I kind of wondered if she'd turn up today. I often see her as a reminder to look after myself or others. In some ways, she is the patron of my diet. She has overlooked everything I have put in my mouth and watched the pounds fall away. I was saying just this morning that I feel so differently about myself at the moment. Even though I have pretty much been underweight for my entire life, rather than over, with an extra stone or more than I was ever used to, I didn't feel like dressing up or making any kind of effort; this was unusual for me, since clothing and image has always been of great interest. However, still at my target weight, I do feel more interested in choosing clothes I like to wear and am not sulking around in the background of my life in clothes I'd bought that were two sizes too big.
I don't feel so great today; tiredness has set in and I ached throughout the night. This often comes hand in hand with feelings of apathy and my turning around thoughts of failure like a dog with a bone. The little white book that comes with this deck is one of the best I have read and of The Empress, it says 'Remember that every fruit has it's season'. This is a card of nature and reminds me that things will develop and grow in their own time. They can't be rushed.
I was meant to meet Kate this morning, but she cried off at the last moment as her daughter has a temperature and she is keeping her off of school. I always enjoy my time with her, so this was a bit of a disappointment, but on looking out of the window and seeing how it is trying to snow, I am that little bit relieved.
The Empress has always reminded me of a particular person in my life and I spoke with her this morning. Maybe it was just me, but I sensed a little distance. It mig
ht very well have been because she was out having breakfast at the time, but I wonder if she is feeling less than content with me. I am stuck between her and another mate at the moment and have chosen not to provide tidbits of information for either party. She seems eager to know what happened when I saw the other friend at the weekend but I breezed over it and changed the subject.
Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi