Scratching out my Own Meaning

I have a good friend who dislikes the sickliness of brown and golds in tarot decks. They never used to bother me, but I can see where she is coming from. I thought that The Golden Rider might affect me in the same way it affects her, but even though syrupy here, it feels luxurious on my leopardskin bed. I do like the light palette of my original Rider, but it's nice to sift through these more intense oil paintings, which Richard Tapernoux based around the countryside of Jura, a region of the Swiss Alps. It's interesting how his Hermit has five fingers.

The Hermit is one of my personal cards. Or at least, it's one I can identify with; especially as I have grown older. It is not a card of loneliness as some might assume, but rather a choice to withdraw from social and regular activity, in favour of ones own company or some kind of soul journey. I guess you could think of the tarot as such a mission, as we try to locate some kind of quiet understanding and reflection from the images. I have been trying to climb that bit deeper into the cards over the past few days by scratching out my own meanings for the majors in spreads and individually. It could be described as a personal journey. I am lighting my path with the lantern, which is illuminating areas which once seemed dark. I have always found the major cards more difficult than the minors, but they are speaking to me simplistically, in a way that they never have before.

Even though the man in this card treads a path which looks uncertain and, for some, scary, all he needs is within him. The answers are already there. As I write, I can hear my uncle in the next room, talking about his son. My dislike for and lack of interest in my cousin is not something I hide. He speaks with his wallet, dealing with things by splashing the cash rather than reflecting on and learning from his past actions. He treats people like objects, which can be bought, sold and replaced, which is why I fell out with him and dodge any kind of meeting now. He's a King of Pentacles type (in it's reversed position). Rather than address the questioning of The Hermit, he tries to fill the void in his life by buying a third car, a bigger apartment, or two-timing which ever unlucky woman happens to be his current girlfriend. He is today's card in the reversed position, since his lifestyle has made him lonely. He has nobody to share his shallow fortune with. Something worth taking time out to reflect on, I'd say.

I have to go out to an appointment a little later. My M.E. rating has risen on my diary sheet as the days have passed and I am feeling weak and dizzy still. I rang for my allergy results yesterday but I must wait another couple of weeks. Today's card is about quiet time. It's about withdrawing from society. This card often reminds me of periods of personal withdrawal, where I keep out of socialising for a bit. My boyfriend and I have been happy to do just that of late. Our last weekend together was special. We didn't do so much, but we did enjoy each others company, away from the boozy nights out that we were offered but declined.


Illustration from The Golden Rider by Richard Tapernoux