It's Oh So Quiet

Q: What should one do when the sun comes a calling and brings with it a day worthy of any Summer?

A: He shouldn't be sitting in an adult education classroom, working out fractions.

Yesterday's card was quite apt, since my application (which I wanted to get finished and sent off) has found itself hanging in suspension for a few days more. I need to find out some details about my qualifications, since the online form won't accept my filling it in without them. I am not sure where that information is at the moment, but this is not the biggest problem. I have finished my personal statement, but realised that it is too long. There is also another section that needs writing. I should really have noticed this, but hey. So, I am hoping my friend Kate will be able to help me cut it down, since she has a good idea of what I need in it and don't, having worked as an English teacher. She has already helped me a lot already. So that's me suspended in the frame of The Hanged Man.

Today's card couldn't be more on the nose. It is like a summer's day, and even though I still feel slightly fatigued after yesterday, I strolled into town slowly to my maths class without a coat. The walk back was that bit more strenuous and sent me to my bed for a short nap this afternoon.

Can you guess where I am now? I am in the garden with my adjustable laptop table and laptop. My parents are here with me and we are drinking tea as the sun streams into the garden. I can hear the birds on the tree next to us and can smell the pot of flowers that my friend bought for my mother when she, her husband, and baby visited on my birthday. It's funny, because I almost forgot that I could bring my laptop out here on the warm patio to write my blog. Why? Because it has been so long since I have been able to sit in a garden after living next to Oddbod. Just now, my dad did an impression of Dumb & Dumber's screaming and fighting and we all laughed. It seems far enough away now that we can. Old neighbours have told my mum that the noise still continues, even after our replacements bought the house. They obviously continue to not consider others.

It's oh so quiet, it's oh so still ...

The meaning of this card is quite literal for me. It brings warmth and vitality. It irons out creases and gives shadows their marching orders. I was hoping that the Michelangelo Tarot might have turned up today, but it hasn't. However, every day with The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight is a magical one, down to how beautiful the artwork is. Take these faces in The Sun today. I love the white-haired one in profile. Their hair washes around one another and protects, making it very much a card of love and emotional substance. Like the actual sun on my face out here in the garden, this card heals and repairs. It is lovely to sit out here and laugh with my parents. The Sun brings freedom, where as before, we felt trapped in our old house. We are where we wanted to be, and with another day of painting, the hallway is looking lighter and fresher.


Illustrations from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

the78steps: 5: The Twilight Emperor

This Emperor is not like others from his tribe, who take a lot of inspiration from The Tarot of the Witches by Fergus Hall. He has half of a similar crown to the previous Emperor, but that is about it. The globe he brings is not unlike his wife's, but unlike the volcanic planet from Hall's 1972 pack. He has a similar sceptre to The Empress, but his is topped with a sun.

The card shows two halves. I find this a little creepy. The face on the left is not unlike the one from The Tarot of the Witches, but the one on the right looks less than human. It's forehead is wrinkled and his left ear is turned down. Apparently, this shows that he is perfectly balanced, keeping all things within their proper boxes. In one box is a meerkat, and in the other, a suited and booted eyeball (yes, I did say that).

Meerkats are very big over here at the moment, due to the Compare the Market adverts and a previous series on tv about them called Meerkat Mannor. They are famous for their upright posture and it is said that a meerkat will often visit a person as a totem animal when they need to learn awareness. From heightened poses they stand guard for eagles and hawks. The animal can indicate the need to be watchful and keep yourself on alert for potential danger. They teach us not to let our guard down. In Kaplan's book about the Witches, he says 'The Emperor has no visible symbols on his cheeks because all in his presence need not be reminded of his divine leadership'. However, regardless of this, his position of power is always open to attack. I think that the meerkat represent his alertness within the night, where as the 'eyeball' is his awareness of all around him in the day. This guy has an empire to watch over and must use all of the senses available to him to do so.

Tarot of the Witches

I have never got on particularly well with authority, which is possibly why I am not feeling this guy so much. In a watery and dreamy pack, he feels stern and his personal surroundings are contrastingly sterile. As a teenager, I rebelled against my teachers, parents, and most adults; either by acting up at school, bunking off, or being controversial in some way. It's funny really, because it is only me who lost out. I wouldn't be sitting my maths lessons now if I had have buckled down then, rather than trying to impress my peers with my antics. My wayward times went on for all of my teenage years, where I wore outrageous clothing, died my hair every colour of the rainbow and painted [extremely] provocative self-portraits for the art room in the grammar school I attended. I shiver when I think about it now, but at the time, I guess I thought I was pretty big because my friends seemed to like it, even if the 'adults' didn't.

Authority still bothers me to some extent and I am not so good at being told what to do. The irony is that someone like me actually needs barriers. I will push and push at them, but I kind of flip if there aren't any set in place. When this card comes up, I recognise the barriers which try to cage me and I give them a good old shake. At the same time, I am mature enough to realise that I do need to take control and ease the more chaotic areas of my life. Many see The Emperor as a father figure, which might have something to do with why I find problems with the card. I don't have any brothers and sisters, so at times, my dad was like a sibling when I was growing up. We'd muck about, but when I went too far, he'd pull rank and I'd get confused by his 'two sides'. My dad could be harsh as a father, but loving too. He's like two different people, fitting different sides of his parenting into different boxes, as this emperor does. I constantly pushed at my father and still do, as I do with all barriers. However, I understand that I am still in need of his respect and approval all the same. This makes this card a pretty big double-edged sword for me.

Illustrations from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende and The Witches Tarot by Fergus Hall

Sleeping for England

My eyes are closing. It's another one of those days. I got back from my boyfriends this morning and I began to burn up. I started to feel out of breath and immediately tired. I had the same experience when I was out a few weeks ago. Since I got home, I have felt drained. That's me in the background of this card, hanging upside down. All business will be resumed when I feel better.

I had some bread last night and my stomach felt a bit off through the night. And now this. The guy at the front of this image says 'sacrifice the bread'. He knows what he's talking about. He has a wheat allergy and gave up bread years ago. My health does seem to take a drop when I eat it. Since starting my Dukan diet, I have only recently noticed this as I have introduced it back in every so often again and had similar results. I could sleep for England today.

This is a very different version of The Hanged Man, since it incorporates two people, even if only one is hanging. The guy in the background (taken straight from The Tarot of the Witches with his butterfly net and book) seems to have given himself up freely. He reminds me of Terence Stamp in The Collector. But this guy in the foreground seems to fight his constraints and isn't willing to sacrifice himself in the same way. Struggling might just make things worse. I always find it best to go with the fatigue and rest. Yeah, it pulls me out of action for a while, but I find it hard to focus on anything for too long when I am like this. I feel breathless and there is a sensation running through my arms, chest and legs at the moment; that kind of sensation you get when you are just too tired to do anything. Even though I said I'd send off my application the other day, Kate only sent back my looked over personal statement last night, so I have worked on trying to finish that this morning. I am nearly there. Well kind of. The Hanged Man suggests a pause. I am going to give it a little space for an hour or so and then try to get back to it. I think it's almost ready to post.


Illustrations from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

the78steps: 4: The Twilight Empress

What a pretty Empress this one is. In a deck which holds a lot of green, this young lady really stands out in bold red and blue. At first, I wondered if the water she stands in represented the flavour of her element, so I did a little hunt around online. Most tarot commentators link this woman to earth, but I did find one that assigns her to water. To be honest, I am not so fussed by these kind of associations. The fact that nobody can agree on them is one of the reasons why they rank as useless for me. I have never involved myself in the squabbles about which Hebrew letter sits with which card or whether Justice is at 8 or 11. It would seem that the reason that this Empress is submerged in water is due to her being part of the world that she holds in her hand. She is present in all of the things that she has created. I like that.

This woman is submerged in her senses. This is one of the things I think of when I look at this card as it is particularly sensual. People often see her as the nurturer of children, but for me, she often comes up when I am nurturing and taking care of myself; often, when I am taking care of myself a little too well. She can dish out chocolate cake and Kentucky Fried Chicken like it's going out of fashion. However, more than this idea of her as a mother and care giver, she depicts feminine power of all kinds for me. She is an Empress, after all, a ruler in her own right. In the opening of Amber McCarroll's poem about this card, we can see that she is not just a soothing maternal energy, but a force to be reckoned with too:

The volcano of your hot tongue,

Can bury a city alive,

Yet the gentleness after your storm,

Makes us glad that we survived.

Tarot of the Witches

Like most of the majors in the Tarot of the Sweet Twilight, this one takes details from The Tarot of the Witches too; most noticeably, her crown, which is shaped like a heart and topped with a crescent moon. She stands beside a sceptre, which is identical to the one in the Witches pack. The three beads at the top stand for the triad of Emperor, Empress and Domain. This shows that this woman is deservedly an equal of her husband as a ruler. Kaplan says that she is the Moon Queen to his Sun God.

One of the reasons I began this study was to really get to know a deck, but equally, it also shines a light on some of the cards that I think I know but am not so sure about. I always thought I knew the Empress pretty well, but trying to grasp her essence has not been so easy in this study. It is hard to move away from the maternal side of her being. I think it is easier to think of her as growth itself. Her experience and understanding might be what is important in the process. She is therefore all of the elements which help something to grow and thrive. Rather than depicting the act of giving birth, she may more likely concern the experience, knowledge and advice that a woman can give to a child (or anyone) throughout their life. This could therefore be about life experience and planning when it falls into a reading. I don't think it matters that this Empress is young. She is both part of the creating and the creation.


Illustrations from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende and The Witches Tarot by Fergus Hall

The Sea Taxi

Kate and I went to the fourth session of our course last night. For last week's homework, we had been given an A4 sheet with a circle on it. We'd been asked to draw a picture within the circle, incorporating words such as bird, person, bridge and house. Before we met, we went for a diet coke in an old Tudor Goth pub on the way. We joked about the pictures and how odd it would be if ours were alike, but were both very shocked to see that we had drawn them almost identically. Our bridges stretched from one side to the other of our circles, both with roads underneath them and a house at the end in the distance. The other items were also in similar placings. Looking at the other drawings from the twenty people in our group later, none of the others looked like ours.

We were asked to get into partners and read each other's drawings; kind of as you would an oracle card. The woman I was put with lacks confidence and the whole thing was a big deal for her. I forget how a lot of these things are almost second nature to me and can be daunting for those not so experienced. As we began the exercise, she fell into floods of tears and left the room; but once she had composed herself and returned, we both gave each other very interesting and accurate readings from the pictures drawn. From mine, she saw me leaving the security of my parent's house, in search of new treasures and independence. I hadn't considered a lot of what she came out with, so she was really far better at reading the images than she had feared.

As I write, I am in pain from another battle at the dentists. I can't tell you just how much I hate injections. Despite the numbness on the right side of my face, my journey home was pleasant. It is like a summer's day here at the moment, which raised my spirit as I walked along with my i-pod providing the soundtrack. For a moment, I had that glad to be alive feeling. I got one over on the scales this morning and am back to my target weight, so in my slinky vintage UTH coat, I was on as much of a high as you can be with a banging toothache.

I really like today's card. That little guy looking over his shoulder reminds me of myself. It would be normal to see him as the Knight of Pentacles, but I am not sure that I do. As I looked at the card this morning before leaving the house, I wondered if the knight is actually the fish. The Knight of Pentacles is a worker, and here, he ferries this sultry little guy from one place to another. Maybe he's the driver in a fleet of sea taxi's, earning a crust to support his fishy family. He's stable and works hard, but from his expression, he doesn't seem particularly inspired by what he does. I know a lot of people like that and have been there myself.

In Barbara Moore's instructions, she says 'Being the master of everyday life is a good thing. Stability, comfort and safety result. It's not always enough though, when the siren song of adventure sounds. It's enough to make you chuck it all and follow'. Maybe the fish in this card has become bored with the banality of his life or job. He could easily chuck that little guy from his back and chase a dream instead. I mean, the guy has wings and doesn't really need a cab, does he?

In a positive sense, this card helps me to see the amazing in the mundane. I think the sunshine has had a hand in that. I think that we have such little good weather over here, that people throw themselves into it when the sun comes a shining. As I walked, the sound of car stereos filled the air and young men in no more than shorts whisked by me on their bikes. All of the things that might usually annoy me became simple parts of life to acknowledge and appreciate, like a moment I took to look at and enjoy my surroundings while in a traffic jam on my way to town. The Knight of Pentacles sees these things on a regular basis and points them out to me with his fin as I ride on his back.


Illustrations from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

Drumming with Beadle

I tackled this fool in the first of my 78steps. He's the one who I decided is being controlled by the strings of impulse. His drum beats might be erratic, but they are his own. He bashes the instrument as and when he feels like it. There's no song sheet or training. He dives in and makes his own music.

As I am working with this deck quite extensively at the moment, I want to try and imagine the energy of this particular fool.

It is extremely sunny today. It was only a few days ago that it was so foggy that there was a pile up on the motorway, but now, there is not one cloud in the blue sky. The tops of the trees in the woods behind my house are stretching up to the sun; their fine branches like fingertips, lightly caressing it's rays. My dad has taken to the bath. He woke up in a strop. I think it's because it is Tuesday. It's his treatment day and he was the same last week.

I just answered a call. It was a follow up to my careers advice session. In short, it was a fifteen minute multiple-choice survey, asking questions about how the advice and adviser was for me. Choosing whether I strongly agree, tend to agree, tend to disagree or strongly disagree took it's toll on me after ten minutes, so I can only imagine how boring asking those questions is all day for the guy who made the follow up call. But as he spoke, I concentrated on the blue sky out of my window, and in particular, two planes that were souring through it, one above the other. I always find it hard to imagine that there are really loads of people in planes so far away.

Our new house is on a corner. A road sweeps around it and it sits high up above all of the others. There is a steep bank and fencing around it's waist like a belt, and due to being high up, we are not overlooked by anybody. In our old house, our living room (which was then at the front) was sunken, and with houses so close to us in a terrace, Oddbod and her clan could look through the window as they walked down their path - something she always did. But here, everyone is at more than an arms length.

When I think about this fool, I think of one of the roads leading away from the sweeping road around our house. In fact, if I look out of one of the big windows from our living room, I can see it quite clearly. Many, many years ago, I remember a visualisation I wrote down, where The Fool came to visit me in a coffee shop in the city. I had been to a handful of interviews for office jobs and my heart had not been in any of them. In the last I had attended in Liverpool Street, I had been part of a group interview, where we had been asked to work as a team and build a bridge out of A4 paper. Some of the candidates threw themselves into it. The prize was the role of some kind of administrator, in charge of twenty-odd other people. I figured that the others there wanted it more than me, so I sat back and let them have it. After hearing about how poorly I had done in the interview, my agent suggested that I go and sit in a cafe and think about what I really wanted to do, so I did. It was then that The Fool came to visit. He asked me what I really wanted? He suggested I take a leap, so I did that too and applied to art college.

I'm visualising again now and even though I cannot see him straight away, I can hear his drumming in the distance. There's the light tapping of a single drum. I love that sound, even if he is not playing it as proficiently as those I have heard in street bands before. Hang on! Isn't that him coming along the road behind my house? The drumming is getting that bit louder; so much so, that one of the neighbouring cats has run to the bench outside of her home and has curled up in a ball. The post lady, who is on the other side of the road, has looked over to see where the noise has come from, as she posts an Amazon package through some lucky person's door.

The drummer behind my house ...

As he walks, the drummer does a little dance. He's about as good at dancing as he is at drumming. He's not marching, but jumping on one leg and kicking the other out spontaneously. He doesn't care if the post lady has stopped posting her letters to watch him. He's in the moment and is enjoying himself. He makes his way around the waistline of my house. I have now moved to my bedroom, where I can see him tapping his way down my drive. I screw my face up as I see him slightly scrape my mother's car with his drum, but he doesn't notice. When he gets to the door, he doesn't use our doorbell. I'm kind of glad because I hate the Big Ben chimes that the last occupants have left us with. Instead, he takes his drum sticks and batters at the glass door until I open it.

'What's your name?', I ask him.
'Beadle', he replies. He hasn't placed his drum down, but looks around at the things in my room, turning on my Mac and fingering his way through my bookshelves. I ask him if he would like a drink but he replies 'Nope .. I'm cool'.

I am ever so slightly nervous around The Fool. This is maybe down to my apprehension around taking chances. He asks me what it is that I have to lose and he has a point. Once again, I have been advised to get my PGCE application out as there are still a few places for this year's intake. I know that I should do this because the blind High Priestess with the cat and mice told me. But I am still a little afraid of throwing myself into all of this. Beadle tells me to do it and says 'Send it off and see what happens'. I want to show my application to Kate later, but before then, I will get everything ready to send. Today is the day.

Beadle rat-a-tat-tats his way into the hallway without even uttering a goodbye. I guess his job's done and he knows it. Going into teaching is a big step for me, but it is also a new beginning, waiting to be snatched up. You can spend too much time thinking about things. Sometimes, ideas become stagnant while we overthink and should really be acted on straight away. That's what today's card is all about for me; to go with the flow and apply, rather than spend another week thinking about it. If I don't act now, I could miss my chance and a place on the course.


Illustrations from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

the78steps: 3: The Twilight Priestess

This card recently came up in a daily draw and I wondered aloud if the woman in the picture is blind. She doesn't seem to be looking at anything. I think that I will take it that she is, since it strengthens the meaning of The High Priestess for me.

When we looked around houses before settling on this one, many ticked the majority of boxes. The one that fell through had a large dining room and conservatory; it was favourably decorated and the garden was massive. However, right up until the moment that the deal fell to pieces, unlike my parents, something didn't feel right about it for me. I asked my boyfriend to drive me down there so that we could take a look at the surrounding area. Were the houses behind it too close? Was it likely to be noisy, as our previous area was? There was no evidence of such, but my gut was telling me that we wouldn't be happy there and something was wrong.

I was as sad as my parents when we lost that place because it meant we'd spend longer next to our awful neighbours, but time has confirmed that the house we are in now is the right one, and not the one we lost. When we first saw this house, it was full of the previous owner's things. The kitchen hadn't been decorated since the 70s, my room was brown and smeared in damp, and the garden was completely overgrown. However, from the moment that we walked into the drab hallway, something felt right. I wanted it from that moment and we did everything we could to make it ours.

This is what I think of when I think of the High Priestess. She just knows these things. That is why I have decided she should be blind in the Twilight deck, because even if everything looks to be fine, she uses her gut feeling to determine whether it is or not. That is her strength. As I mentioned in my draw, she relies on instinct, as the cat in the picture has an instinct to chase the mice around her neck.

Tarot of the Witches

Animals sense when something is wrong. Apparently, most went inland before the giant waves of the Tsunami slammed into the Sri Lankan and Indian coastlines. Wild and domestic animals seemed to know what was about to happen and fled to safety, but 150, 000 people were killed in the natural disaster. A friend of a friend was there; she suffered horrendous injuries and was forced to watch people carried passed her in the waves as she held on to a post for dear life. Relatively few animals were reported dead, however, reviving speculation that animals can somehow sense impending disaster.They have the intuition and mysterious knowledge of The High Priestess built within them - something that the majority of us may very well have forgotten how to use.

I was at a loss as to what stands beside this High Priestess, but according to Kaplan, the original it is based on is a rod with lightning bolts shooting from it. It evidences power and control over divine events. The sun and star in the background (on stalks in this version) represent her continuity and extensive knowledge.

The blue star on this woman's cheek is a symbol of profound and guarded knowledge. In older versions of the card, she sits in front of a curtain, shielding a body of water. Here, there is a large blue thrown, which apparently evidences her powers in the universe. It still conceals more than it reveals and adds to the mystery of the card. Because the High Priestess relies on what is hidden deep within her subconscious (the deep water in traditional tarots), this is also a card that is connected with secrets. It could  be telling us that something is hidden and will soon be revealed.

When I get this card, I trust my gut. Even if someone is telling me what seems to be true, I ask myself if I really believe them. This is not about trusting your ears and eyes. It's trusting that small voice deep within yourself and asking her what 'she' feels about a certain situation. If you cut out the clutter of the every day world and your mind's chatter, she will speak and advise you of which is the best way to go. The High Priestess is within us all. All we need do is be quiet and listen.


Illustrations from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende and The Tarot of the Witches by Fergus Hall

Moon Face

I was going to have a crack at the Selena Lin Tarot today, but this Tarot of the Sweet Twilight is just too addictive. Once you've drawn a card, you just want to seep into it's landscape. My interest in Lo Scarabeo decks dissipated for a while, but with this one and the Michelangelo (which I ordered yesterday, without my usual fannying around for days beforehand) have restored my excitement in the publisher. With The Sacred Sites pack coming out this year, there seems to be some interesting subects for readers (and all who are interested in card decks) to get their teeth into.

There was once a time where Lo Scarabeo's Rick received a consistent ear bashing from me. Yeah, there will probably be a few decks I will never warm to (those vile Elves for example, and the UFO) but I admit to being a bit uptight in those days. If he ever drops by this blog, I'd like to apologise and say that for the most part, I didn't give a lot of the decks I passed an opinion on a chance. But in my defence, I would say that their publications have become stronger in recent times - I'm thinking of The Dark Grimoire, this beautiful Tarot of the Sweet Twilight, The Tarot of Reflections and The Dark Angels. Even though the Michelangelo may be a little gender-unbalanced, I know I will find fun in hunting out the source material in the same way as I did with the Klimt and The Da Vinci, learning about one of the great masters as I become aquainted with a new divintory tool.

There is actually something in today's Moon Face that reminds me of myself. He can look aloof and dismissive. Just ask any of my good friends, and they'll tell you they've seen that expression on my face a thousand times before when confronted with someone who's opinion or manner just doesn't wash. I often see The Moon as a card of deception, but sometimes, it merely creates shadows which we don't understand. In the book that accompanies The Tarot of the Witches, Stuart Kaplan tells us that the sun which disappears on the horizon can no longer help us. The same sun can be seen in this Twilight card. We are therefore left to make sense of those things which can not be seen properly. The Moon can only reign for a period of time. We must understand this and be patient until the sun returns and brings clarity.

Today is the first in a while where I haven't had to get up for an appointment of some kind (work related or social), so I made the most of it for an hour by sipping coffee on my bed when I woke up. My mother and I then began to strip the walls in the hallway. My boyfriend received two albums for his birthday, so I popped them onto my Mac yesterday and we listened to them while we worked. I heard some of Emeli Sande's debut at the get together on Saturday and liked it, but Madonna's MDNA proved harder to listen to. You'd be hard pushed to work out which of the two artists has been in the music business the longest and would probably still come up with the wrong one if you answered honestly by ear. It would seem that I am not the only person thinking this way, as Madonna's new outing has been grilled and burnt in most intelligent reviews I have read. It's kind of sad really. I think back to songs like La Isla Bonita and Live to Tell; songs that still take me to another place when I hear them. Those hauntingly beautiful tracks sound more mature and offer greater hope than the drivel she's spouting on this CD. When the first single from your twelfth studio album sounds like a re-hash of Toni Basil's 'Mickey' (a tune I loved when I was about 6), you've got a problem.

Madonna has so much experience and probably a lot to tell. Unfortunately, she's not a particularly good writer. If I was her, I'd go a bit further back in my address book and seek out whoever it was who helped her write some of her older and more emotionally provoking songs. If she can't do that, then maybe she should call it a day. Being the world's oldest teenager is starting to prove a little embarrassing. I remember hearing her father suggest that she grew up on stage. It would seem that she is now having a mid-life crisis on it. If you don't understand my sentiments, go listen to the whole of the painfully bad Gang Bang. Instantly forgettable, but not so easily forgivable. The whole thing had my mother and I sighing with relief when it was Imelda May's turn to take hold of the mic on i-Tunes.


Illustrations from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

the78steps: 2: The Twilight Magician

For such a vibrant deck, this Magician is pretty dark and hides amongst his navy border. However, a portion of it is drowned in warm orange light. Could this division hint at the different influences of this character? The positive and the negative?

As already detected, The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight majors dwell heavily on the Tarot of the Witches by Fergus Hall, first published in 1976 and featured in the James Bond film, Live and Let Die. I have the accompanying book here by Stuart R. Kaplan, so I thought I'd have a look to see what the symbols in the original Magician card represented. He says 'On the table sits the Magician's only companion, a striped cat, old and wise, wide-eyed and alert to the possibilities existing for his master. The Magician's left hand rests on a crystal ball suggesting mastery over what he is about to perform. Through the unity of willpower the Magician is able to manifest events and emotions into reality. The blue tattoos on his cheeks - a crescent moon and a star - symbolise unknown events which the Magician foresees and understands".

In the book that comes with The Twilight, Barbara Moore says 'The Magician can use all manner of magical tools, but no matter how much he loves them, he knows that the only real necessity is his will'. There have been times where I have held back from doing things because I didn't think I had the right tools; be it the right computer programme, tarot deck or paint brush. It's something I have seen happen online. Especially on forums. I have watched people buy up expensive 'this and thats', thinking it will make their practice better. They buy rare decks or [what they think are] special magickal tools and ingredients, when what they fail to understand about magick and spells is that it is simple intention which is needed to bring things into reality. The Magician may like his crystal ball, but it is his will that will drive him forward, should he let it.

Tarot of the Witches

When I look at Fergus Hall's Magician next to the one by Cristina Benintende, I notice that Hall's looks into my eyes. However, if you look closely, Benintende's looks through or past me. It's as though he's concentrating and focusing on something. He's using his intention to make something manifest in the physical world. I've heard of people using their concentration and focus to make physical objects move. That's what he's doing.

I have never made physical things move, but there are times where I have put all of my thought, imagination and will into making something happen. It's a skill I actually need to draw on at the moment. The Twilight Magician holds his crystal ball, but he may as well be holding his heart. That which exists within it is soon to be projected into the mundane world. I am wanting to apply to be a teacher, but it is only my application, my dedication to my maths class and working out how the course will be funded that will get me to where I want to be. The Magician doesn't sit about and wait for something to come to him. Therefore, he is a good mascot for anyone who wishes to make their dreams a reality.

Since I began to learn about tarot, the idea of a dark side to this guy has appeared in most books I've read. I think that this might be why the card is separated into light and dark areas. When he appears around more negative cards, I see him as someone who uses their focus for selfish need or deception; at worst, cruelty. He is the dodgy hypnotist or back-street surgeon. He's the charmer who talks the wealthy and lonely woman out of her savings or he could be the 'friend' who advises you to dump your boyfriend, because she wants him for herself.


Illustrations from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende and The Tarot of the Witches by Fergus Hall

One by One

"It is hard enough to keep track of your own actions and their consequences. Trying to control or manipulate everyone around you is sheer madness. You just need to worry about you"
                                
              Barbara Moore, Tarot of the Sweet Twilight


The girls here all look glum or in deep thought. I am guessing it is the puppeteer who is manipulating them. Each is in the same situation; tied to the will of whoever holds the strings. I am drawn to the blue-haired puppet, who looks to be caressing the central girl's leg. Is she an example of someone who needs to concentrate on her own problems, rather than those of everyone else? On a traditional level, all of the puppets look weighed down by something. The castle in the background might be the cause of this, or could be their way out. The wands, lined up like steps, lead them to the top of the hill, suggesting a place of refuge from burden or anxiety.

It's the last day of my boyfriend's holiday. Things were chugging along nice and slowly, but then .. wham, this day seems to have suddenly hit us between the eyes. For him, it's back to work tomorrow. He always gets those Sunday evening blues, so they'll be that bit more intensified after a week off. Speaking of work, I applied for a job the other day; to design flyers and posters for a local chain of clubs. I called the guy who had advertised for an in house graphic designer on Friday, but was less than impressed with the telephone conversation. Without hardly saying anything, he asked if I'd be able to start on Monday. I suggested that he look at what I can do and then we could have a discussion about whether he wanted me and I want to work with him. I sent the link to my website, but have heard nothing back after the initial chat. To be honest, I am not surprised or too bothered. I think he might be another one of those employers who expects more than he was advertising; he didn't have any graphics software in house and was hoping I'd bring my own in. It all seemed a bit slap dash.

Grandma and Great Granddaughter

I also spoke to someone about my PGCE. Apparently, I need to apply for my place at university before seeking funding or sorting my maths equivalency test. The lady on the phone said there are a few more places available, so I need to sort my application as-soon-as. So there is a burden in itself. When I look at today's 10 of Wands, I am not seeing people; I am seeing different worries, which need to be worked on one by one. I find it hard to not let them all spill out and touch one another, like the girl touched her neighbour's leg. I will worry about the financial support and the equivalency test after I have applied for a place, otherwise I become overwhelmed. The castle is university.

My boyfriend felt the backlash of Friday night yesterday, but he felt better than if we'd stayed at the 18th birthday party any longer. We spent yesterday evening with his parents, his brother and sister and their families, and his nan. It was a relaxed occasion. Some of them played Brag in the conservatory, while I watched television with his mum and sister in law in the living room. As with my birthday, things were quiet and personal. I think he had a good day over all. Our birthday week has been the best we've had since meeting as we've fit so many things into it.


Illustrations from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

the78steps: 1: The Twilight Fool

I am a bit of a commitment phobe when it comes to studies. Or at least I always was, starting something and never finishing it. This is why the idea of beginning the 78 Steps with The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight both excites and fills me with fear. But this deck does beg for something like this. There is so much to see in it's loose pages and each of it's 78 pieces deserves some time and attention. I want to know what is going on in each and know it will strengthen working with the deck.

1JJ Swiss Tarot

My first thought on seeing this card was of the jester in the 1JJ Swiss Tarot, which I believe was the first pack published by U.S.Games.There was a time when many people couldn't find much more variety than just that deck, so this is a fool that many will recognise. His colouring and outfit seems to have been carried through to Fergus Hall's Tarot of the Witches, which was obviously a big inspiration in the creation of The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight. Not only the outfit is hinted at, but also the sun and moon, above and below.

When I first saw this card, I knew I'd seen a drummer in a deck before and where from only came to me today. The Golden Tarot by Kat Black also has a fool with a drum (not that she explains why). In the Twilight, he walks to the beat of his own instrument, which I guess is a nod in the direction of his being unconventional and a bit wacky, as recent tradition would dictate.

Tarot of the Witches

The Golden Tarot

The Fool from The Twilight is a puppet. I am not entirely sure why, since it would indicate him being controlled by someone else. I wouldn't have thought this tarot character could be controlled by anyone or any thing, since he is a true free spirit. In the book that comes with the deck, it says 'The Fool wishes to march to his own drum. Between the distractions and road bumps, though, he wonders, how free he is, really?'. Maybe this little jester thinks he is walking to his own beat, when really it's his strings which are keeping him moving. It's a sad revelation for him to realise that he is not quite as free as he thought he was.

The Fool asks me to think about my own freedom. There is always some kind of catch when freedom is concerned. It might seem to others that I am pretty free, but it comes at a cost. My personal freedom is often compromised by not having much money. I have a lot of time on my hands, but it seems as though most of us can't have both at the same time. My boyfriend has more money than me, but less time. Not working is the string that compromises my movements and the beating of my own drum. Being free might be about learning to make the best of constraints if one can not cut them self free. Most Fool cards have an animal in them, often biting at the figure's leg to stop it from doing something foolish. Here, the cat bites at one of the strings. Could it be that the strings are actually being controlled by an energy of nonconformity and spontaneity? I kind of like that more. Therefore, the strings represent a higher or inner power, which drives us on and walks us toward those things our conscious mind wouldn't allow. The cat could therefore be a symbol of the conscious.

I am at a loss as to what the clown on the floor might be referring to. I guess that he is one of the distractions that the book speaks of. Does he stop to pick him up? This would require a responsibility that the strings of unconventionality might not allow. Being a free spirit can be a wonderful thing; especially for those who have previously felt trapped by responsibility. But sometimes, people acting on no more than a whim can appear selfish, disloyal and the kind of person who others do not wish to invest in. This is especially relevant when older people display the characteristics of The Fool. It might be inspiring and admirable in youth, but nobody wants to put time into someone who is unreliable, emotion into a relationship with someone who flits between partners, or money into an employee who can't hold down or do a job in the way they have been asked. I sometimes think that at 40, I still have far more of The Fool's energy than I need.

In readings, this card, at it's best, speaks about injecting a small dose of excitement into something and turning what is usually expected on it's head. It might be suggesting that a couple add a bit of spice into their bedroom activities with a game or two. It could provoke a spontaneous sicky from work or a trip to the hairdressers to have your waist length hair cut into a sharp crop. On a deeper level, it drives the guy who has worked in an office all of his life to hand in his notice and try out something he always wanted to,  but never dared. This is great for some, but as the cat in the picture warns, can be disastrous for those who chuck away security or drive away loved ones on what might be a silly whim. You often here of people who leave their life partners during a mid-life crisis, due to the flash of something more exciting.


Illustrations from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende, The 1JJ Swiss Tarot, The Tarot of the Witches by Fergus Hall, and The Golden Tarot by Kat Black

The Interception

When I was about 19, my friend bought me A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess. She had popped a glossary inside the back, since the language in the novella contain some made up terms and words derived from Russian, called Nadsat. However, I found that it wasn't really needed. If you just read the book, after a chapter or two, you begin to understand the intention of the language without any kind of assistance. Tarot is a bit like that.

The film of A Clockwork Orange by Stanley Kubrick was on television some days ago. I had a real fondness for the book, but always vowed that I didn't want to viddy ('see', in Nadsat) the horrendous violence and rapes spoke of in the book. I can't watch things like that and learned my lesson from the fantastic (but harrowing) film The Accused with Jodie Foster. As the movie unfolded, after the beating up of an old man, we saw a naked woman begin to be passed between men in what appeared to be the prelude to an attack. It was at that point I turned it off. The film was banned over here until about 2001, just after Kubricks death. Even though probably quite tame in comparison to the things we can watch these days (The Human Centipede anyone?), the film was extremely controversial in it's day. Kubrick apparently withdrew the film in the UK, due to copycat assaults and a young man on a manslaughter charge who derived inspiration from the characters he had seen in A Clockwork Orange.

Kubrick's 'A Clockwork Orange'

So, what's all of this chat about A Clockwork Orange got to do with anything? Well, it was the first thing I thought of when I looked at today's card, the 5 of Swords. Those guys in the background look like Alex's droogs (from the Russian друг, meaning 'friend'), wearing masks very similar to those in the film. The 5 of Swords is often about an attack of sorts, where the main person indicated has the ability to defeat those around them. The girl in this card has lifted her mask and I'd say she has achieved some kind of victory over the droogs behind her. I felt a little like her last night. We attended my friend's daughter's 18th birthday party. I have known her daughter (and twin teenage sons) since they were small children and they are three of the politest and mature young adults I know. My friend and her husband have done a wonderful job of bringing them up. I think they gave them just the right balance of freedom and restriction. As last night went on, it got nearer to my boyfriend's birthday and he and a few of our friend's swam excitedly towards the strokes of midnight through the necks of a couple of wine bottles. Knowing that we have to be at his parent's house today, I ended up slicing the late night celebrations in two by making him go home before he'd wanted to. I probably came across as a bit of a tyrant, as indicated in this card, but I didn't want him to spoil today for himself or his family. I have no space to talk, since I have done that kind of thing so many times before. With experience though, I hoped that prevention would be better than cure. 

Once again, there isn't a cloud in the sky. The little blue tits are springing about on the branches outside my window, feasting on nuts and fatballs. It's interesting how another card from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight depicts a link to film (after Catwoman some days ago). I will have to look for other references to movies, as I noticed that Johny Depp is quite obviously in one of the others. My boyfriend is still sleeping and I am soon to wake him with a birthday brunch. At this point, I am not sure of the state of play. Did my interception save the day or has he fallen beneath the sword of a birthday hangover?


Illustration from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

Simply Be

I had a bit of a fall out with the bathroom scales this morning. It would seem that my birthday celebrations have taken their toll. I've put two pounds on, so it's back to the salads again today. I don't feel so bad about it though. It has been hard to avoid certain food types while going out and socialising in restaurants over the last week.

My boyfriend and I drove up to see my friend yesterday as planned. We had thought it a good idea to miss the rush hour by going early and decided to leave after lunch. I'd thought it would take longer to get there, so when we arrived, we had a good four hours to kill. We dawdled through the city centre for a bit and then drove off somewhere else for an hour to get some lunch. Both feeling tired, we shamefully parked up on a road not far out of the centre and had a little snooze in the car for an hour before wandering around a large lake and taking a look at a Roman wall, built between AD 265 and 270.

It didn't feel like six years had passed when we finally met up with my friend. We had thought about going for something to eat initially, but instead, ended up in a bar. She and I used to sit beside one another at work, and with similar interests, shared many chats. It didn't take too long to fall back into that. Despite the social networking sites (of which neither of us are on), it is so easy to fall out of contact with people these days. I have lost many mates, but I think you kind of know deep down who will be a fly by night and who is not. Some of my friendships have died because picking up the phone is just too much of a tall order for them. I am glad that this friend and I have touched base again. We've already suggested getting together in central London this summer.

Today was one of simplicity. I guess that you can see that in today's card, the 4 of Swords, since it represents a time of rest and repose. My boyfriend sometimes regrets the weeks off of work which we don't fill up with much, but on this one, we have got together with a lot of people and have rarely been at home. With an 18th birthday party tonight, before his own birthday celebrations tomorrow, we went to the shops and have been getting ready slowly this evening. I needed to get him a birthday cake, so smuggled one out of the supermarket without him seeing this afternoon. In this card, the girl lays down any problems, in the shape of her swords, and takes some time out. I don't have any immediate problems that I can think of, but it has been nice to 'simply be' today and take the hours in our stride.


Illustration from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

Sunshine Drive

I saw this guy the other night. But he was dressed in a checkered shirt and skinny jeans. In profile, he had big dreamy eyes and a slightly turned up nose. Kate and I stood next to him at the bar and I quietly commented on how he'd have been the kind of boy I'd have fallen flat on my chin over when I was 19. She agreed that she would have too.

There is a nice warm feeling to the colours in this card. The couple are enclosed in a womb of conversation, friendship, and fine wine. The woman is telling the guy with the floppy hair about something, which is depicted by the flowers. Under the spell of the flower's perfume, he is mesmerised by what she says. The water behind them flows gently. They are surrounded by emotion and mutual love.

My boyfriend and I are just over half way through his week off. The card could be talking about us, but I usually view this card as being more to do with friendship. This makes great sense today, because we are using the time to visit a friend of mine, who I used to work with seven years ago. We were designers together in London and haven't seen each other since then. I detect our friendship in the picture, but since this card is sometimes about the beginnings of a relationship, it could be about getting to know each other all over again. We have really left it too long to get together, even if we did send messages and telephone talked to each other every so often in the past. I have lost touch with all of the other people I worked with then. It seems that it's harder to keep in touch if you are not on Facebook these days.

There is another beautiful blue sky outside of the living room window, even if there is a slight chill in the air. We went to meet my boyfriend's nephew and niece from school yesterday and I wore just a cardigan as it was lovely and warm in the sun. I am leaving my boyfriend to lay in bed this morning, but I guess that we'll leave to see my friend after lunch. It's a long drive, but those kind of journeys are not quite so bad in the sunshine. I'm thinking that we'll take it easy and wander around the town where she lives  and have something to eat before meeting up with her when she has finished work.


Illustration from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

The Tools of her Trade

When I read the Osho Zen cards that my course leader brought in last night, I went with the shapes and colours in the picture, since that was what we were asked to do. Can you believe that I even divined with a teal lolly stick? It's funny, because I can't always do that kind of thing at home and stick to what I have read about cards over the years to form my interpretation. Maybe it's a bit of a crutch.

During our guided meditation last night, we were asked to open our crown chakra to spirit. I am reminded of this by the moon on this High Priestess's head. She relies on what can not be seen or measured scientifically. I guess that you might look at it in the same way as a mobile phone. I have no idea how my Blackberry works; I just know that it does. And we rely on tools like this every day, whether we know how they work or not. For me, it's all about instinct. The cat in this card's instinct is to hunt the mice around the woman's neck (even if he can't see them). It's an inborn pattern of activity, natural to cats. The intuition of this second trump is therefore natural to this woman and us and advises that we trust in what we feel about a situation, rather than what we know and can be seen. The High Priestess's chair is so large that it covers much of the card. What is it covering? This is something which we let our instinct and those other tools discover and report back. I am actually wondering if this High Priestess is blind.

The little book that comes with this deck houses those small descriptive but often cryptic definitions that I love. They provide the perfect springboard. For this one, it says 'The High Priestess is familiar with the life that goes unseen, beneath the floors and in the walls. What others may demean, she values and protects'. Of course, mice can live in such places, and I think that they symbolise this instinct and intuition I am speaking of here. These qualities are things which most people put down or scoff at rather than trust. You should see how many people roll their eyes when I talk of the things I do or experience. For the High Priestess, they are the main tools of her trade. Hmm, I like this version of the card. I feel as though I have got a lot from it in a short amount of time.

Yesterday was the Spring Equinox and I can feel the warmth of it filtering through the cold. The sky has a wash of blue and it felt kind of odd to be sitting in the sun yesterday at lunch. The sunny weather has brought such cheer to my boyfriend's week off of work. His birthday is at the end of the week and I would love to be able to make this time off as special for him as he made my long weekend. I guess I will have to get my finger out and sort it before the weekend gets here. Does the High Priestess suggest the keeping of secrets or the hiding of a surprise?

We're popping over to my boyfriend's house today to pick some stuff up and see his family. I want him to get his camera too. We have woods behind our new home and I have been itching to go in them and take some photographs. He bought a great camera last year but we have only taken it on one outing since buying it. I shopped about for my picture above the bed for a while, but don't know why I didn't suggest he photograph the trees in the wood for me. If we do pop out to take some photographs, we might print and frame some up for the walls. I love trees. In a way, they remind me of The High Priestess; quiet, but observant, with an instinct to grow and stretch towards the sun. They have seen so much but tell nobody.


Illustration from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

Withdraw and Recharge

My boyfriend and I lay in my room and relaxed last night away. I found half an hour to look about online, as I was interested in finding out more about Catwoman. Apparently, the 2004 film that the image is taken from was a box office flop, but reading back further, it would seem that Catwoman (whose name is Selina) came from a troubled home life; her mother, a homemaker in the slums where they lived, walked on the egg shells of her marriage to an abusive and alcoholic man. After her mother's suicide, Selina becomes homeless, turning to prostitution and petty theft to get by. I get the impression that she became a kind of Robin Hood figure, who stole from the rich to give to the poor, leaving her other occupation behind. It all kind of made more sense when linking the back story to the 9 of Pentacles. Catwoman appears strong and knows how to manipulate her city for her own end. Like the woman in the Rider Waite Smith, this character is independent and has provided her own financial security. I also thought it kind of nice that she wears a hooded mask, not unlike the bird in the RWS.

Another day, and another birthday. For today, it was the turn of my friend Clair, who turned 39. My boyfriend and I bought both her and another mate (who shares the same birthday) big bouquets of flowers and five of us went for lunch in a really nice restaurant. It's not a surprise that my money is dwindling. The sun was shining, making it a lovely afternoon to sit by the window at the big round table. They all bought me presents for my birthday, so with yet another birthday cake for me to contend with, we all had a go at blowing out the candles.

Happy Birthday!

The Hermit can speak of being alone; sometimes, this is a need for being alone. We've had a pretty sociable time since Friday, so maybe it's suggesting a need to withdraw and recharge. I met Kate for our course this evening, which was interesting. We did a little card reading with the Osho Zen, which the course leader had brought in, but we also read patterns in the sand and flowers. I once again got little from the guided meditation, but I very much enjoyed trying out the different forms of divination.

My dad had his second dose of treatment for his bladder cancer today. When I got in around 11, he was tucked up under a duvet on the couch. He was hot and said he felt sick and had flu-like symptoms. Apparently, he said he was told he might feel like this and went to bed pretty soon after. It makes me well up, because without any symptoms so far, the whole thing seems so much more real when I see him like this.


Illustration from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

Cat Woman and her Helping Hand

When I was at that spiritual morning a few weeks back, we read some cards intuitively. This is something I do wrap into my readings, but often, I fall back on what I actually know about each card as default. However, The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight begs to be read by image.

When I look at this one, the 9 of Pentacles, I see a woman who immediately strikes me as independent. I mean, just look at her. She has the town at her fingertips and appears to have earned enough money to spend in it. The other thing I notice is that there is no nature in this card, but only man made structures - tall buildings and long winding roads. I guess this makes sense, due to this traditionally being a suit of money. This woman has enough cash in her bag; so much so that she actually doesn't mind dropping a few coins from it's neck. With my bank balance dwindling, she certainly doesn't represent my cash flow.

You'd think that the roads symbolise some kind of future, wouldn't you? We never really think of a road as taking us backwards, but mostly, they suggest unknown possibility to come. The thing about roads is that they cut through things. People usually complain when a new road is being built, because you can bet your bottom dollar that some kind of natural earth is going to be destroyed because of it. Roads go where they want to and this woman is cut from the same cloth. I keep wondering about her mask. There is something kind of sexy about it, but it covers more than it reveals.This girl has done well for herself, but she's had to play the game to get where she is, I'd say. A lot of us don't have that mask of killer instinct to take on those tall buildings as she has. I am not sure what connection the 9 of Pentacles has to Cat Woman, but on a little search about, I see that the Twilight's copying technique lightly fingers its way into the movies too. This pictures seems to have been taken from the 2004 film with Halle Berry in it. Cat's are independent and this one seems to be the mistress of her environment, which I am guessing is the point.

I was talking to the two women I worked for in school on my drink up at the weekend. With this new business, one of them has no pentacles left in her bag and may need to find a full time job. She is caught between a rock and a hard place because that is not what she wants to do but cannot pay her mortgage or feed her kids otherwise. The business is only five or so months old and they just haven't had enough clients as yet. It is taking them all over the place, promoting what they can do, and it is them who have to deliver the sessions as well. There is no way that she could do this and earn a crust in another job at the same time. There just isn't enough time for both, so their company is on shaky foundations at the moment. The other half of the partnership, my old friend, is worried about it all caving in because she has put a lot of effort into it but could never run it all by herself.

I made a suggestion to the two of them on Saturday evening. It is only due to them and their recommendations that I have any kind of teaching experience, so I offered to help them out if I could. I told them that I didn't want to be a part of their business or receive anything in return, but if I could step in at times to help so that their business could remain alive, then they should just ask. I have time on my hands and could try my best to help support them until work comes in more regularly. They have come so far in putting all of this together that it would be such a shame if the business died prematurely. I am not sure how this fits, but I feel as though this card concerns the situation. Ok, I have next to no pentacles in my pocket to help financially, but I do have the time and enthusiasm to help them combat the tall buildings and winding roads through this difficult time. I can see how this cat burgler could be out for herself and not usually wish to offer a helping hand, but here, she alerts me to those things I have personally and can share.


Illustrations from The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

Comparisons at Twilight

One deck I have wanted for some time is The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight. I have picked it off of the shelves to look at so many times in London. I am not sure why I put it back, because now that I have it, I really am pleased with it. My friend Sarah bought it for my birthday. I spent some time looking through it this morning. It really is beautiful and cram packed with interesting characters and deep, sensual colours.

Only recently, before receiving it, I realised that it's majors are very heavily based around Fergus Hall's Tarot of the Witches. I love Hall's deck, so on noticing this, I found it a bit strange that an artist had literally copied so much of it without explanation. This is something that disappointed me about Hertz and her copying of Froud's work in her decks. However, in both cases, I love the style of artwork, so can kind of overlook it. The Sweet Twilight is a very handsome deck, dripping in visual stimulation.

There are many cards in both this deck and Hall's that cross over in the majors. For this initial card comparison, I have pulled out just a few.

It was The Wheel of Fortune that first caught my eye and made me question where I had seen that large blue disc before. Once I flipped between the two decks, I began to realise that so many cards from the Twilight are lifted from The Tarot of the Witches.

It's funny how there are cards that cross over in decks. I wonder if they are intentional or a coincidence in some cases. Maybe some artists paint these things without even realising and the inspiration comes from their subconscious. Take this one; the Ace of Cups. I thought of the Tarot of the Ages straight away when I saw it.

Not all of the links I have made here are as obvious as this. They simply reminded me of cards from other decks. In these two, it was characters from The Phantasmagoric Theatre Tarot which came to mind when I saw them. Even though stylistically different, that deck is very similar to the Twilight; possibly due to the childhood themes, but with an over all adult flavour.

Another deck that fits with The Tarot of the Sweet Twilight is The Fey Tarot, also published by Lo Scarabeo. Amongst the two decks, there are more similarities.

I worked my way through The Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Pui Mun Law, because I was sure I had seen the 9 of Cups somewhere there. On finding the 8 of Swords from the Shadowscapes, it wasn't quite the comparison I was remembering, but with the swan, the general composition was what I had been reminded of.

The final card from this comparison links the Twilight to The Pearls of Wisdom Tarot.

The Return of Little Dragon

I am sitting in the living room alone, listening to a CD that one of my good friends bought me for my birthday. Years ago, my email address and name on some public forums was Little Dragon, inspired by the young Bruce Lee. I actually had a bit of a shock once in Soho, when a man came up to me in a bar and said 'It's so lovely to finally see you in real life Little Dragon'. With a smile, he disappeared amongst the crowds of the packed night spot. I had never seen him before and after the initial shock realised that he must have recognised me from my online profile. It actually threw me a bit, due to how creepy he was and the fact that he never stuck about for an explanation. The album I am listening to is by a band called Little Dragon.

So now my birthday is finally over. Well, almost, I guess. I had my drink up last night and many friends turned up. It was that bit more merry than the other segments of my birthday weekend but not totally debauched. Some of my mates drove for an hour to get there, which really touched me, but I admit to being disappointed by a few who couldn't bother themselves with a simple trip down the road. I had wanted (but not expected) a few people to come who didn't and was actually quite hurt that I obviously don't figure too highly on their list of priorities. My boyfriend and I have pushed important dates aside to attend their special occasions, but it seems that they couldn't shift things about to make mine. If I hadn't have seen some of these people move mountains to find babysitters or whatever was needed to get to this and that in the past, then it wouldn't have bothered me so much. One old mate didn't even send me a message. How difficult is that to do? I am certainly revising my Christmas card list.

I probably say this every week, but I do love Sundays. My boyfriend is asleep still. I think he is more tired than anything else. I couldn't tell you what time we got in, but we did go to a few late bars after the pub. Well, you're only 40 once, yeah? It's so peaceful here now that the CD has stopped. I love the quiet, and in thinking about something I read on another blog yesterday regarding gratitude, hearing my mum and dad potter about in the dining room is something which makes me happy. I don't want to be one of those people who only appreciated what they have had when it is gone. I'm appreciating them now, on Mother's Day.

Sticking with the Anne Stokes Gothic Tarot, beautiful Temperance returns today. This is one of my favourites in the deck, so I am not bothered by seeing her again. This mermaid sits between the worlds and doesn't appreciate extremes of any kind.I think she may have got wind of the fact that I am contemplating a takeaway later to round off events. I'll be eating sensibly again tomorrow, but after all the celebrations of the weekend, what could be better than sitting on the bed with The Antique's Roadshow and a dinner we don't have to cook our self? I have eaten out for the last three days, so maybe that is the extreme indulgence that young Temperance is warning me of. She looks down her nose at me and says 'Are you sure you want that beige cuisine you've got in mind?'. I am sorry to say that I think I do.


Illustration from The Anne Stokes Gothic Tarot by Anne Stokes

The Nature of the Game

Yesterday evening was the perfect end to my 40th birthday. The food was lovely, and once everyone had arrived, we sat around and chatted into the evening, supping on champagne. My boyfriend's parents bought me a bottle of whisky and the Pamela Colman Smith commemorative set. I have not opened the cards yet, but the whole thing looks very special. The gatefold box is lovely and I adore the fine art prints and postcards included. I have wanted this for a long time.

Friends and Family

Aside from just one time I can remember, where we were joined by my friend Tanya (who has since died), I don't usually celebrate my birthdays with my parents. It has always been big get togethers in London or a rampage through the bars locally. It was nice to stay in with them and my boyfriend's parents last night. With two other friends joining us, we laughed our way through old photographs and toasted my birthday until just before midnight.

Even though I have all of these new decks here ready to use, I am still drawn to stick with the Anne Stokes Tarot today that Charlotte bought me. There is something really warming about having four new sets, all from special people. Each one already contains a little something of the person who gifted it.

I am never so fond of receiving The Tower. But looking at the little white book that comes with this tarot, The Anne Stokes deck puts a positive spin on things. Even though the set, like The Favole, uses existing paintings, I have read that some of these were actually made for the deck. In this card, we are told that the spinning of her web enables this faery to make order from chaos, which I quite like. It has a little bit of The Star in it's makeup and doesn't represent simple doom and gloom like the lightning struck building in most decks. I am kind of surprised that the creator didn't use the illustration for the Knight of Wands, showing a dragon climbing and destroying a building beneath a thunderstorm. I kind of like this twist though. She portrays a solution. Once again, I adore the green colouring used.

Old Friends

I am not entirely sure where chaos could spring from, but then, that is usually the nature of The Tower's game. We are heading out tonight for my birthday drink up. I wanted to keep it simple and have probably got twenty-odd people meeting me in an old pub by the river. With the last two days of social events towing the line, I guess that this faery might have her work cut out for her if she wishes to keep order amongst my group of friends. With the best of intentions, we all like a drink and never know when to go home, so she might be untangling the web of birthday celebration way into the early hours. I am going to try my best to not make her job too difficult, but I doubt this will be everyone elses sentiment.

My Dad and Baby Dylan

My old mate came to see me and take us out for my birthday this afternoon. She had a little boy three months ago and her and her husband have slotted into parenthood very naturally. My boyfriend and I always have such lovely times with them. They are great company and their little boy is beautiful. It was the first time that my parents had met him and I think they were completely smitten. He is such an adorable little baby. Today has been another wonderful section of my birthday weekend. I couldn't have wished for a better time, if I am honest.


Illustration from The Anne Stokes Gothic Tarot by Anne Stokes