Every Fruit has it's Season

One of the reasons why I bought this deck was it's palette. I love the contrasts; that bright red hair, for example, clashing against the green of The Empress's dress. I adore her blue-tinged, icy skin. There is a warmth in the glow around her but she is a steely fighter, none the less.

I kind of wondered if she'd turn up today. I often see her as a reminder to look after myself or others. In some ways, she is the patron of my diet. She has overlooked everything I have put in my mouth and watched the pounds fall away. I was saying just this morning that I feel so differently about myself at the moment. Even though I have pretty much been underweight for my entire life, rather than over, with an extra stone or more than I was ever used to, I didn't feel like dressing up or making any kind of effort; this was unusual for me, since clothing and image has always been of great interest. However, still at my target weight, I do feel more interested in choosing clothes I like to wear and am not sulking around in the background of my life in clothes I'd bought that were two sizes too big.

I don't feel so great today; tiredness has set in and I ached throughout the night. This often comes hand in hand with feelings of apathy and my turning around thoughts of failure like a dog with a bone. The little white book that comes with this deck is one of the best I have read and of The Empress, it says 'Remember that every fruit has it's season'. This is a card of nature and reminds me that things will develop and grow in their own time. They can't be rushed.

I was meant to meet Kate this morning, but she cried off at the last moment as her daughter has a temperature and she is keeping her off of school. I always enjoy my time with her, so this was a bit of a disappointment, but on looking out of the window and seeing how it is trying to snow, I am that little bit relieved.

The Empress has always reminded me of a particular person in my life and I spoke with her this morning. Maybe it was just me, but I sensed a little distance. It mig

ht very well have been because she was out having breakfast at the time, but I wonder if she is feeling less than content with me. I am stuck between her and another mate at the moment and have chosen not to provide tidbits of information for either party. She seems eager to know what happened when I saw the other friend at the weekend but I breezed over it and changed the subject.

Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Moving on Without You

This is the moving on card for me. I can't remember if I spoke about my experiences with it on here before or not. In one of my previous jobs, I had grown tired of how I was being treated. What with the five hours of travelling I had to endure every day, I had had enough. I drew this card one morning and wondered if it meant that things were about to come to a head. When I got in, I spoke to my friend, Andriana. As she was interested in my tarot readings, I told her about the 8 of Cups and she immediately told me not to worry, saying 'Its's not you, it's me .. I'm handing my notice in this morning as I've got a new job'. Because we'd all had enough of the place, I was pleased for her, but still couldn't get my head around the card. I explained to her that I had read it as someone moving on that day, rather than in a month's time.

Eventually, she went for a meeting with our boss and hit her with the news. Our boss seemed a little shocked but the deed was done. As the day began to wrap up, we started to prepare ourselves for home. It was then that a lady from Human Resources and a security guy came to Andriana's desk. They told her that since she would be working for a competitor, she needed to clean her desk and would be leaving that very day to go on gardening leave. We were all quite taken aback. It meant that she didn't have a chance to say goodbye to everyone properly, so we all organised a farewell party for her in London a week later. As a parting gift, I gave her The Morgan Greer, since that was the very deck I had drawn the card from.

I received a message from my boyfriend this morning. He is not happy at work either. He feels as though he is being taken advantage of, and after last week's meeting with his manager to express his dissatisfaction, he has not heard anything back. With this card in mind, I reminded him to not do anything rash. You can push and push at my boyfriend, but eventually, he will blow. When he finally does, you'll know it and I don't want him to do anything he'll regret. I can see him telling them where to stick their job, and as satisfying as that might be, it won't do him any favours in the long run. They're really cutting their nose off, despite their face. They have got a great worker and a lot of potential in him and they'll only realise that when someone else has snatched him up.

I have looked all over today's card, but can't see any kind of obvious reflection; well, not like other reflections in this deck. In this card, one person seems to be walking away from another. If the card represented two people, then I might feel sorry for the woman on the left, since the one walking away on the right seems to have outgrown her. However, I think it is more likely that the figures are one and the same. I had a nice evening out at the weekend, but I do feel as though I have outgrown nights like that. Is this 8 of Cups about leaving that side of things behind as I get closer to turning 40? We discussed what I am going to do for my birthday and I explained that I want something low-key. To be truthfully honest, I don't really want to do anything. My boyfriend is going to take me away for a week, which I am up for, but I have had more than my fair share of birthday parties and don't fancy another one (a surprise party being the worst option of all). The 8 of Cups is all about a need to leave something behind. Yes, I am frustrated with how things sit at the moment. I keep being told that 40 is a milestone and right now, I don't feel as though I have much to show for it.

Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Social Lightning

Oh, bugger. This is never a card I enjoy to see. The fire in this version from the Tarot of the Reflections looks particularly ferocious. It's like a snap shot into our day, where some poor person will find himself thrown from a place of comfort.

Once again, the book adds light to definition. It says 'Every experience must rest on solid foundations if it is to last over time. Have strong inner foundations, demolish what is worn and eliminate the superfluous'. When I think of today, I remember we are going out this evening. What ever happens will be determined by the foundations which have been laid; these foundations might be built on glasses of wine, the unsteadiness of friendships between others, or problems with friends from the past (could the card be speaking of someone I would rather not run into? - I can think of one old friend who'd I'd rather would slip into my past and not pop up). Maybe, the card advises me to watch how much I drink, who I drink with, and where I drink to avoid the strike of social lightning depicted in this card. My boyfriend and I hardly argue, but we did have one big bust up over a year ago and didn't make it up until the next morning. In those days, we drank far more than we would now. The bottles of wine were the lightning striking in The Tower card. Underlying niggles were the foundations which were provoked. I can see how this card coming up today suggests that I look to clearing any problems before situation or the unexpected tries it's best to kick harmony from the burning windows of this tall building.

The Mac is now set up and I am using it right now. It really is lovely to use; like breezing over ice. There is no wheel on the mouse, but you glide your finger along it's spine to scroll as you would with a touch screen phone. The 21.5 inch screen is crystal clear and everything I look at just pings with colour and detail. My boyfriend set my printer up and resurrected my elderly iPod, so as I write, I am listening to the wonderful Rizzle Kicks. My boyfriend loves all of the gadgets, but it has been so long since I have had a computer that works that the real novelty of buying this Mac for me is that it switches on when I want it to and doesn't turn itself off when I don't want it to. Can you imagine having a computer that doesn't take twenty-four hours to turn on?

Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Like a Virgin

Do you remember staring at the clock when you were a kid? Trying to see the minute hand move? How ever much you stared at it, it never seemed to, but then after turning away to look at the television, you'd look back again and realise that five minutes had passed. This is how I look at this chariot. It doesn't look as though it's going too fast, does it? However, it is moving, even if we can't see it. In the small book that comes with this deck, we are advised 'Know that your chariot can advance even if it seems to be going nowhere'.

This was quite a good card for me to draw this morning before going to my Maths class. It's my second real session there. I wasn't particularly looking forward to going; mainly because I would prefer to be doing something other than Maths, but also down to my worrying whether I will learn enough to eventually get me through the test. When I am there, it is not so bad. As I look through the questions, it jogs something in my memory. I am a Maths virgin with a shady past and bits of suppressed knowledge find their way to the surface. After two hours, I had had enough and the walls came down, but my tutor seemed impressed with what I had done. It feels as though I am not getting particularly far, but like today's card, I think things are moving ahead, even if they don't always look as though they are.

After my lesson, my parents took me off to PC World and I bought my new iMac. The woman who served me was really helpful. I had not known whether to take advantage of the Apple care plan, so I dithered about until she discounted it. As well as them being there for constant support, she said that you can make appointments for tutorials and to ask them how to do different projects on the machine, should you wish. As I write, it is still boxed up. I thought I'd wait until my boyfriend gets here before setting it up. It's been sitting in the corner all day. I have learned to be much more patient with age, but in honesty, I am not much good with instructions, so it's probably best that he takes the lead.

I kind of fancied going out this evening, but my boyfriend suggested we do tomorrow instead. I always used to enjoy Friday nights out more than Saturdays. It has a different buzz, probably being the first night of the weekend. So for tonight, I think we will have a quiet one, setting the new computer up and watching the final of Celebrity Big Brother.


Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

The Final Insult

I don't usually catch up on my blog this late in the evening. I was going to let it slide today, but I picked this card this morning and really like it; it's the Knave of Swords.

It was dark and raining when I left my boyfriend's this morning. I didn't have a hat so my newly shaved head got wet. Every cold raindrop felt like a tear of ice, so I bought a cheap beanie when I got off the train. I could feel a slight tiredness in my legs and chest, but I slowly walked home through the long alleyway regardless. Buses only come this way once an hour, so if you've only just missed one, it's a long wait.

My mum had a physio appointment this morning, so my dad and I hitched a ride to a shopping estate across the road from where she goes. We looked at tiles for the kitchen, bikes for my birthday, and computers. I tried to do an extra post for my blog yesterday, but my elderly laptop had other ideas, switching itself off mid-post. This little netbook has been my saviour, but I do need something a bit more heavy duty, so we had a look around. I can never decide which is best. I like the portability of a laptop, but I haven't had too many good experiences with the ones I have had. Every time I have gone to look at computer stores, I always want a Mac, but end up bypassing them for a cheaper PC option. I went straight to their section this time. I started off looking at the Mac Book Air, but because I want it for graphics, found myself round the other side of the table looking at a stylish iMac with a 21.5 inch screen. The guy in the shop gave a good commentary and answered my questions. One of the things I hate about my deceased desktop machine is the wires, so was surprised and pleased to hear that the iMacs only have one lead. The hard drive on the model I was looking at is built into the back of the screen and the keyboard and mouse are wireless. All of this for £999.00. I am considering getting it tomorrow. I have almost got used to computers that won't turn on, disc drives that don't open and laptops which turn themselves off when the tough gets going. I am not sure how I will react to a machine that actually does what I want it to.

Today's card is alert and communicative. As I have spent my evening on my maths homework, I am not so sure that he resembles me, but the card might have something to do with my boyfriend. It could be that he has taken to a little written expression of his own (which he has), but more likely, the knave represents messages. Due to the difficulty that can come with cards from the Swords suit, I think it is connected to my boyfriend not being called back for a second interview. He found out this afternoon. In his current role, he works singly as a Credit Controller. There were others in his team with the same job previously but they were made redundant last year. The company he applied to said that they thought he might not be able to work as successfully in a team, since he works alone now. Knowing how much my boyfriend does for the other lazy oaths in his office, I know that this is rubbish. He and one of the girls there both received a pay rise today. Even though it is better than a kick in the teeth during these financially testing times, to find out that his raise was less than someone who is late every day, spends a lot of her time chatting on messenger-type programmes, has been warned about her amount of sickness, and actually has him helping her with her work, as he said to me in a message, it really was the final insult.


Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Chuck us Another!

I remember reading this card for one of my old neighbours once, suggesting that in the world of work, she was a bit of a multitasker. She had said this was true and seemed pretty happy with my bringing the skill up in her reading. In this version of the card, the guy doesn't seem so at ease with the juggling of his coins. He looks as though he is perspiring, trying to keep them in the air without dropping them. This is more like me. I get stressed when I have too much to do; especially when at work. Whoever the phrase 'I thrive on pressure' was inspired by, it certainly wasn't me. I left both of my last two full time jobs because keeping all of the balls in the air was too much of an ordeal and I was conscious of consistently dropping them.

I had a really nice chat with my uncle the other day. While my mum was driving my dad to the hospital, I pulled up a chair in the kitchen and we talked. His son is a year older than me. We had a bit of a falling out a few years ago and I stopped answering his messages. Depending on which way you look at it, my cousin has done very well for himself. He has (what I am told) is an amazing house, a fast and expensive car, a job that pays him close to £100,000 a year and travels all over the world. However, as my uncle put it, he is rarely happy. For that kind of salary, he is at the beck and call of his boss, who has been known to ring him at 11 o'clock on a weekend evening, lives in fear of redundancy, and has nobody to share his fortune with. I can see him in this version of the 2 of Pentacles as well.

It took me quite a while to realise what was important. I have never been particularly materialistic, but for a while, I threw myself into the same career roles time and again, because I believed that these kind of well paid jobs would prove my worth. But with each job, I received another knock and had to come to terms with the fact that I am not cut out for that kind of pressure. With emails coming through at twenty at a time, more appointments and meetings to attend than I could get my ahead around, and having to jump into taxis here, there and everywhere, I eventually ran from my desk, leaving the gold pentacles to fall and smash on the floor. This card makes me think of that.

Having said all of this, there are times when that has not been the case. In the teaching work I did last year, I was under an enormous amount of pressure in some of my jobs, but because I knew what I was doing, I was able to hit the ground running. In that example, I had got myself loosened up and ready before beginning my juggling act. With that in mind, this card could be about thinking on your feet and taking on extra stuff successfully when you already have enough to contend with. It's about knowing your limitations.

Dad is home now. He is sore but relieved that it is all over for the time being. With that out of the way, I wonder if someone is eager to chuck another pentacle into this juggling act. Even though perspiring, the guy in the card is coping. He looks ahead, focused, as the pentacles appear balanced. However, if someone chucks another into the equation, it could just knock him over the edge.


Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Jackie's Strength

This is an interesting one. At first, this card, the 5 of Swords, seems to visually step outside of the Rider Waite tradition, but when you look at it closely, it is pretty similar in intention. In the traditional image, a main figure gains power over two characters in the background. We don't immediately see that here, but when we take into account the woman's mirror reflection behind her, it could easily become her defeated opponent. Since they are one and the same person in this deck, we might ask ourselves 'who it is that we are really harming by our actions'.

The little white book that comes with this deck offers good food for thought. It says "Failure can be positive if you understand your mistake. Don't repeat the errors: the biggest defeat is the one that could have been avoided".

This card reminds me of my friend, Jackie. She once had the same hairstyle. It's funny how friendships fade away like the image of the woman in the background of this illustration. As two mates who lived in each others pockets (and for a while, in the same bedroom), we always maintained that our friendship would never die. Even though I got a message from her recently, after telling her I had changed my number, I get little more, so I'd say our friendship is pretty much on it's last legs. From what I understand, she still sees old friends I introduced her to and my ex boyfriend, even if I haven't seen her or them in many years. I think of her sometimes. In fact, it's strange that this card turns up today, because I dreamt of her last night for the first time in a long time. How can you know someone for over twenty years, to the point that they are actually like the mirror image of yourself, and then get to a point where you no longer know them at all? I miss the good times with her, but with so much water under the bridge, I am not sure I'd know what to say to her if I saw her now.

So where does this card sit today? Rather than Jackie, I'd say that this card is describing my boyfriend, who had his telephone interview for a job just half an hour ago. Unfortunately, it didn't go too well, through no fault of his own. The signal on his phone kept cutting out and the interviewer could not hear him properly. He sounded defeated in his first message to me, but in the last, he appeared more positive, saying he had spoken to his agent and wants to try and organise another go after 5 o'clock. Now this is where today's advice comes into play. As the cryptic little message in the little white book states, he must make sure that the same problem doesn't affect the call again.

Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Pig Headed

Look at the eyes in this king. If you really look into them, they're kind of piercing. He looks right into you, and like the little book that comes with this deck states, becomes your reflection. If I am going by what Titania Hardie says, then this guy is our Aries Male, since he is right side up. The closest Aries male to me is my boyfriend. He messaged me this morning to say that he has a telephone interview for a job tomorrow, so this could be him in the card, grabbing the bull by the horns, gripping the wand in his grasp, or taking control of the telephone from it's receiver.

Our weekend was busy. Doesn't everything seem to always hit at the same time? We got up early to visit my boyfriend's little niece on Saturday morning as it was her 4th birthday. Her parents had organised a party out of the house, so we were only there for an hour or so to give her her card and money, for which be both received a kiss. She is growing before our eyes. When I met her, she was just a toddler, but now, her personality is changing as she becomes more independent. As much as it is nice to see her growing up, I kind of miss the way she was.

From there, we drove to see my oldest friend, who gave birth recently. With cuddly smurf under arm, we dropped in for a few hours in the afternoon. Both her and her husband were tired, but we drank tea and chatted as my friend lay on the sofa with her three week old little boy. It was lovely to see, since this baby took a long time coming. There was a point when I thought she may never make motherhood, but as with all miracles, little Dylan took everyone by surprise. He really is a beautiful little boy and so special, due to how long it took for him to finally get here. I could feel myself becoming tired as the afternoon darkened, and soon enough, my yawns turned to a headache. However, we still had one last visit of the day to make. We then drove on to another friend's home, where her and her new boyfriend cooked us a delicious trout dinner. The evening was simple, sitting in her kitchen at the table and talking. I had only met her boyfriend once very briefly, so it was an excuse to get to know him better. Even though his English is only a few years old, down to him being Spanish, it wasn't too difficult of a barrier to break.

Unfortunately, the weekend did produce a death. My main computer is now up in a kind of heaven that we call the loft. It wouldn't turn on for four days, and like any loving family member would, I eventually pulled the plug. I can't be doing with it's temperamental attitude, turning on one day, and then not the next. With no use, it was starting to take up space and it's mechanical whining was beginning to annoy me. Thinking that I might eventually end up putting my foot through it, I packed it up and sent it upwards. I am currently using the laptop that it initially replaced six years ago. Next to my newish Netbook, it looks as though it was fashioned in 1985. It's funny how things date so quickly these days. It kind of scares me. But there is something kind of appealing about how basic it seems under the fingertips. I dragged it out because it has old versions of Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator on it. For this blog, it is nice to be able to fiddle about with cards and stuff visually before I publish.

One of the points of this deck is to look at our own reflections, so even though I see my boyfriend and his good news in today's card, I also see myself. I have often said how I see myself in this king. My boyfriend mentioned how demanding I am yesterday, which is definitely one of this king's personality traits. My father is waiting from the call from the hospital, since his operation is scheduled for today. If it is anything like last time, he still has many hours of sitting and fasting before a bed becomes available. He and I had words last night, and as per usual, he is dragging out the bad feeling by ignoring me. I am worried about his operation but see no use in trying to talk to him at the moment. You might see today's court figure and it's reflection as the two of us; one being just as pig headed as the other.


Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

The Birthday Turnaround

Today, I wanted to use the Teen Oracle by Cinnamon Crow, which I received for Christmas, but cannot find it anywhere; it's probably been hidden amongst the house move and our new kitchen, which is now standing in our garage and hallway. Instead, I am using a deck of the same name which I found in a pound shop some years ago. The card drawn is The Rock.

I got up early this morning, had my bath, and then hotfooted it into town for my maths class. I confess to not really looking forward to it, but once there, I actually kind of enjoyed myself. The tutor gave me work to do and consistently came round to each student to help with any problems. I managed far more than I thought I could and he seemed pretty pleased with what I had done. I was there for a couple of hours and then went to meet my friend for coffee. I haven't seen him much in the last year. He is getting married in November so we talked about that. From there, I walked to my new dentist to register. My mouth didn't ache so much today, which is just as well, since I have to be in the system for four days before I can make an appointment.

I was pretty tired when I got home, but was a bit irritated that I had not heard back about a job I'd applied for ten days ago. I found the number of the agent and called her. She said she hadn't got round to doing anything so I asked her when she was thinking she might tackle it. She said she had no idea and pretty much hung up on me. And these are the kind of people I am hoping will help find me a job? I think this might be where today's card sits. As much as the rock shows stability, it also hints at my being trapped and a situation being stagnant. Despite going to my maths class, which I am attending to help move my career on, I do feel stuck. I am kind of irritated about not hearing anything from the jobs I've applied for. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, wouldn't you?!

It has been my dad's 70th birthday today. That kind of doesn't even feel possible. When I was young, 70 seemed so old. It feels so weird that my dad is now that age. His birthday didn't start off so well. For starters, while I was out, the kitchen was delivered .. by just one man. Apparently, the other didn't show. My parents really should have got the company to sort something out, but instead, helped him unload the van. So that meant very heavy worktops being carried by a 70 year old man, who is not in the best of health, and his 66 year old wife, who cannot walk properly. It really annoyed me when I found out. For one or another reason, he ended up going to bed feeling unwell by 7pm. My boyfriend and I took a short trip out to get some food a little later and I woke him up to see if he would like some. With a little sleep under his belt, it did the trick. We then gave him his presents; a book from my boyfriend's parents and three more from us. He was thrilled to bits, so thankfully, his birthday was turned around.



Illustration from The Teen Oracle by Emrys

Bare With, Bare With ...

If you've seen the comedy Miranda, today's title will make you smile. In this context, I am asking you to bare with me as I play out some ideas I put together this afternoon. Of course, they won't suit all, but I enjoyed experimenting for an hour. I have had really bad tooth pain for a week and need to register with a new dentist tomorrow, but while I was playing with the cards, my mind was taken away from the pain for an hour at least.

I really liked Titania Hardie's idea of using twelve of the court cards as people, presenting a person of both gender for each of the zodiac signs. So for example, a reversed Queen of Swords would make a Virgo male. I read a review of her writings on Amazon and the usual hoo-ha about which astrological sign should be assigned to which court figure ensued, so I closed the window. As long as they are all covered, I don't care so much about how they are assigned; that could be debated and argued until the cows come home, but if I believe and trust the arrangement I am using, then that is enough for me. I wasn't getting so much from the minor cards in Titania's deck, so I pulled out another set to use, and with my cup of tea, learnt who was what by going through them and then testing myself. Surprisingly, I committed them to memory pretty quickly.


Now as you know, I like to mix things up a bit. I always think it's good to draw what works from here and there. I have often spoken about the sequence in three-card playing draws that was offered in the book Personal Prophesy by Deborah Leigh. It's always worked well for me, even if it is hard to explain. I thought I would take a moment to show how it works when mashed up with Titania's astrological court system. So as Tilly would say as she scans the messages on her mobile phone, 'Bare with, bare with ...'.

When Leigh looks at a three card spread, she imagines herself at the left of the three cards. Her system is pretty difficult to explain, so I think it is best to try and lead through examples. Some of you are probably wondering what happens to the four court cards left out. Titania's system only deals with the kings, queens, and pages, each holding a different astrological sign. The four knights regard thoughts in her system, but I prefer to see them as movement. I always saw so many similarities between the rank of page and knight, and king and queen, that using them in this way feels more water tight for me.

So, let us take a look at the first set.





The court here is the Page of Cups. In this example, the card is reversed, so becomes a female Pisces. Because I would see myself in the imaginary space to the left of the reading, this female and I share the 5 of Cups. This card contains it's traditional meaning of loss, so the reading could be about a fall out between myself and this woman. I am a Pisces, so I can kind of relate to her. Maybe she is off dreaming somewhere. She tries to be grounded and dependable, but that does not always come easily for her. I don't know much about astrology, but having a female friend who is a Pisces, I can see how more knowledge about the signs of zodiac could really flesh out these readings and tell us who is in the cards more directly. Behind the woman is The Hermit. This is what belongs to her. It explains how she has become withdrawn in some way of late. Maybe she has been feeling down or needed to take some time out of the fast lane. Is she seeking knowledge or studying? These are the reasons why my relationship with this woman has dissipated.



A court card once again sits in the centre of the second trio. This queen is assigned to Scorpio and since she is right side up, the card represents a female (she'd be male if reversed). I don't know any Scorpio females, I don't think. Because the knights are movements in my version of the system, the Knight of Swords is about brisk change which can sometimes be overwhelming. This is what the queen holds. She has the ability to breeze into my life and rock things up. With Death being the card we share, it is enough to put an end to something. I'd hazard a guess that it is the end of our friendship.



In my last example, our king sits at the beginning. This means that the two cards behind him are that which he wishes to share. This King of Wands depicts a male Aries. This would be the card that stands for my boyfriend. Behind him is the scary Tower. Now, this card does not always need to be a big anxiety. When mixed with a card like the Knight of Cups, it may very well indicate an emotional surprise. Maybe this Aries male is planning to propose to the person he loves or is preparing some kind of surprise party.

I hope that I have explained all of this well enough. Sometimes, tarot can confuse the hell out of me. I wonder who is who and what is what. While developing these ideas today, I felt as though I had come up with a system that ironed out the creases that bit more.


Illustrations from The Cachet Tarot by Kudos

The Cup, the Surgeon, and my Dad

I'm carrying on the colourful mood from yesterday, since there is little colour outside of my window this morning. You could not find a duller sky, so I am pulling from Titania's Star Tarot. These cards are interesting, because they have a system of their own, built around Astrology. Aside from the minors baring no similarity to the Rider Waite tradition, twelve of the courts represent zodiac signs. For example, the King of Swords in today's draw is a Taurus male. If he had been reversed, he'd be a Taurus female. Some may shudder at Titania Hardie's moving about of the furniture, but I kind of like it when a creator claims the tarot as her own (as long as she gives us a key to the cards by way of a brief explanation).

The Youth of Swords is a Capricorn male. I noticed this card straight out because my father is a Capricorn. In fact, it is his 70th birthday tomorrow. He is at the hospital today, having a preliminary appointment for his biopsy on Monday. One of my friends was mentioning how nice it is that the three of us have settled into this new house and are making it a home. I completely agree, but these tests, to find out if the cancerous cells they discovered in what they cut away from his last operation have spread, does cast a dark shadow over everything here. Now is our time for relaxation and enjoyment. We don't need another mountain to climb. I am not quite sure who that Taurus male is, but I suppose there is every possibility that he is the person performing the procedure. With the Ace of Cups next to him, Hardie suggests good news regarding a loved one. Let's hope so, eh!

The plasterers are here at the moment, sorting the kitchen ceiling. I am alone at home with them, laying on my bed. So many people have traipsed through this house in the last month, but it still feels weird to have strangers in the house. My main computer is whirring in the background, like an aircraft waiting to take off. It is so near to death now. It was turned on about an hour ago but will not boot up. If you manage to get life out of it one day, chances are that you will not the next. I am so pleased I bought this Netbook, since it saves me at times when I need to do stuff to my bank account or send emails. Even though it has worked like a dog for the past five or so years, I could quite easily put my foot through the other machine right now. It has become so temperamental and this attention-seeking routine is an every day occurrence now. When it was booting up a couple of weeks ago, it was taking up to two hours to get to the main screen. My friend has advised me to go with a Mac next time, but I just don't know if I can spend that kind of money right now. If I needed a computer for only searching the net, I'd probably stick with just this, but I don't want to lose or sacrifice my graphics. Therefore, I need something to load Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator onto. Unfortunately, that comes with a pretty hefty price tag.

Illustrations from Titania's Star Tarot by Johnson Banks

Leaving the Body

It's a dreary old day here; wet and grey outside. I have pulled my curtains open as wide as possible to let in the light. I don't usually listen to music but have put some on to push away the darkness outside. 80s pop music can act in the same way that a crucifix will for a vampire, if you confront the blues or a bad mood with it.

With all of this in mind, I pulled out The Yoga Tarot. Off the top of my head, I'd say it's one of the most colourful decks I have. If you don't believe me, look at the photos below, showing it laid out on the bed of my newly painted room. I need new blinds and the floor done, not to mention some touching up of the paintwork, but it's getting there.

I have spoken a bit about this deck in one other post on the blog. As much as I like the art a lot, my problem with it always situates around not being able to identify the postures correctly. Now I enjoy a little looking around and the finding out of things, but this deck chucks many a curve ball. Take today's card, the 3 of Pentacles, as an example. Now with the peacock behind the man, you'd think that it is showing The peacock pose, yes? Since there is a Yoga posture named the peacock, I went for a rummage through my own yoga books and online, but the majority of photos show something other than what we have here. Is this a variation of the pose? I admit to only having done a beginners course in Yoga a few years ago, so I am none the wiser.

Looking in my first book, I see that The Peacock balances the body on just the hands horizontally (see photo). The book practices Sivananda Yoga. Could this be different to The Peacock in The Yoga Tarot, which I understand looks at Hatha Yoga for the suit of Pentacles? Sifting through links to Hatha Yoga and YouTube videos, I cannot seem to find any other kind of Peacock, aside from the variations, where the legs are bent to make the pose seem easier for new students. However, they don't look like what we have in this card. The book that comes with the deck says 'Can I imagine myself outside of my body? And outside of my mind?'. It's two words of interpretation are 'risk and investment'. Great help as usual, Lo Scarabeo (tongue firmly in cheek).

I often think of the peacock as being a symbol of vanity. Here, it might be the ego, should we be willing to imagine ourselves out of the body and mind, where such things have no place. Traditionally, the 3 of Pentacles is a card of work and the team for me, so I wonder if this card is asking me to consider possibilities I might usually pass by.

I haven't heard from any of the jobs I applied for, so maybe it is time to get back to the drawing board once again; maybe today's card suggests I apply for something I can do, but which opposes my ego. I was hoping that the 3 of Pentacles might bring news from contacts, but as we slip into the afternoon, it has not yet.


Illustration from The Yoga Tarot by Adriana Flarina

Mr Waggly Finger

For today, the tarot chucks Il Papa (The Hierophant in some decks) my way, so once again, I am greeted with a mature and bearded gentleman. This one waggles his finger at me, reminding me to conform or stick to the rules. I suppose this could be about my diet, since there is little else I am trying to stick with at the moment. After three or more months, I am still doing well. I add the odd thing in here and there, but I am still right on my target weight, to the pound. I start my day with fruit and yogurt, have some kind of salad at lunch, and a decent meat and vegetable dinner. I don't eat cheese, hardly have potatoes, and have bypassed bread. I don't really snack, but if I do, I nibble on a Weight Watchers bar from the cupboard. So yeah, despite the odd temptation, Mr Waggly Finger, I am doing ok and feel better for it. But thanks for the reminder.

Frustratingly, I haven't heard back from any of the employers or agents I have applied to. I am hoping that the one-off teaching day will be okay, but I also send my details off for a teaching assistant job and then there was the proposition in the street. I think that all of these prospects would be interesting, so I am kind of disappointed to not hear back.

The house was full this morning. My uncle and cousin arrived to drop the ceiling in the kitchen and my friend Sarah came to visit too. We decided to leave the car and take some exercise, so walked into town. I had lots of bits and bobs I needed to buy; birthday cards, gift bags, car de-icer; you know the kind of things. In between our shopping, we had some lunch and a good chat, since I haven't seen her since Christmas Eve. Amongst our day, I saw an ottoman that matched my new bedside cabinets. Because it was the last one there in the sale, I snapped it up, transferring money from my small amount of savings to get it. Part of me worries about the amount of money I've spent from that recently, but I see these things as an investment. When my boyfriend and I are ready to move out, we will have all of this to take with us. And of course, these things are all better value for money than the cigarettes and booze I was spending my cash on before.

I didn't post on Sunday as was pretty busy, so missed my two year anniversary on the blog. I started blogging here on January 15th 2010. Old Il Papa knows all about discipline and how many fall away from blogging after a couple of months, so he respects my consistency and ability to keep this up. I used to start and finish blogs all of the time, but I don't do that anymore. I guess that this place feels like home now, which is why I continue to come back to it.



Illustration from The Ancient Italian Tarot by Lo Scarabeo

The King of Health and Wealth

For today, a card from The Ancient Italian Tarot - the Re di Danari, or if you prefer, the King of Coins.

The last few days have been busy. My boyfriend and I continued with the painting on Saturday morning. We finished off the walls that Kate and I had started the day before and then completed the ceiling. I can't tell you how different it feels in here now. It is as though a whole new life has been breathed into the room. The sun from outside glides across the clean white walls and there is an over all feeling of calm and serenity. I didn't realise just how much those horrible aged and browned papered walls were affecting my mood. Understanding this, Kate had also suggested ditching the carpet for the concrete floor, so we ripped that up too. It's cold under foot, but at least it is just one colour, rather than the swirly mess that was there before.

We visited my boyfriend's brother on Saturday. I drank some wine, which went straight to my head, but the two of us were on good form yesterday, deciding to take his two little nieces to an antique fair. They have the same one about four times a year, which is housed in and outside of three massive tents. I saw many interesting things, but nothing really provoked a purchase this time. However, my boyfriend did get me a few little bits as a surprise. With money burning a hole in my pocket, we stopped off on the way home and I bought an ornate metal light shade and two bedside tables, which we spent the rest of the evening putting together. They furnish my room nicely, and with nowhere to previously put bits and bobs, were a much needed addition. My reading lamp and netbook sit on one side, where my boyfriend can leave his watch and wallet, and my milky white crouching angel and blackberry sit on the other.

I was a bit worried that the weekend's wine might tire me as the party did a week ago, but I feel good today. Perhaps it is be the room that is lifting my spirits or the fact that I have been offered a day's work, teaching. Whatever it is, the King of Coins shows me in top physical form - whether that is through renewed health or money. Alternatively, he could resemble someone I know. This man would be mature, financially independent and physically strong and healthy. With this little white beard, nobody comes to mind at the moment, so I am choosing him to see him as the bringer of wealth in all aspects of the physical realm, as I get on with painting an old mirror for my wall.


Illustration from The Ancient Italian Tarot by Lo Scarabeo

Losing Faith and Ordering a Curry

My boyfriend and I lay in bed and watched The Graham Norton Show last night, since Madonna was on it, complete with the lead actor and actress of her new film, W.E. I adored Madonna when I was a teen and enjoyed her for many years after, but that love has dissipated over recent years. After watching her last night, it was near on dead. With someone that famous, it is often hard to detach the working persona from that of her real personality, but when you do manage this with Madonna, you realise that the latter finds it hard to stand up on it's own. Of course, I do not know her personally, but on shows like this, she comes across as an unrelaxed and wooden woman, whose every move, laugh or word is contrived and geared to audience response. It's an act she has been playing for many years now, and like the majority of her film performances, appears unnatural and not particularly human. It might be that she has become so obsessed with herself that she has disappeared somewhere up the entrance of her own little world. From listening to the audience of last night's show, it would seem that her fans have disappeared up there too, never to be seen again in reality.

It kind of pains me to slay Madonna, because her music has been the soundtrack to much of my life. I still look back at more than a handful of her songs and when I do, I slip off into a daze, remembering how I was feeling at the time of their release. Each could easily be the title of a chapter in my life. When I hear the original version of Like a Prayer, I remember walking home from one of my first jobs in the dark, listening to it on my new personal stereo. As a teenager, the controversy surrounding the video was exciting and I lapped up every bit, since it felt as though she and I were growing up together. I used to take the record round to my friends, Jenni and Phay, and we'd sit there, dreaming of our futures, with Madonna and her church choir helping to raise the level of our excitement. A few years later, I saw her in concert for the first time. I think I lived off of the buzz of that for many weeks after.

But now, I feel as though I have outgrown this self-appointed queen. You realise that for someone who is known for changing herself so much over the years, she never really seems to change at all. It's all just the same old shit, but unfortunately, the music isn't as good as it once was. One of the aspects of last night's show that made me cringe the most was her rudeness. Two guys had lovingly made a collection of dolls, highlighting her different looks. One of which, they had packaged in a box for her to keep. After ungraciously turning her nose up at the details on the majority, she then went on to criticise the gift, saying that the sunglasses were the wrong shape. It was embarrassing to watch. I don't catch the Graham Norton show particularly often, but I am pretty sure I saw someone gift Lady Gaga with the same kind of thing some time ago. Her response was quite different, asking the artist to come down to the stage so that she could thank them with a kiss. Despite what her outfits might tell us, it looks as though Gaga is still a resident of planet Earth, with both feet firmly on the ground.

Today's card is Faith. Here is another from The Legacy of the Divine Tarot which I am not so keen on visually. Apparently, the creator received such a welcome response from the tarot community to his retitling of the fifth trump in his second deck, that he decided to rename this one too. This 'testing the water' approach to creation doesn't sit so well with me, which is maybe why the deck was hard for me to digest at first. Having said all of this, in reading what Marchetti says about this particular card, I quite like the concept. The idea is that the pillar of light represents the divine; a source which all of the figures in this card look to for guidance and inspiration. I guess you could plonk Madonna in there somewhere, since she is a divine leader for many. With her in mind, this card could very well describe my lack of faith in her and lapse of worship.

My boyfriend is still in bed. Since he is helping me to try and finish my room today, I am giving him these extra hours before I attack him with dust sheets, paintbrushes, and rollers. Most of my books are piled high in the hallway, so I want to try and do as much of it as we can today so that everything can be straightened up before we go out this evening. We are going to his brother's house for a drink to celebrate his birthday and everyone is ordering a curry in. At first, this horrified me, thinking of my diet, but with Madonna and Faith's traditional view of conformity and community in mind, I think I will relax a little and try my best to be human .. if only for a couple of hours. What is it they say about disliking the traits in others that you subconsciously dislike in yourself?

Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

Filling One's Basket

This is an interesting card to receive. The woman stands under the tree with an empty basket. Like me, you're probably expecting her to soon fill it with the hanging coins. I imagine that she will, but who knows how long it will take for them to become available. Patience is gold.

Today has been a busy one. I was up early to get to my maths class. My new tutor is a rocker with long hair and tattoos, is very friendly, and seems to think he'll be able to get me through the eventual equivalency test for my PGCE. I did a test, where I probably got about a quarter of the questions wrong, but in review, this was down to my not reading the questions properly. I can't tell you how much I hate mathematical problems. He said he will help with the basics and then slip subjects needed for the test into our sessions. My brain was aching by the end of the lesson.

After I got home, my friend and her daughter turned up in a black taxi, ready to help decorate my room. We managed to paint out two of the walls, and even though it is not yet finished, it feels brighter and warmer already. My friend's little girl wanted desperately to help, but ended up getting more of the paint on herself, the armchair, and my computer table than on the walls. My boyfriend and I plan to get the rest done tomorrow. It will probably be that bit easier with natural light.

Today's card looks at the results of hard work. I am not entirely sure what this represents, since it could be highlighting a number of things. It might be about the groundwork I already put into the decorating of my room or it could have something to do with my new maths class. However, I think it is connected with something else that happened today. While rushing through town to get to my class, I ran into three friends. Two of them are very old and good mates. The third is a woman I haven't seen in a few years. Asking what I was doing for work, she scribbled her email address down on a bit of paper when I said I wasn't working at the moment. She is in the process of starting up her own business. When I asked her what it was that the project is which she might want my involvement in, I was a little surprised by her answer. I won't say what it is just yet, since I have only just fired off my email to her. What I will tell you is that should something come of it, it would be an even more bizzaar rung on my career ladder than those I have tread already.


Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

Be Happy with What You Have

This is one of the cards that I don't like from the Legacy of the Divine Tarot. There is something awkward about the woman; it might be her face or it may be that the way she is sitting isn't painted very convincingly. I don't know. I am just not keen on it. I often see this card as one of loss and sadness, but there is a vulnerability in this figure that leaves me feeling a bit uncomfortable.

As I do sometimes, I enlarged the scan on my computer screen so that she was big enough for me to really look into her eyes. Sometimes, it is a good way to try and get to know the tarot characters that bit more intimately. This is one of those moments when you can let the card speak to you. What does her face say? To me, she looks hurt and as if she has been betrayed. She clings on to those two glasses tightly and won't let us have them. They are all she believes she has left and they provide the barrier between her and the reader. With her eyeliner running, it is as though she is pleading with us to hurt her no more or to spare her of any further loss. I think that this version of the 5 of Cups makes me feel uncomfortable because she looks straight into my eyes; therefore, I feel accountable for her pain. The characters in many other versions of the card look away or are more private in their grief. This particular one could be focusing on who I have taken from in recent times, as appose to what has been taken from me.

This girl's dress reminds me of a fishing net. I suppose it ties her to the world of water and emotion. The 5 of Cups is very much about perspective. Do we centre our thoughts around what we have or what we haven't got? Funnily enough, I just saw a similar thought on Twitter this morning from the actor Danny Young, saying 'Be positive, be lucky and remember to be happy with what you have and not what you have yet to get'. It's a sobering thought. Of course, there are many people who are far worse off than me, but when I even begin to feel sorry for the small imperfections in my life at present, I am grateful for how different things are from this time last year. I am now living in a new home and have had enough work experience in the last twelve months to set me on a new career path. That's the 'glass half full' way of looking at it, I guess.


Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

The Talkative Tornado

The sun has returned, and with it, some of my energy has been restored. I laid inside with my boyfriend last night and we watched Pedro Almodovar's 'The Skin I Live In'. It's the only film of his that I hadn't seen and I liked it. It had a strange plot, which isn't unusual for Almodovar, but since All About my Mother, all of his films have, at least, made sense. Without spoiling it for anyone, I will just say that there came a point where my boyfriend and I looked at each other, wondering if the story was really going in the direction it seemed to be. There is a chill to this film, where you realise that the absurd ideas within it's director's mind could crazily become a reality. I've read worse in the papers. As with Volver before it, it is the twists and turns, along with the beautiful cinematography and audio backdrop, that makes this film one by Pedro.

I needed a quiet night and I slept well. I was up relatively early this morning as my friend was taking me out with another mate for lunch. I was a little worried about my energy levels, but even though we didn't walk much, I felt better than I have for the last couple of days.

When I first bought the Legacy of the Divine Tarot, I felt a little cheated by 50% of the courts. Even though it is explained in the book that there is a reason for the kings being shown at a distance (to emphasise their rank and superiority), I was irritated that they were not shown in such stunning close-up, like the queen's and page's. As someone who usually enjoys the knight's in a deck, being shown just a helmet was disappointing for me. Working with the pack at the moment, I am coming round to them. If all of the courts had shown nice close-up portraits, I would have been happier. Equally, if every court showed only their crown with an animal, as this card does, I would have also been satisfied. I am just a real stickler for consistency in a tarot deck. I hate it when courts are not all alike (like the King and Queen of Pentacles silhouettes in the Palladini that stand out like a sore thumb) or when there is such a difference in style between major and minor cards (think of either the Fenestra or Margarete Petersen).

The part of this card that I am instantly drawn to is the tornado in the background. I have always thought of this knight as being a bit of a bull-at-a-gate and this bit of symbolism describes his impatience and ability to be chaotic. He is sheer movement, which is why I sometimes see him as unexpected change, sweeping into our lives at a rate of knots. I am not sure what change he has brought to my day. I can slightly see my mutual mate, Tina, in the card. She is by no means negatively impatient or chaotic, but she talks at ten to the dozen and I sense that beneath this witty and talkative lady is a quieter, thoughtful and more vulnerable side.

My boyfriend and I went over to his brother's this evening, since it is his birthday. We had a tea and I played with the kids for a couple of hours. They're youngest is under 2, but is such a bright little soul. Her speech is coming along already, and as I sat with her, she thrust books into my lap; a real Knight of Swords in the making.


Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

Fighting Against Tiredness

Yesterday turned into one of my fatigue days. What seemed to be provoked by problems with my stomach robbed me of my energy and I could do little more than sleep for a number of hours. Even though I missed him, I was kind of glad that my boyfriend wasn't coming over, since I felt tired way into the evening. Today has been not unlike yesterday, but I have had things to do. I needed to go to the Job Centre and the walk there was not as easy as usual. I was out of breath and my head has felt as if it has been in the clouds for much of today. It's how I get.

So what is going on with these guys then? It seems as though they are all part of the same tree and are fighting against one another. Aside from fighting against my own tiredness through the struggle of walking and keeping awake, I also applied for a job as a teaching assistant. As well as earning some pocket money (the wage is pretty low), I thought it would be even more valid experience to speak about when I apply for my PGCE. It's probably too soon to hear anything back as I only applied today, but this card makes me wonder if there is pretty stiff competition for this kind of work.


Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

The Begger's Badge

Now, I wouldn't be surprised if this hand at the top of today's card has something to do with the guy in yesterday's illustration. Dressed in the same green, coins are dropped from his gloved hand into the hands of the needy. It's funny how I immediately relate to the begging hands rather than the man giving charity, since as I discovered yesterday, I am wealthy of love, time, and compassion, which I have to share with those around me. Even though I get a message on my phone every morning, telling me that my bank balance has slipped into the danger zone, I do still have money elsewhere, should I need it, so maybe the card is reminding me that I am less needy than I think. It's funny how we pin certain badges to our self, unable to envisage ourselves in more than one role. I am capable of giving, as much as I am of receiving. This is another of the cards I like from the Legacy of the Divine Tarot. As with yesterday's card, the colours are rich but not gaudy. The 6 of Coins captures a moment well, as the hands (which are shown as a set of uneven scales) restore balance with the addition of the sixth coin.

My uncle has just turned up. I can hear him laughing and joking in the hallway. He is helping my dad with the kitchen, and over the last few weeks, he has been here a lot. There is some kind of step in the ceiling so he is leveling it off. However, the gales of last week have blown down our garden fence, so he is out there fixing that at the moment. My relationship with my uncle has always been a little shaky. My dad adores him, but I always felt that his brother put less into their relationship than he did. He visited seldomly through my teenage years and twenties and it always felt as though it was my father who had to do all of the legwork and organising if he wanted to force getting together. I became increasingly annoyed by it over the years, since my dad always laid blame at his sister in law's feet, probably not wanting to admit that his younger brother couldn't be bothered. At a family party, I told my uncle what I thought of him, saying that he was a poor excuse for a brother. I think that this was a bit of a shock to him, because I always got on pretty well with him as a kid. There was a point where I would attack him and other family members at any available opportunity, which kind of detached me from them all.

I enjoy my uncle's company now. It's kind of like it was when I was a child and I can appreciate that he is making an effort. He and his wife had my parents over for dinner yesterday and have probably visited us more since the move than they have in years. I think that my father's decline in health was a bit of a kick into reality and one of the reasons why his brother is now helping him out so much with the bungalow. The man in today's card could easily be him, dropping more of his coins into our hands. He has a big job ahead of him and has already done a lot for us.

I feel sick this morning; it's most probably to do with my IBS. It's like a line of falling dominoes. My stomach sets off the nausea, and in turn, I become tired. I have already guzzled prescribed drugs for my stomach, sickness and fatigue before even getting out of bed. I have things to do this week, but nothing falls into today. As I listen to the building work outside of my room, I am reminded by this card of all that I am in receipt of and how little I am actually doing myself.


Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

A Hint not to Squander

I have a funny relationship with this deck. I have had it for a few years but rarely use it. Actually, I have hardly ever used it. I had a similar relationship with it's elder brother, The Gilded Tarot. When I first bought that, I opened it in a bar in Victoria and instantly hated it. It was so syrupy that it stuck in my throat. I took it home and left it in it's bag by the door. I was intent on returning it to the shop, which I did. In that week before I took it back, I didn't take it out to rethink my decision once.

The Gilded is a very popular deck, so years later, I thought I'd give it another go and bought it again. I really thought I'd been missing something, but once again, my interest dissipated quickly and while at a tarot meet in Kensington, I gave it to a woman who had come along with her friend. She wanted to learn the cards and didn't have a deck. She really liked it so I gifted it to her and she was thrilled.

You'd have thought that that would have been the end of my relationship with The Gilded, but when I started reading for money, I bought it for a third time. On that occasion, I bought the Easy Tarot set, which comes with a great starters book by Josaphine Ellershaw. Finally, the deck started to open up to me and I saw many of the images as being quite beautiful. I think I'd probably built up my dislike for the pack so much that when I saw it at a friend's house, it wasn't half as bad as I had remembered. I thought it would be a nice set to read for clients with and I still have that copy. I've read that the deck's creator is self-publishing a reworking of this tarot, since he views the original as lacking now that his artistic skills have improved. I have seen some of the comparison cards, but I prefer the original. There is something about this medium of art that can look a little odd as it becomes more photo-real. The first Gilded may look a little amateur next to The Legacy of the Divine deck that I am using today, but it's rawness is now one of the reasons that I like it.

I bought The Legacy of the Divine Tarot because of my eventual liking of and ability to connect with The Gilded. There are some really lovely cards in Marchetti's third set, but once again, something turned me off of it initially. I felt a detachment from some of it's characters and a sickness through using the cards. I spotted it at the bottom of my ottoman today and thought I would give it yet another chance. I laid the cards out on the floor to simply look at them and thought how lovely some of them are. I think it is the fantasy-edge which turns me off of a lot of Marchetti's work. It can often feel a little dated to me. However, some of the courts are very welcoming. I especially love the Queen of Swords and Page of Cups.

Today's card is the 4 of Coins. This is one of the cards that I like a lot from this deck; the way that the guy looks into the reader's eyes. He really catches me. He has his four coins, but even though I have made eye contact with him, he isn't going to share any of them with me. This is a card of holding back. His coins could concern money, but it might be something or someone else that he doesn't want to share. He can be as possessive over the people in his life as he is with his possessions. Whenever the card comes up, I always see it as a hint to not squander what I have. As with money, time is also precious and must not be wasted.

My boyfriend and I went to a fancy-dressed-up 40th birthday party last night, even though we didn't dress up in Austin Powers garb like everyone else. I saw friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. Drinking really goes to my head these days; probably because I don't do it so often. I only had a bit of a headache this morning though. We spent the day in, watching another Harry Potter and making a healthy dinner. I can handle quiet Sundays when I've done something else over the weekend. Even though going out last night wasn't expensive, I still need to hold onto my money, since it is running down fast. Staying in today and being able to make our own amusement is a wealth in itself, which I am lucky to be able to have drawn on.


Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

The Craftsmen and The Shadow

I woke at 5am this morning, not being able to sleep. My stomach was playing me up, so I made a hot water bottle and a cup of coffee before drawing this card. Due to looking around on other blogs, I fancied drawing from a tarot deck rather than an oracle today; from one that I felt a long-term familiarity with, so I chose the Morgan Greer.

There is something intimate about this deck. With close-up illustrations, personal space is wiped out as we sit up close and personal at the craftsman's table. As I write, my uncle and cousin are dropping part of the ceiling in our kitchen. I can hear drills and hammering as they work on the bare bones of the room before cupboards and all of the accessories are able to be put in. I see both of them in this card, as they illustrate their skill and craft.

My boyfriend and I were supposed to paint my room today. Because his one drink after work turned into a whole evening out yesterday, this didn't happen. His friend from work stayed at his last night and the two of them came over here this morning. She is a lovely woman and I like her a lot. The three of us drove out for some lunch and a little shopping this afternoon, before taking her to her train. He is tired now and needs an afternoon snooze, which is why I don't always appreciate him having a big night out on a Friday without me. It means that I get the shadow of what his mate got last night. We have been invited to a private party in a pub for two friends this evening, since they are both turning 40. After his night of abandon, I am not sure how up for it he is, but the wicked side of me has said we'll go. I am sure he'll be fine by then and I am quite looking forward to stepping out for a bit. I hardly go to town for drinks these days and can't remember the last time I did. I want us to get on with the room tomorrow, so we'll hopefully call it a night at a reasonable hour.


Illustration from the Morgan Greer Tarot by Bill Greer

Being Ready

We don't have snow at the moment, like in today's card, but it is has been bloody chilly for the last few days. This card depicts one of the eight Pagan sabbats, Imbolc, which is usually celebrated on February 2nd here in the Northern Hemisphere. From my understanding, it stands halfway between the Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox. It represents the coming of Spring and the preparation that that entails.

I understand that the card could be interpreted as stagnation, but in my own mind, I see it as the beginning of the thawing of Winter, as it releases these two figures from their icicles. Somewhere beneath the layers of snow are shoots of greenery, waiting to pop out.

This kind of makes sense to me, since I began stripping the nasty old and stained floral wallpaper from my room last night and finished the job this afternoon. I did it methodically, moving my bed and computer out first, so that I could work on the wall behind them. I then returned them to their positions and pulled out my cabinet. I tried to keep the room as tidy and as less chaotic as I could throughout. With my bucket of water and scraper, I washed and scraped, and now the walls are all white. They are a little chipped in places and will need to be painted, but the room already looks far better than it did before. I am kind of proud of myself, since I have never done anything like this before. You could look at this in the same way as Imbolc, as my walls are now prepared for the next step. My boyfriend is going to help me with the actual decorating tomorrow.

I attended my appointment yesterday and completed the test. At first, it seemed so easy that I thought what they were offering would be pointless, but as I worked through it, the questions steadily got harder. I didn't do too bad, but the woman there referred me to a GCSE tutor, who has called and arranged my first lesson for next Friday. One to one tutoring would have been desirable, but since there were no available places for a while, I have opted for group lessons once a week; another example of preparation, as I work towards my goal. In one way or another, I feel as though I have been stood amongst the stillness of the snow for some time, just like the God and Goddess in this card. In Imbolc, new beginnings are promised, but we must be ready for them. This is what I am trying to do.


Illustrations from The Hidden Path by Mickie Mueller

My Path

On another blog, I noticed a reader mention that she never reads the accompanying book to a deck straight away. She said that it inhibits the relationship that we form with the cards, or words to that effect. It's been kind of difficult to not dip into the two volumes that came with this set, but at times, what is written in them is little help to my interpretation. Summaries can sometimes be a little whimsical or vague, leaving me wondering what the point of the card actually is. One of the most enlightening paragraphs in the first book is as follows, suggesting a similar idea to that of the other mentioned blogger -

"One of the many unique features of this deck is that you can customise the meaning of the cards to better reflect your own individual symbolism. Since these cards are not those of a tarot deck, you can easily choose any meaning for them that appeals to you. The images in this deck are rooted in very old symbols and concepts. They represent universal imagery related to archetypal patterns. How you relate to these images may be different to the meanings we have provided in this book. Once you have looked at the images on each of the cards, then you can decide whether the assigned meaning fits your personal feeling for each card image. If not, you can join your own inner roots and personal symbolism with these images, which will allow you to form new meanings. This will help create a powerful and personal system that relates to you on a deeper level"

from 'The Travellers Guide to The Well Worn Path' by Raven Grimassi and Stephanie Taylor

Ah, so we have permission to do our own thing? This prospect may scare those who fear that they won't be doing things right or using the deck in the way that it was designed. I find it quite liberating as I always rolled my eyes at those who suggested a manual was needed for every deck they bought. I think the clue is in the title here, since the path we tread on, whether it be the well worn one or the hidden one, should readily become our own.

So what of the Book of Shadows in today's draw? The first obvious thing to notice is that it is shut. Due to the ornate titling and lock, I would expect that whatever is inside to be of value and importance. I have kept diaries since I was a kid. I had ornate ones like this with locks. I wrote about my days in them, penned letters to the boy at school I fancied but would never send, and wrote what I really thought about my friends within it's pages. I used to hide it under my draw or within the chamber of a cut away book on my shelf. Things haven't changed so much. I think that is why I took so naturally to blogging. However, these days, I don't hide my diary away, but share it on the internet for all to see.

One of the things that strikes me about this book in the card and a blog such as mine, is that even though it holds wisdom from the past, it also has space for more to be written. It is a path in itself, which we have walked and are still to walk. We must live if we are to complete more pages of our own personal Book of Shadows.

After recognising my place at the crossroads yesterday and understanding that a lot of the past needs to be cleaned away, I made a few phone calls regarding the Maths GCSE I briefly spoke of here. I am too late to get on a course at the Adult Education Centre but I have an appointment this afternoon with another service, which claims they can teach me the equivalent. I don't necessarily need the qualification itself, but need the knowledge to pass an equivalency test to enter university. I am hoping that after my initial assessment, these people may be able to get me through that stage of my path. With this in mind, today's card shows me at the point between what has been written and what is yet to write.



Illustrations from The Well Worn Path by Mickie Mueller

It's OK to CLEAN away the PAST

Once again, I receive the Sacred Bough. It offers up decisions to be made and paths which can be taken. There is something positive in this card, because at it's very least, it inspires potential and the possibility of movement. For someone who's life often feels stagnant and stuck, I seem to find myself at these crossroads pretty regularly. I often feel like the losing contestant in life's grand game of Snakes and Ladders, as I consistently slide back to the same old place, time and again. This card asks me to consider the pathways well.

So with the Sacred Bough before me, I lean on The Teen Oracle, asking it for that bit more advice. What direction do I choose o'youthful one, so fresh behind the ears?

What I like about The Teen Oracle is it's directness; not unlike many teenagers, I suppose. The deck passes me some spray detergent and suggests I get cleaning. I think that since the card holds hands with the Past it suggests that I need to move on and start afresh. I woke up this morning feeling anxious about jobs I had left years ago and wondering if I should have stayed in them. Now deep down, I know that I shouldn't, but it doesn't stop me from comparing myself to those who would have and did. I imagine this is my ego taking a swipe. It is no wonder that I find myself in the same position so often, when I chain myself to the problems of the past. As a duo, the Clean and Past cards suggest I wipe away what is holding me back with a nice dollop of bleach and look to the future (the spray literally points at the third card). The OK card couldn't be any more obvious. With a brash thumbs up, it tells me that this is the move (or pathway) to take.

I started looking through the job ads, and with each one, I began to feel disheartened. It seems so long since I have been in the design game, so maybe that is the first area I need to clean away. I really enjoyed the months of teaching last year, but there seems little to no opportunities for that kind of creative work out there at the moment. I know I am not the only one looking without results. I considered getting my GCSE in Maths last year, so I could train to be a qualified art teacher, but what with the move and all else that was going on, the time frame for getting it all ready was too small and I was buckling under the pressure I'd put on myself. I thought I would apply this year instead, which means looking into studying for my Maths equivalency test now. Is this what these cards are telling me to do? To brush away all that didn't suit in the past and go for a whole new career? I stand at the Sacred Bough and contemplate which road to take.


Illustrations from The Well Worn Path by Mickie Mueller and The Teen Oracle by Cinnamon Crow Dixon.