Juggling

As I write, I am dodging big black marks on my screen. My laptop had an accident yesterday and is showing permanant bruises.

Hindsight is such a waste of time. I remember lounging on my bed, wondering whether I'd need my little netbook this weekend or if I should leave it at home. Instead, I decided that I'd want to write my blog and do a little research for my work in the gallery today. As I packed up the car, rather than putting it in the boot with my weekend bag, I slipped it infront of me with my shoulder satchel, resting it on the floor against my legs. Yes, it does sound silly and asking-for trouble when you put it like that.

Trampled Underfoot: My Depressed Laptop

My parents picked my boyfriend up from the station after work yesterday evening. Because of the amount of traffic, I quickly moved over in the back seat so he could get in. This was when I moved my satchel but forgot the laptop for that second or two. I am guessing that he stood on it as he got into the car. I didn't notice until we got to his and had opened it up that the screen had been ruined. Of course, I know it was simply an accident, but I do feel sad about what's happened. It is insured, so hopefully it can be sorted. The bottom is missing and spots remonisant of inkblot tests span over one side, making it difficult, even if not impossible, to write here. I hate it when things are ruined, but keep taking a deep breath, remembering what the Kabblah Centre taught me about idol worship in relation to investing too much emotion in inanimate objects.

If you are wordering who owns the pair of pecks is in my main photograph for today's post, they belong to the actor Alex Pettyfer. I didn't know who he was until I saw a picture of him on a site yesterday. Before coming to my boyfriends, I was reading an article about who might play Christian Grey in the forthcoming film of 50 Shades and he was mentioned as a contender. It's funny, because I thought I had seen him before. It was only after returning to my card of the day, I saw the resemblence between him and the Page of Cups. It made me smile, so I thought it was worth mentioning here on the blog.

Today has been good. I woke early and made it to

the gallery for 10. My friend and I worked with a 21 year old visual artist in a wonderful space, which already housed a current exhibition. Amongst mannequins dressed in scylptural pieces and architectual designs, we pulled together two big tables for eight teenagers. Interested in different paths within the art world, we assisited them with pieces which will eventually be displayed in the art space alongside work by accomplished artists. They were all very quiet but were a pleasure to work with and the time swam by quickly. Before I knew it, my six hours there were over and I was travelling back to my boyfriend on the bus. We worked between the eight girls; one was working on a piece of paper costume jewellery, another on a mask, and the remainder have begun their own projects, ready for the private view in a few weeks. I think that today's card, the 2 of Pentacles, shows the juggling act I performed between students.

Since I got home, my boyfriend and I have had a quiet evening. And I have really enjoyed it. He taped a new series on his televison and we watched five episodes of it in one go. It is called Revenge. I can never be botherd to sit and watch that much television usually, but it was pretty gripping and well handled. It's nice to have a new programme to get excited about, since I don't have many of those. Time has slipped by so quickly today. I have a nagging headache again and it will soon be time for bed. Varying my diet ready for Monday's test, I wonder if this evening's headache is the result.


Illustrations from The Original Rider Waite Tarot by Pamela Coleman Smith

The Guide

Aww, it's my favourite guy.

I have always loved this Page of Cups. When I first bought the RWS deck, I remember reading somewhere that it was a good idea to use one of the court cards as a 'guide' to the set. For some reason, I chose this handsome little fella. I remember writing out many stories in an A4 lined pad, detailing our journeys through the landscape of the Rider Waite. He introduced me to the couple on the 2 of Cups, pointed at the house in the distance of the 8 of Wands and held me back cautiously as I met The Devil for the first time. I don't have these scrawled stories now, but I do remember parts of his tour fondly. When he pops up, as he has today, I smile and my heart flutters. He's an old friend, I guess.

In some packs I see this card as being slightly irritating. I have known many an emotionally immature person in my time and can often see them in different versions of the card. However, I find it hard to see those traits here; not negatively, anyway. Where as some water Pages can be childish in their emotional life, showing their age, this one appears simply in wonder of love and life. Maybe when tipped on his head, he might display tantrums, someone in love with the idea of love itself, or a person who becomes childishly silly and giddy over someone they're attracted to. Generally, this card reflects how we respond to new love, since the page is a messenger of such things.

It's funny, because I think that this card is actually talking about my relationship with the Rider Waite. Last night, I lay on my bed with my reading cloth and a handful of decks; the Robin Wood, Hanson Roberts, and my new Hybrid. I laid out spreads with each, just for fun, since I was making some exercise sheets for my Tarot Talk with Kate, but found something strange as I did so. I got so little from the decks laid out. It was like there was some kind of interference. I could admire the beauty in the illustrations of some, but I couldn't get a grip on what they were saying. When I laid my old Rider out, it spoke clearly; the kind of way my good friends do; they know me well and can cut through the BS, where other's cannot.

The Pamela Colman Smith deck is an interesting one. It is gentler than other versions, but the illustrations are a little ragged too, where I guess the publishers have tried to artificially age it in some way. This can make it look a bit fuzzy, but it gives it a softness I like. Small differences make the details on this Page's face that bit more handsome than on my regular original version with the Tudor Rose backs. His tunic has gone from green to blue, which works nicely as water rushing through him.

I am helping my friends out tomorrow in a gallery. They are working with teenagers on artwork based around a story. Before then, I need to read up on Jonathan Livingstone's The Seagull. I did have this book some years ago, but never made it passed a couple of chapters. I think I found the bird irritating. When I went to look for it, I realised that I must have chucked it, so have been sent a PDF. I haven't seen my boyfriend in a couple of days, so I'll be heading over there later with my fabric paints and apron, ready for tomorrow morning. We're not doing anything this evening, I am hoping, since I need to conserve what little energy I have for the gallery.


Illustrations from The Pamela Colman Smith Commemorative Set by Pamela Colman Smith

There's no 'I' in 'team'

This card always used to come up when I was involved with some kind of work. In my chosen tarot-words, I have labelled it WORKING TEAM. I couldn't get it down to just one word because I think that the team around each of these people is so important. The designer needs the craftsman and the craftsman needs the designer. The other guy needs them both, which makes me see the card as a joint effort. It brings accomplishment from working together, rather than by our self.

Even though they still have delicate tummies, my parents are now much better than yesterday. My father was one step behind my mother in terms of illness and  recovery, so he stayed at home this morning, rather than join us on a quick trip to town. I had bought a cage-tidy for Ariel but it was too small and it needed to be changed. When we returned, my dad was confused by the retuning of the television, since the whole digital changeover occured today. Mum started to pull wires out of the tv and put them into different boxes and holes. I know absolutely nothing about anything like this, so went and made a cup of tea for us all, since they were looking stressed. Like the three in today's card, we all found our own roles and accomplished things together as a team, each with their own speciality.

I have spoken with people about prospective small jobs on the horizon. I also spent some time planning bits and bobs for eventual tarot teaching this morning, so I can see where today's card is coming from. Even though I know more about tarot than Kate, she has the drive and belief to make things happen. We need each other. Similarly, I have two very important contacts for potential teaching work. They need my support and I am relying on them to get me work when I am feeling better. All of this is stirred into the card. The 3 of Pentacles is a card where we needn't try getting the job done alone.

I am writing from my boyfriend's bed. He is sleeping and I am left with the Portugal v Spain game. I have been reading Liz Jensen's The Rapture. Football doesn't distract me like other television does. I have eaten bread and potatoes today, hoping to get it all into my system before my allergy test. I am tired but my stomach has not started acting up as yet. With a day of things to do tomorrow, I will do little more than rest for the remainder if ths evening.


Illustrations from The Radiant Rider Waite by Virginijus Poshkus

Saved by Dukan

The original Waite decks go really nicely with this cloth. They have such a bright personality. This one is from The Pamela Colman Smith Commemorative Deck, which my boyfriend's parents bought me for my 4oth birthday. I love this queen. Most probably because I see her as my own mother. She holds her pentacle carefully, as she looks at it with warmth. There is something about the way she looks down that reminds me of Mary holding the baby Jesus.

I was up pretty early this morning. As well as having an appointment already booked in town, I also wanted to see my doctor. I haven't seen her in a long time; mainly because there has been nothing she could do for my chronic fatigue. However, I wondered if she might refer me for some allergy testing. Maybe, as I have already suggested, it is a food allergy which starts off my IBS and is linked to my M.E. symptoms. It's worth a shot, so she has booked a blood test for Monday.

My mum was violently sick three times last night. She felt horrible and went to bed early. This morning, she didn't feel much better.When I have a long walk ahead, she often drives me, but she didn't feel well enough to today, so I walked half an hour to the doctors, then went from there across town to my next appointment, and before walking home, popped to get some printer ink and paper. Gosh, was I exhausted when I got in. I was hoping my dad would make me a well deserved cup of tea and some lunch but he had taken to his bed too. It was not long before he was being sick in our newly tiled bathroom.

I can only imagine that it was something that they ate. I didn't have the same pie that they had last night. I ate fish and salad instead. I am not sticking to the Dukan diet to the letter, but I am still wary about what I eat. I am feeling fine, so I guess I must have missed out on what they've got. The house has been silent all day with them both asleep. Ariel has been chirping all afternoon in desperation.

The Queen of Pentacles is a care-giver. The word I have jotted down for her is NURTURE. With everyone out of action, I took to the kitchen to clean and tidy and make hot drinks. The card suggests physical support and help. I made myself a sandwich for lunch and had potato for dinner. These are both things I wouldn't usually eat, but my doctor said that I need to introduce them into my diet this week, so that the test can record if I am allergic to them or not. So it's going to be a bad week for the diet and fatigue, but a good one for the taste buds.


Illustration from The Pamela Colman Smith Commemorative Set by Pamela Colman Smith

The Hybrid

I could have called this post 'The Best of Both Worlds'.


Or maybe 'We go Together (like ama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong)'.


But I think I'll stick with what I've got.


A day or so ago, I mentioned how the two tarots The Dark Fairytale and The Dark Angels have alike borders, are the same size, and have an extremely similar theme. I also wondered aloud whether it might be possible to merge the two together into some kind of tarot-hybrid.


I arranged both decks in order and laid them side by side on my reading cloth. In turn, I went through them, making a new pile. I compared each card against each other - one Fool up against the other Fool, the Priestess against the other Priestess - and put the one I like the best out of the two into the third pile. I never liked the Magician in The Dark Angels and I was ready to ditch the camp Tim Curry Devil from my new Dark Fairytale, so this was a nice exercise.


There was something of the tarot puritan overlooking my ever move, questioning and gasping at what I was doing (I think he is a relic from my old days on the forums, where original thought would provoke a throwing back of hands and responses of horror). But I continued the process until the end, thinking how personal the deck was becoming. With my own individual choices, the deck would be unlike any other. I had really missed some of those courts from the Dark Angels and was glad to see them again, but disliked some of the deck's teen-Goth styled cards amongst it's loose pages. I like most of the cards in the Dark Fairytale, but there are a few bummers in there too - like a woman with the word 'vampire' cut into her chest. I just didn't warm to her. So armed with my 'words', which I described in my first post of today, I scanned each image to see which sat best with me, banishing it's competitor.

Spot the difference - The Dark Fairytale (top row) and The Dark Angels (bottom row)

One of the cards that I really disliked in the Dark Angels was the 9 of Cups. It showed a rather sexualised woman with her legs apart and her hands between them. I found it off-putting and hated seeing it in my readings - especially when reading for anyone else. I was only too pleased to replace her with the beautiful image from my new deck.

A Cover Up - replacing the woman in the Dark Angels with the beauty in the Dark Fairytale

As you already know, my stomach dropped when I saw The Devil as I went through The Dark Fairytale on Friday for the first time. I really don't like it when creators add film characters or stars to their sets; Jim Morrison in the Ananda, Humphrey Bogart in The Cosmic, and Marilyn Monroe in The Karma have prevented me from using them often. I was happy to replace Tim with the beautifully coloured Devil from The Dark Angels today.

Dirty Devils - from the Dark Angels (left) and Dark Fairytale (right)

Ok, so the backs don't match, but so what. In a comment on her forum, Ana Cortez says that she used to steal odd cards from her father's Bicycle playing cards when she was young. She felt that the different backs made her constructed deck look more 'Gypsy'. I liked that thought. This deck is a collaboration of choices made by just me. Isn't it wonderful to have the opportunity to do this? Nothing is set in stone. I can swap certain cards if I feel the need or return them all to their original packs, should I wish to do so. I am so into breaking the rules at the moment!

A Tarot Remix - both decks exist as one, harmoniously. My perfect deck, perhaps?

I am not nuts about the knights in The Dark Fairytale. They remind me of those in The Gilded, which have armoured men without faces. So apart from the Knight of Cups, I think I chose some of the more beautiful and haunting young knights from The Dark Angels for my cut-and-shut deck. There were some cards which were beautiful in both, so I just went with which one spoke to me the clearest. Because The Dark Fairytale is heavily feminine, I took the opportunity of pulling more men into my collection where possible.




Illustration from The Dark Fairytale Tarot by Raffaele De Angelis and The Dark Angels Tarot by Luca Russo

Missing the Boat

The 8 of Wands, 2 of Swords, and 6 of Swords

It's funny how something so simple can make a real difference. An article, which I do remember reading before, really struck me the other day; even though this procedure is not new to me, since I have tried something quite like it before. It is an especially interesting concept as I help Kate learn the cards. At the moment, she is making her own notes, which is great, but as I am sure you guys know, words like change, transformation, ego and clarity turn up for so many of the 78. In reading for others, I think a lot of my previous clients have wanted something to grab hold of that they can use on a mundane level. They want to know whether they should leave their job or stay with their partner, rather than being subjected to a spiritual masterclass or being told that their guardian angel is looking over them.

I did what the author of the article suggested, going through the Dark Fairytale set and writing down one word for each card. Okay, now this wasn't quite as easy as it might seem, since I needed to find words which really suggested each card's flavour on their own. Does the Ace of Swords suggest difficulties or is it more about insight? In that example, the word I chose was CLARITY. One of the things which I find most difficult in readings is choosing one definition and running with it. Once I start suggesting that a card might mean this, that or something else, the reading falls apart and loses it's focus, so defining a card to one word and using it as a springboard or a component of a sentence is very useful for me. It's a bit like the Personal Prophesy method of playing card reading, offered by Deborah Leigh. You might think it constricting, but once you've bought a ticket to just one definition, it opens a whole new world of understanding to the reading - well, it did for me at least. I thought that this might be useful for Kate. Her understanding of the cards will develop in time (as all flavour's mature), but a word-a-card would enable her to start doing readings almost immediately. And I believe that we learn so much more about cards in readings than when we are trying to memorise their meanings through books. As much as I think learning from books can be beneficial, I think it is often where many people fall - their initial enthusiasm is overwhelmed by the amount they have to hold in their mind. Can you imagine learning to drive without ever stepping inside a car?

My notebook and my favourite card in the deck

Now, this doesn't mean that tarot reading becomes easy, even when simplified. We still have to work at understanding what we are being told. Take today's trio as an example. I drew the 8 of Wands, 2 of Swords and the 6 of Swords. Thinking back to Ana Cortez's system, we can see the combination of Air and Fire as compatible to some extend. Air can blow out fire, but fire is also dependent on it. Fire can warm and excite Air, so we have a combination where each elements needs one another. In the one word method, the words I have personally chosen are MOVEMENT, DEADLOCK and TRANSITION.

I notice that there are two cards here which deal with travel and heading forward. However, MOVEMENT is stopped in it's tracks by the central card, the 2 of Swords. There is some kind of DEADLOCK and the woman in the card is blindfolded, not knowing how to progress. The woman looks in the direction of the last card but because her eyes are shielded, she doesn't see the boat.

God, I feel like this today.

Sunday lunch was pleasant. It was good to spend time with my boyfriend's family, but due to my fatigue, I found myself waiting for an opportunity to grab a nap. After dinner, I asked my mother-in-law if she'd mind me heading off to bed for half an hour, which I greatly needed. I didn't feel much better when I woke, but we still went down to my boyfriend's sister's house to watch the England game. I don't mind football these days. It's kind of mind-numbingly therapeutic - like washing up. While our other halves stressed and covered their eyes throughout England's thrashing, talking to my boyfriend's sister took my mind off of how I felt for a bit. However, after a night's sleep, I still don't feel recovered since Friday. I shouldn't be held in check by my M.E., but I am writing this from bed, since even getting up to go and use the toilet has exhausted me this morning. I am sick of this. It is most definitely my DEADLOCK, halting MOVEMENT. Should I take comfort in knowing that progress will resume at a later time? That 6 of Swords would suggest so. I called my doctor's surgery but they are booked up until tomorrow. I could have seen a different doctor, but my mother screwed up her face when I relayed his name from the receptionist on the phone, and I'd prefer to see the woman who knows my situation.

The 6 of Swords is about mental TRANSITION, so it might be a result of using this time of rest to think about the near future. It's a journey of the mind, after all, where as the 6 of Wands is physical MOVEMENT in my interpretation. I keep thinking about the teaching of tarot and this method could become a component of that. For today, laying here, progress will be driven by the mind and ideas, since my body is tied to rest.



Illustration from The Dark Fairytale Tarot by Raffaele De Angelis

The Queen of Knowledge

I fancied a three-card draw today; especially since I had read an interesting article about simplifying readings to just one word for each card. I had a go at practising the method last night and had some interesting results. Simplifying my reading practise actually opened up my tarot consultation to larger messages.

When I first saw this deck, I noticed the obvious similarity to The Dark Angels Tarot. However, when I dragged out the latter, I realised that they are stylistically very different. The artwork in this one is more refined. I considered making a hodge-podge deck of the two, eliminating cards from each that I didn't like, since they are the same size and the borders are pretty similar. Would that work, I ask? I'd like to change up that Devil from the film Legend and there are a few courts in the Dark Angels I am pretty fond of. Maybe I will experiment with that sometime. I considered this after reading what Ana Cortez said about having a deck with different backs throughout and how it looked more 'Gypsy'. It would certainly be more personal.

I have read that some feel the Dark Fairytale is a good reading deck. I agree. I was surprised by how clear the images flowed last night. I am not sure if it is the deck or the method I was getting it to walk through, but it seemed to be pretty damn accurate around past issues and straight-talking about the future. The word I chose for the 7 of Swords is 'deceit'. These words I have chosen may change, but for the moment, it sits well with my feelings for the card. Hmm. My intuition is already summoning up a situation that this might concern, regarding two people. Funnily enough, we have two people shown in this reading - the King of Pentacles and the Queen of Swords. I would definitely see the man in the situation as this king, since he is both materialistic and physically powerful as the head of his household. The incident I am thinking of concerns a small infidelity on his part, so it is interesting that Lillie's commentary of the King of Pentacles in the DF accompanying leaflet is 'He is weighted in gold, yet still he reaches for what he does not have'. The sentence that accompanies the Queen is 'She needs none but herself. Her knowledge is her power'. In this line, she seems to hold her sword in his direction and he looks alarmed. This woman actually overrides his personal power. She might be his wife or the lady who holds his infidelity, waiting  to disarm him in some way. Earth and Air are not compatible elements.

My M.E. chart has belly flopped. Feeling energyless and with a fatigue-style headache, I have rated today as a 6 on my 0-8 range chart of symptoms. The weather has also flipped to grey and dismal, but it hasn't dampened Ariel's mood; she is jumping about and has been chirping constantly since she woke up (which was before me, I'll add). My boyfriend and I are heading out for a bit before we go to his parent's for dinner. It should be just them, us, and his brother's family at the table. We didn't speak much yesterday, since my boyfriend was recovering from the night before in my bed, which spurned a few harsh words between us. I wasn't feeling my best and he has had things on his mind. Everything is back to normal today and we have kissed and made up, having hopefully learnt something from it all.



Illustration from The Dark Fairytale Tarot by Raffaele De Angelis

Duck and Cover

I thought I would write an extra post today. It's kind of an update to yesterday's.

We all have cards within the tarot that we fear. The most obvious is Death, but for those more familiar with the deck, they may recoil at the sight of the 3 of Swords or The Tower. Both can be equally nasty. However, as I was saying to my friend the other day, as we layer up cards with our own personal experience in time, a card that might be all sweetness and light to one person could be the kiss of death to another. Take the Page of Swords - that beautiful young woman in yesterday's draw from The Dark Fairytale.

I hadn't considered just how dangerous she could be, with her sharp sword and tight grip. But she certainly made an impression yesterday, in more ways than one. As I mentioned, this woman is a novice in her element. Her sword is a symbol of her thoughts and words. Even though she looks pretty confident, she doesn't really know how to wield it properly just yet. This doesn't stunt her enthusiasm though. She'll swipe it to one side or the other, forcing those around her to duck through fear of them having their heads cut off.

I was a bit clumsy with my words early in the day, which lead to a row with my parents. I can see how things might have been avoided if I'd thought before opening my mouth. Even though everything is fine now, it lead to bad feeling for a good few hours. I had shoved my ideas down their throats because I believed I was right. They were not ready for the information and resisted it, leading to conflict.

Due to the loosening of tongues because of alcohol, the Page of Swords was in her element at last night's gathering. This is a good example of how she can cause trouble without even realising how bad her good intentions are. One person gave their opinion to another about something which is very dear in their life. I doubt they could have wounded them more if they had stabbed that sword right through their heart. This is where the Page is just too immature to handle her weapon. In fact, she didn't even see it as a weapon in that situation and slashed it about, her conscious and rational mind being drowned by alcohol. It is only today that I have heard of the damage caused. The card may not signify a person entirely, but piggyback for one night, as it did here.

The Page of Swords can be a good card. She is a bright spark or a messenger with good ideas, but we must remember that her straight-talking can hinder situations as much as it can find solutions for them. You could think of her as a five year old with a machine gun. From now on, I am not going to take her lightly. The 10 of Swords has nothing on this loose-lipped whipper-snapper. This becomes the first card to take a truly personal slant as I work with The Dark Fairytale Tarot. I will definitely take my voicing of thoughts into consideration the next time this young lady pops up. She might not be card that is generally associated with bad fortune, but I have learnt that she can definitely make some of her own.


Illustration from The Dark Fairytale Tarot by Raffaele De Angelis

Thank God for Kate

It is a little hard to pick up the green's in today's photograph of the Temperance card, so trust me that the colours in this version are very pretty. It has a soft and fresh feel to it. It reminds me of a sunny day with a chilly edge to it; a little like this morning.

Today's card feels monumental, due to it being a major card. In one of the books I have read, I remember reading the words 'Are your days of excess behind you?' with regard to this card. I think this could very well be true. I decided to call time on drinking alcohol for a bit over a month ago, but the deeper I get into it, the less I want to return to my drinking days. My boyfriend and I went out last night. I didn't actually want to, but I did it for him, since he'd had a bad day at work and had argued with a colleague who is a friend. I knew he wanted to unwind, so we went round to a friend's house. A few others joined us. As the evening continued, the time we'd agreed to go home got pushed back further and further, as people became more intoxicated and I grew more frustrated. I eventually curled up on the sofa under a blanket. As well as my body feeling tired, I couldn't have a proper conversation with most of the others, who were dancing around the kitchen and shouting over the top of each other. I did find some solace in my mate's husband, who joined me for chat and a filter coffee. My boyfriend and I eventually got in at 3.

My friend's husband said an interesting thing. Witnessing the arms and legs of my boyfriend and his wife flailing helplessly to Like a Prayer, he said 'You can really see drinking for what it is when you haven't had one, can't you!' and I nodded, as if I had been given the key to a great secret. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't that long ago that I was doing this myself. But listening to the slurred chat and confrontational observations of those who'd had far too much to drink reminded me of how much I don't want to be in that position again.

My friend's father used to drink a lot socially but has not touched a drop for fifteen years. We were talking about how people overdo it with alcohol and he commented on how strange it is that people forgive their indulgence of alcohol in a way that they don't with anything else. Temperance would faint if she saw how much drink my friends and I have consumed over the years. My friend's dad asked 'Can you imagine if someone told you they'd really overdone it the night before and eaten 120 jam donuts?'. I nearly spat out my Kaliber. If someone told me that, I'd think they'd lost the plot. Somehow, it is more socially acceptable to drink a whole bottle of vodka and a crate of beers. Nobody bats an eyelid. To some, it's funny and almost admirable. It's a sign of the times; in the UK, anyway. This is what I think Temperance is hinting at. She's talking about the right mix. I don't see anything wrong with a couple of drinks. Unfortunately, with most people I know, it's never just a couple. I know it all so well, since it was always me who would never want to go home and try to stretch out the evening as long as I could.

A friend just sent me a message. I haven't seen her in a bit. She wants to go out for drinkies., but I said we can't make it. My boyfriend and I are going out tomorrow afternoon, which will probably be another drinking affair with his family. Anyone see where today's card is coming from?

In recent times, I have been thinking thank God for Kate. Part of the reason why our friendship has strengthened even more than it already was is down to the things we do. We are now meeting up twice a week;  for our spiritual evening on a Tuesday and Yoga on Thursdays. She has been eager for us to take part in a book club and sent me a message at 12 midnight a few days ago, saying she'd found a weekend palm reading course she wanted us to book up for in September. You know, I don't always get so much from the spiritual circle we sit in, but it is something different to do. We have a laugh and usually meet for a cheap dinner beforehand, when we have our Tarot Talk sessions over a coffee.

Temperance is about tolerance and middle ground. I wonder how that fits for me this weekend, since I didn't really enjoy last night and am hoping that tomorrow will not be another drink-fest. What my boyfriend doesn't always get is that a night's drink up usually lasts for twenty-four hours, since it swallows up the following day in recovery. He needed last night, so maybe today's card advises me to not be too hard on him. It might also suggest that some balance is needed for me. We went for drinkies last week and he took me to that massive boot fair on the Sunday. This angel is about compromise, as much as anything else. I wonder if she has an antique fair up her sleeve for tomorrow, just for me.

Illustration from The Dark Fairytale Tarot by Raffaele De Angelis 

Searching for the Truth

The Page of Swords from The Dark Fairytale Tarot

I received the Dark Fairytale Tarot this morning, published by Lo Scarabeo. I had been hoping that it would arrive today, but doubted it would. I was asleep when it turned up. My fatigue returned yesterday and has settled in for the day now. I haven't done anything so far, since walking about or moving too much wears me out. Before I dropped off, I was thinking about how I didn't have the energy to bother looking through a new deck today. Of course, that pleasure of ripping open the Amazon packaging, the shrink-wrap on the box and the plastic around the cards, like a game of Pass the Parcel, woke my energy levels up when my dad brought the delivery into my room.

I wasn't immediately struck by this one, but I do like it. I guess you could say it is nothing new. It's not far off The Dark Angels Tarot (by the same publisher) and a few of the models look as though they have been used in both. Some of the cards in this one are better, a few are worse. The Pages, which we have one of in today's draw, are beautiful. There are some sumptuous colours in the deck, but as with most, there's a couple of duds. The Devil appears to be pulled straight from the film Legend, where Satan was played by Tim Curry. There are a few other cheesy vampire cards thrown in, which I am not so keen on. On the whole, this deck is female-heavy.

This Empress means business

Someone on a another blog mentioned something about Lo Scarabeo walking the path of the Rider Waite tradition in their new releases recently. It might have been the Michelangelo Tarot that provoked this idea. The DF deck seems to be treading the same steps, as many cards have very obvious connections to Waite's symbolism. There are a few twists though and I especially like the strong, corseted Empress, who looks as though she has more on her mind than making babies.

But with most decks, there are usually those cards which you pull which provoke a deep sigh. The card stays in your hand that bit longer as you look through the pack for the first time. The Page of Swords is one of those. Isn't she beautiful? That little bit of make-up around the eyes reminds me of Favole. How ever pretty this young woman is, that sword is awfully sharp though. She might be young, but she's not one to mess with. She's unpredictable. In the accompanying pamphlet Lillie says 'There is nothing she will not do, to find out what she wants to know'. Lillie wrote the book for the Dark Angels too and I like her thoughtful sentences that accompany the titles in this book. This one highlights the Page's curiosity and youthful enthusiasm. In a worst case scenario, it could be someones juvenile and vindictive need to go hunting for dirt on someone who has crossed them. It is this Page's naivety that is both what makes her inspiring but also dangerous.

Kate and I only managed to squeeze a small Tarot Talk into yesterday. We visited and sat in a new art cafe that had just opened; half of it is a gallery of new artworks and the other is a cafe, where we drank tea and ate cookies. I was explaining how the court cards can sometimes affect our day. As much as this young woman could be an enthusiastic and communicative youth in our life (she often reminds me of my friend's daughter, Eva), she can also represent a clue to how we need to behave. She inspires curiosity and a need to find out the truth in a situation at any cost; even if it means being sneaky and rummaging through life's rubbish to find some scandal or juice. You might see many a Page of Swords working in the gutter press. Their enthusiasm is often greater than their experience.

The Dark Fairytale Tarot

I am not at my best today. I had bread yesterday, thinking it would be ok, but my stomach problems flared up and I am now exhausted. It could have been the trigger. Writing here is tiring me, but it's as much as I can muster today. My therapist would suggest I give myself a break. I wanted to work on my painting, but I think I will simply relax.

Illustration from The Dark Fairytale Tarot by Raffaele De Angelis

50 Shades of Finished

It has taken me until late this evening, with cocoa before me, to write today's blog. I've just been busy.

I left my boyfriend's at 7 this morning. We had a quiet night in at his last night, and after a day of sunshine, it was pouring down when I woke up today. It's always the way; I had no more than an old 1970s faded denim jacket and a knitted cap to protect me from the rain on my journey back. I was meant to catch the 7.42, but probably due to my reading the newspaper, missed it and had to wait half an hour for the next train. Typical me. This wasn't so bad because I was meeting three friends for coffee, so it made my wait at the other end a smaller one.

The four of us met and eventually decided to go back to my friend's house for lunch, rather than waste money unnecessarily in a cafe. On the way, we dropped into my house to see my parents, so that I could give Charlotte her belated birthday gift from my boyfriend and I - a vintage telephone in the shape of a set of big red lips. She loved the relic from the 80s, so it was a good choice on my behalf. My parents took the three of them into the garden, showing them what had been done and what they were planning on doing. Part of the garden swings into a small and secret part on the left. Because of the plants and bushes being so overgrown, we hadn't noticed that it was even there when we moved in as it juts out of the normal garden shape. Behind it is another person's garden. Yesterday, my dad walked into the space and stepped straight into dog poo. It might seem that the gentleman living behind us has been disposing of his dog's do-do by chucking it into our garden. I wonder if this is what he was doing when our house and garden was vacant. It would explain the flies around there. My father took a walk around to the guys house and had a word with his wife (not actually accusing him). Hopefully, the message will get back to her dirty husband, who a few neighbours have had issues with. His house is quite far away from ours; it is just this tiny bit of garden which connects us to him. It shouldn't be a problem, but my heart sank after everything we went through with Oddbod in our last home. I couldn't go through that again, even if this time, everyone is on our side. Hopefully, my dad's words will bring an end to it.

Kate and I went to yoga this evening. We are both getting so much out of it. Our instructor had us strapped up to the wall with ropes this evening, suspending us into downward dog, and I couldn't help but snigger to myself, thinking about the bolted up devices in 50 Shades of Grey. It was a bit strange to start with, but was actually quite relaxing. When we came out, we talked more about the tarot course we want to eventually run, which is where I think today's card comes in. The guy holds the idea in his hands, looking out to the sea, thinking about all of the potential it and the globe holds.

I finally finished 50 Shades this evening, thank God. I don't think I could have read my way through another word from the main character or witnessed another of her mind-numbing sexual experiences. The book closed down in a way that satisfied me enough to dismiss the two sequels. For the moment, I don't think they will be on my reading list. This is not a book I would recommend, but it has kick started our book club (which Kate has just joined) and brought up many interesting discussions. Charlotte and I were discussing it and bondage today in the pet shop, much to the amusement of the young guy on the till. We were unaware that he was even there at first, until we turned round and realised that he had gone 50 shades of pink.

Ariel proudly introduces you to her new friend

Illustration from The Rider Waite Tarot by Pamela Coleman Smith

My Earth

There is something really nice and relaxing about today's photograph of my daily card, deck and book. I think it is the light as it hits my room in lines through the window. It's light and slow, like the snail, who creeps across the spread cloth on my bed.

I read another chapter of Shades before bed and when I awoke; this has more to do with a desire to get it finished than wanting to know what happens next. In chapter 18, which I have just read, the authorial character visits her master's sadomasochistic room of pain for the first time. Calling him Sir, she voluntarily gives herself to his needs, feeling what appears to be gratitude for his pleasure. God. I am not shocked by any of the sex in the book. In fact, I am bored by it. I can imagine many a stupid woman squealing over the book's pages, wishing her man was more like Christian Grey - a bossy, chauvinistic, dated sadist. Oh, but how could I forget - he has smouldering good looks, is a billionaire and flies a helicopter (the vile James Bond of old is not dead). I am sure that if Sir was ugly and poor, he'd be no more than a pervert in the eyes of many. As for Anastasia, I find it hard to like her because I have zilch respect for her. She wants love and is trying to find it in the arms of an arrogant, immature and sexist Mr Darcy-type character. She is guided by her inner goddess, who is in rapture from the eyebrow-raising turn of events so far. This goddess is nowhere near burning her bra. She's rather be gagged or whipped by it.

As I write, Ariel is settling in more. She has had her breakfast and is exploring her cage. She has a regular little seat at the top and seems curious over her disco ball. She's enjoying the reading of Beauty and the Inferno by Roberto Saviano on Radio 4 at the moment.

Up for breakfast

Today's card, Snail's Pace, touches me. Listen to the heartbeat of the earth, it says. Maybe that should be my earth. Unlike Anastasia Steele, who is moving to the [literal] beating of her master's heart, this card advises me to tune out the expectations of others and move at my own pace. So what if I a am moving slowly! Rushing will do me no good, as both this card and my therapist would advise. I will continue with my painting today, slowly but surely.


Illustration from The Wild Wisdom of the Faery Oracle by Selina Fenech

Ariel

I love the paintings of the Der Jen or China Tarot. Look at this one of The Moon; so thoughtful and reflective, she takes herself off into a land of imagination. It's not Planet Earth she is inhabiting, which is often why I see this card as one of a twisted reality or step out of the real world. Sometimes for good or bad. Alcohol and drugs can help us to escape, but so too can our daydreams.

Yesterday's Ace of Pentacles brought about a physical gift, but not one I was expecting. Late in the afternoon, my parents spotted some blue in the bushes and realised that a domestic budgerigar was in our garden. By the time I got out there, it had landed on the greenhouse. We had whistled to it, but eventually it flew away. With the clouds turning dark and the sun soon to go down, we all began to worry about it. After our dinner, as we took the plates to the kitchen again, we spotted the little bird sitting on the back fence.

Sitting on the fence

I tried to edge nearer to the budgie, but it continued to keep walking back and forth up the fence. I held a little piece of bamboo to it, but once again, it flew off. The next time we saw it, it was being chased by some other birds. This was our main concern. Apart from looking confused about where to find food and the possibility that it might not survive the elements, an exotic bird like this might fall prey to a predator. As well as a wood of birds, there are also many cats and foxes here. Eventually, I managed to entice it with some seed on a tray and got the little bird into the safety of our green house. This must have taken a good 45 minutes.

By the time we got the little thing inside, it was nearing 7.30. With the shops closing at 8, my parents rushed out and bought a cage, seed and some feeding bottles. The cage was a whopping £50, which we had not expected.

This morning, we went to get her a few bits. We took a look in the local garden centre and saw cages far bigger for the money we had paid and ones of the same sort of size for half the price. Because the one we had got had a crack in it's base, we rushed it back to the shop and got a refund. Now, the budgie has a white one, not unlike the shape of the Crystal Palace, which was just over £20. I feel sad about whoever has lost the bird, but there are no posters or signs about our local area and I have looked online to see if it was reported missing, with no avail. I am hesitant to put my own posters up, since anyone could claim it, so for now, I guess she is staying with her new bell, seed and toys in my room.

From what I can tell, the bird is female. I wasn't sure what to call her, but ended up sticking with Ariel. Ariel is an angel of nature. Since she fluttered into our lives from above with her pretty little wings, it felt just right.

The woman in The Moon card is somewhere else. Just before Ariel came into my life, I was mapping out a creative project on the living room floor. I hadn't got very far and with all of this going back and forth to pet stores, the project is where I left it - spread out on the carpet in the living room. I think I will use this afternoon to continue. I may be going to a different spiritual evening than the usual with Kate this evening, but I am not sure yet. I will set up my paints, step out of this world, and enter into one of imagination and creativity until I find out.


Illustration from The China Tarot by Der Jen

The Coin

The Pentacles in this deck are dense and quite heavy. They pull us down to the earthy nature of a matter. This one looks like an I-Ching coin. I-Ching coins are round with a square hole in the centre. The round and square shapes represent heaven and earth respectively. One side of the coin is the Yang side (depicted by four characters), the other the Yin side (2 characters). I have read that you should always display these coins with the yang side facing up, which Der Jen has not. These coins bring prosperity and income luck, and are said to have tremendous potency, especially when energised with red or gold thread. 


I like the idea of using an I-Ching coin for a pentacle in tarot, since this Ace does contain financial potential, as well as physical opportunity. What would you do with this coin? I always think of it as a money-maker. It is not so much in itself, but it can be used to increase it's value. An example? It could be the small sum of money that buys a canvas we eventually paint on and sell for a large price. Or maybe it is the cheap tarot deck we inherit, which we use as a working tool to earn a wage. I like that last one, since I ordered the Dark Fairytale Tarot this morning. Yes, we have seen that kind of subject release a number of times before in tarot, but it was it's actual Ace of Pentacles I saw in the samples, with the hand beckoning us from amongst the mist, that sold it to me. I am sure that the tarot crowd will not banish it's unbalanced darkness in the way that they kicked Doreen Virtue's light deck to the curb. 


I also ordered a the second book from Amazon for my boyfriend and I's book club. It's called The Rapture by Liz Jensen. I was lent this last year and read just a few chapters. Even though I got into it, I ended up being distracted by the house move and all that went with it. I think my boyfriend would like it and I am eager to carry on where I left off. I just need to get through the badly written 50 Shades of Hype beforehand. I am past the watershed of page 100, where it's sex, sex and more sex from there on. I am sure this is titillating for many, but it has done little for me. The Marquis de Sade, this is not. Having said that, the author's description of sex is far better and more believable than any of the characters or situations I have encountered prior to the book's naughty pages. It's main character, Ana, is plain irritating and no less than a blundering idiot. I am lost as to why the main man, Christian Grey, is obsessed with making her his. Could it be that the gag in his room of pleasure is simply to shut her up?  If so, I sympathise.


Illustration from The China Tarot by Der Jen

Cheery Families

I love to use the China Tarot. I had my eye on it when it was originally published as The Der Jen but never found a copy, so was very happy when it was picked up by Lo Scarabeo some years ago. Yes, the backs don't really gel with the art on the front and we have the crass multi-lingual titles, but I have always enjoyed reading with it. I wanted to trim it but there are little ying yang signs cutting into each side of the illustration, which I don't think would look too good split. All of this aside, it has some beautiful paintings on it. The King and Queen of Cups are my favourites.

For today, we have the 3 of Cups. This card came up in the Angel Tarot a week or so ago. I linked it to my social community, which I think I will do again today. As it is Father's Day, you could also tie in the celebratory aspects of that too. Finally, I managed to get out to a boot fair this year. It was a big one, even though I didn't find much I wanted. There was a Doreen Virtue deck there, but the seller inflated the sale price, saying she had paid £25 for it originally. If she did (which I am sure she didn't), she was done, because they are only a little over £10 in the shops. I didn't buy it, due to her story, but my boyfriend did pick out the lovely box above, which we got for just £2. Now that's what I call a boot sale price! I found a few other sets of cards but nothing special. I got a sealed Happy Families style set just because I liked the art. I also made an impulse purchase on a hand drawn playing card deck in a shop a little later. I saw a few of the sample cards and was intrigued. When I got home and opened it, I realised that the courts all had the same images in each suit and the artwork is pretty poor. I'd sum it up as sloppy and quite disappointing.

Cheery Family Cards,  celebrating 125 years of Marks and Spencer

Mixed Tape Playing Cards by Kevin Spencer

We had initially intended to go boot-fairing alone, but my boyfriend invited my parents at the last moment, which was nice. They bought plants for their garden, and afterwards, we all dropped in to my boyfriend's parent's house to drop off a father's day card and have a cup of tea in the conservatory. I really see the whole 3 of Cups idea of 'nearest and dearest' in this incident.

The weather forecasters have been threatening rain all week, but once again, we have been gifted with a hot day. My boyfriend and I sat out in the garden when we got home and read. Some women at his work recommended a book called 50 Shades of Grey, which seems to have made it up the new release chart to the top and have sold out just about everywhere, so we bagged two of the last copies in town. We thought it would be interesting to read it at the same time and discuss it afterwards. It's my choice of book when we do this next time. I have read about five chapters of this one and I am far from impressed. It appears to be a poorly written romance novel (of the Mills & Boon ilk), hyped up by what I hear is it's sadomasicistic sub-plot. Yawn.



Illustrations from The China Tarot by Der Jen and The Mixed Tape Playing Cards by Kevin Spencer

Getting on with the Mundane

I know that when the Knight of Pentacles walks into my day that it will be one of the mundane. He's kind of slow but determined, a little dull but dependable, and a little stiff but strong. He is a sturdy, stable and reliable energy. For today, he hasn't dragged me out for an exciting time. Instead, he has helped me and my boyfriend fix the drawer under the bed, flip the mattress and put new gingham bedding on the pillows and duvet. This card is practical and concerns practical things.

I finished the work at the primary school yesterday. As great and enthusiastic as the kids were, they were a bit over-excitable in the afternoon. Because we had set up the exhibition to start after lunch, I had thought that the latter part of the day would be a doddle. Not so. Many of them run a muck; meaning that I had to step in and raise my voice on quite a few occasions. The afternoon was a success, even if exhausting.

All working together, earlier in the week

Making concrete stepping stones for painting

A final group sculpture in the exhibition, surrounded by other student's work

I was so tired when I got back from working. But even though I wanted to sleep, I had to get on with stuff; I needed to have a bath, have dinner, and get ready, since we were meeting Kate to go along to  an old mate's birthday party. It was a quiet one in the hostess's garden, which turned out to be very pleasant. She'd only invited a handful of people. I didn't drink again, but I wasn't the only one. As before, I really enjoyed the evening without alcohol.

The birthday Girl (left)

Illustration from The Radiant Rider Waite, based on the drawings of Pamela Colman Smith and redrawn by Virginijus Poshkus. Published by U. S. Games

The Notion

Phew, what a day.

After realising that I could make it through yesterday, I took the notion into today. Well, since these three days have been planned for some time, I didn't have too much choice. It was bright and sunny (once again), so I was up nice and early, waiting for Nova to pick me up. Because of yesterday, I slept really well without any disruptions last night. I think that I needed to be worn out to get a good nights sleep, but needed a good night's sleep to get up refreshed today.

We got in before class and started putting parts of our display up in one of the halls. Our morning was spent working with children on a sculpture, and this afternoon, we helped sixty different kids make moulds in clay for a concrete stepping stone, which we eventually filled with cement. Can you imagine that? All of them talking; all of them needing help; messy cement, clay, water, rolling pins. Gosh. By the end of it, we were both shattered. Every kid knows your name and uses it .. a lot.

There was no rest for the wicked, since at the end of the day, we continued with the exhibition set up. We'd already puzzled over our paper box wall and fitted the pieces together, so we only needed to hang sixty mobiles, varnish stones, hang wall art and put a structure together out of bamboo to make a large sculpture around. We did as much as we could and called it a day when our brains began to turn to mush.

As tiring as today was in school, there was something very rewarding in doing the work. The children were so excited about what they were making and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I probably should have called it a day at that point, but Kate and I had booked ourselves in to an hour's yoga session. Our instructor really gave us a going over this time. The session was tough, but I felt revitalised when we left, so we went for dinner and a quick blast of Tarot Talk. Kate had done her daily draw homework, so we discussed them over our meal.

For today, I have the 2 of Cups. I look at this in two ways. Firstly, I see it as a card of friendship, introductions or the strengthening of any kind of relationship. I think this is very true of my friendships with both Nova and Kate. Both are becoming deeper. I probably see and talk to Kate more than any of my friends at the moment. On another level, I see the card as one of emotional balance. Sure, I am whacked and ready for my bed; but I feel good about myself and satisfied with what I have achieved today.

Illustration from The Radiant Rider Waite, based on the drawings of Pamela Colman Smith and redrawn by Virginijus Poshkus. Published by U. S. Games

The Gift of Time and Balance

I woke at 6.30 this morning and pulled this card in bed with my tea and yogurt. Even though I was being picked up an hour later, I couldn't miss doing my draw. I was saying as much to Kate on the phone this evening, since I think that a daily one-card pull is a great way for her to become acquainted and attuned to her Radiant deck. I have suggested that she spend five minutes with a daily card, writing a few brief notes in a book, so that we can discuss them at Tarot Talk. I think that personalising and living the tarot would really aid her learning.

Even though rain was predicted, it was beautifully hot and sunny today. In the car to school, I was a little worried. I felt tired and fatigued and started to become anxious about how I was going to make it through the day. However, once we got into lessons and started working with the kids, being occupied actually energised me and I started to feel better. In my sessions, I facilitated group projects, where reception age children made large wall art based on friendship. Nova lead classes on stone painting and mobiles. For the afternoon, we both ran the same lesson in different classes of thirty kids, helping them to make cubes out of card. Each cube made a piece of a larger puzzle, which we will put together tomorrow as a wall with a completed design on one side. The children got a lot out of it, and even though I felt tired at the end of the day, it was a good tired.


For today, I have drawn the Six of Earth. The image shows some scales, with a faery moving golden nuggets between either side to strike a balance. I promised my friends some time ago that I would help them out with their new business and that was what today was all about. I gifted them my time. It was good for me too, to push myself a little more like my therapist wants me to. I feel good for knowing that it was achievable. I wouldn't have thought it beforehand, since I have had some bad M.E. days of late, where I have crashed by 2pm and needed to sleep.

The Six of Earth is about balance. One of the things I do with my therapist is work out and plan my time. On looking at this card this morning, I realised how important the balance between being active and non-active is. My working relationship with Nova is very balanced as we step in to help one another and split everything down the middle. But as well as that, the card describes how I need to find a balance between doing thing and resting. I took my breaks throughout the day, and now I am home, I intend to rest the evening away so that I am refreshed for another day of it in the morning.



Illustration from Doreen Virtue's Angel Tarot Cards by Steve A. Roberts

Inside the Emotional Washing Machine

I couldn't keep my eyes off of this queen when I drew her this morning. In the comment section of a previous draw, another blogger commented on how the paintings in this deck remind him of the shining images by Gustave Moreau. I agree, but this queen in particular put me in mind of The Angel Standing in The Sun, painted by Turner. My father took me to a Turner exhibition when I was quite young, and this one seems to have been etched in my memory. Even though the details on the card are small here, it doesn't detract from her beauty. It is as though she has ascended from some kind of whirlpool, as she sends what look like electric currents of emotional connection through the water to her fishy friends. You can see her mermaid's tail, so in contrast, it looks as if she has actually elevated from the water, pushed up by the turbulent sea of emotion. This Queen of Water really is something.

The Queen of Water is an interesting one because her strengths can sometimes become her weaknesses. I see my mother as a Queen of Earth these days. I think she always was, being practical and a Virgo, but during difficult times, she began to come up as the equivalent of this water card in my Marseilles readings many years ago. In the Grimaud version, she always looked uneasy and a bit shaky. This was when my mother turned her emotions within, which is the danger of this queen, who can sometimes drown in the intensity of her feelings. She is very sensitive to the world around her, but unlike other queens, will not speak up about her problems, choosing to churn them around inside. I have learnt that the churning of problems, like some kind of emotional washing machine, can have devastating effects. Like laundry, they've got to come out eventually. For me, it was an emotional breakdown in my twenties that released mine. It's never good to hold worries within. Get them out. Tell your fellow dolphins and whales, like this queen is!

The last time that this card came up, I saw the queen as my therapist. Interestingly, I have had a session with her today. I thought about the connection as soon as I pulled the card. It shows Elizabeth's empathy, patience and ability to listen. I am not sure how many of these sessions I have had - possibly four - but I am finding them very useful and can definitely see improvements in my coping with health issues through the guidelines she has implemented.

Going out and back and out again dragged me into tiredness, so I rested up this afternoon, since I thought I was going out to my mediumship circle with Kate this evening. She has just called for a chat, because she has a migraine and doesn't feel up to making it. I am helping my friends out tomorrow with a project they are doing in a school so it is probably for the best; I can get myself ready for the morning and have an early night. I am interested in seeing how my assisting them will work with the changes in my fatigue.


Illustration from Doreen Virtue's Angel Tarot Cards by Steve A. Roberts

Watch it!

My boyfriend emailed me the above picture of myself before I fell to sleep last night. It's me and the little boy we spent yesterday afternoon with. His mum is like my sister, since we have been best friends for near on our whole life. Her little boy is like a nephew and therefore very special. Today's card reminded me of the picture when I drew it. There is something similar in Gabriel's stance. I hadn't noticed the child in her arms at first. I was probably too busy looking at the nature around her - the wolf, fox, small squirrel, or maybe the abundant waterfall in the background.

Due to the annunciation of Christ, it is probably quite apt to find Gabriel on the Empress card. Doreen Virtue reminds us that she is not only about children and motherhood, but about the nurturing of dreams and the body. To be honest, whenever this card comes up, it is my body that I look at. Am I nurturing it properly? I put a pound on over the weekend; eating out takes it's toll, but I have been letting bread (even though brown) back in, with a few other treats. The Empress tells me to watch it!


Interestingly, in Doreen Virtue's book, she mentions massage and yoga. Kate and I decided to pay up for our first course of yoga this week and I feel as though I should drag my mat out and have a little stretch about here today. The Empress is looking over me and reminding me to take care of myself in the same way as I protect the little baby in the photograph. It's funny how we can often protect others so much better than ourselves. I haven't had a cigarette since October and I haven't touched alcohol for over a month, so I'll pat myself on the back for that, even if I am choosing to forget the KFC I slipped into my bedroom on Friday. Strict diet starts again today. That good old lavish abundance mentioned on the Empress card has got to stop!



Illustration from Doreen Virtue's Angel Tarot Cards by Steve A. Roberts

Getting Ready for Flight

It makes more sense for me to see two people on this card, rather than the usual solitary figure, since I see it as a coming together of passions and an escalation of drive. People bounce things off of one another and once ideas are out there, they snowball like a chain of dominoes. The two guys on this card have the same focus and goal. I particularly like the one on the left, smiling at me. The dragon's wings look as though they belong to the man on the right. You could see the dragon as a symbol of excitement and planning, as he lends us his wings, ready for flight.

This card came up in my reading the other day, which was my first thought on seeing it today. I linked it to planning and partnerships there; seeing Kate in this setup, as we toss ideas about for the future. Our sparks around teaching tarot need to be matured with this card, turning them into an actual path. The Two of Fire heralds the progress of something which can no longer be just an idea. It is about longer term goals and expanding our horizons further than our immediate environment. It asks the two of us if we are happy to stay with what we know and where we are, or whether we would like to expand and take a risk.

Stepping out with the Two of Fire can be scary. How many of us actually run with our ideas and dreams? Probably less than we probably imagine, which is possibly why this card has not always had much of an impact on me. A lot of what I have done, like going to study fashion at university just before I was 30, may have seemed brave, but to be honest, I didn't give up so much to do so. In reality, it probably saved me, since I was going nowhere fast at the time. The same could be said for now, but fear of failure is often what holds people like me back. At the moment, the spark of the Ace of Fire has been lit. In fact, it has been lit for a long time. How often do we tell ourselves that we'd like to do a certain something one day, but it never becomes any more than simple words? I've always said that I wanted to read professionally; and I have in the past, at organised evenings and one-on-one appointments. In fact, I still have a few clients who I read for regularly, year after year. However, the fear of stepping out there and maybe getting it wrong or being out of my comfort zone continues to hold me in check mate. I think this can be said for many good readers. It probably has something to do with care and wanting to get things right for those I am reading for. The spirit of the Two of Fire revolves around taking a chance and getting the ball rolling. It's about planning in the view of doing something, rather than simple daydreaming or wishful thinking.

My boyfriend and I went to see my old friend, her husband and their baby today. We met up in a little village in Westerham and ate in a nice restaurant. It looked good on the website but on getting there, the advertising was a bit misleading. One of the reasons we'd chosen it was due to a meal deal, where two could eat selected meals for £10.95. Outside, there was a large sandwich board, saying 'Two meals for £10.95, all day, every day'. There was, of course, small type, saying that the offer wasn't available on Bank Holidays. What we found out after we were seated and had ordered our drinks, was that it also wasn't available on Sundays until after 5. Hmm. That doesn't sound like all day, every day to me. Even though the place was nice and the food was good, their misleading advertising stuck in our throats. The board got us (and probably others) through the door. Once we were comfortable, we didn't really want to get up and leave when we realised the deal wasn't as water tight as it seemed; even on principle.

The meal didn't disrupt our day too much. My boyfriend had promised me a boot fair on the way. He hates them, but they are one of my favourite things. The weather was expected to be bad, but there was a blue sky when I woke up at 6. We went in search of three advertised ones but they were not there. I was a bit disappointed as had been looking forward to it. However, seeing our friends and finishing the day with coffee and cake made up for that.



Illustration from Doreen Virtue's Angel Tarot Cards by Steve A. Roberts