Honesty Motel

My family did go to my cousin's party on Saturday in the end, as my mum's leg felt better after resting. My boyfriend and I ended up staying as my uncle said he would drive us home the next day. It was all far nicer than I thought it would be, and I ended up relaxing and getting a little tipsy on the wine and celebrations. Nothing too drastic, since I try to not go overboard these days.

Whenever I have had a couple of wines, it's as though I have booked myself straight into The Honesty Motel, because I have this burning desire to tell people exactly what I think; you know, all the stuff that you'd usually keep to yourself, both good and bad. I kind of did that on Saturday, which is why I think the Knight of Swords threw himself into yesterday's draw. I sometimes see him as me. He can be impulsive, occasionally insensitive, and a general bull in a china shop when he gets going. Thankfully, I didn't speak to the relative who I fell out with, but I didn't exactly hide my thoughts and feelings from everyone else. Even though nobody seemed particularly bothered in the morning, I think I probably said a few things I would rather have held back.

Rather than chuck herself in like the Knight of Swords, The High Priestess sits back in silence. She very rarely opens her mouth, but observes how she feels instead. Deep down, I think I was fine at the weekend and doubt anyone will care about my directness. I was a little heavy-handed in my debate with one guest, but he and I did get on and sat together under the gazebo after most of the guests had left, talking. The High Priestess asks us to check deep within and examine what our intuition believes about a situation. I don't think anyone would have been truly offended by my short stay at the Honesty Motel.

Today has been about the little things, but I plan to throw myself into my list tomorrow, since I have scanning to do, some sewing, paperwork, and more proposals for the agency. I was happy to hear from my agent that I received good feedback from the more problematic of my schools. Apparently, they said that the kids enjoyed working with me and that they were all impressed with the work I have done there so far. This is a weight off of my mind and a good reference for my future.

Generally, I feel good today. I am wondering if it has something to do with the lack of bread in my diet, as I feel less bloated and not so tired. Maybe that is a question for my High Priestess.



Illustrations from The Hanson-Roberts Tarot by Mary Hanson-Roberts

Knickers in a Twist

As other users of Blogger will know, the service suffered some kind of melt-down this week and the last couple of day's posts took a vacation. Some people's posts have returned, but the one I wrote on Wednesday is still relaxing somewhere in the sun and hasn't returned. This has always been a worry for me, because I wondered how easy it would be for my words on the internet to somehow get lost. One lost post is no real big catastrophe, but like many, I do put a lot of thought into what I write here. We have so many drives and backups and security passwords these days, but it doesn't really prevent us from losing our photos, files or words. Poof, and they are gone. I didn't want to post yesterday's draw, just in case it disappeared down the same hole.

I drew Justice as yesterday's card. This is another card I am often wary of. Probably because I am not always happy with my past actions and fear the results. But yesterday, the lady of Justice was smiling favourably. I put a lot of preparation into my three lessons yesterday, and due to that foundation, the kids responded by working hard and delivering. For the most part, they enjoyed what they were doing and were quiet. I teach three years worth of really good teenagers, and when you plan things well for them, they respond with enthusiasm and interest. Despite the good vibes I have experienced from Lady Justice, the card still warns me about the present. Everything I do now will have an effect in time to come - be it my words or actions.

Today's card holds a little mystery. This probably has something to do with my not knowing how today will end up. My mum has had a pain in her leg for weeks now and has found it difficult to stand and walk without rest. She should be the driver for the family party this evening, but at the moment, we don't know if she will be fit enough to go. Even if my boyfriend drove, she probably wouldn't feel well enough to enjoy herself. As you know, not going to the party wouldn't be the end of the world for me, even though I really don't want to disappoint or upset my cousin. He is pretty much my only reason for wanting to go. Does the 8 of Cups represent us walking away from our plans or do we go and I end up leaving unsatisfied. Maybe my reunion with the relatives I fell out with potentially won't go well.

I half expected to see one of the Pentacle cards today, since I have been working on my invoices this morning. This has meant plowing through expense receipts, as well as ticking sessions off of the calendar and billing schools for my time. How ever organised I try to be, I still get my knickers in a twist with this kind of stuff. I hate admin and am not particularly good at it. I can throw myself around Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop effortlessly, but when it comes to figures and filing, I can tie myself up in knots and get myself in a right old state.



Illustrations from The Hanson-Roberts Tarot by Mary Hanson-Roberts

A Harmless Deception?

I'm not fond of this little fella. Once again, I sketched the card. While drawing, I noticed his untrustworthy slitty eyes and the way his head is hidden under his collar and hair. Mary Hanson-Roberts does a good job of conveying the meanings of the card in such small details. This guy is off with your swords and hopes he won't be recognised.

Today has been good. Once again, I found myself in Pret A Manger at lunchtime, sampling their expensive lunches. I met my friend Becci, who I only usually end up seeing in the pub. On the last time we met, we suggested branching out and doing something else, so organised coffee for this week. She is a freelance journalist and had some time away from her laptop this morning, which fit in with my day off of school. It was so nice to catch up without a table of empty pint glasses and wine bottles in front of us. She is really good company and I hope that we can meet up like this again. Alcohol can really get in the way. It's funny how you can know someone for so many years, but not get to really know them. I felt as though we crossed over that line today.

On the evening before I have to go to one of my schools and teach three lessons, I just received an email to say that there has been some muck up and the materials I requested will not be here until Monday. These are the same materials that I have been waiting on for five weeks. I would have been inclined to believe that the suppliers had lost the order, but having the 7 of Swords as today's card, I am now questioning that. It would seem strange that they had lost the order a few weeks back, because my point of contact said he had only been on to them last week. I suspect that it could be a lie and he had only thought to send the order through this afternoon. He is probably panicking now, since they can't courier it over until next week. At least I know in advance and can sort something else out for the kids to do tomorrow. That means extra work for me tonight, when I should be spending quality time with my boyfriend. I wish he'd emailed three hours ago and I could have done my extra preparation then.

I often get a little worried when the bloke from the 7 of Swords tiptoes into my day, because I always assume that he represents someone else. However, he could be highlighting the sneakier and deceptive side of myself, since we are all prone to the odd little white lie or harmless deception. I have a family party to go to at the weekend and was thinking of pulling out at the last moment. This is not because I don't want to see the host, because I really want to be there for him; it has more to do with how my extended family can be and the fact that I have ignored another relative for nearly a year. I could kind of do without confronting that relative and opening that particular can of worms, and I get sick of being around a family who ask lots of questions but never bother to listen to the answers. It seemed that faking an illness and pulling out might be one way of avoiding all of that, but on thinking about it, I don't want to either disappoint or upset the guy who's birthday it is. Today's card knows what I am thinking, but chats with my lunch partners today and yesterday persuaded me to go along for his sake. Let's just hope that none of my family members read this blog. To be honest, I very much doubt that the majority of them could be bothered to. That would require a level of interest in what I have to say.



Illustrations from The Hanson-Roberts Tarot by Mary Hanson-Roberts

The Bow of Burning Gold and the Arrows of Desire

It's taken me a little time to get around to using The Wildwood Tarot. It was a birthday present from yesterday's Queen of Arrows in March. I have always enjoyed Will Worthington's illustrations (the Druid Plant Oracle, which I only bought recently, being my favourite), and despite the criticism from others over the change of style for this deck, I really like it. There is a lot more energy and movement in this pack than his previous ones, I feel.

This card makes total sense for me. I knew exactly what it was referring to when I turned it in bed this morning. I have had things which I have needed to get on with for over a month now but have simply ignored and put off. The Archer has a very defined goal and aims at it with her bow and arrow. The dogs beside her are symbolic of her strength and power.

For my looming and future unemployment, I need to produce and propose a selection of workshops for schools. I haven't left it too late just yet, but it is something I really could have gotten on with before now. The Archer reminded me that today is the day to draw my arrow and take aim. I have been meaning to rack my brain for interesting and individual ideas for workshops that I can run and then work out the costs for doing them. I found it interesting to read that the Celts inscribed spells onto their arrows and the Sioux Indians painted theirs with ritualistic symbols of intent. This really made me think of the job in hand. To suggest workshops to my agency, I have had to fill in forms for each and then fire them away, attached to an email. Kind of similar, wouldn't you say?

Even though I am not one for sticking with the book, John Matthew's words for this card really struck a chord today and are worth noting. In his reading points for The Archer, he says 'This is a time to be bold and commit to the hunting of new life and a better relationship with the world, as well as the fulfilment of wholesome ambition. Take careful stock of what you want to achieve, why, and how you want to go about it. Then harness your potential by filling your quiver with all the talents, knowledge and cunning you possess and string the 'bow of burning gold' with the 'arrows of desire'. This feels very much like what I am doing with my proposals. I have tried my best to make them as inspiring and comprehensive as I can.

Today is warm again and the sun is shining. Since I have begun working on my proposals and have also ordered all of my invoices, I might take myself into the garden to read for for the rest of the afternoon. I could do with working a bit further through Matthew's companion book. I had a nice salad for lunch. I've decided to ditch bread and other fatty stuff for a while to see how my body reacts. I am sure that my stomach doesn't like bread, but a friend also told me that cutting it out helped her lose weight. So that's another target to aim my arrows at. I feel bloated and sluggish at the moment. I can't stand people moaning about things and never doing anything about it, so I am going to put my money where my mouth is and have a go.




Illustration from The Wildwood Tarot by Will Worthington

The Strength to Carry On

These are interesting court cards, since each features an animal rather than a person. In this case, the Queen of Arrows is a swan. This particular bird is not looking as happy as the ones which my boyfriend and I photographed at the weekend. I have read in the book that came with this deck that she must swim from this place of darkness and loss to new rivers and break old bonds.

Initially, I thought that it might be difficult to read these courts, but on drawing today's card, I had a pretty strong idea of who this queen is. However, this has more to do with circumstance than personality traits. In this card, the beautiful animal is encouraged to remember how strong she is. She must carve out a new life for herself, away from the difficulties of the past. This is an important lesson for a close friend of mine. She called me this evening and we discussed her moving away from the unfit father of her daughter. The swan does not have many natural predators, which is probably why she can wear her beautiful white feathers and doesn't need camouflage. Like the Queen of Arrows, my friend has been hurt, but does have the strength to carry on alone; even if she doesn't realise it at the moment.

I have been so tired today. It was my chronic fatigue rather than general tiredness. I went to one of my schools early this morning and then travelled from that site to another. In all, I visited nineteen classes, which really took it out of me. By the end of the day, my concentration was waning and all I wanted was to go home. Even though the time spent with the teachers and students was generally inspiring, seeing them all in one go was a bit much. My boyfriend came over this evening and we laid on my bed together. I spent an hour on the phone with my Queen of Arrows, but am now planning to slide into bed and get some sleep. I think that a lay in might be in order for the morning.



Illustration from The Wildwood Tarot by Will Worthington

Simply Be

Well, tears did eventually flow, so yesterday's cards ended up being pretty much on the money. My boyfriend and I went out for some drinks last night and met our friends. He got tired after a while and I stayed out for an hour or so more. I would have been happy to have gone home with him, but I thought it would be nice to spend some times with my friends out of my relationship for a change, so I stayed and talked. In the end, it was just me and one of my closest mates. She lives only eight doors away from me, so we shared a taxi home. After we had paid the driver, she burst into tears. She has had a hard time of it lately. Before going home, I sat outside her house with her for a while and gave her a cuddle. I don't think that either of us were expecting the rush of emotion, but I think she probably needed the release. I have never seen her cry before, so that's where yesterday's cards ended up falling.

Today's duo is about harmony and peace. I had initially thought that the first card would be a token for travel, but looking at it here, I'd say that the boat is going nowhere. The oars are at rest and the water is still. As much as it could be about movement and travel in other draws, accompanied by the young man in the second card, it is about taking it easy and going with the flow. Well, it is Sunday after all. The young guy sits and listens to the waves. They are strong and powerful, but they are also relaxing and hypnotic as they wash over the sand. Unlike other figures who sit alone on The Dark Beach, this one is content and happy in his own company. He is in touch with his environment and the stillness of his day. I am always rushing about, trying to fill my time with this, that, or the other, but today the cards suggest I should simply 'be'. I have spent the morning laying on the sofa, cuddling up to a cat who lives a few doors away. She is the most affectionate cat I have ever met and I love her very much.

After our day of photograph-making yesterday, I started to put some new cards together for this deck. In the landscape of this oracle, I imagine there to be a dense wood somewhere further into the island. It's darkness is slightly unnerving, but captivating at the same time. The first card I have made in this chapter of The Dark Beach is it's entrance. A
handsome man welcomes us into the wood and acts as our guide. Let's call him Kenzie, since that is his name. Kenzie Roth, who I have used for the illustration, is one of my favourite male models and is signed to Premier in New York. I downloaded some really nice photograph's of him recently and wanted to get him into the oracle somewhere. He is in another card already made, but in this one, his job is to encourage us to search within the hidden and darker parts of our mind and soul. The wood is a symbol of such a place.



Illustrations from The Dark Beach Oracle by Prince Le Normand

Armed

I am starting to dislike this card of tears. Especially after Thursday's draw. Looking at the illustration, it seems quite apt for that day. The stairs leading to the beach could be those which took the woman in the accident out of life and onto the next part of her journey. Like the 10 of Swords in tarot, which also depicts a painful ending of some kind, there is a sun in the sky. In some readings, I might see it as setting, as it was for the victim, but when looking at it from a more positive angle, it could be rising and ringing in the end of problems or emotional difficulties. Despite the sadness of the woman dying, she did have extremely serious head injuries. Her pain is now over. It is a an exact week since she was hit by the bus behind my garden.

I consciously made the second card in today's draw when I put this deck together. I wanted one that suggested speed, to show that something was coming into our lives quickly. It seemed a good idea to source a picture of someone running and fit him into The Dark Beach. With one side of the picture in darkness, it would appear that he has come very quickly from nowhere. In today's reading, he could represent a very sudden surge of emotion or an unexpected outpouring of tears. Oh joy!

My boyfriend and I were up early this morning to go and pick up my friend, Clare. We popped into hers for a quick cup of coffee and a study of the map, and then the three of us were off, all armed with our cameras, to go and take pictures. It is the first time that my boyfriend has used his new camera and he really enjoyed the day. We started off in some woods, photographing the plants and flowers, and then drove to a really peaceful location by the river. We stopped off at a pub on the way and had lunch. All three of us really enjoyed doing something different together and have decided to do it again soon. My boyfriend's new camera takes really good photographs and out of the 400 he has taken, there are some really good ones. Take his photograph of the small pink flower. We took a lot together, with the intention of using them in my Dark Beach Oracle. I think that a small and dark wood off of the beach will add an interesting dimension to the cards.

We had the first new viewing of our house today. Our new estate agents came and photographed the property yesterday and even though it is not yet on their site, they called up and brought a woman round this afternoon. My mum said she was very friendly and said we have a nice home. I am not holding my breath, but it is nice to have this kind of response from the first viewing. Maybe the recent decorating and adjustments have made a difference, since most of the people who visited before moaned about the tree in the garden and the hallways being too dark.

It has been warm all day, but now the sun has abandoned us and I have felt the odd drop of rain. My boyfriend and I are resting off our very long walk through the countryside this afternoon so that we can pop across the road with friends for a drink this evening. I am not entirely sure where today's cards sit in my day, but I made sure that my boyfriend didn't drive too quickly this morning. Looking at them together, I was concerned that speed could bring tears. I am hoping that our evening with friends will not bring about any unwanted outpouring of tears or emotion.



Illustrations from The Dark Beach Oracle by Prince Le Normand

The Work that Wasn't

Even though yesterday's cards mirrored my frustration for the sick computer, the tears in the second card were maybe a little too extreme for the situation. I had thought that at the time. This is one of the things about card reading and divining the future. Sometimes, the cards might be tugging at something which we are not aware of at that point of reading. This is one of the reasons why it is good to go with how you and the cards feel when you are reading for someone else. If a client can see no more than a computer on it's last legs, it does not necessarily mean that there isn't the potential for a more emotional or problematic situation just around the corner. If you see tears, then you see tears. As an example, I have just found out that the pedestrian involved in the accident behind my house on Saturday died yesterday. It is more likely that this is where the cards were pointing in their extremity yesterday, and even though I didn't know the 44 year old woman, I couldn't help but shed tears when I found out that she had died in hospital. My prayers were answered, in that she was taken to safety as quickly as possible, but they were not enough to keep her alive.

After getting up around 6am, making it to the station, and then meeting my lift from my train for the second part of the journey, I was told that I wasn't needed in school today when I finally got there. Apparently, they had forgotten that exams were on and thought my presence might distract the kids from that. The atmosphere in school was generally pretty bad, since each of the teaching assistants in the centre I work at were given letters, saying that many of them will lose their jobs. They were all in a blur, shocked and worried, so I wasn't so disappointed to be let out of there for today. Since my coming in to school when I wasn't needed was their mistake, the head teacher drove me all the way home and I am being paid for the day regardless. It turned out that the materials I had ordered had still not arrived, so it's probably not such a bad thing.

That first card always seems to turn up when I am tired. I think it is possibly due to my lingering cold, but when I got home from the work that wasn't, I went straight off to bed. My eyes ache and I am still really bunged up. As I lay there, I wondered how I would have made it through today without a nap and was grateful for being sent home. So once again, the card turns up to represent sleep and recuperation.

The second card is set amongst shadows. A man sits behind some plants where he cannot be seen. This is not the same as the hiding figure already drawn from this deck, where the man retires behind his rock to escape the storm. This one could be perceived as a bit sneaky, as he might be laying in wait for prey. Even though I hadn't thought about it at the time, this guy's hairy leg and ankle in the darkness looks a little like that of a faun or Pan.

Even though I was given reasons for being sent home today, I was a little suspicious. I have not really been getting much back from the staff in that school, so I wondered if they were holding something from me and had made up an excuse to send me on my way. Despite the other staff being given redundancy letters, it shouldn't make much difference to my schedule, since that has already been paid for, but it did seem a little strange to not make any use of me while I was earning. I will mull over this. The second card leads me to believe that all is not as it seems and that the figure is simply biding his time before springing out of the shadows, but for now, I will rest and conserve strength.



Illustrations from The Dark Beach Oracle by Prince Le Normand

The Beginning of the End

Even though there has been some good parts to today, it has also been tainted with the odd moment of anxiety, as shown in these two illustrations. I managed to get out this morning and do some shopping for one of my schools, finding some really good components for child-size puppets we are going to make and things to make personalised boards for each child in another class. Carrying all of it to the bus wasn't easy, but I managed, and felt some satisfaction from getting it all when I got home. I think we will pull off some good creations on this project.

However, at my other school, things are not flowing quite so well. As much as the staff are nice to my face, they are not all terribly supportive. Don't get me wrong. I have a wonderful teaching assistant who has been inspiring to work with, but the structure and assistance I need is lacking from those a little higher on the ladder. I have been waiting for materials for weeks now, so I mailed two members of staff to make sure that all I asked for will all be waiting for me tomorrow. I have received no reply. If it is not there, I will need to pull something else out of the hat for my three classes tomorrow. I don't like working in this kind of way. I like to be prepared for my lessons or they fall to pieces.

I planned to work on one alternative project this afternoon, just in case what I ordered has not arrived. I thought the students could design swing tickets and other branding for the t-shirts they have designed, as it will make them look all the more professional when they are in the exhibition. However, my sick computer had other ideas and would not boot up properly for over two hours. This left me feeling like the guy in today's first card, who is holding his head in sheer frustration. I didn't cry like the second young man by the beach stairs, but with no way of accessing important emails or being able to print stuff out for the morning, I was getting more and more anxious and irritated. This is what I think today's draw is centred around. My computer decided to turn itself on a short while ago, so I have had a chance to print out some things for the morning, but I do think that it is the beginning of the end for this machine. My boyfriend drove me to the local PC store this evening to gage what kind of replacement I should buy. It looks as though I will need to pay around £800 for a decent graphics computer. Just when I am earning some money to carry me through the great rains of July, it looks as though I am going to have to shell some of it out for a new laptop. Isn't it always the way?



Illustrations from The Dark Beach Oracle by Prince Le Normand

Two Heads

It's interesting how some cards naturally pair up in colour. Looking at today's duo, you might think that the man and woman from each are on the same part of the beach; it is dark, quiet and looks wet.

In the first card, the young man looks right at us. Behind him, the water looks cold and the shadows appear threatening, but in the sky above, there is a sign of hope. An aeroplane flies over, signifying support. The young man hopes that it will land, bring him some supplies, or help him to escape.

The second illustration shows a woman with long red hair. Behind her, a pathway runs into the darkness. The shadows offer surprises and the woman is advised to take advantage of them. When today's two cards fall together here, they suggest both opportunities and the support of others.

Today was a good day. My three colleagues and I went into one of the schools I am working at and laid plans for the next few months with the teaching stuff. For some of the students, we are going to make big fabric-covered boards for them to use for story telling, attaching attractive and textural components with Velcro. We are also going to be making puppets with another class and a large totem pole installation with another. Lots to get our teeth into. In the afternoon, we stopped off at a fabric warehouse and spent just under a hundred pounds on interesting materials for our potential large puppet's costumes.

This evening, I got a message from one of the ladies on the project, saying that she is happy to be working with me. I wrote back and said that I am enjoying working with her too and hope that we can continue to stay in touch after July. She suggested that we pair up and put our ideas to schools independently. This is what I think the cards speak about today. For me, she is the aeroplane. She brings support when I need it and I think that two heads will be better than one, since we both have different skills and experience. The idea of us working together is the opportunity symbolised by the pathway in the second card.



Illustrations from The Dark Beach Oracle by Prince Le Normand

Noah and the Great Rains

Out of the nine draws I have made with The Dark Beach Oracle, the card of friends and friendship has now come up on four occasions. This is quite a lot of times when you consider that there are fifty cards in the deck. Today, it is accompanied by the young blond guy and his makeshift teepee. One of the things I found useful to do before even interpreting the images, was make some comparisons. For example, the friends on the right have each other, but he is alone. They all huddle together for warmth, but the young blonde man has his own shelter. The friends are shown in darkness, where as he stands proud under the setting sun. He reminds me a little of Noah. In fact, I might just make that his nickname. While the others sit about and let their environment dictate their future, Noah has built his teepee and awaits the great rains. He has shelter and will stay dry.

This all makes me think about work. Could the great rain be coming in July, when my present teaching contracts finish? If so, I'd better get on with building my teepee. This would mean getting off of my backside and preparing some lesson plans for a new agency, as I have told them I would. The friends I have made on my current projects do not have work for after July either. From what I know, they have not even signed the contract for the new agency yet. I sent mine off a couple of weeks ago. I'd say that the group of four, huddled together on the beach, are them, exposed and vulnerable. Even though I would quite like to sit around and do nothing this afternoon, these cards advise me to pull my finger out, since today is one of the only days I have off this week. I must be resourceful like Noah.



Illustrations from The Dark Beach Oracle by Prince Le Normand

On her Own

Both of today's cards are awash with blue, but this is where the likenesses end. The first figure is outstretched and dives into the depths of the sea. Clouded in shadow, the water's surface doesn't give much away about what lays beneath, and this is the core of the cards meaning - the man is simply throwing himself towards something without consideration. You might see this as being either brave or reckless. In contrast, the young man in the second card is closed and hunches forward. The wind nips at his bare legs and the sky looks close to breaking into a storm. With nobody else near, he is alone on the beach and looks to us with an element of fear in his eyes. Has his own foolishness or recklessness put him in this position?

There is something very empowering and freeing about using these cards. They are what they are. The young man in the second card is a personal figure for me. His image lurks somewhere within my soul, since I enjoy my own company and the time I spend by myself. He symbolises all that is good about being alone, but in his darker aspects, he can represent the fear of loneliness. There is a difference between choosing to be alone, which I often do, and being left by yourself with nobody to reach out to, should you require them. That is a fear of mine for later life.

My chronic tiredness has lingered from yesterday into today. I can't explain exactly how it feels but it is a different kind of tiredness to normal. I feel drained and dizzy, and my concentration wanes. It seems to erupt at the same time as my stomach problems, so once again, I wonder if it is connected to my IBS. Even though we were asked to go and watch some bands today, neither of us wanted to spend the last day of our holiday together in the pub, so instead, we went out shopping in the sun. My boyfriend finally decided to go and spend his birthday money on a camera, so we trailed around photography shops, looking for a good deal. He and I had been talking about the prospect of him buying one a few nights ago. He was saying that we could go out and take pictures together and then we could both work on them at home, if we needed to.

I really like the idea of creating things with my boyfriend. My camera is not as sophisticated as his, but it would be exciting for me to go out and take pictures together. We talked about how we could collage our work together on Photoshop. With that in mind, The Dark Beach might not be the last oracle I create. Maybe he and I can concentrate on a collaboration of our original work.

As with many of my draws, today's cards remind me of a friend. Sometimes, I think the cards give an insight into how those close to me are feeling. After the recklessness of another night out last night, one of my mates is feeling a little emotionally and physically sore. I'd say that's her in the second card. As a sideline, after thinking about the suggestion of death in yesterday's draw, it was interesting to wake up and find out that Osama Bin Laden had been killed.




Illustrations from The Dark Beach Oracle by Prince Le Normand