The Lost Journal of Prince Le Normand

Au revior Annie

2012-02-01T15:54:00.005Z

Even though I have already posted today, I felt a need to write something this afternoon. An hour ago, I heard that my friend, Annie, had died. We were not sure when to expect it, but were expecting it all the same. She had been ill since the last day she and I had worked together last year and had found out at that time that she had terminal cancer. You may remember me going to her house in London and helping two other mates with the decorating of her room. Or you may remember the yellow bear I sewed for her, which she called Archimedes.

I only knew Annie for about a year and a half. We worked together on a handful of projects pretty intensely. That's her in the photo, standing next to some of the puppets she'd made with the kids in a special needs school. We had an excellent time together there, and with another practitioner to make up the trio, I'd say it is probably one of the jobs I've enjoyed the most in my life. It was a joy to go in and be creative; putting our heads together and bringing life to ideas. Anything was possible with Annie. There was never any time for limitations. She didn't care how far she'd have to drive in her little silver sports car (which she'd named Tiara) to get materials or that she would need to get up at 4am to sew before she left for work; if it made a positive difference to the students, she did it. She would pick me up from the station every Friday and we'd go and have a cup of tea and discuss our ideas before turning up at the schools for who we were working. I am not always sure that people knew how to take Annie at first. She'd breeze into reception with a massive Cheshire cat grin, showing the women behind the desk all of the new fabrics and materials we had bought for the project, whether they wanted to see them or not.

I feel a real loss today. Even though I can now smile about how Annie's intensity and enthusiasm could sometimes wear me out (emotionally and physically), it was also the one thing which kept all of us who worked with her inspired and excited. Even up to her facing more operations and no longer being mobile, she was still laughing and her spirit stayed as alive as ever. I don't know if she felt scared, since she knew she was dying, but if she did, she never let on.

Annie was one of those people I always expected to be there. She had sent me a message on Christmas Day, suggesting that I go up to her house and put our heads together about networking. She always told me how much she hated not working. When confined to her wheelchair, she still ran a one-off project by the sea with the help of an assistant. She loved the sea as much as she loved working, she often said. It is hard to believe that we won't get together to work on our networking and publicity. We'd been saying we'd find a date to do that as long as I have known her.

I stood in the supermarket this afternoon; I was feeling tired and felt a little sick. I wanted to buy something, but wasn't sure what. When I attended Conrad's funeral up North some years ago, I bought a pendulum in a shop to remember him by. For today, I bought two bunches of daffodils, which I have stood in a vase on my window sill. I have read that a single daffodil means misfortune. I can get that. But I have also heard that a bunch is a symbol of joy. This seemed appropriate, since Annie was a personality of great joy and brightness. Even on a day like this, it is difficult to not smile when I think of her.

Gaining Entry to the Bridge and Winning a Pentacle

2012-02-01T09:39:00.030Z

Queen of Pentacles, 3 of Pentacles, 10 of Pentacles

Look how these cards shine! I love the reds and greens in the Queen of Pentacles and the contrast between the pink of the moat with the grassy banks in the last card.

The Queen of Pentacles is sometimes my mum. I hate it when some decks throw out a dull image of this queen and this one from The Tarot of Reflections is thankfully far from that. Okay, she's not quite like my mother, but there is a maternal warmth that generates from her as she proudly holds her gold disk. For today, I'd say she represents Mum and something she needs to do. As the opening card in this trio, I'd say this is her story.

As I recently mentioned here, my mother got a fine for speeding not so long ago. Even though just six miles an hour over the speed limit, it was her first offence at the age of 66. If you know my mum, you'd understand that this worried her greatly. She paid the fine but also paid that bit extra to go on some kind of theory course, which she went to this morning. Even though others who have been through the same sort of thing told her not to worry about it, she has been anxious about going and set off early this morning so that she would be there in time. Apparently, it was held in a hotel near to where we used to live, so getting there half an hour before she needed to, she went for a cup of tea.

I find it interesting that today's cards throw two large buildings into the mix. They could be one and the same, but I am tempted to see the one in thee 10 of Pentacles as the hotel where my mum is attending the course. It is stable, protected, and offers great rewards. The building and planning for these rewards can be seen in the second card, which shows work and preparation. The positioning of the bridge over the pink moat is very important to me, because it links the castle to the 3 of Pentacles on it's left. It confirms that effort and the team are the way to success.

In this threesome, I can see where the reflections from this deck can add light to interpretation. The queen sits with her back to the buildings, holding her pentacle as an achievement. However, her reflection looks back at them, remembering what she has learned on her course. She looks proud and an inner confidence has been restored; that which was knocked by the speeding fine. She enjoyed the course, working in teams to sort out problems, and says that she learned a lot.

The house is full today. My uncle and cousin are here working on the kitchen. The tiles are being set, the electrics are all now working and the old cooker has been moved out to the garden. The buildings in the cards (especially with the scaffolding, planning and ideas of teamwork) also remind me of the work being done on our house. It's getting there, slowly but surely.

I have mentioned a dispute between two friends on my blog in recent entries. It's kind of sad that they have fallen out; especially since it seems to be over silly and unacknowledged problems from the past, escalating in one big drunken misunderstanding. I don't enjoy being in between them, so I thought I would draw three more cards to see how things will materialise in the next month.

4 of Cups, 3 of Cups, 5 of Wands

Aside from the beautiful pink and red in the first two cards, the thing which first stands out for me in this reading is how the two women sit back to back. There really is some kind of stand off continuing between them. Even though their 'reflections' take a sneak peek at one another, they remain detached and don't acknowledge each other publicly. The lady in the red looks towards the future, holding up her cup. She is pregnant with all that is new and decides to nourish friendships and a social community which are important to her regardless of the split. The 3 of Cups is a card of friends after all, I find (notice what looks like people raising their glasses to her in the background). The woman in the pink sits amongst dark surroundings. She faces the past and finds it more difficult to move on. The 4 of Cups finds her emotionally stuck and feeling empty. They are both responding to their parting in different ways.

Because the lady in the red holds her glass up to the couple in the 5 of Wands, I would not be surprised if she enforces a move on the woman in pink at some point. I'd say she is definitely thinking about it. Will she run into her by surprise or eventually make unexpected contact? The 5 of Wands is a card of strife and struggle, but it is also one of competition. With a handful of mutual friends, I wonder if these two women will end up using them in a tug of war, trying their best to prove who is the most important and influential.

I am not one for numerology usually, but I did notice that these cards, when their values are added, make up 12, the number of The Hanged Man. He is a card of suspension, so I would guess that little moves will be made in the next month as they both dig in their heels and stay separated.

Illustrations from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Every Fruit has it's Season

2012-01-31T09:23:00.006Z

One of the reasons why I bought this deck was it's palette. I love the contrasts; that bright red hair, for example, clashing against the green of The Empress's dress. I adore her blue-tinged, icy skin. There is a warmth in the glow around her but she is a steely fighter, none the less.

I kind of wondered if she'd turn up today. I often see her as a reminder to look after myself or others. In some ways, she is the patron of my diet. She has overlooked everything I have put in my mouth and watched the pounds fall away. I was saying just this morning that I feel so differently about myself at the moment. Even though I have pretty much been underweight for my entire life, rather than over, with an extra stone or more than I was ever used to, I didn't feel like dressing up or making any kind of effort; this was unusual for me, since clothing and image has always been of great interest. However, still at my target weight, I do feel more interested in choosing clothes I like to wear and am not sulking around in the background of my life in clothes I'd bought that were two sizes too big.

I don't feel so great today; tiredness has set in and I ached throughout the night. This often comes hand in hand with feelings of apathy and my turning around thoughts of failure like a dog with a bone. The little white book that comes with this deck is one of the best I have read and of The Empress, it says 'Remember that every fruit has it's season'. This is a card of nature and reminds me that things will develop and grow in their own time. They can't be rushed.

I was meant to meet Kate this morning, but she cried off at the last moment as her daughter has a temperature and she is keeping her off of school. I always enjoy my time with her, so this was a bit of a disappointment, but on looking out of the window and seeing how it is trying to snow, I am that little bit relieved.

The Empress has always reminded me of a particular person in my life and I spoke with her this morning. Maybe it was just me, but I sensed a little distance. It mig

ht very well have been because she was out having breakfast at the time, but I wonder if she is feeling less than content with me. I am stuck between her and another mate at the moment and have chosen not to provide tidbits of information for either party. She seems eager to know what happened when I saw the other friend at the weekend but I breezed over it and changed the subject.

Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Moving on Without You

2012-01-30T12:40:00.008Z

This is the moving on card for me. I can't remember if I spoke about my experiences with it on here before or not. In one of my previous jobs, I had grown tired of how I was being treated. What with the five hours of travelling I had to endure every day, I had had enough. I drew this card one morning and wondered if it meant that things were about to come to a head. When I got in, I spoke to my friend, Andriana. As she was interested in my tarot readings, I told her about the 8 of Cups and she immediately told me not to worry, saying 'Its's not you, it's me .. I'm handing my notice in this morning as I've got a new job'. Because we'd all had enough of the place, I was pleased for her, but still couldn't get my head around the card. I explained to her that I had read it as someone moving on that day, rather than in a month's time.

Eventually, she went for a meeting with our boss and hit her with the news. Our boss seemed a little shocked but the deed was done. As the day began to wrap up, we started to prepare ourselves for home. It was then that a lady from Human Resources and a security guy came to Andriana's desk. They told her that since she would be working for a competitor, she needed to clean her desk and would be leaving that very day to go on gardening leave. We were all quite taken aback. It meant that she didn't have a chance to say goodbye to everyone properly, so we all organised a farewell party for her in London a week later. As a parting gift, I gave her The Morgan Greer, since that was the very deck I had drawn the card from.

I received a message from my boyfriend this morning. He is not happy at work either. He feels as though he is being taken advantage of, and after last week's meeting with his manager to express his dissatisfaction, he has not heard anything back. With this card in mind, I reminded him to not do anything rash. You can push and push at my boyfriend, but eventually, he will blow. When he finally does, you'll know it and I don't want him to do anything he'll regret. I can see him telling them where to stick their job, and as satisfying as that might be, it won't do him any favours in the long run. They're really cutting their nose off, despite their face. They have got a great worker and a lot of potential in him and they'll only realise that when someone else has snatched him up.

I have looked all over today's card, but can't see any kind of obvious reflection; well, not like other reflections in this deck. In this card, one person seems to be walking away from another. If the card represented two people, then I might feel sorry for the woman on the left, since the one walking away on the right seems to have outgrown her. However, I think it is more likely that the figures are one and the same. I had a nice evening out at the weekend, but I do feel as though I have outgrown nights like that. Is this 8 of Cups about leaving that side of things behind as I get closer to turning 40? We discussed what I am going to do for my birthday and I explained that I want something low-key. To be truthfully honest, I don't really want to do anything. My boyfriend is going to take me away for a week, which I am up for, but I have had more than my fair share of birthday parties and don't fancy another one (a surprise party being the worst option of all). The 8 of Cups is all about a need to leave something behind. Yes, I am frustrated with how things sit at the moment. I keep being told that 40 is a milestone and right now, I don't feel as though I have much to show for it.

Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Social Lightning

2012-01-28T12:51:00.007Z

Oh, bugger. This is never a card I enjoy to see. The fire in this version from the Tarot of the Reflections looks particularly ferocious. It's like a snap shot into our day, where some poor person will find himself thrown from a place of comfort.

Once again, the book adds light to definition. It says 'Every experience must rest on solid foundations if it is to last over time. Have strong inner foundations, demolish what is worn and eliminate the superfluous'. When I think of today, I remember we are going out this evening. What ever happens will be determined by the foundations which have been laid; these foundations might be built on glasses of wine, the unsteadiness of friendships between others, or problems with friends from the past (could the card be speaking of someone I would rather not run into? - I can think of one old friend who'd I'd rather would slip into my past and not pop up). Maybe, the card advises me to watch how much I drink, who I drink with, and where I drink to avoid the strike of social lightning depicted in this card. My boyfriend and I hardly argue, but we did have one big bust up over a year ago and didn't make it up until the next morning. In those days, we drank far more than we would now. The bottles of wine were the lightning striking in The Tower card. Underlying niggles were the foundations which were provoked. I can see how this card coming up today suggests that I look to clearing any problems before situation or the unexpected tries it's best to kick harmony from the burning windows of this tall building.

The Mac is now set up and I am using it right now. It really is lovely to use; like breezing over ice. There is no wheel on the mouse, but you glide your finger along it's spine to scroll as you would with a touch screen phone. The 21.5 inch screen is crystal clear and everything I look at just pings with colour and detail. My boyfriend set my printer up and resurrected my elderly iPod, so as I write, I am listening to the wonderful Rizzle Kicks. My boyfriend loves all of the gadgets, but it has been so long since I have had a computer that works that the real novelty of buying this Mac for me is that it switches on when I want it to and doesn't turn itself off when I don't want it to. Can you imagine having a computer that doesn't take twenty-four hours to turn on?

Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Like a Virgin

2012-01-27T15:14:00.009Z

Do you remember staring at the clock when you were a kid? Trying to see the minute hand move? How ever much you stared at it, it never seemed to, but then after turning away to look at the television, you'd look back again and realise that five minutes had passed. This is how I look at this chariot. It doesn't look as though it's going too fast, does it? However, it is moving, even if we can't see it. In the small book that comes with this deck, we are advised 'Know that your chariot can advance even if it seems to be going nowhere'.

This was quite a good card for me to draw this morning before going to my Maths class. It's my second real session there. I wasn't particularly looking forward to going; mainly because I would prefer to be doing something other than Maths, but also down to my worrying whether I will learn enough to eventually get me through the test. When I am there, it is not so bad. As I look through the questions, it jogs something in my memory. I am a Maths virgin with a shady past and bits of suppressed knowledge find their way to the surface. After two hours, I had had enough and the walls came down, but my tutor seemed impressed with what I had done. It feels as though I am not getting particularly far, but like today's card, I think things are moving ahead, even if they don't always look as though they are.

After my lesson, my parents took me off to PC World and I bought my new iMac. The woman who served me was really helpful. I had not known whether to take advantage of the Apple care plan, so I dithered about until she discounted it. As well as them being there for constant support, she said that you can make appointments for tutorials and to ask them how to do different projects on the machine, should you wish. As I write, it is still boxed up. I thought I'd wait until my boyfriend gets here before setting it up. It's been sitting in the corner all day. I have learned to be much more patient with age, but in honesty, I am not much good with instructions, so it's probably best that he takes the lead.

I kind of fancied going out this evening, but my boyfriend suggested we do tomorrow instead. I always used to enjoy Friday nights out more than Saturdays. It has a different buzz, probably being the first night of the weekend. So for tonight, I think we will have a quiet one, setting the new computer up and watching the final of Celebrity Big Brother.

Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

The Final Insult

2012-01-26T10:09:00.007Z

I don't usually catch up on my blog this late in the evening. I was going to let it slide today, but I picked this card this morning and really like it; it's the Knave of Swords.

It was dark and raining when I left my boyfriend's this morning. I didn't have a hat so my newly shaved head got wet. Every cold raindrop felt like a tear of ice, so I bought a cheap beanie when I got off the train. I could feel a slight tiredness in my legs and chest, but I slowly walked home through the long alleyway regardless. Buses only come this way once an hour, so if you've only just missed one, it's a long wait.

My mum had a physio appointment this morning, so my dad and I hitched a ride to a shopping estate across the road from where she goes. We looked at tiles for the kitchen, bikes for my birthday, and computers. I tried to do an extra post for my blog yesterday, but my elderly laptop had other ideas, switching itself off mid-post. This little netbook has been my saviour, but I do need something a bit more heavy duty, so we had a look around. I can never decide which is best. I like the portability of a laptop, but I haven't had too many good experiences with the ones I have had. Every time I have gone to look at computer stores, I always want a Mac, but end up bypassing them for a cheaper PC option. I went straight to their section this time. I started off looking at the Mac Book Air, but because I want it for graphics, found myself round the other side of the table looking at a stylish iMac with a 21.5 inch screen. The guy in the shop gave a good commentary and answered my questions. One of the things I hate about my deceased desktop machine is the wires, so was surprised and pleased to hear that the iMacs only have one lead. The hard drive on the model I was looking at is built into the back of the screen and the keyboard and mouse are wireless. All of this for £999.00. I am considering getting it tomorrow. I have almost got used to computers that won't turn on, disc drives that don't open and laptops which turn themselves off when the tough gets going. I am not sure how I will react to a machine that actually does what I want it to.

Today's card is alert and communicative. As I have spent my evening on my maths homework, I am not so sure that he resembles me, but the card might have something to do with my boyfriend. It could be that he has taken to a little written expression of his own (which he has), but more likely, the knave represents messages. Due to the difficulty that can come with cards from the Swords suit, I think it is connected to my boyfriend not being called back for a second interview. He found out this afternoon. In his current role, he works singly as a Credit Controller. There were others in his team with the same job previously but they were made redundant last year. The company he applied to said that they thought he might not be able to work as successfully in a team, since he works alone now. Knowing how much my boyfriend does for the other lazy oaths in his office, I know that this is rubbish. He and one of the girls there both received a pay rise today. Even though it is better than a kick in the teeth during these financially testing times, to find out that his raise was less than someone who is late every day, spends a lot of her time chatting on messenger-type programmes, has been warned about her amount of sickness, and actually has him helping her with her work, as he said to me in a message, it really was the final insult.

Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Chuck us Another!

2012-01-25T08:55:00.010Z

I remember reading this card for one of my old neighbours once, suggesting that in the world of work, she was a bit of a multitasker. She had said this was true and seemed pretty happy with my bringing the skill up in her reading. In this version of the card, the guy doesn't seem so at ease with the juggling of his coins. He looks as though he is perspiring, trying to keep them in the air without dropping them. This is more like me. I get stressed when I have too much to do; especially when at work. Whoever the phrase 'I thrive on pressure' was inspired by, it certainly wasn't me. I left both of my last two full time jobs because keeping all of the balls in the air was too much of an ordeal and I was conscious of consistently dropping them.

I had a really nice chat with my uncle the other day. While my mum was driving my dad to the hospital, I pulled up a chair in the kitchen and we talked. His son is a year older than me. We had a bit of a falling out a few years ago and I stopped answering his messages. Depending on which way you look at it, my cousin has done very well for himself. He has (what I am told) is an amazing house, a fast and expensive car, a job that pays him close to £100,000 a year and travels all over the world. However, as my uncle put it, he is rarely happy. For that kind of salary, he is at the beck and call of his boss, who has been known to ring him at 11 o'clock on a weekend evening, lives in fear of redundancy, and has nobody to share his fortune with. I can see him in this version of the 2 of Pentacles as well.

It took me quite a while to realise what was important. I have never been particularly materialistic, but for a while, I threw myself into the same career roles time and again, because I believed that these kind of well paid jobs would prove my worth. But with each job, I received another knock and had to come to terms with the fact that I am not cut out for that kind of pressure. With emails coming through at twenty at a time, more appointments and meetings to attend than I could get my ahead around, and having to jump into taxis here, there and everywhere, I eventually ran from my desk, leaving the gold pentacles to fall and smash on the floor. This card makes me think of that.

Having said all of this, there are times when that has not been the case. In the teaching work I did last year, I was under an enormous amount of pressure in some of my jobs, but because I knew what I was doing, I was able to hit the ground running. In that example, I had got myself loosened up and ready before beginning my juggling act. With that in mind, this card could be about thinking on your feet and taking on extra stuff successfully when you already have enough to contend with. It's about knowing your limitations.

Dad is home now. He is sore but relieved that it is all over for the time being. With that out of the way, I wonder if someone is eager to chuck another pentacle into this juggling act. Even though perspiring, the guy in the card is coping. He looks ahead, focused, as the pentacles appear balanced. However, if someone chucks another into the equation, it could just knock him over the edge.

Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Jackie's Strength

2012-01-24T10:05:00.017Z

This is an interesting one. At first, this card, the 5 of Swords, seems to visually step outside of the Rider Waite tradition, but when you look at it closely, it is pretty similar in intention. In the traditional image, a main figure gains power over two characters in the background. We don't immediately see that here, but when we take into account the woman's mirror reflection behind her, it could easily become her defeated opponent. Since they are one and the same person in this deck, we might ask ourselves 'who it is that we are really harming by our actions'.

The little white book that comes with this deck offers good food for thought. It says "Failure can be positive if you understand your mistake. Don't repeat the errors: the biggest defeat is the one that could have been avoided".

This card reminds me of my friend, Jackie. She once had the same hairstyle. It's funny how friendships fade away like the image of the woman in the background of this illustration. As two mates who lived in each others pockets (and for a while, in the same bedroom), we always maintained that our friendship would never die. Even though I got a message from her recently, after telling her I had changed my number, I get little more, so I'd say our friendship is pretty much on it's last legs. From what I understand, she still sees old friends I introduced her to and my ex boyfriend, even if I haven't seen her or them in many years. I think of her sometimes. In fact, it's strange that this card turns up today, because I dreamt of her last night for the first time in a long time. How can you know someone for over twenty years, to the point that they are actually like the mirror image of yourself, and then get to a point where you no longer know them at all? I miss the good times with her, but with so much water under the bridge, I am not sure I'd know what to say to her if I saw her now.

So where does this card sit today? Rather than Jackie, I'd say that this card is describing my boyfriend, who had his telephone interview for a job just half an hour ago. Unfortunately, it didn't go too well, through no fault of his own. The signal on his phone kept cutting out and the interviewer could not hear him properly. He sounded defeated in his first message to me, but in the last, he appeared more positive, saying he had spoken to his agent and wants to try and organise another go after 5 o'clock. Now this is where today's advice comes into play. As the cryptic little message in the little white book states, he must make sure that the same problem doesn't affect the call again.

Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

Pig Headed

2012-01-23T11:49:00.014Z

Look at the eyes in this king. If you really look into them, they're kind of piercing. He looks right into you, and like the little book that comes with this deck states, becomes your reflection. If I am going by what Titania Hardie says, then this guy is our Aries Male, since he is right side up. The closest Aries male to me is my boyfriend. He messaged me this morning to say that he has a telephone interview for a job tomorrow, so this could be him in the card, grabbing the bull by the horns, gripping the wand in his grasp, or taking control of the telephone from it's receiver.

Our weekend was busy. Doesn't everything seem to always hit at the same time? We got up early to visit my boyfriend's little niece on Saturday morning as it was her 4th birthday. Her parents had organised a party out of the house, so we were only there for an hour or so to give her her card and money, for which be both received a kiss. She is growing before our eyes. When I met her, she was just a toddler, but now, her personality is changing as she becomes more independent. As much as it is nice to see her growing up, I kind of miss the way she was.

From there, we drove to see my oldest friend, who gave birth recently. With cuddly smurf under arm, we dropped in for a few hours in the afternoon. Both her and her husband were tired, but we drank tea and chatted as my friend lay on the sofa with her three week old little boy. It was lovely to see, since this baby took a long time coming. There was a point when I thought she may never make motherhood, but as with all miracles, little Dylan took everyone by surprise. He really is a beautiful little boy and so special, due to how long it took for him to finally get here. I could feel myself becoming tired as the afternoon darkened, and soon enough, my yawns turned to a headache. However, we still had one last visit of the day to make. We then drove on to another friend's home, where her and her new boyfriend cooked us a delicious trout dinner. The evening was simple, sitting in her kitchen at the table and talking. I had only met her boyfriend once very briefly, so it was an excuse to get to know him better. Even though his English is only a few years old, down to him being Spanish, it wasn't too difficult of a barrier to break.

Unfortunately, the weekend did produce a death. My main computer is now up in a kind of heaven that we call the loft. It wouldn't turn on for four days, and like any loving family member would, I eventually pulled the plug. I can't be doing with it's temperamental attitude, turning on one day, and then not the next. With no use, it was starting to take up space and it's mechanical whining was beginning to annoy me. Thinking that I might eventually end up putting my foot through it, I packed it up and sent it upwards. I am currently using the laptop that it initially replaced six years ago. Next to my newish Netbook, it looks as though it was fashioned in 1985. It's funny how things date so quickly these days. It kind of scares me. But there is something kind of appealing about how basic it seems under the fingertips. I dragged it out because it has old versions of Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator on it. For this blog, it is nice to be able to fiddle about with cards and stuff visually before I publish.

One of the points of this deck is to look at our own reflections, so even though I see my boyfriend and his good news in today's card, I also see myself. I have often said how I see myself in this king. My boyfriend mentioned how demanding I am yesterday, which is definitely one of this king's personality traits. My father is waiting from the call from the hospital, since his operation is scheduled for today. If it is anything like last time, he still has many hours of sitting and fasting before a bed becomes available. He and I had words last night, and as per usual, he is dragging out the bad feeling by ignoring me. I am worried about his operation but see no use in trying to talk to him at the moment. You might see today's court figure and it's reflection as the two of us; one being just as pig headed as the other.

Illustration from The Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi

The Birthday Turnaround

2012-01-20T22:47:00.005Z

Today, I wanted to use the Teen Oracle by Cinnamon Crow, which I received for Christmas, but cannot find it anywhere; it's probably been hidden amongst the house move and our new kitchen, which is now standing in our garage and hallway. Instead, I am using a deck of the same name which I found in a pound shop some years ago. The card drawn is The Rock.

I got up early this morning, had my bath, and then hotfooted it into town for my maths class. I confess to not really looking forward to it, but once there, I actually kind of enjoyed myself. The tutor gave me work to do and consistently came round to each student to help with any problems. I managed far more than I thought I could and he seemed pretty pleased with what I had done. I was there for a couple of hours and then went to meet my friend for coffee. I haven't seen him much in the last year. He is getting married in November so we talked about that. From there, I walked to my new dentist to register. My mouth didn't ache so much today, which is just as well, since I have to be in the system for four days before I can make an appointment.

I was pretty tired when I got home, but was a bit irritated that I had not heard back about a job I'd applied for ten days ago. I found the number of the agent and called her. She said she hadn't got round to doing anything so I asked her when she was thinking she might tackle it. She said she had no idea and pretty much hung up on me. And these are the kind of people I am hoping will help find me a job? I think this might be where today's card sits. As much as the rock shows stability, it also hints at my being trapped and a situation being stagnant. Despite going to my maths class, which I am attending to help move my career on, I do feel stuck. I am kind of irritated about not hearing anything from the jobs I've applied for. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, wouldn't you?!

It has been my dad's 70th birthday today. That kind of doesn't even feel possible. When I was young, 70 seemed so old. It feels so weird that my dad is now that age. His birthday didn't start off so well. For starters, while I was out, the kitchen was delivered .. by just one man. Apparently, the other didn't show. My parents really should have got the company to sort something out, but instead, helped him unload the van. So that meant very heavy worktops being carried by a 70 year old man, who is not in the best of health, and his 66 year old wife, who cannot walk properly. It really annoyed me when I found out. For one or another reason, he ended up going to bed feeling unwell by 7pm. My boyfriend and I took a short trip out to get some food a little later and I woke him up to see if he would like some. With a little sleep under his belt, it did the trick. We then gave him his presents; a book from my boyfriend's parents and three more from us. He was thrilled to bits, so thankfully, his birthday was turned around.

Illustration from The Teen Oracle by Emrys

Bare With, Bare With ...

2012-01-19T18:11:00.011Z

If you've seen the comedy Miranda, today's title will make you smile. In this context, I am asking you to bare with me as I play out some ideas I put together this afternoon. Of course, they won't suit all, but I enjoyed experimenting for an hour. I have had really bad tooth pain for a week and need to register with a new dentist tomorrow, but while I was playing with the cards, my mind was taken away from the pain for an hour at least.

I really liked Titania Hardie's idea of using twelve of the court cards as people, presenting a person of both gender for each of the zodiac signs. So for example, a reversed Queen of Swords would make a Virgo male. I read a review of her writings on Amazon and the usual hoo-ha about which astrological sign should be assigned to which court figure ensued, so I closed the window. As long as they are all covered, I don't care so much about how they are assigned; that could be debated and argued until the cows come home, but if I believe and trust the arrangement I am using, then that is enough for me. I wasn't getting so much from the minor cards in Titania's deck, so I pulled out another set to use, and with my cup of tea, learnt who was what by going through them and then testing myself. Surprisingly, I committed them to memory pretty quickly.

Now as you know, I like to mix things up a bit. I always think it's good to draw what works from here and there. I have often spoken about the sequence in three-card playing draws that was offered in the book Personal Prophesy by Deborah Leigh. It's always worked well for me, even if it is hard to explain. I thought I would take a moment to show how it works when mashed up with Titania's astrological court system. So as Tilly would say as she scans the messages on her mobile phone, 'Bare with, bare with ...'.

When Leigh looks at a three card spread, she imagines herself at the left of the three cards. Her system is pretty difficult to explain, so I think it is best to try and lead through examples. Some of you are probably wondering what happens to the four court cards left out. Titania's system only deals with the kings, queens, and pages, each holding a different astrological sign. The four knights regard thoughts in her system, but I prefer to see them as movement. I always saw so many similarities between the rank of page and knight, and king and queen, that using them in this way feels more water tight for me.

So, let us take a look at the first set.

The court here is the Page of Cups. In this example, the card is reversed, so becomes a female Pisces. Because I would see myself in the imaginary space to the left of the reading, this female and I share the 5 of Cups. This card contains it's traditional meaning of loss, so the reading could be about a fall out between myself and this woman. I am a Pisces, so I can kind of relate to her. Maybe she is off dreaming somewhere. She tries to be grounded and dependable, but that does not always come easily for her. I don't know much about astrology, but having a female friend who is a Pisces, I can see how more knowledge about the signs of zodiac could really flesh out these readings and tell us who is in the cards more directly. Behind the woman is The Hermit. This is what belongs to her. It explains how she has become withdrawn in some way of late. Maybe she has been feeling down or needed to take some time out of the fast lane. Is she seeking knowledge or studying? These are the reasons why my relationship with this woman has dissipated.

A court card once again sits in the centre of the second trio. This queen is assigned to Scorpio and since she is right side up, the card represents a female (she'd be male if reversed). I don't know any Scorpio females, I don't think. Because the knights are movements in my version of the system, the Knight of Swords is about brisk change which can sometimes be overwhelming. This is what the queen holds. She has the ability to breeze into my life and rock things up. With Death being the card we share, it is enough to put an end to something. I'd hazard a guess that it is the end of our friendship.

In my last example, our king sits at the beginning. This means that the two cards behind him are that which he wishes to share. This King of Wands depicts a male Aries. This would be the card that stands for my boyfriend. Behind him is the scary Tower. Now, this card does not always need to be a big anxiety. When mixed with a card like the Knight of Cups, it may very well indicate an emotional surprise. Maybe this Aries male is planning to propose to the person he loves or is preparing some kind of surprise party.

I hope that I have explained all of this well enough. Sometimes, tarot can confuse the hell out of me. I wonder who is who and what is what. While developing these ideas today, I felt as though I had come up with a system that ironed out the creases that bit more.

Illustrations from The Cachet Tarot by Kudos

The Cup, the Surgeon, and my Dad

2012-01-19T08:30:00.010Z

I'm carrying on the colourful mood from yesterday, since there is little colour outside of my window this morning. You could not find a duller sky, so I am pulling from Titania's Star Tarot. These cards are interesting, because they have a system of their own, built around Astrology. Aside from the minors baring no similarity to the Rider Waite tradition, twelve of the courts represent zodiac signs. For example, the King of Swords in today's draw is a Taurus male. If he had been reversed, he'd be a Taurus female. Some may shudder at Titania Hardie's moving about of the furniture, but I kind of like it when a creator claims the tarot as her own (as long as she gives us a key to the cards by way of a brief explanation).

The Youth of Swords is a Capricorn male. I noticed this card straight out because my father is a Capricorn. In fact, it is his 70th birthday tomorrow. He is at the hospital today, having a preliminary appointment for his biopsy on Monday. One of my friends was mentioning how nice it is that the three of us have settled into this new house and are making it a home. I completely agree, but these tests, to find out if the cancerous cells they discovered in what they cut away from his last operation have spread, does cast a dark shadow over everything here. Now is our time for relaxation and enjoyment. We don't need another mountain to climb. I am not quite sure who that Taurus male is, but I suppose there is every possibility that he is the person performing the procedure. With the Ace of Cups next to him, Hardie suggests good news regarding a loved one. Let's hope so, eh!

The plasterers are here at the moment, sorting the kitchen ceiling. I am alone at home with them, laying on my bed. So many people have traipsed through this house in the last month, but it still feels weird to have strangers in the house. My main computer is whirring in the background, like an aircraft waiting to take off. It is so near to death now. It was turned on about an hour ago but will not boot up. If you manage to get life out of it one day, chances are that you will not the next. I am so pleased I bought this Netbook, since it saves me at times when I need to do stuff to my bank account or send emails. Even though it has worked like a dog for the past five or so years, I could quite easily put my foot through the other machine right now. It has become so temperamental and this attention-seeking routine is an every day occurrence now. When it was booting up a couple of weeks ago, it was taking up to two hours to get to the main screen. My friend has advised me to go with a Mac next time, but I just don't know if I can spend that kind of money right now. If I needed a computer for only searching the net, I'd probably stick with just this, but I don't want to lose or sacrifice my graphics. Therefore, I need something to load Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator onto. Unfortunately, that comes with a pretty hefty price tag.

Illustrations from Titania's Star Tarot by Johnson Banks

Leaving the Body

2012-01-18T11:59:00.009Z

It's a dreary old day here; wet and grey outside. I have pulled my curtains open as wide as possible to let in the light. I don't usually listen to music but have put some on to push away the darkness outside. 80s pop music can act in the same way that a crucifix will for a vampire, if you confront the blues or a bad mood with it.

With all of this in mind, I pulled out The Yoga Tarot. Off the top of my head, I'd say it's one of the most colourful decks I have. If you don't believe me, look at the photos below, showing it laid out on the bed of my newly painted room. I need new blinds and the floor done, not to mention some touching up of the paintwork, but it's getting there.

I have spoken a bit about this deck in one other post on the blog. As much as I like the art a lot, my problem with it always situates around not being able to identify the postures correctly. Now I enjoy a little looking around and the finding out of things, but this deck chucks many a curve ball. Take today's card, the 3 of Pentacles, as an example. Now with the peacock behind the man, you'd think that it is showing The peacock pose, yes? Since there is a Yoga posture named the peacock, I went for a rummage through my own yoga books and online, but the majority of photos show something other than what we have here. Is this a variation of the pose? I admit to only having done a beginners course in Yoga a few years ago, so I am none the wiser.

Looking in my first book, I see that The Peacock balances the body on just the hands horizontally (see photo). The book practices Sivananda Yoga. Could this be different to The Peacock in The Yoga Tarot, which I understand looks at Hatha Yoga for the suit of Pentacles? Sifting through links to Hatha Yoga and YouTube videos, I cannot seem to find any other kind of Peacock, aside from the variations, where the legs are bent to make the pose seem easier for new students. However, they don't look like what we have in this card. The book that comes with the deck says 'Can I imagine myself outside of my body? And outside of my mind?'. It's two words of interpretation are 'risk and investment'. Great help as usual, Lo Scarabeo (tongue firmly in cheek).

I often think of the peacock as being a symbol of vanity. Here, it might be the ego, should we be willing to imagine ourselves out of the body and mind, where such things have no place. Traditionally, the 3 of Pentacles is a card of work and the team for me, so I wonder if this card is asking me to consider possibilities I might usually pass by.

I haven't heard from any of the jobs I applied for, so maybe it is time to get back to the drawing board once again; maybe today's card suggests I apply for something I can do, but which opposes my ego. I was hoping that the 3 of Pentacles might bring news from contacts, but as we slip into the afternoon, it has not yet.

Illustration from The Yoga Tarot by Adriana Flarina

Mr Waggly Finger

2012-01-17T08:59:00.011Z

For today, the tarot chucks Il Papa (The Hierophant in some decks) my way, so once again, I am greeted with a mature and bearded gentleman. This one waggles his finger at me, reminding me to conform or stick to the rules. I suppose this could be about my diet, since there is little else I am trying to stick with at the moment. After three or more months, I am still doing well. I add the odd thing in here and there, but I am still right on my target weight, to the pound. I start my day with fruit and yogurt, have some kind of salad at lunch, and a decent meat and vegetable dinner. I don't eat cheese, hardly have potatoes, and have bypassed bread. I don't really snack, but if I do, I nibble on a Weight Watchers bar from the cupboard. So yeah, despite the odd temptation, Mr Waggly Finger, I am doing ok and feel better for it. But thanks for the reminder.

Frustratingly, I haven't heard back from any of the employers or agents I have applied to. I am hoping that the one-off teaching day will be okay, but I also send my details off for a teaching assistant job and then there was the proposition in the street. I think that all of these prospects would be interesting, so I am kind of disappointed to not hear back.

The house was full this morning. My uncle and cousin arrived to drop the ceiling in the kitchen and my friend Sarah came to visit too. We decided to leave the car and take some exercise, so walked into town. I had lots of bits and bobs I needed to buy; birthday cards, gift bags, car de-icer; you know the kind of things. In between our shopping, we had some lunch and a good chat, since I haven't seen her since Christmas Eve. Amongst our day, I saw an ottoman that matched my new bedside cabinets. Because it was the last one there in the sale, I snapped it up, transferring money from my small amount of savings to get it. Part of me worries about the amount of money I've spent from that recently, but I see these things as an investment. When my boyfriend and I are ready to move out, we will have all of this to take with us. And of course, these things are all better value for money than the cigarettes and booze I was spending my cash on before.

I didn't post on Sunday as was pretty busy, so missed my two year anniversary on the blog. I started blogging here on January 15th 2010. Old Il Papa knows all about discipline and how many fall away from blogging after a couple of months, so he respects my consistency and ability to keep this up. I used to start and finish blogs all of the time, but I don't do that anymore. I guess that this place feels like home now, which is why I continue to come back to it.

Illustration from The Ancient Italian Tarot by Lo Scarabeo

The King of Health and Wealth

2012-01-16T08:53:00.008Z

For today, a card from The Ancient Italian Tarot - the Re di Danari, or if you prefer, the King of Coins.

The last few days have been busy. My boyfriend and I continued with the painting on Saturday morning. We finished off the walls that Kate and I had started the day before and then completed the ceiling. I can't tell you how different it feels in here now. It is as though a whole new life has been breathed into the room. The sun from outside glides across the clean white walls and there is an over all feeling of calm and serenity. I didn't realise just how much those horrible aged and browned papered walls were affecting my mood. Understanding this, Kate had also suggested ditching the carpet for the concrete floor, so we ripped that up too. It's cold under foot, but at least it is just one colour, rather than the swirly mess that was there before.

We visited my boyfriend's brother on Saturday. I drank some wine, which went straight to my head, but the two of us were on good form yesterday, deciding to take his two little nieces to an antique fair. They have the same one about four times a year, which is housed in and outside of three massive tents. I saw many interesting things, but nothing really provoked a purchase this time. However, my boyfriend did get me a few little bits as a surprise. With money burning a hole in my pocket, we stopped off on the way home and I bought an ornate metal light shade and two bedside tables, which we spent the rest of the evening putting together. They furnish my room nicely, and with nowhere to previously put bits and bobs, were a much needed addition. My reading lamp and netbook sit on one side, where my boyfriend can leave his watch and wallet, and my milky white crouching angel and blackberry sit on the other.

I was a bit worried that the weekend's wine might tire me as the party did a week ago, but I feel good today. Perhaps it is be the room that is lifting my spirits or the fact that I have been offered a day's work, teaching. Whatever it is, the King of Coins shows me in top physical form - whether that is through renewed health or money. Alternatively, he could resemble someone I know. This man would be mature, financially independent and physically strong and healthy. With this little white beard, nobody comes to mind at the moment, so I am choosing him to see him as the bringer of wealth in all aspects of the physical realm, as I get on with painting an old mirror for my wall.

Illustration from The Ancient Italian Tarot by Lo Scarabeo

Losing Faith and Ordering a Curry

2012-01-14T08:26:00.007Z

My boyfriend and I lay in bed and watched The Graham Norton Show last night, since Madonna was on it, complete with the lead actor and actress of her new film, W.E. I adored Madonna when I was a teen and enjoyed her for many years after, but that love has dissipated over recent years. After watching her last night, it was near on dead. With someone that famous, it is often hard to detach the working persona from that of her real personality, but when you do manage this with Madonna, you realise that the latter finds it hard to stand up on it's own. Of course, I do not know her personally, but on shows like this, she comes across as an unrelaxed and wooden woman, whose every move, laugh or word is contrived and geared to audience response. It's an act she has been playing for many years now, and like the majority of her film performances, appears unnatural and not particularly human. It might be that she has become so obsessed with herself that she has disappeared somewhere up the entrance of her own little world. From listening to the audience of last night's show, it would seem that her fans have disappeared up there too, never to be seen again in reality.

It kind of pains me to slay Madonna, because her music has been the soundtrack to much of my life. I still look back at more than a handful of her songs and when I do, I slip off into a daze, remembering how I was feeling at the time of their release. Each could easily be the title of a chapter in my life. When I hear the original version of Like a Prayer, I remember walking home from one of my first jobs in the dark, listening to it on my new personal stereo. As a teenager, the controversy surrounding the video was exciting and I lapped up every bit, since it felt as though she and I were growing up together. I used to take the record round to my friends, Jenni and Phay, and we'd sit there, dreaming of our futures, with Madonna and her church choir helping to raise the level of our excitement. A few years later, I saw her in concert for the first time. I think I lived off of the buzz of that for many weeks after.

But now, I feel as though I have outgrown this self-appointed queen. You realise that for someone who is known for changing herself so much over the years, she never really seems to change at all. It's all just the same old shit, but unfortunately, the music isn't as good as it once was. One of the aspects of last night's show that made me cringe the most was her rudeness. Two guys had lovingly made a collection of dolls, highlighting her different looks. One of which, they had packaged in a box for her to keep. After ungraciously turning her nose up at the details on the majority, she then went on to criticise the gift, saying that the sunglasses were the wrong shape. It was embarrassing to watch. I don't catch the Graham Norton show particularly often, but I am pretty sure I saw someone gift Lady Gaga with the same kind of thing some time ago. Her response was quite different, asking the artist to come down to the stage so that she could thank them with a kiss. Despite what her outfits might tell us, it looks as though Gaga is still a resident of planet Earth, with both feet firmly on the ground.

Today's card is Faith. Here is another from The Legacy of the Divine Tarot which I am not so keen on visually. Apparently, the creator received such a welcome response from the tarot community to his retitling of the fifth trump in his second deck, that he decided to rename this one too. This 'testing the water' approach to creation doesn't sit so well with me, which is maybe why the deck was hard for me to digest at first. Having said all of this, in reading what Marchetti says about this particular card, I quite like the concept. The idea is that the pillar of light represents the divine; a source which all of the figures in this card look to for guidance and inspiration. I guess you could plonk Madonna in there somewhere, since she is a divine leader for many. With her in mind, this card could very well describe my lack of faith in her and lapse of worship.

My boyfriend is still in bed. Since he is helping me to try and finish my room today, I am giving him these extra hours before I attack him with dust sheets, paintbrushes, and rollers. Most of my books are piled high in the hallway, so I want to try and do as much of it as we can today so that everything can be straightened up before we go out this evening. We are going to his brother's house for a drink to celebrate his birthday and everyone is ordering a curry in. At first, this horrified me, thinking of my diet, but with Madonna and Faith's traditional view of conformity and community in mind, I think I will relax a little and try my best to be human .. if only for a couple of hours. What is it they say about disliking the traits in others that you subconsciously dislike in yourself?

Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

Filling One's Basket

2012-01-13T20:53:00.006Z

This is an interesting card to receive. The woman stands under the tree with an empty basket. Like me, you're probably expecting her to soon fill it with the hanging coins. I imagine that she will, but who knows how long it will take for them to become available. Patience is gold.

Today has been a busy one. I was up early to get to my maths class. My new tutor is a rocker with long hair and tattoos, is very friendly, and seems to think he'll be able to get me through the eventual equivalency test for my PGCE. I did a test, where I probably got about a quarter of the questions wrong, but in review, this was down to my not reading the questions properly. I can't tell you how much I hate mathematical problems. He said he will help with the basics and then slip subjects needed for the test into our sessions. My brain was aching by the end of the lesson.

After I got home, my friend and her daughter turned up in a black taxi, ready to help decorate my room. We managed to paint out two of the walls, and even though it is not yet finished, it feels brighter and warmer already. My friend's little girl wanted desperately to help, but ended up getting more of the paint on herself, the armchair, and my computer table than on the walls. My boyfriend and I plan to get the rest done tomorrow. It will probably be that bit easier with natural light.

Today's card looks at the results of hard work. I am not entirely sure what this represents, since it could be highlighting a number of things. It might be about the groundwork I already put into the decorating of my room or it could have something to do with my new maths class. However, I think it is connected with something else that happened today. While rushing through town to get to my class, I ran into three friends. Two of them are very old and good mates. The third is a woman I haven't seen in a few years. Asking what I was doing for work, she scribbled her email address down on a bit of paper when I said I wasn't working at the moment. She is in the process of starting up her own business. When I asked her what it was that the project is which she might want my involvement in, I was a little surprised by her answer. I won't say what it is just yet, since I have only just fired off my email to her. What I will tell you is that should something come of it, it would be an even more bizzaar rung on my career ladder than those I have tread already.

Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

Be Happy with What You Have

2012-01-12T10:26:00.007Z

This is one of the cards that I don't like from the Legacy of the Divine Tarot. There is something awkward about the woman; it might be her face or it may be that the way she is sitting isn't painted very convincingly. I don't know. I am just not keen on it. I often see this card as one of loss and sadness, but there is a vulnerability in this figure that leaves me feeling a bit uncomfortable.

As I do sometimes, I enlarged the scan on my computer screen so that she was big enough for me to really look into her eyes. Sometimes, it is a good way to try and get to know the tarot characters that bit more intimately. This is one of those moments when you can let the card speak to you. What does her face say? To me, she looks hurt and as if she has been betrayed. She clings on to those two glasses tightly and won't let us have them. They are all she believes she has left and they provide the barrier between her and the reader. With her eyeliner running, it is as though she is pleading with us to hurt her no more or to spare her of any further loss. I think that this version of the 5 of Cups makes me feel uncomfortable because she looks straight into my eyes; therefore, I feel accountable for her pain. The characters in many other versions of the card look away or are more private in their grief. This particular one could be focusing on who I have taken from in recent times, as appose to what has been taken from me.

This girl's dress reminds me of a fishing net. I suppose it ties her to the world of water and emotion. The 5 of Cups is very much about perspective. Do we centre our thoughts around what we have or what we haven't got? Funnily enough, I just saw a similar thought on Twitter this morning from the actor Danny Young, saying 'Be positive, be lucky and remember to be happy with what you have and not what you have yet to get'. It's a sobering thought. Of course, there are many people who are far worse off than me, but when I even begin to feel sorry for the small imperfections in my life at present, I am grateful for how different things are from this time last year. I am now living in a new home and have had enough work experience in the last twelve months to set me on a new career path. That's the 'glass half full' way of looking at it, I guess.

Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

The Talkative Tornado

2012-01-11T09:06:00.004Z

The sun has returned, and with it, some of my energy has been restored. I laid inside with my boyfriend last night and we watched Pedro Almodovar's 'The Skin I Live In'. It's the only film of his that I hadn't seen and I liked it. It had a strange plot, which isn't unusual for Almodovar, but since All About my Mother, all of his films have, at least, made sense. Without spoiling it for anyone, I will just say that there came a point where my boyfriend and I looked at each other, wondering if the story was really going in the direction it seemed to be. There is a chill to this film, where you realise that the absurd ideas within it's director's mind could crazily become a reality. I've read worse in the papers. As with Volver before it, it is the twists and turns, along with the beautiful cinematography and audio backdrop, that makes this film one by Pedro.

I needed a quiet night and I slept well. I was up relatively early this morning as my friend was taking me out with another mate for lunch. I was a little worried about my energy levels, but even though we didn't walk much, I felt better than I have for the last couple of days.

When I first bought the Legacy of the Divine Tarot, I felt a little cheated by 50% of the courts. Even though it is explained in the book that there is a reason for the kings being shown at a distance (to emphasise their rank and superiority), I was irritated that they were not shown in such stunning close-up, like the queen's and page's. As someone who usually enjoys the knight's in a deck, being shown just a helmet was disappointing for me. Working with the pack at the moment, I am coming round to them. If all of the courts had shown nice close-up portraits, I would have been happier. Equally, if every court showed only their crown with an animal, as this card does, I would have also been satisfied. I am just a real stickler for consistency in a tarot deck. I hate it when courts are not all alike (like the King and Queen of Pentacles silhouettes in the Palladini that stand out like a sore thumb) or when there is such a difference in style between major and minor cards (think of either the Fenestra or Margarete Petersen).

The part of this card that I am instantly drawn to is the tornado in the background. I have always thought of this knight as being a bit of a bull-at-a-gate and this bit of symbolism describes his impatience and ability to be chaotic. He is sheer movement, which is why I sometimes see him as unexpected change, sweeping into our lives at a rate of knots. I am not sure what change he has brought to my day. I can slightly see my mutual mate, Tina, in the card. She is by no means negatively impatient or chaotic, but she talks at ten to the dozen and I sense that beneath this witty and talkative lady is a quieter, thoughtful and more vulnerable side.

My boyfriend and I went over to his brother's this evening, since it is his birthday. We had a tea and I played with the kids for a couple of hours. They're youngest is under 2, but is such a bright little soul. Her speech is coming along already, and as I sat with her, she thrust books into my lap; a real Knight of Swords in the making.

Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

Fighting Against Tiredness

2012-01-10T11:38:00.004Z

Yesterday turned into one of my fatigue days. What seemed to be provoked by problems with my stomach robbed me of my energy and I could do little more than sleep for a number of hours. Even though I missed him, I was kind of glad that my boyfriend wasn't coming over, since I felt tired way into the evening. Today has been not unlike yesterday, but I have had things to do. I needed to go to the Job Centre and the walk there was not as easy as usual. I was out of breath and my head has felt as if it has been in the clouds for much of today. It's how I get.

So what is going on with these guys then? It seems as though they are all part of the same tree and are fighting against one another. Aside from fighting against my own tiredness through the struggle of walking and keeping awake, I also applied for a job as a teaching assistant. As well as earning some pocket money (the wage is pretty low), I thought it would be even more valid experience to speak about when I apply for my PGCE. It's probably too soon to hear anything back as I only applied today, but this card makes me wonder if there is pretty stiff competition for this kind of work.

Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

The Begger's Badge

2012-01-09T09:57:00.007Z

Now, I wouldn't be surprised if this hand at the top of today's card has something to do with the guy in yesterday's illustration. Dressed in the same green, coins are dropped from his gloved hand into the hands of the needy. It's funny how I immediately relate to the begging hands rather than the man giving charity, since as I discovered yesterday, I am wealthy of love, time, and compassion, which I have to share with those around me. Even though I get a message on my phone every morning, telling me that my bank balance has slipped into the danger zone, I do still have money elsewhere, should I need it, so maybe the card is reminding me that I am less needy than I think. It's funny how we pin certain badges to our self, unable to envisage ourselves in more than one role. I am capable of giving, as much as I am of receiving. This is another of the cards I like from the Legacy of the Divine Tarot. As with yesterday's card, the colours are rich but not gaudy. The 6 of Coins captures a moment well, as the hands (which are shown as a set of uneven scales) restore balance with the addition of the sixth coin.

My uncle has just turned up. I can hear him laughing and joking in the hallway. He is helping my dad with the kitchen, and over the last few weeks, he has been here a lot. There is some kind of step in the ceiling so he is leveling it off. However, the gales of last week have blown down our garden fence, so he is out there fixing that at the moment. My relationship with my uncle has always been a little shaky. My dad adores him, but I always felt that his brother put less into their relationship than he did. He visited seldomly through my teenage years and twenties and it always felt as though it was my father who had to do all of the legwork and organising if he wanted to force getting together. I became increasingly annoyed by it over the years, since my dad always laid blame at his sister in law's feet, probably not wanting to admit that his younger brother couldn't be bothered. At a family party, I told my uncle what I thought of him, saying that he was a poor excuse for a brother. I think that this was a bit of a shock to him, because I always got on pretty well with him as a kid. There was a point where I would attack him and other family members at any available opportunity, which kind of detached me from them all.

I enjoy my uncle's company now. It's kind of like it was when I was a child and I can appreciate that he is making an effort. He and his wife had my parents over for dinner yesterday and have probably visited us more since the move than they have in years. I think that my father's decline in health was a bit of a kick into reality and one of the reasons why his brother is now helping him out so much with the bungalow. The man in today's card could easily be him, dropping more of his coins into our hands. He has a big job ahead of him and has already done a lot for us.

I feel sick this morning; it's most probably to do with my IBS. It's like a line of falling dominoes. My stomach sets off the nausea, and in turn, I become tired. I have already guzzled prescribed drugs for my stomach, sickness and fatigue before even getting out of bed. I have things to do this week, but nothing falls into today. As I listen to the building work outside of my room, I am reminded by this card of all that I am in receipt of and how little I am actually doing myself.

Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

A Hint not to Squander

2012-01-08T22:05:00.008Z

I have a funny relationship with this deck. I have had it for a few years but rarely use it. Actually, I have hardly ever used it. I had a similar relationship with it's elder brother, The Gilded Tarot. When I first bought that, I opened it in a bar in Victoria and instantly hated it. It was so syrupy that it stuck in my throat. I took it home and left it in it's bag by the door. I was intent on returning it to the shop, which I did. In that week before I took it back, I didn't take it out to rethink my decision once.

The Gilded is a very popular deck, so years later, I thought I'd give it another go and bought it again. I really thought I'd been missing something, but once again, my interest dissipated quickly and while at a tarot meet in Kensington, I gave it to a woman who had come along with her friend. She wanted to learn the cards and didn't have a deck. She really liked it so I gifted it to her and she was thrilled.

You'd have thought that that would have been the end of my relationship with The Gilded, but when I started reading for money, I bought it for a third time. On that occasion, I bought the Easy Tarot set, which comes with a great starters book by Josaphine Ellershaw. Finally, the deck started to open up to me and I saw many of the images as being quite beautiful. I think I'd probably built up my dislike for the pack so much that when I saw it at a friend's house, it wasn't half as bad as I had remembered. I thought it would be a nice set to read for clients with and I still have that copy. I've read that the deck's creator is self-publishing a reworking of this tarot, since he views the original as lacking now that his artistic skills have improved. I have seen some of the comparison cards, but I prefer the original. There is something about this medium of art that can look a little odd as it becomes more photo-real. The first Gilded may look a little amateur next to The Legacy of the Divine deck that I am using today, but it's rawness is now one of the reasons that I like it.

I bought The Legacy of the Divine Tarot because of my eventual liking of and ability to connect with The Gilded. There are some really lovely cards in Marchetti's third set, but once again, something turned me off of it initially. I felt a detachment from some of it's characters and a sickness through using the cards. I spotted it at the bottom of my ottoman today and thought I would give it yet another chance. I laid the cards out on the floor to simply look at them and thought how lovely some of them are. I think it is the fantasy-edge which turns me off of a lot of Marchetti's work. It can often feel a little dated to me. However, some of the courts are very welcoming. I especially love the Queen of Swords and Page of Cups.

Today's card is the 4 of Coins. This is one of the cards that I like a lot from this deck; the way that the guy looks into the reader's eyes. He really catches me. He has his four coins, but even though I have made eye contact with him, he isn't going to share any of them with me. This is a card of holding back. His coins could concern money, but it might be something or someone else that he doesn't want to share. He can be as possessive over the people in his life as he is with his possessions. Whenever the card comes up, I always see it as a hint to not squander what I have. As with money, time is also precious and must not be wasted.

My boyfriend and I went to a fancy-dressed-up 40th birthday party last night, even though we didn't dress up in Austin Powers garb like everyone else. I saw friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. Drinking really goes to my head these days; probably because I don't do it so often. I only had a bit of a headache this morning though. We spent the day in, watching another Harry Potter and making a healthy dinner. I can handle quiet Sundays when I've done something else over the weekend. Even though going out last night wasn't expensive, I still need to hold onto my money, since it is running down fast. Staying in today and being able to make our own amusement is a wealth in itself, which I am lucky to be able to have drawn on.

Illustration from The Legacy of the Divine by Ciro Marchetti

The Craftsmen and The Shadow

2012-01-07T06:26:00.004Z

I woke at 5am this morning, not being able to sleep. My stomach was playing me up, so I made a hot water bottle and a cup of coffee before drawing this card. Due to looking around on other blogs, I fancied drawing from a tarot deck rather than an oracle today; from one that I felt a long-term familiarity with, so I chose the Morgan Greer.

There is something intimate about this deck. With close-up illustrations, personal space is wiped out as we sit up close and personal at the craftsman's table. As I write, my uncle and cousin are dropping part of the ceiling in our kitchen. I can hear drills and hammering as they work on the bare bones of the room before cupboards and all of the accessories are able to be put in. I see both of them in this card, as they illustrate their skill and craft.

My boyfriend and I were supposed to paint my room today. Because his one drink after work turned into a whole evening out yesterday, this didn't happen. His friend from work stayed at his last night and the two of them came over here this morning. She is a lovely woman and I like her a lot. The three of us drove out for some lunch and a little shopping this afternoon, before taking her to her train. He is tired now and needs an afternoon snooze, which is why I don't always appreciate him having a big night out on a Friday without me. It means that I get the shadow of what his mate got last night. We have been invited to a private party in a pub for two friends this evening, since they are both turning 40. After his night of abandon, I am not sure how up for it he is, but the wicked side of me has said we'll go. I am sure he'll be fine by then and I am quite looking forward to stepping out for a bit. I hardly go to town for drinks these days and can't remember the last time I did. I want us to get on with the room tomorrow, so we'll hopefully call it a night at a reasonable hour.

Illustration from the Morgan Greer Tarot by Bill Greer

Being Ready

2012-01-06T15:42:00.003Z

We don't have snow at the moment, like in today's card, but it is has been bloody chilly for the last few days. This card depicts one of the eight Pagan sabbats, Imbolc, which is usually celebrated on February 2nd here in the Northern Hemisphere. From my understanding, it stands halfway between the Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox. It represents the coming of Spring and the preparation that that entails.

I understand that the card could be interpreted as stagnation, but in my own mind, I see it as the beginning of the thawing of Winter, as it releases these two figures from their icicles. Somewhere beneath the layers of snow are shoots of greenery, waiting to pop out.

This kind of makes sense to me, since I began stripping the nasty old and stained floral wallpaper from my room last night and finished the job this afternoon. I did it methodically, moving my bed and computer out first, so that I could work on the wall behind them. I then returned them to their positions and pulled out my cabinet. I tried to keep the room as tidy and as less chaotic as I could throughout. With my bucket of water and scraper, I washed and scraped, and now the walls are all white. They are a little chipped in places and will need to be painted, but the room already looks far better than it did before. I am kind of proud of myself, since I have never done anything like this before. You could look at this in the same way as Imbolc, as my walls are now prepared for the next step. My boyfriend is going to help me with the actual decorating tomorrow.

I attended my appointment yesterday and completed the test. At first, it seemed so easy that I thought what they were offering would be pointless, but as I worked through it, the questions steadily got harder. I didn't do too bad, but the woman there referred me to a GCSE tutor, who has called and arranged my first lesson for next Friday. One to one tutoring would have been desirable, but since there were no available places for a while, I have opted for group lessons once a week; another example of preparation, as I work towards my goal. In one way or another, I feel as though I have been stood amongst the stillness of the snow for some time, just like the God and Goddess in this card. In Imbolc, new beginnings are promised, but we must be ready for them. This is what I am trying to do.

Illustrations from The Hidden Path by Mickie Mueller

My Path

2012-01-05T10:00:00.009Z

On another blog, I noticed a reader mention that she never reads the accompanying book to a deck straight away. She said that it inhibits the relationship that we form with the cards, or words to that effect. It's been kind of difficult to not dip into the two volumes that came with this set, but at times, what is written in them is little help to my interpretation. Summaries can sometimes be a little whimsical or vague, leaving me wondering what the point of the card actually is. One of the most enlightening paragraphs in the first book is as follows, suggesting a similar idea to that of the other mentioned blogger -

"One of the many unique features of this deck is that you can customise the meaning of the cards to better reflect your own individual symbolism. Since these cards are not those of a tarot deck, you can easily choose any meaning for them that appeals to you. The images in this deck are rooted in very old symbols and concepts. They represent universal imagery related to archetypal patterns. How you relate to these images may be different to the meanings we have provided in this book. Once you have looked at the images on each of the cards, then you can decide whether the assigned meaning fits your personal feeling for each card image. If not, you can join your own inner roots and personal symbolism with these images, which will allow you to form new meanings. This will help create a powerful and personal system that relates to you on a deeper level"

from 'The Travellers Guide to The Well Worn Path' by Raven Grimassi and Stephanie Taylor

Ah, so we have permission to do our own thing? This prospect may scare those who fear that they won't be doing things right or using the deck in the way that it was designed. I find it quite liberating as I always rolled my eyes at those who suggested a manual was needed for every deck they bought. I think the clue is in the title here, since the path we tread on, whether it be the well worn one or the hidden one, should readily become our own.

So what of the Book of Shadows in today's draw? The first obvious thing to notice is that it is shut. Due to the ornate titling and lock, I would expect that whatever is inside to be of value and importance. I have kept diaries since I was a kid. I had ornate ones like this with locks. I wrote about my days in them, penned letters to the boy at school I fancied but would never send, and wrote what I really thought about my friends within it's pages. I used to hide it under my draw or within the chamber of a cut away book on my shelf. Things haven't changed so much. I think that is why I took so naturally to blogging. However, these days, I don't hide my diary away, but share it on the internet for all to see.

One of the things that strikes me about this book in the card and a blog such as mine, is that even though it holds wisdom from the past, it also has space for more to be written. It is a path in itself, which we have walked and are still to walk. We must live if we are to complete more pages of our own personal Book of Shadows.

After recognising my place at the crossroads yesterday and understanding that a lot of the past needs to be cleaned away, I made a few phone calls regarding the Maths GCSE I briefly spoke of here. I am too late to get on a course at the Adult Education Centre but I have an appointment this afternoon with another service, which claims they can teach me the equivalent. I don't necessarily need the qualification itself, but need the knowledge to pass an equivalency test to enter university. I am hoping that after my initial assessment, these people may be able to get me through that stage of my path. With this in mind, today's card shows me at the point between what has been written and what is yet to write.

Illustrations from The Well Worn Path by Mickie Mueller

It's OK to CLEAN away the PAST

2012-01-04T08:23:00.007Z

Once again, I receive the Sacred Bough. It offers up decisions to be made and paths which can be taken. There is something positive in this card, because at it's very least, it inspires potential and the possibility of movement. For someone who's life often feels stagnant and stuck, I seem to find myself at these crossroads pretty regularly. I often feel like the losing contestant in life's grand game of Snakes and Ladders, as I consistently slide back to the same old place, time and again. This card asks me to consider the pathways well.

So with the Sacred Bough before me, I lean on The Teen Oracle, asking it for that bit more advice. What direction do I choose o'youthful one, so fresh behind the ears?

What I like about The Teen Oracle is it's directness; not unlike many teenagers, I suppose. The deck passes me some spray detergent and suggests I get cleaning. I think that since the card holds hands with the Past it suggests that I need to move on and start afresh. I woke up this morning feeling anxious about jobs I had left years ago and wondering if I should have stayed in them. Now deep down, I know that I shouldn't, but it doesn't stop me from comparing myself to those who would have and did. I imagine this is my ego taking a swipe. It is no wonder that I find myself in the same position so often, when I chain myself to the problems of the past. As a duo, the Clean and Past cards suggest I wipe away what is holding me back with a nice dollop of bleach and look to the future (the spray literally points at the third card). The OK card couldn't be any more obvious. With a brash thumbs up, it tells me that this is the move (or pathway) to take.

I started looking through the job ads, and with each one, I began to feel disheartened. It seems so long since I have been in the design game, so maybe that is the first area I need to clean away. I really enjoyed the months of teaching last year, but there seems little to no opportunities for that kind of creative work out there at the moment. I know I am not the only one looking without results. I considered getting my GCSE in Maths last year, so I could train to be a qualified art teacher, but what with the move and all else that was going on, the time frame for getting it all ready was too small and I was buckling under the pressure I'd put on myself. I thought I would apply this year instead, which means looking into studying for my Maths equivalency test now. Is this what these cards are telling me to do? To brush away all that didn't suit in the past and go for a whole new career? I stand at the Sacred Bough and contemplate which road to take.

Illustrations from The Well Worn Path by Mickie Mueller and The Teen Oracle by Cinnamon Crow Dixon.

The Entrance to the Faery Realm

2012-01-03T10:18:00.013Z

The Sacred Sight/Site is one of my favourite cards in this combined deck. Quite simply, I like the idea behind it, even though the illustration is charming too. It shows a Hagstone, which I have read is the name that has been given to a stone with a natural hole in it. In this case, the moss has grown around it to reveal an eye shape, and through the hole can be seen a stone circle and tree. This tree is apparently a place of ancient ritual, captured within the eye of the large rock. For divinitary purposes, the card speaks about bringing things into focus and looking at detail.

I have never heard of the name Hagstone before, but I do remember collecting them from the beach when I was a kid. Obviously much smaller than this, these shiny stones (sometimes called Holey Stones) had holes within them, worn away from years of water. Many people have collected them as amulets of power in the past. As protection against witches, they have been nailed to stables to prevent horses from being stolen or hung over windows on cord to banish evil spirits. However, it seems that witches use them also, as they have been known as an entrance to the faery realm. It is said that if you look through the eye of the Hagstone, you might see things you are not usually able to see. This is kind of how the stone features in this card, since it magnifies details we might normally be unaware of.

So what is brought into focus? My stomach has been aching today and I am wondering if it has anything to do with the gnocchi I had yesterday. It seems to always become worse when I try to introduce potatoes into my meals again. I have not been eating them on my diet, but have tried to on occasion recently. The Hagstone could be singling out this food as being a problem, where as I wouldn't have noticed before starting my diet.

The weather has taken a walk on the wild side today. Because we have a more open view from this house than the last, you can see the rain being blown around the open space and the tall trees in the wood swaying as if in a trance. Every so often, I hear the wind tumbling down the hill our house sits on, shaking all that is around it. We seem to have lost our bin in the gales. I have been laying here reading for much of today. I think I have a cold as I generally feel a bit out of sorts. I woke at 7am with sore throat and ears again and didn't go back to sleep. My parents have been working on the two bathrooms, but I don't feel up to helping, as much as I would like to.

The Teen Oracle delves into the nitty gritty of today by throwing out Chance, Direction, and Past. The cards hint at there being an opportunity open to me, which could be connected to a contact from the past. Probably down to not feeling my best, I have felt a little down and anxious today, so any opportunities may very well have passed me by. However, I did get a professional network request from the head of a company I have previously worked for, so maybe these three cards predict future contact there.

Illustrations from The Hidden Path by Mickie Mueller and The Teen Oracle by Cinnamon Crow Dixon.

An Emotional Gift

2012-01-02T18:32:00.006Z

From what I have read, the Wiccan tools of Athame, Chalice, Wand and Pentacle in this deck are not read so differently to how they are in tarot. To be honest, the author of the accompanying books to the two packs, A Traveller's Guide to the Well Worn Path and The Seeker's Guide to The Hidden Path, suggests you go your own way with interpretation, so I am looking at them as gifts. The Chalice, shown here, is an emotional gift.

After a longer wait than just the nine months of pregnancy, my friend finally gave birth to her new little boy this morning, calling him Dylan. From what I have heard, Mum, Dad and baby are all fine. I have been friend's with my mate for around 37 years and she is like my sister. I am obviously very pleased for her, but having known her for so long, it is kind of strange to now think of her as a mum with a son. This has been a long journey for her and her husband. Baby Dylan is truly an emotional gift for the both of them, and worth the wait.

The New Year's Eve party was good. It had all of the ingredients for being just right. Amongst conversation, I kind of forget that the new year was at my heels. I often find that 12 o'clock countdown so depressing. There was no ringing in with Aude Lang Syne, which made it pass that bit more smoothly for me and we all got back into the swing of the party pretty quickly. 2011 dragged on for my poor boyfriend, who was hungover yesterday and wasn't really in the mood for the postponed festivities at his sister's house. After taking Hekate's advice, I had not gone too mad at the party, even if I was a little tipsy on holiday cheer, so I socialised for the both of us. It was nice to be with his family, but like him, I was glad to get to bed in the evening and sleep off the last few days.

For today we have Gossip, sitting in the centre of the cards from The Teen Oracle. I didn't have a chance to post yesterday, but it was in the centre of yesterday's trio too. I really think this is connected to friendships of mine. I have tried to keep out of discussing problems between others, but people keep wanting to pull me right back into the middle of it all. I think that this card, once again fused together with Trouble as it has been before, reminds me of how all of this could blow up and I don't want to end up being the one with egg on my face. Even though I did talk about it all a little the other night (alcohol certainly loosens lips), I tried my best to bash these particular topics of conversation away today. The Wall is a line I want to draw. If people want to find out what is going on between them and how their broken friendships lay, they must ask one another, rather than ask me.

Illustrations from The Well Worn Path by Mickie Mueller and The Teen Oracle by Cinnamon Crow Dixon.

Hekate's Two Paths

2011-12-31T13:00:00.005Z

For New Year's Eve, I have drawn The Sacred Bough from The Hidden Path oracle. The tree shown on the card stands at a crossroads. Once again, I am greeted by Hekate, whose symbol is shown at the top of the trunk. Her key, which I drew some days ago, hangs from a cord around the tree's neck. She represents a decision to be made. I can either take one path or the other. It kind of feels as though Hekate is trying to make her presence known to me in this deck of cards.

Hekate is a dark goddess, associated with magick and the night. She is most often worshipped at crossroads, where offerings are left to her. These are called 'Hekate's Suppers', as shown at the base of The Sacred Bough. The idea is that we must sacrifice something to receive something. In today's card, I'd say it is advice and wisdom she will depart.

With today in mind, Hekate's advice might concern moderation, since I have to go to a party later. I don't want to drink too much (however much it is encouraged by friends) as I don't want to ruin tomorrow at my boyfriend's sister's house by feeling either hungover or tired. I guess that indulgence and moderation are the two different paths on offer.

The Sacred Bough suggests that death is not required in order to experience the reality of existence outside of the flesh. As a goddess of divination and prophecy, I can see why Hekate is connected to this card and why I am feeling drawn to the feminine energy of the goddess in her skin. As an offering for me to leave at the foot of the Sacred Bough, I will show my thanks by taking her advice and trying not to overdo things this evening.

My boyfriend and I popped out to the supermarket with my mum this morning to buy more muffin ingredients as he is now baking new batches for our party tonight and the family gathering at his sister's house tomorrow. I have felt a little woozy today. My arms ache, my neck feels heavy and my eyes are close to closing. It is nothing new, due to my chronic fatigue, but I have woken for two days in a row with a sore throat and ears, so I wonder if I am coming down with a cold. I intend to get a little nap in while my boyfriend cooks, so that I am feeling a little more sprightly for later.

To fill in the finer details of today, I have drawn Action, Past, and Chance from the Teen Oracle. The card in the centre tells me that today's reading is connected to something which has now gone. I would not be surprised if the first two (when combined) look at my meeting up with someone from my own past, since the hostess for tonight spends a lot of time on Facebook, connecting with old friends. It wouldn't be unlikely that the card could indicate an old acquaintance or two. I am less thrilled about the prospect than you might expect, since my past is often my past for a reason and I usually prefer to leave it there. The combination of 'action' and the 'past' made me wonder if the draw is predicting the resurfacing of an old lover, not that my friend would be in contact with any of my old ones.

When the past is mixed with the Chance card, I see a situation that is no longer available. It represents a missed opportunity or that fish who got away. As I sit here tired, I am not too sure what or who these cards are talking about, but I have the idea that they could represent a surprise or two at tonight's party.

Illustrations from The Well Worn Path by Mickie Mueller and The Teen Oracle by Cinnamon Crow Dixon.

The Energy-Sucker

2011-12-30T18:49:00.008Z

It's kind of interesting that after the preparation of the harvest that we witnessed in yesterday's card, we are shown the actual harvest in today's. The man and woman, who could easily be the god and goddess, gather the sheaves and bind them. The card addresses the fruits of our labour. Therefore, I can expect to receive in accord to the amount of effort I have put in. You might see it as a 'matched energy' that is returned to the originator.

To be honest, I don't feel as though I have put much out there in recent months, so I am not expecting too much back. It would be nice to receive reward from the work I did through January to July, but the slate feels wiped once again. I guess the card could be suggesting that if I want a better harvest next time, I need to put some more effort in now. It is both apathy and a lack of energy that is holding me back. I always want to put off until tomorrow, what I could potentially have a stab at today.

Today's trio from the Teen Oracle provide a warning. The central card lets us know that something must end. Similarly, we have a shield beside us which I imagine is for protection. But what do we need protection from? I'd say it's the vampire on the left. In this case, he represents something or someone who drains us of energy. I woke up aching this morning; my neck hurt and so did my arms. The vampire in question could be my fatigue or he might be someone close that is using me or my time up. I might need to rest up or hold my shield in the direction of those who's expectations are too high.

The end of the year is nigh. Our social activities are about to take a slight jump, since we are going to a party tomorrow night and are spending Sunday with my boyfriend's family. The vampire lurks within pints of Guinness and those who don't think guests can attend a New Years Eve party without getting paralytic. He dwells in people who ask how I am just because they want to tell me how they are. I need to be conscious of these energy-suckers over the next couple of days.

Illustrations from The Well Worn Path by Mickie Mueller and The Teen Oracle by Cinnamon Crow Dixon.

My Own Personal Cornucopia

2011-12-29T10:25:00.012Z

For today, I have drawn Lughnasadh. All of the sabbat cards in this deck show the same scene, which is modified to embrace each of the eight festivals. Lughnasadh (sometimes called Lammas) signals the beginning of the harvest season. The cornucopia on the altar in front of the goddess (who is the Lady of the Fields here) and the god (Lord of the Barley) suggests that the fruits of one's labours are manifesting. I think that the word 'manifesting' is key here, since the card represents the anticipation of what is yet to result from our hard work. In Wicca and Witchcraft, an important ingredient for all magic is visualisation - the art of being able to see what we want before it arrives. You might look at this card as being open to change as it asks us to become a vessel for new and exciting things. However, the card reminds us that the hard work is not over yet, since there is an element of fear connected to this sabbat. I see this in the balance of dark and light in the moon at the top of the illustration, indicating that the days of August are steadily darkening. Pagans once held hope for a bountiful harvest, but they were also worried that it wouldn't be large enough to fill the cold months.

This card makes me think of my own financial situation. I was listening to a radio programme about debt this morning. Aside from my student loan, I don't have any other debts to pay off, but it doesn't prevent this card from being a warning. I still have to keep within my means. Ok, my own personal cornucopia may not look so bad at the moment, but will it last me for much longer? This card could be a warning against the expectation of more than we have and could be advising us to be careful with our current harvest. After paying out so much extra for this house than we had at the time, it is definitely a reminder that my family must watch their pennies carefully and not spend money before it arrives.

Ok, so the Trouble card hits the centre slot again for the second day in a row. Something to acknowledge. I love cats but this one doesn't look too friendly. He is an omen of problems coming my way. When combined with Intuition, can I intuit what that might be? Thinking about yesterday's draw, I wonder if the cards predict a large dollop of trouble between two friends, ready to hit the fan. Once again, I remind myself to keep out of the disputes of others by not adding fuel to the fire; this means keeping my opinions out of conversation and trying to change the subject when it is brought up. I can foresee something coming to a head with these two cards in play. The Wizard is interesting because it reminds me of the card of Lammas. This guy has the potential to bring about the law of attraction through thought and ritual, so for me, the card reaffirms how my involvement in this equation could be potentially dangerous.

Illustrations from The Hidden Path by Mickie Mueller and The Teen Oracle by Cinnamon Crow Dixon.

Listen to the Magus

2011-12-28T09:58:00.012Z

"To know, to dare, to will, to keep silent"

While laying in bed reading my new book on Wicca, I thought some more about Hekate last night. Being represented by the key as a symbol of secrets and wisdom, she reminds me of The High Priestess in tarot, even though some tarot creators have chosen to place her elsewhere in the majors of their decks. In The Mythic Tarot by Juliet Sharman-Burke, she is brought to life under the light of The Moon, shown as a triplicate with her three-headed hound. Even though I am using these cards for divination, I can see how they might be useful for performing a ritual. As well as there being a symbol for the goddess Hekate, there are also representations of everything else you might need for ritualistic spells and magic. Not everyone has the space or money to house an athame, cauldron, or other ceremonial tools. With a little of the right intention, the two packs could easily provide an affordable and portable symbolic altar.

For today, I have drawn The Words of the Magus. The card shows two open pages from a Book of Shadows, which reads "To know, to dare, to will, to keep silent". I read that this is a card of achievement and mastery. However, with the path disappearing through the archway and into the horizon of the book illustration, the card suggests that mastery is not yet complete. After my Christmas dinner, rum and raisin cheesecake, and a handful of mini sausage rolls, I was a little scared to confront the scales today, but they were actually favourable and kindly, showing that I had lost a pound under my target weight, as appose to putting any more on. How ever much of a relief this is, I cannot be complacent and must continue to maintain what I have lost and eat healthily. I think a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that everything is sorted and then pile all of the weight back on again. The card also reminds me of smoking. In less than a week, I would have given up completely for two months. I have been out and drank alcohol over the festive period, but despite the urges, I chose to stay inside and talk with my non-smoking friends, rather than indulge outside with the smoking ones. Yup, it wasn't easy and I still have the odd craving throughout the day, but I'd say I have tackled the worst of it.

Today's threesome from The Teen Oracle is spikier than yesterday's, bringing the black cat of Trouble to the centre of the reading. When I read three cards like this, I sometimes find it easiest to combine the central card with each of it's neighbours independently, rather than try to merge the whole lot together in one. Here, when it is squeezed together with Gossip, the interpretation seems pretty obvious. The slurs and inaccuracies of gossip are never a good horse to back. As I have previously read in my studies of Kabbalah and more recently in The Wiccan Rede, words can be deadly, causing a kind of spiritual bloodshed to those they are directed at. When someone gossips about another, whether true or not, it's hard to shed what you have heard and those negative qualities are forever glued to the soul of the gossip's target. This card combination reminds me to watch what I say and choose what I listen to. Accepting or spreading gossip has it's consequences.

When Trouble is merged with Chance, we are presented with a warning. These cards depict a situation where we should not jump into something without checking it out first. After yesterday's suggestion of an opportunity, I think it wise to check out the small print, rather than simply striking because the iron is hot.

My boyfriend drove us over to our friend's house today to bake muffins. Well, what actually happened was that he baked 48 muffins (12 Savory Feta Cheese & Spinach, 12 Strawberrys & Cream, 12 Raspberry, and 12 Chocolate Oatbran) while we sat at the kitchen table and watched. The Chocolate Oatbran were from a Dukan recipe and were disgusting, but the other 36 were really moist, light and tasty. We left a selection with our friend, who cooked us a lovely Italian-styled salad with ghocchi for our dinner, and brought the remainder back home. With a cup of cocoa, we just presented my parents with a tasting session. They were especially happy with the Strawberry and Raspberry choices but literally screwed their faces up at Dukan's option, which has found it's way to the bin.

Today's trio from the Teen Oracle has been interesting because I both received gossip and was in a position to share some too. I tried my best to avoid talking about someone and kept my lips tightly sealed, regarding the information I had heard. The idea of talking about someone felt akin to shooting an arrow in their direction. Yehuda Berg of The Kabbalah Centre has previously said " If you’re gossiping about another person, you’re judging them. And all of the judgment we put out there comes back to us. There’s no way around that. No judgment can come to us that we didn’t first give out ourselves". This sounds very similar to the ideas in the Wiccan Rede, where everything we send out comes back at us three-fold.

Illustrations from The Well Worn Path by Mickie Mueller and The Teen Oracle by Cinnamon Crow Dixon.

Hekate's Key

2011-12-27T20:17:00.007Z

There is something comforting about the 'path' decks I am using. The images are tranquil and require quiet contemplation. Take this one for example, showing a key. I didn't realise that the key is a symbolic tool in witchcraft. I have one myself, swinging from the door of my reclaimed cabinet. For those of you who have been reading this blog for some time, you may remember my finding it.

The key is sacred to Hekate, who is the Greek Goddess of both crossroads and doorways. As the cousin of Zeus, she holds power over the three regions of the world - the land, sky and oceans. Often seen as a triplicate, she holds a rope, torch, dagger and key. The key is the key to the underworld, where she is able to unlock secrets and knowledge. Statues of Hekate were often placed at doorways to houses and were seen as protecting the inhabitants. Eventually, this role in keeping out evil spirits led to the perception that Hekate could also allow the evil spirits to enter if she chose. She thus became acknowledged as the guardian of the veil between the worlds and I wonder if that has lead to her also being feared as much as she is worshiped.

My boyfriend and I journeyed over to spend Boxing Day with his parents and his brother's family yesterday. His sister and her family are abroad at the moment and will be returning in time for a full family gathering on New Year's Day. We swapped presents in the afternoon and I received my Wicca manual, some aftershave, and another set of cards (which I will come to in a moment). We then walked over to some of my boyfriend's close family friends for something to eat. The hostess had prepared a lovely (and healthy) spread and we sat around the dining table and talked. For the evening, they set up their Wii for a little bowling, wake boarding and fencing. Keeping my old neighbours in mind, I excelled at the fencing, slashing away at my opponent with force until they were whipped from their podium.

When I met Shaheen Miro in London over the Summer, we had discovered an oracle together in one of the three main spiritual stores we visited. I had been so tempted to get it, but instead, settled on The Favole Tarot. The one I had stumbled upon was called The Teen Oracle, which has been created by a woman called Cinnamon Crow. With her daughter in mind, Cinnamon had wanted to create a deck that explained basic spiritual principles and concepts in easy to understand terms. I guess that it's simplicity makes reading the cards easy, right out of the box. The images contain my favourite colour combination of red, black, and white (with a little grey) and their graphics are both modern and sophisticated enough to be appreciated by all age groups. They are not dumbed down and do not patronise teens. On the other hand, I can't see them lacking the depth that a more advanced reader might require. With bold images and one-word titles, they provide a lot of scope; especially when used together as different components within a sentence. My boyfriend and I lay in bed last night, pulling cards in duos and discussing what we thought and felt they might mean. Afterwards, he looked through the 44 cards and said 'I like these a lot'. He usually gives my new decks the briefest of acknowledgements, so that meant a lot.

So I thought it would be nice to use both of the sets of cards I got for Christmas; the Path cards that my Mum and Dad bought and The Teen Oracle, which my boyfriend's parents got me. The former can provide a general and over all message, where as I think the strength of the latter is it's ability to delve into the finer details.

For today, I have drawn Direction, Love and Miracle. Whenever I read three card spreads like this without positions, I always look at the middle one as having the biggest influence. So here, it is Love that has pushed itself forward to indicate a theme. Love is not limited to relationships, but Cinnamon Crow does suggest that the card could suggest a lover, as I think it might here. I can see this in the image of two entwined hearts, which behave like two people, arm in arm. Being the central card, it could marry the two cards on either side of it, predicting luck in terms of a new and exciting direction (I find it interesting that the Direction card shows the crossroads where Hekate stands as the guardian). As a whole, I would like to think that the trio suggests that my boyfriend and I will be fortunate enough to soon find a satisfying opportunity or path. After so much bad luck in recent times, this would seem nothing short of a miracle.

Of course, Hekate's key sits at the top of today's post. It is calm and reflective, but regardless of that, it is a symbol of power. I think that it is suggesting I have the power to make these dreams or miracles my own, even if I cannot see the possibility at the moment. I believe that we make our own luck and that the prophecies in the cards below are in my own control. The key is in my hand for me to do something with, which is kind of like saying 'the ball is in my court'.

Illustrations from The Well Worn Path by Mickie Mueller and The Teen Oracle by Cinnamon Crow Dixon. Hekate painting by Hrana Janto

Losing the Battle

2011-12-26T10:28:00.003Z

Today's card is a little sombre. It shows The Holly King. From my understanding, he represents the winter and his brother, The Oak King, symbolises the summer. They battle it out twice a year, and at this time, with the sun beginning to last longer in the sky, the poor old Holly King has lost the fight. Generally, this king speaks about the decline of the earth and it's decent into darkness, so the card therefore brings loss to my day. Maybe not the cheeriest of cards for a time of festivities.

I have received a few messages from my friend Annie since yesterday. She sent some general Christmas greetings, but also let me know that she is in a hospice. I think it is just for the Christmas period at the moment as she needs care and said she'll be back home in a few weeks. I said I will go and visit her then, but this card not-so-subtly hints that time is running down and that the snow will soon begin to thaw. There is something really upsetting and uncomfortable about watching the ice begin to melt in front of me.

I am writing here, but I should be getting ready. We're going to my boyfriend's parent's house today and then travelling over to spend time with their best friends. I don't feel much like drinking and all of that, but up until the new year, this is most probably the last of our Christmas get togethers, so should be nice; I really like the couple we are visiting. As nice as the last few days have been, I hate how Christmas suspends everything, and will be happy when all returns to normal, so I can begin my next steps.

Illustration from The Well Worn Path by Mickie Mueller

The Spiral of Souls

2011-12-25T19:15:00.009Z

Today hasn't felt so much like Christmas Day. Christmas is funny like that because I always wonder if we're doing it right. I usually imagine that everyone else is doing more than we are. To be honest, this is probably true, but there is this kind of face that people put on at Christmas. My aunt called this morning and we all laughed and smiled and told her we were having a lovely time. I am not saying we were not, because I enjoyed sitting around and talking for a few hours before opening our presents, but it didn't feel so much different to any other day.

We exchanged gifts. As you can see, I got my two new decks, which merge together beautifully. I also received the tall Adonis statue I wanted from my boyfriend, which now sits on my cabinet with the stone lady. He's very peaceful looking and fits in nicely. I'd seen him years ago amongst loads of other ornaments in a spiritual shop, but couldn't afford him at the time. When my boyfriend asked me what I would like, he came to mind.

We spent yesterday out, visiting my friend Kate and her parents in the daytime and then returning to hers in the evening to go for drinks with her and some other friends. We went to a bistro and spent the evening sitting upstairs before my friend drove us home around midnight. This morning, we watched some episodes of Miranda and then had a lovely dinner. We had wondered what it would be like as the cooker here hasn't worked since we moved in, but with a little Christmas magic in the air, it miraculously started up in time to cook the turkey. Dinner was a warm occasion, with all of the food laid out to help ourselves to. Frustrated by the price of Christmas crackers, I had bought a kit and made my own, filling them with little things personal to those who ended up pulling them.

My first pull from my new double deck is actually from The Well Worn Path (as appose to the sequel pack, The Hidden Path, which is mixed in) and is called Reincarnation. I don't know if it is getting older or if I have just seen too many decks over the years, but I can't remember where I have seen an image that this one reminds me of. I flipped through the New Orleans Voodoo Tarot to see if it reminded me of anything there, but I wonder if it is the We are the World card in the Osho Zen it reminds me of. The card shows a place where a spiral of souls swirl amid the stars. Each one holds a small spark of that which created them and as they merge with it once again, it reminds me a little of how I am spending today with the two people who created me. Things have been stressful and tense over the last month, due to moving, but today has been chilled and calm with my family. For me, the card seems to be about cycles; of something ending and making way for the new. It feels as though the way is now clear for fresh starts of all sorts, if this card is anything to go by.

The books that go with these decks look really interesting. They have a small paragraph about how the card can be used for divination and also a longer piece to teach about the subject of the card, but what I like is the third section, which offers a kind of guided paragraph, which walks you though the card. I haven't had much of a chance to read much of the two books, but hope to this evening, while my boyfriend is snoozing.

We were thinking of taking a walk out tonight, but as we are going to his parent's friend's house tomorrow, we are just staying home and relaxing in front of the television. I let the diet slide today and had a full Christmas dinner. Even though I didn't go mad, I feel bloated now. Normal service will be resumed after Boxing Day.

Illustration from The Well Worn Path by Mickie Mueller

The Old Friend

2011-12-23T22:45:00.009Z

This is a warming 6 of Cups and it brings simplistic messages to my door. As a card connected to the past and friendship, it brought a phone call from my old friend Kate tonight, to try and organise getting our families together tomorrow. What with her being unwell and moving out of her cottage at the same time that we moved to the bungalow, we haven't spoken properly in weeks. We had a catch up for an hour this evening and hope to drive over to hers tomorrow daytime. My mum can hardly walk at the moment, so I don't know whether my parents will come or not. We missed doing the whole Christmas Eve thing last year, due to Kate having the flu. The snow managed to sabotage just about everything else.

Last night was lovely. We went to the local pub restaurant and had a nice meal. I sidestepped Dukan for the night as it is such a pain to try and find something on a menu that strictly adheres to the diet. I still had the least fatty thing I could find and cleared my plate. Three friends met us there and were great company. We all laughed a lot, and as per usual, were the last to leave.

I stayed home today and didn't do much. In fact, I didn't do anything. My uncle and cousin came to look at the electrics and plan the pulling out of the kitchen for the refit, so aside from showing my face, I have been locked away in here for the entire day. It feels as though Christmas has been coming for ever and I am kind of looking forward to getting it all over and done with, if I am honest. The long nights are becoming a little depressing.

Illustrations from The Sasha Fenton Tarot by Sasah Fenton and Samantha Bale

New Year's Day

2011-12-22T12:36:00.010Z

After talking about it here on the blog for the last few days, The Winter Solstice arrived at 5.30 this morning. As I travelled back home on the train from my boyfriend's in the dark, it began to get light, so I stood and watched the sun rise over the river once I had got off. It looked beautiful and made me smile. As I had time to stand there and photograph it, I guess I fell into my own place, finding five minutes to reflect on those things which are and are not important. It felt more like a New Year's Day than the one I am used to (which I never enjoy, year after year). Janurary 1st always leaves me feeling empty and sore about what I haven't achieved in the last year, where as today, the fire of the sun rising over the river energised me and I feel ready for my next steps.

Yesterday was pleasant. My mum's friend cancelled, but my mate still visited with daughter and dog. After a light lunch, her little girl, Eva, asked if she could have a piece of paper and pencil to do some drawing. I told her I could do better than that and brought in my massive art box that I had compiled throughout my work in schools. We pulled out card and stickers and pens and she got down to making four Christmas cards and a Get Well card for our friend's mother, who had been transferred to a hospital in London. It turned out that she has had a mild heart attack but is now on the mend. I was so impressed with Eva's work. She is a very bright and artistic 6 year old and has no problem with writing and spelling. She was very well behaved, and by the end of the dark afternoon, she, her mother and I were all drawing, sticking and gluing. My good friend in Canada recently flagged up an artistic technique called Zentangling, which I showed Charlotte. She absolutely loved it and spent an hour doodling a design, taking the paper and pen home with her to continue.

I really like the deck that today's card comes from. I am not entirely sure what it is called but it is often listed as the Sasha Fenton Tarot. It might seem a little too basic for some, but it is simple, to the point and attractive. I got it for a pound in a boot fair years ago, without it's accompanying book. It has one of my most favourite Knight of Cups in it.

For today, I see steps forward in the 2 of Wands, but I also see a coming together in the dual nature of the warm number '2'. I think it has something to do with the fact that the wands set in that ring remind me of a fondue set, which of course, is all about sharing. My boyfriend is coming over tonight and we are meeting friends in the nearest pub to me for a festive drink and something to eat. Now that I live on this side of the river, I am that bit more accessible to a few old friends than I was. The pub sits on a heath and has recently had it's restaurant area done up, so I booked a table for 7.30. There should be five of us getting together. I haven't seen one woman, who I used to work with, since the Summer. My boyfriend is staying over here tonight. I think work (or at least, the people he works with) has drained him this week and he needs to relax. He can park up and we will walk there together, which should only take about ten minutes. I am looking forward to it.

Illustrations from The Sasha Fenton Tarot by Sasah Fenton and Samantha Bale

Mother and Child

2011-12-21T10:42:00.003Z

I drew today's card randomly, as I normally would, and came up with this one; it is card #32, entitled Mare. The horse in the card protects her young and provides nourishment. She gives it warmth and gifts wisdom, reminding me a little of the tarot's Empress.

This card also reminds me of the deity Epona. Epona was a goddess of horses, honored by the Celtic tribe known as the Gauls. She was one of the few Celtic deities who were celebrated by the Romans, and they celebrate her in an annual festival every December 18, which has obviously just passed. The Festival of Epona was a time when worshipers paid tribute to horses, erecting shrines and altars in their stables.

Legend holds that Epona was born to a white mare who was impregnated by a man. Apparently, he “loathed the company of women”, and so decided to focus his desire on the mare instead. In many sculptures, Epona is represented by symbols of fertility and abundance, such as cornucopias, along with young foals. She is typically portrayed either riding (usually side-saddle) or taming a wild horse. Many households, particularly those who kept horses or donkeys, had statues of Epona on their household shrines. Epona is venerated in other areas; the Welsh Rhiannon is an adaptation of Epona’s role as goddess of the horse.

The relationship between this horse and foal has relevance today. Every time I see a card like this, I wonder if my old mate Jane is about to go into labour, but equally, the card reminds me of motherhood and her relationship with the child on a more general level. It obviously regards the relationship between the goddess and her son on this eve of the Winter Solstice, but it also makes sense elsewhere for me. I saw one of my friends in the supermarket last night, and she told me that her mother had collapsed. This morning, I have heard that she has been transferred to a speciality unit in London. This is obviously a concern and I see the relationship between mother and daughter in this image. My friend is a mother of three herself, so where she would sit in this image is transferable.

Today is one of visitors. My mate is arriving at midday with her daughter and little dog. She is bringing some bits and pieces for lunch, as her little girl wants to see the new house. While shopping last night, I picked up some things for today, since my mum's friend is also coming over. I have found my reading up on Yule, it's history and customs, really interesting, so while there, I bought a Yule Log cake to go with some mince pies as a treat (whether I defy Pierre Dukan and have a piece remains to be seen). It says in the brief statement of the accompanying book to this deck that the card can reflect children, so it makes sense for little Eva to come visiting. At this time of celebration, the card is about relationships with others and how we can help make them more nourishing and warm.

Illustration from The Wiccan Oracle by Chatriya Hemharnvibul

The New Light

2011-12-20T17:27:00.008Z

I haven't felt much like drawing cards for the last few days, so instead, I thought I'd actually pick one today. In preparation for The Hidden Path and Well Worn Path, I thought I would choose one from the Wicca Oracle. Being the 20th December, I thought it made good sense to pick #14, which shows three candles, some holly and mistletoe, symbolising the festival of Yule.

From what I have read, the celebration of Yule actually starts tomorrow night for most, ready for the 22st, when the sun comes up. Tomorrow is the shortest day of the year and I can feel it, since today seemed as though it was getting darker around 2.30 this afternoon. It is pitch black outside at the moment, and all I can see is the flashing blue lights of the house opposite me. For Wiccans, this sabbat celebrates the Goddess and her giving birth to the Sun God. From Thursday, days begin to grow longer, with the return of more sun. To get through the dark Winter months, people have traditionally brought the outside in, decorating their homes with evergreen foliage, mistletoe and holly, lights, and the burning of a yule log to welcome the new sun. Falling at the end of December, this might sound familiar, but a lot of people might be surprised to find out that these pagan festivities actually predate Christianity. In actual fact, there is little written documentation of when the birth of Jesus was, but it has been argued that it was more likely in the Spring, when the shepherds would have been tending their flocks by night during March. The Winter Solstice (or Yule) is a Pagan Holiday. The church adopted it as their own when the folks who practiced the Old Ways and the Old Religion wouldn't bend to the will of their priests.

People celebrate Yule in many different ways, not unlike the methods in which Christmas is celebrated. A tree is decorated, good food is eaten and it is a time for socialising and desiring peace between all. On the eve of The Winter Solstice, many welcome the sun by staying up all night, performing specific prayers (or spells) and reflecting on what they are leaving in the dark or will be taking forward into their lives with this new light. There are three red candles on the card from The Wiccan Oracle. I have seen these in white, red and black, honouring the maiden, mother and crone respectively. This triad is one turn of the wheel from birth to death, showing the celebration of Yule (dated somewhere between the 21st to 23rd December, depending on the Gregorian calendar) as the end of the year. For Pagans, Witches and Wiccans, Thursday is much like New Years Day.

Thinking of Yule reminded me of the 7 of Pentacles from The Druidcraft Tarot. Even though there is no mention of the sabbat in the accompanying book.

The ancient Druids believed mistletoe to be an indicator of great sacredness. The Winter Solstice, called 'Alban Arthan' by the Druids, was according to Bardic Tradition, the time when the Chief Druid would cut the sacred mistletoe from the Oak. Is that what we are seeing in Will Worthington's painting in the card? The mistletoe is cut using a golden sickle on the sixth night of the new moon after the winter solstice. A cloth was held below the tree by other members of the order to catch the sprigs of mistletoe as they fell, as it was believed that it would have profaned the mistletoe to fall upon the ground. He would then divide the branches into many sprigs and distribute them to the people, who hung them over doorways as protection against thunder, lightning and other evils.

The Druids are thought to have believed that the berries of the mistletoe represented the sperm of the Gods. When pressed, a semen like substance issues from the white berries. Mistletoe was considered a magickal aphrodisiac. Girls standing under a sprig of mistletoe were asking for a bit more than a kiss, I have read.

I searched around through other tarots to see if the festival of Yule is depicted elsewhere. I don't own Lo Scarabeo's Witchy Tarot, but I guess that the illustration for the 10 of Wands could show two people burning the Yule Log while choosing natural fruit and sweets to decorate their home. I also wondered if the traditional 19th trump in the Rider Waite shows the birth of the Sun God beneath the warming rays of the sun.

Amongst the dark, today has been quiet, except for my dad's moans here and there. He seems to be getting worse as he gets older, picking at this and that. Mum went for her consultation this morning and will have physio in a few days time. I am glad the appointment is here, since she was in such agony yesterday.

It feels fitting that we should have moved at this time of year. As the light steps into our days for longer, I see it spread around our new home. My dad has already stripped out the paper in the bathroom and has begun to paint the walls. It really looks fresh and feels like ours. As the crone of the last year is ready to take her last breath, I have a lot to be thankful for.

Illustration from The Wiccan Oracle by Chatriya Hemharnvibul

The King of Funny Fits

2011-12-18T10:27:00.004Z

I showed my boyfriend the pic of Tony from yesterday and then passed him today's card, the King of Swords. I agreed with him that this guy looks like a Dave. There was something protective about yesterday's king, but like the holly I have arranged in the frame around the card, Dave can be a bit prickly. This is why I am often reminded of my dad when this court shows up. He doesn't like to be wrong and has equally high expectations of others. That sword is raised and is the consequence for those who do not match up to his ideals. He's very much the judge and the jury all rolled in to one.

Every year, I say that I will get my Christmas shopping done early, so that I don't have to overdose on the crowds and the repetitious playing of Slade and Chrissy Hind in the stores, but as usual, I ventured out today on the last Sunday before Christmas. My boyfriend needed to collect presents he had reserved for his nieces and nephews and I had some stuff to get for both him and my parents. I don't buy for anyone other than those three at Christmas, but it' still a chore. Most of the time, people cannot think of things they either want or need, so we end up buying stuff for the sake of it. Even though I got a few personal things for my mum and dad, the chunk of their present is 44 tiles for the floor in our new bathroom and toilet. The whole shopping experience was not as bad as I had envisioned. I suppose that sensible people get most of their stuff online these days and let the postman lug it to their door instead.

Now home, I am quite tired. My boyfriend has spent the last hour wrapping presents. He does them very nicely. His parcels are all clean and have nicely labeled tags and ribbon. Mine, in comparison, are a mess - they look scruffy as I am not much good at wrapping gifts. It's probably more to do with the fact that I get bored after I have done one and don't put much effort in. Half of my pressies are in gift bags, which gets around all of that. We laid in bed and watched two films last night - The Nightmare Before Christmas (which I loved) and The Omen. I had seen the latter when I was much younger but didn't remember the details. I quite enjoyed it. Am I the only person who thinks that films from 1970s look far creepier than the ones they make now? There's a general uncomfortable feel to the old movies.

The King of Swords can be a pain, and therefore, I sometimes relate him to the argumentative side of people. My dad had a few little strops today, as did my boyfriend, so the card meant a negotiation of their moods on my part. Neither my dad's or boyfriend's funny fits lasted longer than five minutes, so we managed a nice afternoon in town and evening in my room.

Illustration from The Mountain Dream Tarot by Bea Nettles

My Mate Tone

2011-12-17T16:58:00.013Z

I don't know why, but whenever I see this King of Pentacles, the name Tony comes to mind. For today, he sits confidently in my draw with his pentacle and a smile. I wonder if he has shown up because I mentioned him in yesterday's post, with reference to my boyfriend. He was very generous with his money last night, so the card reminds me that I owe him a pentacle or two for that.

The evening out with friends was good. As with celebrations hosted by the same friend last year, we sat around her dining room table, chatting. Being on my diet, I didn't eat anything, but I did have a few drinks. Well, it is Christmas after all, yeah? As everyone seemed to tire pretty early, my boyfriend, my other friend and I went off for a few more at a private bar in town. I haven't done that for a long time and it made a change. I used to go there near on every week at one point and drink, talk and dance until the shops opened the next day, but as nice as it was to drop in last night, I couldn't take on that kind of routine now.

If Tony isn't here to highlight a person, then as an energy, he is stable. I guess that I am in a protected position at the moment, since he could represent the financial support of the government, my parents or my boyfriend. Being a card of the physical, he could foretell a stabilisation of either my diet or health. At just under my target weight, I feel better about myself than I have in ages, even if my fatigue did get the better of the long walk to my mate's house last night.

One of the girls we met at the gathering invited us to a party tonight, but with my boyfriend still resting off his hangover, it doesn't look like a possibility. As much as I liked her, I don't fancy two nights out on the trot. My mate Tone (I can't say that without thinking of Alison Steadman in Abigails Party) suggests I hold on to my pentacle, because even if I am stable for the moment, I do have some Christmas shopping to do tomorrow and a few other get togethers to save my money for.

Illustration from The Mountain Dream Tarot by Bea Nettles

The Vintage Girls

2011-12-16T09:47:00.007Z

This card made me smile when I turned it this morning. It made total sense, because this evening, my boyfriend and I are going to a friend's house for a festive evening of mulled wine, nibbles, and company. But what really made me laugh was that two of the people we will be spending the evening with are big on vintage clothes and I have seen them sport dresses not unlike those in this version of the 3 of Cups. So there's Jo, the hostess, in the middle; Sarah is on the right, and Katy on the left. There couldn't be a more perfect card to depict them.

On a deeper level, this card is about my social community. Yes, I have been hiding away from it in past months, but it tells of my coming out and spending time with others this evening. My boyfriend didn't come over last night, but we spoke on the telephone. It was the evening of his work Christmas party, but he made his excuses and didn't go. I felt a little sad about this, but he had his reasons; he didn't want to go in today with a hangover and didn't want to socialise with a percentage of people who have been taking him for granted of late. My boyfriend is a Knight of Pentacles; he works hard, doesn't shirk his responsibilities and has learnt his stuff. Around him are people who turn up late every day and go home early, who are busy internet shopping or chatting when they are meant to be working, and who rely on him to help them out when they can't meet their deadlines. Personally, I think it is time for my knight to be made a king, because he would be a fair and worthy leader. This is something that I think he might be able to do in a new job. Because he was quite-rightly feeling frustrated from his day at work, I thought that going along to the gathering with our vintage girls this evening might do him good. He needs to let his hair down and relax.

I have a picture in my room that needs to be hung. It is of three young women. I have no idea when it was taken or who by, but it looks as though it is from a fashion shoot. The colours of the photo suggest it is from the 60s, but I think it is a modern photo that has been made to look that way through clothing and mood. It reminds me of the 3 of Cups, and in particular, the one from the Morgan Greer tarot. I am reminded to bang a nail in and get it on the wall.

As predicted, the weather has turned grim. The frost has covered the road outside of my room, and in the sky, there is a mixture of sleet and snow. With the prospect of my two decks coming for Christmas, I lay in bed and read The Wicca Bible by Ann-Marie Gallagher last night. I am getting one of the Dummies manuals about witchcraft for Christmas, as it will be a nice accompaniment to the decks, but thought I would get a little knowledge down beforehand. I really like the story and flow of The Wheel of the Year, as it turns through the sabbats. It would seem that as we approach Yule (from December 20-23), we should open our arms to the winter. As I write, there appears to be more of a sprinkling of snow than sleet, which always concerns me around this time of year. At this exact time last year, it put pay to all of my plans, wiping out social events all around. I have a few things on the calendar which I really hope are not destroyed by snow, so it is hard to open my arms with joy to the flakes that are paragliding past my window at the moment.

Illustration from The Mountain Dream Tarot by Bea Bettles

Hollow Victory

2011-12-15T09:48:00.002Z

From the Mountain Dream, we have the 9 of Cups. I'm kind of looking at this card in a different way than usual today. In many books I have read, it suggests that a wish will be granted, but sitting here in my new room this morning with the sun bursting through the window, I am seeing it as an opportunity to give thanks for those wishes that have already been acknowledged. If you'd asked me what my wish was this time last year, with work about to start in the January, I'd have wished for us to move. Well, we have now. So even though I am yet again looking for work, I am thankful for the prayers that have already been answered. The guy on this card looks kind of strange (as many of the blokes on variations of the 9 of Cups do - the one in the Gilded Tarot is just darn creepy) but he appears satisfied, with his cups lined up. I'd say he's had his wishes granted, even if he has nobody to share them with.

I kind of see this card in a similar way to the 4 of Cups. The figure in that has three cups and doesn't need a fourth, so I am not entirely sure what this guy plans on doing with nine. Could it suggest an element of greed? My boyfriend's mother asked me what I wanted for Christmas last night. I picked out a book and a deck of cards, but she said I could choose far more than just those. As generous as that is, I stuck with what I had chosen. Those two things were enough for me and I would have been picking stuff out for the sake of spending a certain amount of cash. I really appreciate her kindness, but the gifts she and my boyfriend's dad give me will be special, however many of them there are. Card decks which are gifted always have a special place in my collection. The one I am using today was a Christmas present from my parents a few years ago. It's one I desired for many years.

Something feels as though it is missing today and I am not entirely sure what it is. I have just got back from my boyfriends, enjoying a nice walk through the long alleyway to my house, which is lined with beautiful trees and bushes. I feel as though I should be doing something now that I am home, but am not sure what. I have some more applications to send off, so I will start with that. There is a contentedness to the 9 of Cups, which as nice as it is, I don't feel comfortable with sitting and enjoying. It's that same old guilt of not working again, I guess. When you receive the luxury and abundance of this card without earning it, it can feel like a hollow victory.

Illustration from The Mountain Dream Tarot by Bea Nettles

Call of the Wild

2011-12-13T13:02:00.012Z

This is interesting. My mum received a ticket for speeding yesterday. At 66, it's the first she has ever had and it worried her. We were all quite surprised by it, even though she was only a couple of miles per hour over the speeding limit. What was interesting was that I flipped back over the blog to see what had been going down on that day in October and saw that the card I'd pulled was Justice. At the time, I had likened the couple in the illustration from the Celtic Dragon Tarot to my parents, as they stood beneath the great dragon of the law, who held up a piece of paper. At the time, it made sense to see the dragon as our solicitor, but now, I wonder if he may have been holding up the speeding fine to them both, since they were together in the car at the time of the incident, probably returning from their weekly grocery shop. Sometimes, I think we have to be open to the tarot images. It was easy for me to see the solicitor in the card on that day because the house move was on my mind. Some people find it difficult to read for themselves for that reason, because we can jump to very narrow conclusions and not be open to ideas which might not fit at that exact moment. If I had been more general and suggested a situation with the law, regarding some kind of legal paperwork, I would have been that bit more on track. All of this aside, it is interesting to use this experience as a way of learning to provide more useful readings. It's hard to try and not pinpoint details, since that is part of the fun of reading, but we must listen to the tarot, rather than enthusiastically shove words into it's mouth.

As I thought, my visit to the Job Centre yesterday was near to pointless. I spent half an hour there, while the woman clicked boxes on her computer and printed out stuff I didn't really need. The only thing I really wanted her to do was change my home address, so she gave me a form. Can you believe that to change my home address for correspondence, I have to fill in a 47 page booklet (yes, I did say 47 pages). What ever happened to the paperless office? I came away from there with my usual feelings of apathy and did some grocery shopping for my parents, since they couldn't get out due to the guys still fitting the boiler and working on the bathroom. Regardless of that, my mother's leg is still providing great pain, so walking away from the home is not something she has been able to indulge in for the last few months. My own fatigue has been a problem too, so shopping for stuff after my appointment at the Job Centre really tired me out.

So, what have we got for today? The Fool. I like how this card from The Mountain Dream Tarot sits in the framed mount I added. I found these online some time ago, where a user was offering them up for use free of charge and thought they would be nice for the blog. This particular old photo works nicely with this frame, which I adapted to make the hole bigger. In fact, I've changed the holes about from mount to mount and altered their size and the elements around them with a little Photoshop jiggery-pokery.

This fool has taken his eye off of the road. I guess he's trusting in either that flower for luck or the little dog to tell him if he's about to walk into danger. Sometimes, it's good to look about and appreciate your surroundings. I was saying as much to a blogging friend the other day. So many people are set on their goal that they don't see what they have at the moment. I have sacrificed so much of my enjoyment in the present by worrying consistently about what's in the future; whether that is not being where I think I should be in my career, or whether it's my anxiety over health and stability. There's a beautiful world out there that I am missing. Skip the diet for a day, apply for a job you know you'll probably not get or just take a walk in the icy but beautiful Winter breeze.

I finally heard from my mate yesterday and the cards had been right in suggesting that she'd disappeared beneath the waves of depression. After scraping about at the bottom of the seabed, she says that she is now on her way back up again, thank goodness. I am set to speak with both her and my pregnant friend this afternoon, before possibly helping my mum with the Christmas tree. As The Fool is about taking chances and throwing caution to the wind, I will also find five minutes to shoot a few emails off to some jobs I have seen advertised. I'm not particularly sure I am the right candidate, but with this energy in play, what have I got to lose?

Illustration from The Mountain Dream Tarot by Bea Nettles

Out of the Blue

2011-12-13T08:34:00.009Z

The first thing that this card made me think of is my best mate, who is expecting a little boy. She is very close to having him, so I wonder if this is some kind of premonition. This Little Boy Blue does look as though he's ready to be catapulted into the world, doesn't he?

On a more abstract level, I guess we could see this card as new beginnings of all kinds. Things are born into the world all of the time; new jobs, projects and fresh starts. With my friend in mind, things don't always turn up just like that. Aside from the nine months of tiredness, struggle and discomfort of pregnancy, it took her and her husband over four years to make their baby. So when this card comes seemingly out of the blue today, I wonder if what it symbolises had been conceived some time before. This could be a multitude of things for me. To be honest, I've given up even thinking that it could be about work. I have an interview at the Job Centre today. The last thing I will get from them is a lead to anything useful , so I don't think that this card will be connected to my appointment.

As well as all things new, I also see innocence connected to this card. Babies are extremely vulnerable when they're born and the card highlights how we can be taken advantage of when in need. We are having a new boiler fitted at the moment, so I am hidden away in my room by choice as the two guys fit it in the loft. We know one of the guys who is sorting it out, so I doubt that he'd take advantage, but the card does warn me against being taken in by others, as the Little Boy Blue might through naivety.

Images from The Wild Wisdom of the Faery Oracle by Selina Fenech

You are Beautiful

2011-12-12T16:34:00.009Z

'The sunflower does not despair for not being a rose' - Lucy Cavendish

Before bed, I looked at yesterday's cards again and felt a jolt in my stomach. Suddenly, they began to mean something other than I had first interpreted and I was surprised that I hadn't seen it initially. I have a friend who I have consistent communication with but who I haven't spoken to in a few weeks. I've sent a few messages in the last couple of days to see if she is alright, but have heard nothing. Prior to these messages, she said she had been feeling down and also had the flu, but I am surprised to have not heard from her in the last week. It's quite unusual as she usually calls back pretty quickly. I began to wonder if the central 3 of Cups (in the position of myself or what is important) was suggesting that the subject of yesterday's draw was actually about a friend and someone within my social community. If so, what surrounds the friend is constriction (maybe due to her own destructive thoughts) and some kind of possible breakdown - the cat in the 10 of Swords looks as though he's had enough. I am a little concerned about the feline in the 8 of Swords, who appears locked up in some way and cannot find freedom. Are the cards letting me know that she is not at her best and needs my support? Something doesn't seem right, so I sent a message to my friend's mother this morning, to see if she can shed some light.

Today's card is from The Wild Wisdom of the Faery Oracle and is called Beauty's Truth. The write up in the accompanying book is interesting. It basically says that there is beauty within all of us, but that we will not find it in totality by dwelling on the physical. As I have been dieting, I have weighed myself every morning and spent that bit more time looking at my face in the mirror, noticing it slim down to what I recognise. Am I becoming obsessed with trying to find the face of my youth? Cavendish would suggest that I am beautiful whether I lost that extra stone and a half or not.

It is said that female fae despise the finer qualities of their men, preferring the imperfections of mortals. As much as I like the conventional beauty in a smile of someone like Kenzie Roth, when you get to know a person, it is sometimes the less conventionally attractive parts of their looks that become beautiful; be it my boyfriend's wrinkled brow when he is concentrating, his quivering lip when he sleeps or the little smile he gives me when he wants something. Don't get me wrong, my boyfriend is a good looking man, but it is the small quirks in his personality and mannerisms that I love and recognise beauty in; I just wish I could appreciate the beauty within my own, which is what I think this card is all about.

I took a trip out this morning to get some floor tiles for my room. I won't be laying them yet, but my boyfriend has said he'll help me start to strip the walls soon and paint them. There's no rush really, but it would be nice to make this room just that little bit more like my own. He's ordered me a nice big bronze angel for Christmas, which I can already envisage standing on my display cabinet before fresh cream walls. As I sit here amongst the swirly pattern of the previous occupants carpet and the browned floral wallpaper, I wonder if today's card is less to do with my own physical beauty and more to do with my physical environment. I appreciate that it was probably quite beautiful in it's own time. It could do with some freshening up, but I can live with this decor for that bit longer.

Images from The Wild Wisdom of the Faery Oracle by Selina Fenech

Under the Surface of Smiles

2011-12-11T10:59:00.010Z

For today, I have drawn three cards from the Medieval Cat Tarot. I have the 3 of Cups in the centre, as a representative of myself, and the 8 of Swords and 10 of Swords representing outside influences. At a glance, I'd say that things seem ok on the surface, but that a lack of self-confidence and fear pollute the surrounding energies.

The 3 of Cups is my immediate emotional support; the card lets me know that I have some. In a way, it makes sense for there to be three cats, since there are three of us in my family (that's me in the brown, my mum in the blue, and my dad in the red). We have all been here for each other in the last month and have equally put a lot of effort into making all that has happened. However, it is not just them I see in the card; I see myself with my boyfriend and Kate; and I see other friends who have been supportive and helpful in recent times. One mate has been concerned about my distancing myself from my our wider social community, but I have tried to ease her worries by telling her that I am okay. She wanted to pick me up and take me to see a friend of ours last night, but as well as it being cold out, I started to tire pretty quickly so was happy to stay where I was. My parents had some friends over, so I locked myself away in here and read until my eyes began to close.

Even though I am happy at the moment, the surrounding influences complete the story. As with most days, I have woken with achy arms and neck. The bones in my left arm hurt when I lift it and at times, my left knee cannot be bent or straightened without pain. I woke this morning with pains in my stomach; the same pains I have had for so many years and that my doctor has attributed to IBS. Yep, that's me in the other two cards. Under the surface, I feel trapped and finished off by these physical problems. I think that the aches have something to do with the chronic fatigue, and I think the chronic fatigue stems from both the IBS and the stress it has brought.

My boyfriend and I walked to town this morning. I hadn't done that yet and was convinced it would take longer than from where we lived before. I used to walk up this way about fifteen years ago to stay with my friend Sam, so I found the same old alleyway I used to walk then. It didn't take much longer than the journey from the old house and was more pleasant. Town was busy with Christmas buying and queues, so we bought what we needed and left. I got my hair cut by my usual handsome hairdresser and did my Christmas shopping online when I got home. Even though I am getting money to buy a bike, my mum said she'd like to get me something for Christmas Day, so I ordered some decks for her (at least I get something I'd like that way). I chose Mickie Mueller's Well Worn Path and Hidden Path oracles, to be used together. Well, Christmas isn't Christmas without cards, is it?

As I write, my boyfriend and I are supposed to be watching Angels and Demons. I am obviously typing here and I can see his eyes slowly closing. Without the use of an oracle, I foresee a little nap for the two of us in the very near future. I was never a fan of Sundays when I was a kid, but they are one of my favourite days of the week now.

Illustration from The Medieval Cat Tarot by Lawrence Teng

Home Sweet Home

2011-12-10T19:27:00.010Z

Well, our new home is no palace, but it is looking better with every day. I thought I'd post a few snaps for those who expressed an interest. As you can see, just about every room I photographed needs stripping, painting and re-carpeting, etc, but even just a little dressing and love can make even the coldest of houses into a home.

The living room was bleak when we first looked at it, but with our furniture and a few pictures on the wall to divert the eye from the wallpaper, it feels warm and worthy of entertaining in now. I miss our old fireplace, but when we can afford to, we'll pull this old one out and get a new one. This one is dated, but it isn't offensive and works, so we can put up with it for the time being.

The dining room is the first to be sorted. I think we're aiming to strip and start painting in the next week.

The hallway actually has nice wooden floors. After a lick of paint, it should be that bit more welcoming. It is a nice size and is broader than the one we had before.

Out of all the rooms, mine was the worst off. The wallpaper is brown and has been neglected. The carpet is horrific. I have already ordered some floor tiles for it and plan to get on with stripping the paper and painting as soon as I can. Just getting my furniture in and changing the curtains was a step forward for me.

The Queen Fries some Small Fish

2011-12-10T11:46:00.004Z

As with yesterday's threesome, I sit in the middle of the reading; here, I am the Queen of Cups, quiet, emotionally receptive, and open to the depths of the subconscious. Looking at her through the lens of today, I see myself in an emotionally peaceful state. I love those little frothy bubbles of sea foam in the card.

In looking at these three cards, I see that the queen has her back turned to The World. She is moving on from something; in this case, a cycle is complete. Now we are in our new home, it is almost hard to remember the years where we dreamed of this moment. I said something about this to another blogger not so long ago. She had been wanting to move for ages, and once she had, I reminded her that she is now in the moment she had desired for so long. The same could be said for us, which is probably why the Queen of Cups sits so emotionally calmly and appears relaxed in her new surroundings. The ordeal of trying to move is now over; a conquest complete (as a side note, it is interesting that it looks as though she wears the laurel reef from The World card around her left arm).

So what is it that stands before me in the shape of the 2 of Swords? I'd say that this represents new decisions waiting to be made. With a blindfold on, the pretty little figure in this card is trying her best to avoid making them, but it doesn't make them go away. I have more conquests to overcome, mainly relating to my career, but for the moment, they are on the back burner until this season is over with. The Queen of Cups in the middle of the trio looks no further than her cup and is yet to really acknowledge difficuties. She will do, but with aches in her neck, arm and knee, she thinks that kicking back and taking a rest is what's needed for the moment. She has been feeling tired again.

Despite the beautiful glow from the sun outside my window, it is freezing today; and not just outside. I guess that now we are in a detached property and are no longer living in a terrace, we can feel the cold that bit more. The frost of Winter's icy breath had covered the ground outside my bedroom this morning and the branches on the tree in our front garden looked brittle, like the boney fingers of Yule. I am supposed to see my boyfriend later but I haven't heard anything from him yet. I should imagine this means that he had a better night than he was expecting and is sleeping it off. My friend sent me a message yesterday evening, giving me a last chance to come out and play, suggesting that she and my other friend could come and pick me up, but I was already tucked up in my black duvet and silky throw by 9pm, reading. In the old days, I would have been tempted, but I just didn't fancy it. I have been getting tied by about 10pm since the move and my body has really been aching, so I am not sure how long I would have lasted on a night out. I received a few messages a few hours later, saying that they'd run into someone who the three of us do not like, so I'm glad I missed that. Losers like him fall into a long list of people I also intend to turn my back on.

With every accomplishment, there are more hurdles waiting to be jumped; that's how I see today's cards. As well as moving, I have also reached my target weight; actually, I have slipped a few pounds under it, so have lost the 1.5 stone that I wanted to. I have introduced a little variety into my diet, but have kept away from the rubbish. Even though I always look at my life as being stagnant, sitting here in reflection, I can see that things are changing and moving along with the floating bubbles and foamy waves. When Christmas is over, the queen will settle her cup down and take charge of the two swords which need to be dealt with. But for the moment, she has smaller fish to fry.

Illustrations from The Hanson-Roberts Tarot by Mary Hanson-Roberts

The Last Laugh and the Worn Out Coat

2011-12-09T09:59:00.001Z

I wanted to return to the blog with the Hanson Roberts. It's such a beautiful little deck, which never seems to miss a trick. Take today's three cards for example; that's one of 'my' personal cards sitting there in the middle, describing me at this time. The Hermit usually finds me when I am seeking solitude, which I am at the moment. The cards around 'me' are the surrounding energies. The first, The Hanged Man, shows me hanging up my coat for a period of time and taking a step back. The second, Death, is about transformation and cutting away what is no longer needed; in this threesome, this has a lot to do with the social side of life.

Anyone who knows me is aware that I like to pull back from time to time. After twenty-odd years of partying and all that goes with it, I want a little quiet time and yearn for something different. I am not into big groups and flamboyant occasions as much as I was, so parties and general acquaintances have passed their 'sell-by' for me. The angel of death is hacking away at what no longer interests and is laying it all to rest at the bottom of the card. All of the dramas and social politics within friendships go with them.

It's been a week since I last wrote here. The move was absolutely exhausting, but a success. For many days afterwards, I felt as though I was stuck in Groundhog Day, since each morning, we'd be pulling more boxes from the full garage and unpacking them. It seemed never-ending. However, with friends, we have cleaned and unpacked and tidied. Our stamp is well and truly on the bungalow now, and despite the oldy-worldy wallpaper in most rooms (which will soon be stripped), it has started to feel like our home pretty quickly. I much prefer the layout of this house to our last and we seem to have so much more room. For instance, I can now fit two extra wardrobes, a massive armchair, ottoman and display cabinet in my room, which I wouldn't have had a hope in hell of squeezing into my last one; not to mention my old mannequin, Little Joe, who has made it down from the loft and now stands next to the bookshelves.

Despite the stress of the last two and a half years, it would appear that Oddbod did us a favour. One of the women from our last neighbourhood reported back and said that she had seen her talking with the new occupants and was all over them like a rash. It's no less than I expected. It's kind of funny really. She thinks she has won, but as I stretch out here in my large (and most importantly, quiet) room or look out at the breathtaking views of either woodland or hills from our new lounge windows, I am pretty damn sure that it is us who have the last laugh.

I had my first drink for nearly a month and a half a few days ago. As I had been moaning about doing something different, my boyfriend paid for me to meet him and his friend in London to see the recording of a programme at BBC Television Centre. Ok, it wasn't the most exciting of programmes, but it made a change. We had a laugh and I got to know his mate better, who was really good company. We found a pub in Shepherds Bush afterwards, which was dark and had a small grotto-like outside seating area at it's heart. I resisted the cigarettes but had a few wines. The glasses flowed, as I struck up conversation with two young blokes. Even though I didn't drink much, it did go to my head. I used to love drinking, but at the moment, it feels like a worn out coat I am sick of being seen in. We still had a good evening, since the point of it was the television show and the chat between the three of us, but when asked to go out with my boyfriend and the guys in his family for drinks this evening, I declined. I like everyone in my boyfriend's family a lot, but knowing that it will probably be a big drink-up, I thought I'd rather leave them to it this time. Another friend asked me to town to see a band in a pub locally, but I said I probably wouldn't make that either. I am not hanging up my tankard completely; I just want those times when I do go out for a drink to be special, rather than the norm.

So, The Hermit as the middle card shows me at home, alone this evening out of choice. As surrounding energies, the other two major cards do a little cleaning up of my lifestyle and community. I have willingly' stepped out of the social scene for a while as a form of sacrifice. With less cash than I had six months ago, I am holding back my pennies, so my boyfriend and I can do more exciting and satisfying things with them in the months to come.

Illustrations from The Hanson-Roberts Tarot by Mary Hanson-Roberts

The Spear of Lugh

2011-12-02T06:38:00.004Z

One of the things which has been interesting about the draws I've made with this deck so far, is the buildings in three of the four cards. In the 2 of Dialogue, I linked the observatory to our bungalow; a place at the end of a stream, representing our future. In the Warrior of Art, the building then became the home of Oengus mac Og, the Brú na Bóinne by the river. I saw the winding pathway as one we were stepping on to as we got closer to moving. For today, we have what I assume is the otherworldly city of Goririas in the background. It is shining with warmth and it is that same energy which sends the spear on it's journey. It's a little like a reward in the distance, glowing with vigor, health and joy. Apparently, battle would never go against whoever wielded The Spear of Lugh, shown here with the kindler of fire, Esrus. Sounds promising, doesn't it?

When I first began to learn the tarot, I was taught that aces indicated new beginnings. For today, that would be true. This one reminds me a little of the version from the Sharman Caselli, which shows a palace in the distance, which I am sure I read was a goal. I have always considered the ace as a seed, which holds the potential for all other cards in it's suit within itself. This card is a good example of that theory, since we can see the single spear of fire and the burning city in the distance. They have both grown from the same spark. For today, I think it shows our first steps from here to the bungalow, our dreams, and all of what needs to be done in between, symbolised by the hills. Another beautiful card from a beautiful deck.

Even though up early, I need to get myself into gear. More needs to be sorted (including disconnecting this computer) before the removal men get here again and I can hear the mantle clock downstairs chiming 7 o'clock. I have to get myself ready and throw myself into action like Esrus. Due to the time it takes to get phone lines and internet connected, I don't know when I will be back here. I may still write every day and publish later, but it all depends on how busy I am with the house. However, I will have my Blackberry on me, so will be updating and publishing the odd photo here and there on Twitter. Thanks for all of the kind words and support I have already received. I look forward to my return to the blog, as soon as I am able to get back.

Illustration from The Celtic Wisdom Tarot by Olivia Rayner

Rushed off of our Feet

2011-12-01T08:26:00.011Z

Yesterday was exhausting. My mother and I packed up much more of our stuff and lifted some things down from the loft. My dad did help a little, but due to his health, had to stop. If he exerts himself, he gets twinges of pain, which we have learnt from the past only gets worse, so we forced him to rest. My mum's leg is still playing her up, so I tried my best to take on the more physical stuff, which pretty much wiped me out too. However, we got a lot done and called it a day at 8.30pm.

I read up a little more about yesterday's Irish God of Love before sleep. I was most interested in his house in the background. It is called Brú na Bóinne and sits on the River Boyne (which I am guessing you can see in the slither of blue at the back of the card) in Leinster, Ireland. Dating somewhere between the 35th and 32nd Century BC, it is now mainly referred to as Newgrange. It was especially interesting to see a photograph of the building from the card. Finding out more about it and Oengus mac Og kind of completed my understanding of the card for me, leaving no stone unturned.

When I woke, it was drizzly outside. Our removal men turned up around 9am, as anticipated. We had thought they were going to put just a few boxes into the lorry to store over night in their warehouse, but they ended up loading it up with far more. They cleared the loft, took most of the furniture and have taken the bulk of everything else, which will make it so much easier for tomorrow. There were three young guys and all of them were extremely hard working and friendly. They worked for about five hours. I helped as much as I could, which is probably why I feel so whacked this evening. Having said that, as with the work I did in schools this year, it is a 'good' whacked. I feel as though I did my fair share and helped my parents out as best as I could.

My mum's friend drove us over to the new house this evening. Even though there is still some stuff in it that needs to be cleared, we managed to clean it; hoovering all of the carpets, cleaning away dirt which has manifested while the house was unoccupied, and washing the kitchen cupboards and surfaces. Even though I have the biggest bedroom, it is by far the one in most need of decorating. The old couple who lived there before had floral wallpaper and the craziest brown and caramel patterned carpet you have ever seen. Standing in there is like slipping into some kind of bad drug experience, so I am pleased that my boyfriend has agreed to help me get rid of the decor as soon as possible. As with everything else there, we are aiming to give it a nice lick of white paint.

I feel as though I have already left this house. This room, where I have entertained so many people over the last twenty-odd years, now feels temporary. I guess it stopped feeling like my room when we re-decorated to sell; or maybe even before then. Regardless of our awful neighbours, I think we outgrew this place a long time ago. We have been through so much here and we are in such need of a fresh start. It's hard to believe that this will be my last night in this room though, and that it will belong to someone else tomorrow. I believe that everything that has happened here is somehow held within the building in spirit. There has been so much energy amongst these four walls. Two different ladies from the neighbourhood came and visited today, bringing cards of well-wishes for our new home. They are old-timers, who have been here as long as we have, if not longer. Both know only too well what the cretins next door are like too. Can you believe that Oddbod stared through our window today to see what was going on and tried to smile at my dad!; after all that has happened! He didn't smile back.

Today's card, the Courtship of Knowledge is equivalent to the 3 of Pentacles in traditional tarot. It depicts the Milesian poet Amairgin and mastery within work. I hadn't expected our removal guys to do quite as much as they did today, but their professionalism and warm natures are reflected in this tarot key. My parents and I have been rushed off of our feet too, so I guess that this card represents physical work and the achievements that come with it. In the story accompanying this card, Amairgin approaches the three spirits of the land for their help in producing the best effort in their situation. I think it interesting that we worked with three removal guys, who's knowledge and expertise assisted us in supporting our goal too.

After two and a half years of trying to move, I can't believe that we are just a few hours away from the day we set up home in a new house. It's kind of scary and kind of sad and kind of exciting. We still have more to do at this end, so it is early to bed, with the intention of rising early and finishing the job.

Illustration from The Celtic Wisdom Tarot by Olivia Rayner

The Pathway

2011-11-30T09:06:00.012Z

Well, I did get the same dizzy advisor at the Job Centre that I had last week. She's what you might call silly but happy. I guess I am being mean really, since she is very pleasant and tries her best to help. It wasn't really her fault that there was still no news on my claim, so I signed for the second time in a month, but am still yet to receive any money. I did try to change my address to our new one but she resisted filling in the forms with me, saying that doing so might confuse everything even more and muck up my claim. Having far too much experience of their systems, I agreed and will wait until everything is finally working properly. As I awoke this morning, I received a message from the bank, telling me that my account balance is low and nearing being overdrawn. I hope the good old Job Centre get their backsides into gear and sort this out soon.

Whenever I buy a deck, I still look (when possible) to the Knight of Cups to see if I like him. I always wish for him to be kindly looking. I most often relate him to my friend Sam, who has a boyish and open face. He and I were extremely close throughout our 20s. To my memory, those watery knights that I haven't warmed to in the same way as to my friend, are the ones from The Book of Kaos and The Connolley Tarot. One of my favourites is from the Sasha Fenton deck. I was pleased to pull this version this morning. In the Celtic Wisdom Tarot, the knight is titled the Warrior of Art. He has the kindly face I was hoping for. It's all in the eyes.

In this set, the warrior is Oengus mac Og. Having associations with love, his place in this card relates to being the love child of Boann and the Dagda. This may be why he is so emotionally receptive himself. I often see him as a general male lover, shown by the four birds around his head which symbolise his kisses, but often, he can show up in a reading or draw to determine something that we love or have a strong emotional desire for. It is interesting that today's card visually compares to yesterday's. The building behind the emotional warrior (apparently his home and a sanctuary for the famous lovers Diarmuid O'Duibhne and Etain) once again reminds me of our new bungalow. The stream of yesterday has transformed into a pathway to it's door. With two more days until the off, it would seem that we are getting nearer to this thing we desire.

Never underestimate the stresses of moving. Over the last two and a half years, we have had our fair share. At the moment, these few days feel like a year in their self, since I want to just get going to the new house and for all of us to stop worrying about what could go wrong. My parents are going to transfer all of the money this afternoon and I have been packing boxes full of tarot decks. My friend popped round last night and took loads of vinyl. Both my record collection and my dad's have been languishing in the loft for over ten years and finally saw the light of day. I could have sold them, but I know I wouldn't get round to it and they'd end up taking root in the next loft. My friend and her father love music. He has a pair of wireless headphones linked up to his record player so I hope he enjoys the hundred or so LPs she took. I was a little sad to see the entire collection of Doors albums leave; the Prince imports, Sinatra, Shirley Bassey, and Kate Bush. But there is something uplifting about gifting something you care about to someone else. They'll get more use out of the records than my dad and I would.

Illustration from The Celtic Wisdom Tarot by Olivia Rayner

The Handshake

2011-11-29T10:58:00.001Z

Here's a nice card from The Celtic Wisdom Tarot - the Dialogue of Art, which seems to have descended from the traditional 2 of Cups. This card shows Myrddin (or Merlin) and Gwenddydd, sitting together over a stream. She was his twin sister, and because of his psychic and magical abilities, created an observatory with seventy windows and seventy doors, for him to keep watch over the land. That's it in the background, under the light of the moon. I especially like this card because it speaks of siblings. I always think of it as being connected to my closest friend, who is like a sister to me, so it strengthens it's meaning somewhat. I consider the 2 of Cups to be platonic (at least to begin with) and this version heightens that.

But when I turned this card today, my usual ideas around it's meaning were not what I saw first. I saw our bungalow in the background, with a small stream leading to it. That is our future. And in the foreground, I was most concentrated on Myrddin and Gwenddydd's hands, clasped in one another. I saw this as a mutual agreement and wondered how it would affect our day. I was pleased to just pick up the phone to our solicitor, who announced that the contracts have been exchanged this morning. The call ties in very well with this card's image, I feel. Have you ever had that experience where you look at a card and think 'I completely understand you at this moment'? Well that's how I feel when I look at this one right now. We are sitting on that small wall, soon to step over and follow the stream. I find single card draws can really pack a punch, which is why I try to keep these draws here as such. Too many cards confuses things for me. Most often, I think that less is definitely more.

My uncle and aunt are coming to collect the fish from our pond in a moment. We have a massive ghost carp out there and many fancy goldfish. The carp must be about twenty years old, I'd guess, and since the goldfish have continued to breed over the years, I have no idea how old they are. The new occupants do not want them, so my uncle is taking them to his pond, which is bigger. After that has been sorted, there will be more packing and then I have to go to the Job Centre. I began my claim over a month ago and am on my second fortnightly signing, but still haven't received any cash. I have called to try and find out what has happened, but nobody there knows what is going on with it. As frustrating as this is, it comes as no surprise to me. If I get the dizzy advisor I had last week, I doubt I will be any better informed by the close of play today.

Illustration from The Celtic Wisdom Tarot by Olivia Rayner

Every Little Bit Extra Helps

2011-11-28T08:52:00.010Z

God, I am tired today. I can feel myself slipping into sleep as I write this. I got up this morning and went into town with my dad so that I could transfer some money into his account for the house sale. It was cold out today, so we hurried about, doing what we had to before getting the bus home. Even though still not wanting to tempt fate, I thought I should start packing some stuff up, so I boxed the books from the large bookshelf in the spare room and then started on the two in my own. My enthusiasm filtered into the wardrobe and drawers beneath my bed, which have now all been emptied. As I write, there are seventeen boxes set around me in this room alone and still many more to fill. I am shattered from the packing, which took all afternoon, and the mental strain of this move is taking it's toll. All three of us are on tenterhooks, keeping our fingers crossed that everything will be okay.

(I actually fell to sleep for two hours, half way through this post)

So, what have we got today? I was thinking of drawing from Caitlin Matthews' Celtic Wisdom tarot deck today (which I also got my grubby little mitts on yesterday), but opted to stay with the Roots of Asia. It is such a calming set of illustrations, which I need at the moment. I drew The Wheel. This is sometimes a card of worry for me, since it takes responsibility out of my hands and administers fate instead. I was worried that it might bring unexpected problems which are out of our control. However, on talking to different companies, my dad has found a few extra thousand pounds here and there, which will help with doing up the house. Due to the muck-up by the solicitor, he had to gather tens of thousands of pounds before Thursday to settle the deal. Therefore, things will be that bit tighter, so every little bit extra will help in the long run. That's The Wheel (of Fortune) turning in our favour for once.

My boyfriend didn't come over tonight. He has been on a long old drive today as has been training away from his usual office in the city. It's probably for the best that he stayed home this evening, as we were both exhausted from our day. We chatted for a little while and since yesterday's card showed up, I told him about my decision to put something on hold for a while. I was worried he'd be disappointed but he understood, so that has put my mind at rest. I had been getting lost in the fluttering of the birds in yesterday's 2 of Swords and needed to make a decision, as the card suggested I do.

Illustration from the Roots of Asia Tarot by Amnart Klanprachar

Calming the Fluttering

2011-11-27T19:10:00.005Z

There was only so much more that I could take of my parents going over figures and new kitchens for the new house, so my boyfriend and I decided to take a trip to the coast this morning. I can't think too much about the bungalow until it is ours. I love to be by the sea and look through the antique shops, so today was perfect. We found many a piece of furniture for our fantasy home together and I also happened upon the Roots of Asia Tarot, which I have wanted for some time and couldn't find.

This is a deck I always liked the look of. It reminds me a little of the Haindl, but richer and less foggy. Take this Two of Swords for example. I love the blues and blacks and the birds fluttering about in the face's mind. At first, I thought there were three birds, but on looking closer, I can count three more. It doesn't say so in the pamphlet that comes with the deck, but I wonder if they represent a flapping of confused thoughts, pierced by the sword of decisiveness. After all, this particular card is about making the right decisions and, quite possibly, tuning out negative or distracting thoughts to do so. I have a good idea about what this might be referring to. Decisions do need to be made. I am still yet to stop the birds from flapping. Hopefully, I will separate them with the blade of the right decision tomorrow.

Before coming home, my boyfriend and I walked along the beach. The sun cast a beautiful light over the sea as the waves crashed over the pebbles. We took some photos on our phones. I liked one that my boyfriend took so much that I put it in a nice wooden frame for my new room. With boxes and piles of old LPs all over the landing, I will pack it up with all of my other possessions in the week.

Illustration from the Roots of Asia Tarot by Amnart Klanprachar

Brushing Away

2011-11-26T16:37:00.008Z

After the last few days, I fancied something a little less involved to use, so pulled out The Wiccan Oracle by Chatriya Hemharnvibul. As I own The Fenestra Tarot by the same artist, I had looked at this pack of 33 cards for some time, so it was a nice surprise to find it for just a couple of pounds in a charity shop. All shrink-wrapped and new, I snapped it up immediately. However, in the many months since I bought it, I've never used it.

The deck is split up into sections. There are four element cards (like the aces in tarot), two God cards (one male and one female), cards representing the eight Sabbats of the Wiccan year, and three master cards; this leaves sixteen remaining, which depict different spiritual symbols and familiars. As with many Lo Scarabeo instruction books, interpretations (where there are any) are vague, to say the least. But this is no bother. I have a good couple of symbols dictionaries and many books on Wicca that I can refer to for reference. I'd say that the deck pretty much leaves you to your own devices, which isn't such a bad thing, even though I am sure being dropped in the middle of the jungle without a map would freak some readers out.

Yesterday continued in the same vein as it began, creating obstacles for us to jump over and step around. However, thanks to my dad, who managed to talk around and suggest ways of overcoming problems to the four advisors in the bank, our move is [fingers crossed] still going ahead for Friday. My boyfriend and I have been to see the house this morning. He hadn't seen it before and really likes it; it was the second time for me, and I like it all the more. It should be lovely when it is cleaned and done up. We took a short walk and found that you can walk a footpath straight into the countryside, which is lovely.

We went to the cinema last night, as planned. I am not completely sure what I thought about My Week with Marilyn. After reading the reviews, I was expecting a little more than a kiss and tell. From his memoirs, it tells of the week that Colin Clark became a lowly assistant on the film The Prince and the Showgirl with Monroe and Lawrence Olivier. There is little new in the film about Marilyn, showing her as being difficult on set, highly indulged by her manager and drama coach, and deeply troubled. However, with her new husband Arthur Miller out of the picture for a week in New York, it is centred around her need for a 'chum' and someone to trust in England, who comes in the shape of the runner, Clark. It wasn't a bad film, but it wasn't much more either. As a person who was described as beautiful and charismatic, I really didn't feel it in Michelle Williams, and despite the odd one liner here and there, the movie was kind of flat. While watching the trailers, they played one for The Iron Lady, about Conservative Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, played by Meryl Streep. My boyfriend and I looked at each other and both said together 'Now I'd like to see that!'. All in all, My Week with Marilyn took me out of the stresses of the day for a couple of hours, which I needed.

For today, I drew just one card from The Wiccan Oracle. From looking at the set up of the deck, I think it might make more sense to use a combination. It reminds me of a Lenormand, even though it obviously isn't one. Today's card is The Broom, which is one of the sixteen symbol cards. Interestingly, the line used in the small book that comes with the deck is 'It's time for a move'.

From my understanding, if a broom's brush is made of twigs like the one we have standing against the wall in our garden, then it is a besom. Besoms have a long history in witchcraft. A modern day Wiccan will use one to sweep the ritual area while visualizing the broom sweeping out negativity and impurities that have built up in the area. This is done for indoor or outdoor ritual space and creates a spiritually cleansed space to practice magic or perform Wiccan rituals. I think that this is where it's interpretation falls in today's draw, since it cleans out that which is worn and no longer needed. The framed picture in the card reminds me of the view from the window in our new bungalow, showing hills and a wood to the left. I think this card definitely has something to do with the move. I was packing old CDs today and chucked out a lot I didn't care for anymore. I think that today's card is all about clearing out the junk, so that we don't have to take it with us. This may be evident in the cleaning out of our possessions, but returning here from the bungalow this morning, it also reminded me that [touch wood] we'll soon be sweeping Oddbod, Pig, Dumb and Dumber out of our lives for good.

Illustration from The Wiccan Oracle by Chatriya Hemharnvival

Sowilo: The Ups and Downs

2011-11-25T08:24:00.014Z

“Of all the twelve round Odin’s throne,

Balder, the Beautiful, alone,

The Sun-god, good, and pure, and bright,

Was loved by all, as all love light.”

Today, the sun enters my blog in the shape of Sowilo (pronounced soe-wee-low). With that, I breathe a sigh of relief.

Things changed yet again by the end of yesterday. I was right to keep faith in Ehwaz, since things did finally move along for the better. Can you believe that while in a second hand shop with a friend I actually looked through a plastic basket of bits and pieces, thinking that if there was a horse within the junk I'd buy it for good luck. Strangely enough, there was; a small white toy horse, with flowing mane and tail. Good luck was a steal at 10p, so I took it to the counter.

After many phone calls, we heard that the woman at the bottom of the house-move chain said she would definitely pull out if the 2nd December couldn't be arranged. I had a few names for her, which I won't repeat here. Apparently, she's done this before. It was then up to one of the solicitors, who wasn't blameless in the whole affair by not passing on information about moving dates readily enough, to try and persuade the guy we are buying from to agree to that date. This he finally did, which brought much relief here, so a compromise was made, as suggested by yesterday's rune.

Today's rune is connected to the sun, being one of victory and warmth. As with The Sun tarot card, it has positive connotations and brightens up readings. In one book I have been reading by Jonathan Dee, the stone is associated with the mythological deity Balder, known as the god of light. Even though mistakenly killed by a dart of mistletoe by his blind brother Hodur, this god was known to be beautiful and kind, generating good feelings amongst all, so it is not surprising to see him amongst this interpretation. Generally, the rune brings some kind of healing light to situations and can make things brighter.

I was interested to read of the extra connection to Thor. I imagine that this is due to the symbol for Sowilo appearing like that of a lightning flash. He was known for the swift retribution he dealt out to wrong doers. As the guardian of justice, it is timely that he appears in this draw, as today is the day of signing contracts. When fused into this stone with the God of Light, I was hoping it would suggest that all we have invested in to moving will pay off. But today has been another difficult one, since our solicitor failed to check up on some of the details in the sale, leaving a very tight window of time to rectify the problems. This left my parents having to race into town to speak with bank managers and make sure that everything would be alright for Friday. There was a point when all three of us thought it would crumble amongst our fingers again, but once more, I think things are on track. My Mum and Dad have shot back to the same bank manager, since on looking at the figures when they left the branch an hour or so ago, my dad realised that she had calculated some of it wrong. Oh, the irony. It has meant that I have had to transfer my savings to them to help out.

Half way through the day, I began to lose faith in Sowilo, as everything looked as though it was about to fall through again. I was well aware that if it had, my parents had decided that they wouldn't throw any more money into trying a third time. It is their savings after all. I couldn't understand how such a positive rune was describing such a shit day, but like yesterday, tried my hardest to stay focused on it's warm energy and vision of true justice. I will still not be 100% complacent until those darned keys are in our hands, but it looks as if this rune might have redeemed itself.

I have other things I need to worry about, but since today has already been drenched in stress, even more than yesterday was, I am putting all else out of my mind for the rest of it. My parents and I are emotionally and financially at our limits.

My boyfriend will be over after work. He has booked us tickets to go to the cinema and see My Week with Marilyn, which opens today in the UK. We looked online and it has really good reviews. When I was about 14, I had Marilyn posters almost wallpapering my room. I remember getting my first when out with my parents in London's Oxford Street on a cold Winter's afternoon. At the time, I don't think I had much cash and they probably bought it for me. I was so excited. It's the one posted here, and it hung over my bed. I bought many books about her (my favourite being by Andre De Dienes -Mon Amour) and my mate Nikki and I would raid shops for postcards and pictures of her. We watched most of her films, since there was a renewed interest in her during the 80s and a lot of her films found their way back onto the television. As much as I hear that My Week with Marilyn is apparently good, thinking of her reminds me of my teenage years, when life was much more carefree. I feel totally and utterly frazzled by this move and we haven't even started packing yet. I feel angry by all of the ludicrous twists and turns and that fact that Oddbod and her rank family put us in a position where we had to consider moving in the first place. I am just hoping that I can relax out of how we all feel at the moment and enjoy my evening.

Ehwaz: The Power of the Horse

2011-11-24T10:00:00.001Z

Carry me through battle
to victory
through death
to the land beyond

Well, this is interesting. Yesterday's rune tied up more loose ends than I had expected it to. With many calls between my dad and both the solicitors and estate agents, it looked as though we had our moving date. Even though much earlier than we had thought, it seemed as though we could sign contracts this Friday and move seven days later. That would give us just a week to get things packed, removals sorted, and all else that needs to be changed beforehand. A little scary maybe, but exciting too. So there is Ingwaz, I thought, finishing things off and completing the moving process.

Oh, but does anything ever run smoothly for us? When I arrived home this morning, my dad looked glum. Houston, we have a problem. The reason we are rushing along for the 2nd December is down to the woman who is buying from our buyers, further down the chain. She wants to rent their property and doesn't want to lose money through leaving it one week more. She appears pretty stroppy and has threatened pulling out if it doesn't go ahead for then. She says she was assured that everything would be finalised for that date, but it is the first that our solicitor and estate agent has heard of it. However, through my dad's conversations yesterday, he was told that everything would be fine, so he set about sorting out details with the phone people, has an appointment with the bank, is seeing the removal people today and had planned on signing contracts tomorrow. All fine, we thought. But then last night, we got a phone call to say that the guy we are buying the vacant house from cannot do that date, because he needs the previous owner's nieces to come and look through the stuff there and choose what they want to take; something he has had months to organise. My dad spent half an hour trying to persuade him to try and sort things sooner but he won't budge. Our solicitor just called and said we could lose the house over this. My parents look down and I feel tearful over everything moving so quickly and now stopping fast in it's tracks.

I was in a better mood when I drew today's rune, as I knew nothing of all of this when I was sitting on my train home. Ignorance is bliss. I wriggled my fingers about in my rune bag at the back of the carriage, and as I did, looking through the window, I saw a single horse standing on a hill. It was an unusual looking one and I had to do a double take to make sure it was real. It's leg and head were a dark brown, with just it's side and neck in a warm cream. It looked as though it's outline had been drawn in a thick dark pen. It was as I saw it that I drew Ehwaz (pronounced ay-wawz), which I then went on to find out is associated with horses.

The particular horse to be associated with this rune is Sleipnir, the steed of Odin. He was said to have eight legs and be pretty speedy, so therefore has associations with vehicles of all kinds. Before hearing of today's news, this made perfect sense, since the removal people are visiting for a consultation this morning. However, now that we have no idea what is going on, it may be a pointless visit. The same guy came last time, before the last house sale fell apart. In terms of a general energy, Ehwaz has connections with travel, and in one particular book I glanced through this morning, is said to be a good omen for relocation and house moves. That initially stuck in my throat when I read it, but I can't rule out the idea that this rune and my experience with the horse on the hill this morning predicts good things just yet. The symbolism in today's stone concerns not only the horse, but it's rider. This is why it is also said to be about partnerships as well. It is shown in how the horse and rider work together. In readings, this could translate as support and team work. Believe me, this is prominent for today, since it will depend on everyone in the house move chain finding a compromise, if our move is still to go ahead. Only time will tell, I guess, but as I write, we are due to have our phone line cancelled for the 2nd and many other arrangements have been made in view of moving out that day.

Ingwaz: Tying up Loose Ends

2011-11-23T10:57:00.002Z

When a card deck (or stone, as in this example) takes you off, looking into stuff around the internet and in books, that is when things begin to get interesting. With my cup of tea this morning, I drew today's rune, Ingwaz (pronounced 'eeeng-wawz') which is associated with the Norse fertility god Freyr (his name, meaning 'Lord'). Knowing nothing about him, I went for a scout about, finding that he is the god of the wind and rain, dark and light, and ruled over the realm of the elves, who were giving to him as a teething present. I searched about for an illustration that made sense for me and happened upon a statue, showing him with his steed, a boar named Gullinbursti (meaning 'golden bristles'). As a god connected to work, getting things done, and therefore the harvest, the animals back symbolises fields of ripening wheat.

Ingwaz appears to be associated with growth and the physical side of life. Therefore, it is about getting new projects off of the ground. To do this, we need to finish up those already started and tie up loose ends. Any unfinished business needs to be sorted, to make way for fresh starts. Learning that this idea is connected with the stone is a little like a slap around the face for me, since I have one particular thing that needs doing. The completion date is getting dangerously near and I have been putting off getting it done for weeks and weeks. I am not entirely sure why. Sometimes, the pressure involved in a process or the volume of what I have to do can be all too much for me and I hide myself away. That is what has happened here, but today's rune tells me that I really must step up to the challenge and get this out of the way. I know I'll feel better when I have. I am going to have a go at doing this today, but I have messaged Kate to see if she is around over the next couple of days to help me sort out some of the more technical bits I am confused about. It is interesting that a few sources look at modern interpretations, saying that now is a time to clean up the house. I see this as a metaphor for cleaning up my business, but as I write, my mum is going through the large bookshelf in the spare room, seeing how some of the books will pack into boxes for the (hopeful) move, so it could concern that too.

Today's rune is one of completion. I know what I need to do, so should just get down to it. Ingwaz is about problem solving and achieving results, ready to move on to the next level or stage. This also makes me think of my father, who is going into hospital later today. After finding the cancerous cells in what was cut away from his operation, he needs a scan to see if any of them have spread. This is obviously worrying, but is something he needs to go through and tie up.

Wunjo: Carry on Laughing

2011-11-22T10:00:00.004Z

I am glad to draw a happy rune today. From what I have read, Wunjo is positive, dwelling amongst happiness and fulfillment, and sits at the end of the first sequence (Frey's Aett). Many attribute the word joy to this stone.

I was up and out early this morning to meet my friend. We always have such a nice time together and met for coffee. As the only people in the cafe at 9am, we were catching up and laughing pretty loudly. For some reason, a siren went off, which I suggested was the 'you're-having-too-much-fun' alarm, which only made us laugh louder. It was at that moment, I thought of Wunjo (pronounced Woon-yo), which I had put in my pocket before leaving, and the pure joy and laughter it represents. I think that this friend is a good person to think about when I draw this rune, because she always lifts my spirit and makes me smile.

This stone has a romantic edge to it. Even though present for good relationships, it can also depict good friends and happy endings of all kinds. Even though nothing is confirmed just yet, we have had phone calls about possibly moving in the next two to three weeks. Of course, since it is all still in the hands of the solicitors, we can't get excited just yet, but it would be nice to get into the new house for Christmas (even if it does need decorating and will be a bit of a mess). I think that the situation with our move has Wunjo's fingerprints all over it, as things seem as though they are speeding towards a positive outcome.

I spent over six hours of yesterday cleaning out the loft. I moved large pieces of furniture around the small space alone, since my dad was out and Mum is still having problems with her leg. I brought stuff down and we packed things up nicely and chucked out what we didn't need. It doesn't matter how many massive clear outs I have had, there still always seems to be more to shift. Helping my parents, even though I suffered from banging my elbow and head on every plinth and dropped a gold Buddha on my foot, was very much part of the personality of yesterday's rune, Mannaz. I was so tired when I had finished, but am pleased that most of it is done. If we do end up moving sooner than we had expected, then we'll have less work to do further down the line.

Mannaz: Know Thyself

2011-11-21T09:11:00.008Z

I didn't sleep particularly well last night. This is mainly due to the aches in my body, as there are so little positions I can sleep in comfortably. It has resulted in my waking up with achy eyes and desiring even more sleep. With a slightly sore throat, I wonder if I am getting a Winter cold.

Today's rune, Mannaz (pronounced Mawn-nawz) is the stone of the self. The first thing it whispered to me was 'Know thyself'. The meaning of these two words, as I see it, is to give me the opportunity of testing myself, to learn my personal strengths and what I am good at in life, but also to acknowledging what my weaknesses and short-comings are. I thought about this while I held Mannaz in my hand as I lay in bed this morning. Noticing it's symmetrical design under my fingertips, as I traced it's lines with my thumb, I considered that we should remember to take the rough with the smooth. My personal self is built up of the things I can do, but due to my tiredness and fatigue, I must also accept that I do have days like this, where what I do is limited. Some interesting thoughts came with this stone.

Flipping about on the internet, I discovered that as well as being about me, Mannaz also concerns mankind. Even though much of what I read was vague (no surprises there), I interpreted it in my own way. I imagined sitting at the centre of a circle. Wherever I go, I remain at it's centre and it travels with me. As I sit here with my tea in my room, the circle swallows up my parents, since they are in the room downstairs. Even though far away, it can concern anyone who beeps through on my Blackberry, which sits beside me, or drops into the inbox on my computer. If I choose to go out, what is in that circle with me changes. The stone therefore represents my community and how I as 'my-self' react to them. As I begin to learn the runes. this is how I first taste this one.

It's funny how we are with different groups of people. My friend Annie recently said how polite I am, where as I am sure that a handful of other people who know me might say I am brash and sometimes rude. I guess that this is down to how we react when our personal circle (or environment) shifts. I am sure I am not the only one who behaved like sweetness and light around friend's parents as a teenager, but was like a hurricane of tantrums and bad moods around my own. For me, this rune is all about knowing the many sides of thyself amongst all of the groups and situations we happen upon. As one of mankind on a personal level, Mannaz strikes me as a stone which wants us to reach out to those in my community; whether this is calling a friend I haven't seen in a month, which I just did, or beginning to sort out the loft and pack things up prior to moving, as I have just agreed with Mum.

To be honest, I could quite easily duck back under the duvet today. I am tired and don't feel like rising to any challenges, but this stone encourages me to touch my personal community and interact with those around me. Helping them is part of the process in helping myself.

Kenaz: The Torch

2011-11-20T16:28:00.011Z

I decided that I wanted to use runes for my reading today. I bought my first set in about 1997. They came in a big box with a book, which combined runic tradition with Zen. I still have the book on my shelves, but I don't know where the plastic tablets went. Many years later, I made my own from a fallen branch in the garden, but they never lost the stickiness from the varnish. Even though it was fun making them with my dad, they were not really a pleasure to use.

I have always found runes difficult to connect to, so when I saw my current set, I wondered if getting some new ones would be a waste of time. They were heavily reduced, so I haven't spent much money, but only time will tell if I have squandered my time on trying to learn them. And this is where the problem lays. Looking around online and in books, interpretations, spellings, and ordering all seem to vary. And then there are the reviews and opinions. My runes came with the Ralph Blum book, which I have seen described as a 'joke' and not scholarly. A person on Amazon slated the Jonathan Dee illustrated guide, saying that it didn't even deserve one star. There seem to be as many recommendations of books as there are individual rune sets, and it looks as though there is as much snobbery around rune stones as there is around the tarot.

So here's the deal. I am going to do what I do with the cards. I will potter about online and may buy a few books in the future, but for the moment, I am going to see how they speak to me. One of the things I like about stones, as appose to cards, is how you can handle them differently. For example, while watching television this afternoon, I rolled today's rune about in my hand. I felt it's edges and ran my fingers over the gold engraved symbol. They are less difficult to damage in transportation than cards. So I'm going to tune out the sighs and cries of 'You can't do it that way because that's not how the old vikings did it' and give it a go in my own way.

So today, we have Kenaz (or Kano, Kaunaz, or even Ken), which I understand to be pronouned as 'kane-awze'. From looking about, the snippets I have pulled from here and there all seem to follow the same lines - that this is a stone of knowledge, wisdom and understanding. Many sources say that the knowledge is passed on, whether that is from someone else or though some kind of inspiration. Being linked to a torch of fire or a lighthouse, I am reading it as a light that can bring clarity to the darkest of situations. The triangular shape actually reminds me of a single flame. A good few commentators attach the rune to the mythological character Heimdall, the watchman of the underworld. Heimdall was apparently the son of Odin and it was his job to prevent mortals and giants from crossing the rainbow bridge, Bifrost, which stood between the world and the realm of the gods. Being ever vigilant, he was also connected to the owl. He was known as a shining god, which is why he is personified as a torch or beacon.

I feel a bit better today. I think that things have been building up lately; Julie's death and her funeral, my parents being ill and my Dad's continuing worries about cancer. The stresses have carved their way into my relationship with my boyfriend and we haven't been getting on as well as usual. However, we have acknowledged this and decided to talk about it today. I know that being with me is not always easy, which I am sure he would quickly vouch for. Following my diet pretty much to the line for over a month and not drinking or smoking for over three weeks has put it's strain on us. It has meant that we haven't been relaxing in the same ways we had previously and I often expect those around me to mirror the fads I throw myself into. I can be a bit naggy sometimes. Don't get me wrong. He can be a grouchy so-and-so as well. I think that this is where the darkness has slipped in.

Today, we lit Heimdalls torch in the shape of the rune, Kenaz. I feel that we have indeed brought light into the situation by planning new things together and cutting each other a bit more slack. Listening always helps as much (if not more) as talking. My boyfriend wants us to get bikes for Christmas so we can go out riding. A bike wouldn't have been my first choice for a present, but I agree that it would be a good way of getting us into doing different things, rather than sitting in here watching television. It would also be a good way of getting (and keeping) fit.

Rune Stone from The Book of Runes by Ralph Blum.

The Lady of the Harvest

2011-11-19T09:43:00.004Z

I got home last night around 9ish. Kate and her daughter returned from Budapest an hour or so before. She suggested I stay another night, but I decided that I wanted to get back to my own bed and things. When I got home, I thought about using a different deck and then I remembered a bag of stones I had created some time ago. I had been to Brighton and bought a book by Susan Sheppard called 'A Witches Runes: How to Make and Use Your Own Magick Stones'. The book shows you how to make the 13 stones, which I had done by painting white designs onto black nuggets. However, I didn't seal them properly, so once I had dragged them out last night, some of the symbols had scratched away. A little disappointed, I thought I would make a new set properly. I then considered the idea of making a deck instead. Just thirteen cards. Couldn't be too difficult.

I went online and looked for clip art. I love silhouettes, so that was pretty much what I sifted through, finding cameos of a man and woman, some wheat and a skeleton holding a scythe, amongst others. I may very well draw my own at some point, but for the moment, I just wanted to make something quickly that I can use. I found a frame to pop each symbol into and then created my own card back; with every witch I searched for being female, I ended up making my own with a male portrait, crowning him with a pointed hat. Then I slid the thirteen cards through the laminator.

I like creating my own tools sometimes. I have not used the exact symbols from Susan Sheppards book. Hers appear ancient and tribal, where as I picked clip art that I would recognise easily in readings. I have not read all of her book, but it does appear concise, giving interpretations for all conceivable combinations. I like the simplicity of the cards. For today, I have drawn the Woman and Harvest.

The Woman could represent a lady in my life. Primarily, I see the card as depicting a person. The Harvest, showing some wheat, is apparently the most favourable card in the deck, promising fortune or good results. When combined, I see two different interpretations. The first is of a woman's kindness and generosity. This could be Kate, I guess, since knowing I was feeling a bit down last night, called me for an hour in the late evening, after I had left her house to come home. In Sheppards book, the Woman stone (or card here) can represent nurturing and feelings of a gental nature, so as well as the card being one of councel, it can also suggest a particular way of dealing with problems - softly and without ego. Because the card can secondarily relate to relationships of all kinds, I also see this duo as a premonition of healing wounds between people and overcoming problems in relationships.

I woke feeling achey and headachey this morning. I wonder if I am coming down with a cold. My boyfriend is at his own house as he wasn't feeling well yesterday either, so I am alone once again. The sun is shining outside but to be quite honest, I don't feel much like joining it.

Illustrations from The Witches Cards by Prince Le Normand

The Lonely Stone Draws Trees

2011-11-18T14:45:00.003Z

I was looking at this card last night before bed, thinking how attractive it is, so it is nice to see it turn up in today's draw. I love the way that Will Worthington paints trees.

When I look at this rock, I see it as being similar to an anchor. It is large and heavy and holds us within the material world. I am told that it is about manifesting our dreams in reality. In traditional tarot, this suit was initially named 'coins', so it is hard for me to cut the tie between this ace and the financial side of life. I often see it as a helping hand. Having it come up today emphasised my hope that I might receive some money from the demon Job Centre, since it is meant to go in to my account three days after signing. Of course, it hasn't, so that was a disappointment as funds have run right down. Did I expect any better from them? Of course not.

It is silent here, but for the hum of the refrigerator, where today's card is stuck beside my friend's daughter's drawings and magnets. I sketched and doodled yesterday afternoon before my boyfriend came, and this morning, I have been tidying up. It is pretty much just me and my thoughts. As nice as being here is for a break, I am not sure that I could live alone like this. I enjoy time by myself in my own house, but knowing that people are downstairs is comforting, even if I don't see them for a few hours. This is something else. Without work, there is nothing or nobody to get me up or put me to bed. It can feel a little isolating; especially with really bad mobile phone reception. I feel a little cut off; a bit like that rock, stuck fast and all alone in a clearing of the wood.

So as my money has not yet hit my account, the Ace of Stones must be speaking of something else. Thinking back to the manifestation of ideas into a material reality, it might encourage me to keep sketching this afternoon. Maybe I should have a go at drawing some trees like Will's. This is a good example of how the energy of the ace can translate a thought into something physical that we can see and touch.

Illustration from The Wildwood Tarot by Will Worthington

The Endless Trudge

2011-11-17T11:00:00.004Z

Without my scanner, I wasn't sure where to stand today's card, the 8 of Arrows. So here, we see it in the kitchen, next to a little ceramic house, which is based on the birthplace of D. H. Lawrence.

The woman in this card struggles through the snow. Yup, once again, it would seem that my path is cluttered with holes and obstacles, but in this one, struggle seems to be in the footsteps of the survivor if we decide to push our self that bit harder. My friend popped round for tea last night and we sat and chatted for a number of hours. I was glad that she came because the evenings seem to pass more slowly here and I am not one for sitting and watching the television by myself. In fact, I have hardly had it on when alone, which isn't really any different to when I am at home. I was talking to her about how I have been feeling of late and suggested that I might have fallen into some kind of mild depression. I don't mean the kind where we are continually upset and tearful; I mean the sort of depression where we just can't be bothered and could quite easily sleep the day away. Getting out of that is a struggle in itself, since even the smallest of tasks, such as ringing the college for a course guide this morning, is something I feel like putting off and don't get around to. I think that after another handful of disappointments, there is only so much enthusiasm that I can muster. No, I never heard back from the agent about the design work. And the bookshop never acknowledged my CV either. Surprise, surprise. For me, this card is about my endless trudge through the snow. It would have been easier for the woman in today's photo to have stayed in D. H. Lawrence's humble abode, rather than risk the torturous weather.

Another of my friends came to visit today. We took a walk up to the village, looking into a few antique and second hand shops. Aside from seeing a painting which I couldn't decide on being either evil or beautiful, we did no more than pick up some food for our lunch. She is on the Dukan Diet too. We cooked and ate when we got back and spent the next few hours talking and drinking coffee. As nice as it is to have time alone, I appreciate visitors breaking up my day. I can now press on with a few things before dinner and seeing my boyfriend this evening.

Illustration from The Wildwood Tarot by Will Worthington

Up the Garden Path

2011-11-16T17:13:00.007Z

Boy, has it turned cold here. When I woke this morning, I scuttled out of bed as quick as I could to turn on the heating, before jumping back under the duvet until this little cottage had warmed up. With no double glazing and old windows, this place gets cold. Once the old iron radiators had begun to get hot, I got myself ready to hit the same shops as yesterday and find my missing belt. When I got there, it was actually hanging over the rail, so I told an assistant what I was doing and slipped it into the loops on my new coat. Being a very tight fitting coat, I tried the medium in case it was a better fit, but the shoulders looked boxy and the bottom was baggy. I just need to do a bit more exercise and it should fit like a glove.

Even though I have stuck to my diet for just over a month now, I did sin at the end of the last week. Well, when I say 'sin', I had no more than some Weightwatchers treats from the supermarket; not exactly worth being sent to the lions for. I just got to this point where I was peckish on my Sunday evening in with my boyfriend and couldn't stand one more portion of bloody yogurt or seafood sticks. When I bit into my diet carrot and orange cake slice, it was as though I'd fallen into Taste Heaven for the first time in weeks. I have still got some in the cupboard and have been having one with a cup of tea as the odd treat when nothing else will do. I popped back to my parent's house this afternoon and confessed to the weighing scales. I was worried about what they'd reveal when I got on them, but to my surprise, I have lost two more pounds, now taking me down to 9 st 12lbs. I was 11 stone when I began all of this. I just need to do a little toning up.

For today, I drew the 2 of Arrows. Here, you can see Jesus holding the card. He is another of Kate's possessions, which sits between two matching vases by the front door. This version in The Wildwood is slightly different to what I am used to in the Rider Waite and it's meaning is centred around injustice, manipulation and lies. In traditional packs, it is usually the 7 of Swords that bothers me (from the same suit of 'air') but I think in this deck, this card takes it's place. There is something not quite right. In the image, the woman's sight is hindered by a blindfold. She can not see the unequal measures in the scales or the fact that the bow beneath her is broken. This leads me to believe that somewhere, someone is being dishonorable and leading her up the garden path. I have a few niggling feelings about what this concerns and who is perverting what is said to be true, but for the moment, I don't feel comfortable writing about them here. However, as much as the 2 of Arrows is not a card I want to see, I am glad it has given me the heads up today. This card foresees someone manipulating the truth or being unfair between two parties. In this situation, I kind of hope that I am wrong.

Illustration from The Wildwood Tarot by Will Worthington

Rest and Repair

2011-11-15T17:11:00.003Z

Today's card is the 4 of Arrows, so it is not such a surprise for it to be pushed into view by one of Yoshitomo Nara's little sleep walkers. I have always loved Nara. When I was at university, I had his paintings pasted around my room and have a t-shirt of one of his angsty kids in my wardrobe. So when I walked into Kate's flat in South London, where she was living before here, I instantly pointed at this little fellow on the bookshelf, saying 'Oh my God, I didn't realise you loved Yoshitomo Nara too!'. I think that she picked him up when she was working in Japan and now he sits in her kitchen.

I got up early this morning, since two friends drove over to pick me up and take me out nearer to where I actually live. We went to a market first, looking at second-hand bits of this and that, and then went for lunch. Due to my diet, we found a seat upstairs in Pret a Manger, so I could have a salad. After sitting and chatting for just under an hour, we went on a wander, where I bought a black military-style overcoat. It is pretty slinky and looks good with straight jeans and army-style boots. I just got it home and realised it is missing it's belt, so that means another journey to the store in the morning to sort that out. But there is something nice about buying a Winter coat; knowing that you're spending money on something you want, but are saved by the fact that you actually need it. Well, everyone needs a new Winter coat, don't they? And I noticed how chilly it has turned when I got up this morning.

Before coming back here, I went to the Job Centre. The experience wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. My advisor was pretty dizzy but friendly and gave me some numbers for courses, as I asked whether there was any study I could do, funded by them. She suggested I look into evening classes or something at Adult Education. If I find something out of the hours of 9-5, chances are that I can get it paid for. To save cash on the train, my parents suggested picking me up and bringing me back here. We popped into the local supermarket on the way. It reminded me of when I was at university; they'd often drive up to London and take me for a big shop, buying all of the stuff I couldn't usually afford.

So for today, The Wildwood produces the 4 of Arrows. It shows a man asleep between four arrows as a butterfly flutters above, showering him in it's energy. The card reminds us of the importance of sleep. After wandering in town, I began to flag. After my friends had left, I went and got myself a coffee and sat in a cafe before my appointment. Now home, the exertion of my day has caught up with me, so I should really remember to get an early night later so that I am energised for tomorrow. In the accompanying book, it is interesting what Ryan says about sleep and how people seeking to survive in a wild environment must first find somewhere of safety to retire. Even though I feel at home here, when my boyfriend leaves each night at 10, there is a slight unnerving feeling which sets in when I am alone. Last night, I could hear the many creaks and shudders of this old house. With stable-type doors bolted, at one point, I was sure I could hear someone downstairs. Ryan suggests that without sleep, people become disoriented and make the wrong decisions, so tonight, I shall make sure that everything is locked up and sorted out before I take to my friends bed.

Illustration from The Wildwood Tarot by Will Worthington

The Eye of the Horse

2011-11-14T10:56:00.005Z

I write from my friend's kitchen table, since I am house-sitting for her since yesterday. I had considered bringing the wolves over here with me and also thought about The Druidcraft, but within the last hour before I left, I slipped The Wildwood into my bag. The friend who bought if for me is the friend who's house I am looking after. It's a funny kind of deck because I really like the style of painting by Will Worthington (possibly more so than the artwork in his other decks) but for some reason, I found the pack hard to get inside of when I first bought it. A card was initially missing, so I had to wait for a replacement, but even once that arrived, I still found it a difficult deck to use and with every new time of trying and getting nowhere, it eventually got pushed aside. Until today.

I stayed in this cottage the first night that Kate did, so I wonder if that is why I feel so at home here. It may have to do with the fact that I have spent so much time with her since. It is a little two bedroom cottage in a village with a small courtyard outside the back door. Inside, there are beams lining the uneven ceilings and old wooden doors. My friend has interestingly contrasted the oldy-worldy feel with 1960s furniture and an array of different kinds of paintings and artwork that she has found on her travels. You might think this wouldn't work, but it really does. A piece of sculpture by the Japanese artist Yoshitomo Nara sits on her country kitchen worktop, there are original framed artworks from Stanley Kubrick's film Clockwork Orange in the bathroom, and opposite her beautiful antique fireplace mirror, sits a vintage egg-chair. The house has real personality.

Despite it's warm and friendly feel, I am sure that I haven't stayed anywhere quite so noisy. I awoke to the bin men this morning, clattering about as they made their way down the street. From then on, there were trucks moving up and down the small road, cleaning it up, which sounded like jumbo jets. Even a guy with a broom was banging about outside the window. This must be the cleanest street there is! Because the living room is right out on the pavement, you can hear the conversations of everyone who passes. I got up, got ready, and walked into the village, which took just a couple of minutes. There is a small arcade of independent stalls and a couple of second-hand shops, which I found nothing in, but went into a little spiritual centre nearer to the house on my way back. The two women running it were really nice. I wanted some incense, but found some other cheaply-priced bits, including a relaxation CD of Celtic music.

After making some lunch, I laid out my bits and pieces on the kitchen table - the Wildwood and some sandalwood incense, leaving the Celtic CD to murmur away in the living room. I decided to lay out just one suit - the Vessels - and went through the pips, one to ten, making notes on each. I don't remember doing anything like this with a deck of cards for a long time and the music and scent of the sandalwood really whipped up the experience and drew me into the images of the Wildwood. By the time I had finished, I felt as though I had finally found a way into the deck. The Vessels are a beautiful suit, flooded with cleansing water and reflection. I love the tall trees on the mound on the 6 of Vessels and the healthy moss over the tree trunk on the 7. There is a lot of green in this deck, which brings a feeling of calm to the table.

For today, I drew the Ace of Arrows (air). Without a scanner here, you can see it placed in front of Kate's antique mantel mirror, propped up against her vase of white lilies. It shows the Uffington White Horse, which is potentially 3,000 years old. It is said that if you stand on the horses eye, you will receive wisdom. This is a card of clarity of purpose. I kind of got that idea when I awoke this morning, but amongst the silence of my day, I fell a few steps back into my recent lack of motivation. Maybe it is the realisation that I am stuck which is the clarity from this card in my day.

Illustration from The Wildwood Tarot by Will Worthington

I Believe in the Power

2011-11-13T09:43:00.002Z

I dreamt that I went deck shopping last night. A nice young assistant was helping me to look through the playing card and oracle packs on offer. I remember picking up a really interesting one and going through it card by card, saying that I would take it. I have been dreaming a lot recently. One of the things I have noticed as strange is that I always dream of the same places, and these are not places I have ever visited. Whenever I am in dreamland, I sometimes manage to find my way to this one bar or a little tarot shop. The bar is always difficult to find, since it sits somewhere amongst the small and winding streets of a city. I know that there are two levels. The main bar is upstairs, where you enter, but you can walk down some stairs to a larger seating area. From my times at this place, I also know there is a club adjoined to it. I can lay my hand on my heart and say that this is not a place I have ever been to in my waking moments, but which I often look for and find in my dreams. Always the same one, waiting.

The same goes for my tarot shop. It is off of a main road, which reminds me of London's Regent Street. I was looking for it in my dream last night. Like the bar, it is also split-leveled. There are many shelves of books upstairs, but you have to descend a staircase to find the real treasures. They always seem to have new stuff there that I don't recognise. As I awoke this morning, I thought about these two places and wondered why it is that they come into my dreams so often. Do they exist somewhere out of the world we know and understand? I just did a little googling and I see that I am not the only person who has had this experience. Some people say that they could actually draw a map of their dream world and one woman said that despite going into a house that didn't look familiar from the outside, when through the front door, she recognised every detail as being from one she had been dreaming of for thirty years. My mum just came into my room and I told her about my dreams. She suggested that they might house places I am yet to or supposed to visit. The bar is in a city, but it has the feel of somewhere abroad. It reminds me a little of the old town in Paris.

I felt a little distance from today's card when I drew it this morning. I think that has something to do with the religious overtones in the illustration. However, I slowly came round to the idea that a greater power doesn't have to have anything to do with deity and could be an energy springing from the over all good of others. As a message, it is comforting to know that my prayers are not falling on deaf ears. As with my parent's results yesterday, our trust in the powers that be can sometimes be returned favourably.

My boyfriend should be over in a few hours. We are having Sunday lunch here and then he is driving me to my friend's little cottage to house sit while she is abroad. I am not entirely sure how long she is away for, but I think it is a week. She has had problems with her landlady and has handed in her notice. Due to the way that the woman has been to her, she asked if I would stay there. I'll probably have to come back to where I live on the train a few times - to visit the dreaded Job Centre next week - but I am kind of looking forward to spending some time there. She lives in a quaint little country village. If I have enough cash, I could walk to the coffee and second hand shops in a few minutes or sit on her little patio and read. As always, I am not sure what deck(s) to take with me. I had considered bunging the Druidcraft in my bag, but wonder if it might be nice to take advantage of the solitude and get to know this pack of wolves better.

Illustration from The Wolf Pack Tarot by Pat Morris

Under My Watchful Eye

2011-11-12T22:04:00.003Z

This is a strange kind of card to receive. It makes me feel a little on edge; the way it suggests someone closely monitoring the actions of another. At first, I assumed it was me who is being monitored, but I guess it could quite easily be me that is doing the monitoring. I can be a bit of a nag with my boyfriend sometimes, telling him what he should and shouldn't be eating and drinking, so I wouldn't be surprised if that wolf in the background is me, spoiling his fun. I can see him as the wolf in the foreground, walking ahead of me and saying 'yeah, yeah, yeah'. I just hope that this doesn't indicate him falling off of the smoking wagon.

I got up early this morning and my two friends came to pick me up so that we could travel to Annie's house, complete with sewing machines, fabric, and all else that she needs. She lives in a lovely flat in central London, which is light and airy, with a small balcony. We must have got there around 10 and started off with a cup of coffee. Her mobility has become worse since I saw her last, but they are hoping that it might be slightly improved by her operation. The unfortunate risk is that the operation could also leave her paralysed. However, even though she says it is scary, it hasn't affected her sense of humour or general spirit. I have always had such fears of death, since I was a child. As I have got older, they are still there, though not as much. I think I am more worried about how it will be that I come to meet my maker and whether it will be painful or distressing in what is left of life. Thinking about how all of this is so close for Annie makes me anxious and tearful. It must be strange to know you only have a short time here with everyone and not know what will happen next.

Initially, I thought we were making things for and dressing the bedroom, but while there, two wardrobes and a sofa bed turned up, which all needed to be constructed. We all set to work on the sofa bed, but with one of us always being taken up with Annie's conversation at a time, it was lunchtime before we had finished. She had ordered in food, so amongst it, I found salmon and salad, which ticked all of the boxes on my diet. I was so tempted to let things slide and dive into both the pizza and chocolate eclairs, but I am pleased to say that I didn't. After lunch, I started making covers to cover the ugly ends of the hospital bed in a dusky pink, while the others set at the wardrobe. Being probably one of the biggest wardrobes I have seen, it was a real beast and wasn't easy. I eventually helped when I had finished sewing. We had hoped to get a lot more done but because the house has so much needing to be cleared in just about every available space (Annie only moved in this year and being ill has prevented her from doing this), we could only do so much before leaving at 7. The drive back through the dishevelled but lively streets of South London was nice, reminding me of my youth.

So, how about a little good news for a change? My parents went and saw the doctor this morning to get their test results. Both went into lengthy explanations that I'd find hard to repeat correctly here, but I can say that outcome was good. Both concerns were due to infections. This doesn't completely clear up the other fears my dad has of cancer, but for the moment, it has relieved them both, with brings us one step forward.

Illustration from The Wolf Pack Tarot by Pat Morris

The Track in the Snow

2011-11-11T09:31:00.006Z

This is an interesting little card. I can't help but focus on the part of the message which says 'happiness to come'. But what am I walking away from? As I start my day, the only difficult situation I can think of is our neighbours and wonder if this card suggests that we are getting that bit closer to ditching them. The track in the snow of our house move is built up of just small steps but is becoming longer. As my mother and I came back from doing a food shop yesterday, I commented on how even our neighbour's house looked cold and spiky. Of course, it is no different to ours, but the windows looked like soulless eyes and it's walls lacked warmth. I wonder sometimes if being so close to these cretins is what drains our energy. This card tells me that my actions will be rewarded, but to be patient. We've waited long enough already.

I was just sitting here, worrying about this and that. As usual, it relates to working and where I go to next with that. I do have options, but if I choose to go with them, then there are time limits. This means getting up off of my lazy butt and doing something about it. To not be so harsh on myself, I wouldn't say I was 100% lazy. I think it has more to do with a back catalogue of so little working out that I'd rather fall back to sleep than put my head on the chopping block again. How many times can I trot happily into a new situation, like a cow skipping into an abattoir?

Lessons come about just when you need them. An email popped up just as I told my mum that I didn't know what to do with myself. My friend has cancer and we are going to do her room up tomorrow. I hate to say it, but I think she has months rather than years left. Having had her vertebrate removed, it was replaced with an expandable cage. I have just heard that it has slipped, so she will need to have another operation. This will mean she'll be back in hospital, so getting her room ready for her return is all the more important, so she can rest there afterwards. It makes me wonder just how important these silly worries I have are. Thinking of my friend Annie or my boyfriend's aunt Julie, does all the surface stuff I agonise over really matter? I watched a short video by Michael Berg of The Kabbalah Centre last night, which stressed as much. I am going to help my parents clean up the house today, and before tomorrow, I am going to finish a bear I have been making for Annie. Kate and I found a yellow blanket a few weeks ago in a second hand shop, which I am using for his body, and a patterned 70's apron in orange and white, which I have used for his ears and foot pads. He's a bit strange looking, since making children's toys is not my forte by a very long shot, but I hope she likes him.

Illustration from The Wold Pack Tarot by Pat Morris

Don't take Risks!

2011-11-10T09:37:00.009Z

When I first bought this deck, I was a little unsure of how it would read, considering that interpretations are printed at the head of each card. I am not a fan of writing on cards. Like many, I find it constrictive; but also, when reading for others, it stops me from being the big 'I am', who can read the cards fluently without the help of a guide book or a set of training wheels. Wanting just the images without having interpretations printed alongside them is about Ego as much as anything else, I guess.

But hey, let's put two fingers up to Ego. The little messages in these cards are quite nice. They have a fortune telling slant which I like, and in some, feel almost poetic. More importantly, they do flesh out the images and actually provide a spring board for our own insights and understanding. Of course, I don't necessarily need them, but if someone hands me a map, why not take it? Even if not used fully, it does give us a little background into what Robert Petro intended in the drawings.

The thing that always drew me to this deck was it's sensitivity. When I began my tarot journey, I had always thought this set was out of print and hard to find. It may very well have been at that time. I never really bothered to try and find it, but it was always one that tugged at my heart, every time that it turned up in the shadow of other packs online. For me, there is something in the pictures which digs deeper than the slick and popular decks on the market, since it pulls at some kind of universal understanding and feeling on a soul level. In my own way, I know what these wolves are feeling. I can see it in their eyes, as though I was looking into a mirror.

Today's card is one of those which makes you sit up in your seat. A risk, you say? The animal moves towards the water cautiously. I have no idea what might lurk beneath the surface, so I imagine that today is a day of dipping my toe in lightly, rather than wading right in or shoving my head into the pool. There are things which I need to sort out, so maybe the card suggests I read the small print first and check out the details before proceeding.

I just got home from my boyfriend's. The hill from the station was hard work, but I am back now and can rest. My father just got a call from the doctor. As a completely unrelated issue to his tests at the hospital, they have discovered problems in some other test results and want to see him on Saturday; the same day as my Mum collects hers. She just came into my room and I asked her how she is. I think she speaks for us all when she says she is 'fed up'.

Illustration from The Wolf Pack by Pat Morris

In Sleet and Snow

2011-11-09T11:07:00.014Z

As anyone who reads my Twitter minor mumblings will know, I planned on using a deck that would take me out of my comfort zone today. Last night, I was looking through the illustrations by Sylvia Gainsford in Paul Roland's Kabbalah Cards and thinking how beautiful they are; so beautiful, I thought, that I would have a go at using them here. The little book that comes with the set is basic (and I mean 'basic'), so many years ago, I bought Roland's larger volume to compliment the deck, only to find that there was little more about the cards in it. This morning, in drawing the card representing the Hebrew letter Gimel, I was kind of surprised to read that Roland didn't actually agree with the traditional paths that the letters are placed on in the Tree of Life diagram and had changed them. However, in the illustrations in the cards, which illustrate the book and are in his deck, he'd left the traditional placements. Huh?

Now you don't need to know much (or anything) about Kabbalah to understand my building frustration. On the Tree of Life, there are twenty-two pathways. Each pathway sits between two of the ten 'spheres' on the map. The two spheres that Roland placed the card (or letter) Gimel between were Binah and Keter. That's how it appears in the oracle card. However, he says this idea is flawed, so instead, puts Gimel in between Nezah and Malkhut for further contemplation. Sounds confusing already, yeah? But bare with me for just a second. So I trotted off to my bookshelf and started pulling books from it, hoping to find out which is the correct assignment. It was then that things became even more ridiculous. On reading Tim Depodopulos's book 'Kabbalah', he puts the same letter between Keter and Tipareth. The author of 'Personal Kabbalah', Penny Cohen sticks it between Gevurah and Binah, as does the Berenson-Perkins book, 'Kabbalah Decoded'. So that's four different locations, which therefore would change the meaning of the card each time.

So you may be wondering which placement I chose. Well, I didn't. I packed the cards away and thought 'sod it'. I like a little bit of a challenge, but sifting through this many discrepancies and vague interpretations is not fun, which is what drawing cards and talking about them here is supposed to be. I am not saying that I won't drag the deck out again, but for today, I just wanted a simple message; one that I could understand and which would inspire thought. So I bypassed the cryptic systems, all of the meanings squeezed into different card illustrations, the debate between whether Strength is number 8 or number 11 in the tarot deck, and pulled out The Wolf Pack, which instantly gave me an image I can relate to. Phew!

Well, that wolf certainly looks like me. That's kind of how I felt beneath my shelf-load of kabbalah books. Don't get me wrong, I have learnt a lot from the teachings of the Kabbalah Centre in both theory and practice, but it seems that many books skirt around the real wisdom and try their best to confuse matters. Too much talk, not enough action. But this lone wolf certainly cuts through the bullshit and tells me something I really needed to hear.

God, I felt like that animal yesterday. I went to the Job Centre in the afternoon and saw an advisor. She was no more or less than I expected. She was more interested in my signing papers and filling up boxes on her computer than in giving me any real advice or help. I told her about my physical limitations caused by my chronic fatigue but she didn't really know where to go with it. I told her about the kind of work I had been doing, but she couldn't put it into the system because there wasn't a 'code' to enter that kind of work under. Give me strength.

When I left the interview, I walked into town. It was getting dark and the roads were wet, reflecting the car and bus headlights on them. I was amongst this kind of half-light which hurts my eyes and is pretty depressing, so as I trudged through the crowds, I felt physically and emotionally worn out and tearful. Even though my boyfriend was coming over in a matter of hours and my parents were waiting at home for me, I felt alone. Today's illustration picks out how I was (and am still) feeling so well.

But this card would lead me to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It says that how I am feeling will not last and that this trudge through the sleet and snow will soon be over. It's kind of interesting, because one of the comments here on my blog yesterday said the exact same thing. My friend, Magic Mentha, said "I know that feeling too well...when things seem really horrible and bleak, and you can't see the other side of it. Or it seems as if NOTHING is happening. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a glut of opportunities come pouring in. Or maybe just ONE opportunity is enough to turn things around, get the wheel turning. That's one thing about life. Stagnation is so often temporary".

Illustration from The Wolf Pack by Pat Morris

In their Hands

2011-11-08T10:34:00.006Z

When I look at these two cards, my first thought is this - my happiness depends on the decisions of other people.

I decided to use The New Mythic Tarot for today. Even though I prefer the original to the new version, I fancied something a little different. In the first card, The Wheel of Fortune, we have The Moirai; the spinner is Clotho, the measurer is Lachesis, and the cutter is Atropos (she who can not be avoided). In this illustration, they are shown to be weaving the thread of human life and their decisions can not be undone. Even by Zeus. This is why I suspect that today will have something to do with choices that are made by others. In the second card, the 10 of Cups, we witness the wedding of Psyche and Eros. It also depicts her being raised to divine status. You might see this as a display of pure emotional joy, which is why I feel that the two cards together suggest that my own personal happiness is in the hands of those around me. This is not a surprise, since I handed my CV into the bookstore yesterday and have an interview at the (God-help-me) Job Centre this afternoon.

I can't explain how lifeless the world outside of my window looks today. The whole landscape in the distance is obscured by mist and there is little movement closer to me. You know, that sounds like a metaphor for my life, since I have no idea of what direction I am going in at the moment and my future feels once again numbed. It is not raining outside, but it looks as though it will. I try not be pessimistic, but sometimes, it takes too much effort to keep looking on the bloody bright side. Just as I manage to find hope in a situation, Atropos makes a cut. I have spent a lot of my time over the years trying to climb the wheel like that bloke on the right in the red, but seem to find myself either falling down like the one on the left or clinging to the rim like the poor sod at the bottom. It would be nice if the 10 of Cups actually had an affect on this duo for the better and suggested a result of happiness, but at the moment, while the dark clouds are grouping together overhead, I just don't see it.

Illustration from The New Mythic Tarot by Giovanni Caselli

Keep Fighting the Urges

2011-11-07T10:18:00.010Z

I was looking online yesterday and came across a photo of a deck that I didn't instantly recognise. I then realised that it was The Unicorn Tarot. There was something naive about it that I liked. It isn't slick and has a twinkle of magic that so many modern sets don't seem to hold for me these days. It reminds me of when I first started out on this journey and decks seemed that bit deeper and more meaty than they are now; primarily, I think, because they were more often drawn and painted by hand. I looked at the set on Taroteca and it reminded me of the deck I am using today. The Tower in The Unicorn Tarot is of a large stone horse, and in this deck, it is a large stone cat. There were other strong likenesses, including a skeleton of a cat in this one for it's Death card and the skeleton of a unicorn in The Unicorn Tarot. Now, I know there is a copy of the unicorn deck in my town. It's been there for years. I glanced at it through the shop window not so long ago but recoiled in horror at it's £18 price tag. It still lurks on the shop shelf, but with my finances being in the the dire state that they are, I thought I'd pull out the cat people instead of walking into town to pick it up.

There is something special about The Tarot of the Cat People for me. It reminds me of the time I bought it. It also reminds me of how much it ended up costing me. I had been in London that day. If I remember rightly, I had been there for a meet up with a group of people from an internet tarot forum in Kensington, which I had attended with a friend. After everyone had left the pub, my friend and I had decided to stay out and go for some drinks. We had already visited the line of deck-shops in the West End and I had been to The Kabbalah Centre earlier, so we were laden with bags already. I remember choosing the deck with her, as it had been on my mind for a long time. It's one of the old classics. We continued to drink our way through Soho, and as it had got dark, it began to rain .. hard. I don't know if it was the alcohol or the busy London streets which stopped me from noticing, but by the time we had left one of the bars, I noticed that the rain had soaked and worn away the bottom of my Get Kabbalah paper carrier. The two books I'd bought were hanging to the bottom of it by the skin of their teeth until one fell to the floor, but as for the cat people, they had seemed to escape some time before. I walked back and searched for them with no avail. I was so disappointed.

With aching heads from our evening's drinkathon, I made my way back into London the next day from my friend's house. I couldn't get the cat people out of my mind, so ended up going to buy a second copy. All in all, I think that buying the deck twice cost me near to forty quid that weekend. But as I finally opened it on my train journey home, I could see that it had been worth it. The paintings in The Tarot of the Cat People are beautiful. They might be slightly durgy in colour, but they glow. Somewhere, someone probably picked up my first copy, which was protected from the rain in it's Winter shrink wrap. I really hope that they enjoyed it and that my money was not wasted on them.

Today's cards are not unlike yesterdays. For a start, the 9 of Wands has turned up again (it was the 9 of Masks in The Favole Tarot). It relates to both persistence and being on guard. In this image, enemies sit behind the railings and the woman keeps alert. In yesterday's draw, it advised me to keep up the fight against temptation. In today's, it reminds me to be strong and use my reserves of inner strength. Yup, my boyfriend and I are still fighting the demon cigarettes, and as well as sticking to my diet, I had to stop myself from popping out and buying that Unicorn Tarot.

I got up early this morning and went for a run with my friend. After we had finished, we sat on a bench and chatted for a while. We run around an old recreation ground and this morning, it was wet, but fresh. My bones ached far more than they have on previous runs, so when I got home, I laid down for a while. I felt a little sick and was tired; so much so that I ended up asleep for a couple of hours. As I lay there, I thought about today's cards and wondered if the strength that the cards mentioned was needed to help resist sleep, but by the time my head hit the pillow, it was game over.

It is only 4.30pm and it is pitch black outside. Even though this is sometimes my favourite time of year, there is something a little depressing about it being this dark so early. Even though still tired, I just walked to town to deliver a letter of application by hand. It's for Christmas hours in a book shop. After looking at my experience in fashion and teaching, I doubt they'll give me an interview, but I wrote a letter to accompany my CV, explaining my love of books. I am not sure that I want to work evenings, weekends, and days like Boxing Day, but if they do ask me to come and see them, then I can think about that a little later down the line.

Illustrations from The Tarot of the Cat People by Karen Kuykendall