The World around Me

I am writing from my bed. I have an upturned antique tray on my lap comfortably holding my netbook and pumped-up black cushions supporting my head. Even though feeling a little dazed from a cold, I just shuffled up the Enigma and received the 8 of Earth.

I was so tired last night but didn't sleep well. You know that kind of sleep you have (or don't have) when you are unwell? It was interrupted. My face aches and my body feels weak, so I just called my maths class to tell them that I won't be in this morning. As well as not wanting to venture out into the cold and make myself worse, my concentration is lapsing a bit.

For a day which has pretty much been cancelled, I am a little surprised to draw the 8 of Earth, which concentrates on labour. The card shows a study of men working and reminds me a little of Fritz Lang's Metropolpis. I flipped through the Lo Scarabeo deck and found that they have also used the same notebook sketches as an inspiration for their 7 of Pentacles. They really do keep their art decks to a high standard. I have the Klimt Tarot too; the way in which ideas and preparatory work is developed in the style of their artists is extremely admirable. What I like about using decks such as the one by Lo Scarabeo is the investigative work needed to identify the sources for each card. It is so satisfying to go on a search and find out where the illustration was originally born.

I didn't really want to cancel my maths class today. I called them up and they didn't mind, but I feel a bit guilty all the same. My uncle is here at the moment, working on the kitchen, so it's as though all of this physical work is going on around me as I lay here doing nothing. I just received a message from my boyfriend. He has been coughing and sneezing and didn't go into work, so I am not the only one.

Sometimes, it feels as though the world is going on around me and I get a sense of that in drawing this card. Men are pulling and pushing and lifting and carrying, but I am somewhere else. My friend texted me this morning to tell me that she had had a dream about my father and I. She said that in her dream, I was a musician (I hope this doesn't mean another bloody career change!) and couldn't put out my new music until my dad had given me positive feedback. Apparently, on the quiet, he had told her that he was actually proud of me, even if I was unaware. This is interesting. As much as I would like for my dad to not see me as some big fat disappointment, I think that the dream is looking at my life on a grander scale. My father is a symbol for those around me and my ego, who I have continually tried to pay off with one sweeping career change after another. As much as I say that I don't care what people think of me, I would like for people to think I have some kind of worth and can pay my own way. My friend's dream kind of ties in with today's throw. There is a small section for each card in the accompanying book by Caitlin Matthews, which gives thought to those who may feel disconnected. The 8 of Earth suggests that we reconnect to those things we enjoy to do and find a way of retraining if need be. I guess that I am doing this, in terms of wanting to teach. The music is a symbol of that, so today's card is about keeping focus and remaining diligent when I start to feel better.

Illustrations from The Da Vinci Enigma Tarot by Leonardo Da Vinci and The Da Vinci Tarot by Ghiuselev and Atanassov